:: 2003 19 April :: 6.20 pm

So why dont we talk anymore? I feel like you dont want to speak to me ever. I thought to myself, well maybe he doesnt want to talk to me bc he thinks I still liek him and he wants me to get over him. But im not sure. I dont like him anymore and its all passed me by. Ive moved on and it feels great. Its a weird feeling that I havent been familiar with in a while. He once asked me whats the worse that could happen. He answered his own question and told me that we stay friends. So why doesnt he talk to me anymore? I want to hang out but I feel as if that would be too much to ask seemings we cant get past silence. i dont want to be forgotten. Or be treated as any other friend that you see at school. I think i deserve more from him. Ive always been there for him. I was his shoulder to cry on. And now im left with nothing in return.

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:: 2003 16 April :: 5.53 pm

GOOD DAYYYYY

IM OVER YOU! IM OVER YOU! IM OVER YOU! (jumps for joy)

:D yesss finally. I finally dont care anymore. WOoooooooooooooo

Easter bring officially started at 2 30, yes. 5 day weekend.

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:: 2003 15 April :: 9.58 pm
:: Music: Chevelle

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:: 2003 14 April :: 11.31 pm

i cant sleep.

gee thanks.

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:: 2003 13 April :: 9.51 pm

I much enjoy this song.

Whatever

I went down to the beach and saw Kiki
She was all like, "ehhhh"
And I'm, like, "whatever!"

Then this chick comes up to me and she's all, like,
"hey, aren't you that dude?"
And I'm, like, "yeah, whatever!"

So later I'm, I'm at the pool hall
And this girl comes up
And she's, like, "awww"
And I'm, like, "yeah, whatever!"

Cuz this is my
United States of Whatever!
And this is my
United States of Whatever!
And this is my
United States of Whatever!

And then it's three A.M.
I'm on the corner, wearing my leather
This dude comes up and he's, like, "hey, punk!"
I'm, like, "yeah, whatever!"

Then I'm throwing dice in the alley
Officer Leroy comes up and he's, like,
"hey, I thought I told you..."
And I'm, like, "yeah, whatever!"

And then up comes Zafo
I'm, like, "yo, Zafo. What's up?"
He's, like, "nothin'"
And I'm, like, "that's cool."

Cuz this is my
United States of Whatever!
And this is my
United States of Whatever!

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:: 2003 13 April :: 7.32 pm
:: Mood: Lonely

move on
move on
move on
move on
move on
move on
move on
move on
move on
move on
move on
move on
move on
move on
move on
move on
.....................repeat.

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:: 2003 13 April :: 12.15 pm

Friday- Wellington mall with mom. Made out good. Then Nicole picked me up after work and we went to Laurens hosue to get her and this girl Colleen. We drove around everywhere to find cigarettes. Drove to FTL for no reason really. Then to SR beach. That was fun, me and Nicole fought in the sand. I got it everywhere in my hair, mouth, pants, shirt etc. Drove to ascension church to sleep. Ahh Nicole your car is very uncomfortable.

Saturday- Woke up early to drop everyone off. Lauren left her cars keys and we had to go back. lol STUPID STUPID STUPID. Went back to bed to add to the 2 and a hakf hours of sleep I got. Set my alarm for 10 and then Me and Marisa went to the beach. Saw Maupin and Meghan Altman. Mizner with Erica and Tiffany at night. Saw Bend It Like Beckham. Chick flick, good i guess.

Today- bored. I want to go to the beach.

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:: 2003 10 April :: 4.39 pm
:: Mood: Crying

:* ( Why?

My mom just talked to me about my dad. They've been fighting a lot lately i guess. On Tuesday night my mom left and went to my dads partens house. She talked to them and my grandpa is also a recoverd alcoholic and they told my mom that my dad is probabl what they call a dry drunk. Now, my dad doesnt act drunk or is dillusional or anything but my mom told me that alcohlicc never do recover, they can stop drinking but for some their thoughts will still be fucked up. My dad is mentally hurting my mom to the point where shes making herself sick over it. She is going to try and talk to him. It is probably going to lead to a bigger fight. She is giving him 30 days to get some help from a physiciatrist or or going back to AA meetings or whatever will help. But if he doesnt within 30 days then me and my mom are leaving. We're gunna stay at my other grandmas house if it comes to that. Im so scared. I cant stand anything anymore. Im still trying to get over Mark which doenst seem to be going by quickly and now my parents are fighting . great. Things couldnt get any worse.

Please, if you read this, keep this to yourselves.

3 Inspirations | --> Leave Advice

:: 2003 9 April :: 8.27 pm

Wooooooooo today was fun. :D

Delray beach even with the shitty weather after school. Nicole brought her board and Megan borrowed one. Had to ask a guy where exactly we put the wax. I went out there with Steph Smith. Haha it was sooo funny. First we tried getting on like too far up shore and the waves would knock us off. And then wed try and sit once we were out there but we couldnt keep balance. The 'jillion' mile wonds kept taking us and no one got up all day. Oh well, it was worth it.

What did everyone else do today?

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:: 2003 7 April :: 4.49 pm

Remember me while I forget you.

Its snowing in NY? thats cool.

Today was dredful. Everyone seemed dead today and half sleeping. Marisa was in a bad mood today too. I didnt see her til after school but yeah..

We texted again last night and I suppose everything is understood.
He asked for me to tell him what I was confused about so he could help, I told him he couldnt bc Im not confused, I know what needs to happen but its taking a lot longer than I thought.
He asked why its taking so long and I told him bc its been with me so long.
He asked what has----I told him feelings.
He said he kinda sees now.
Everything was followed by lasting moments of tears and a final goodnight.

Nicole got a surfboard. Coooooool. She wants me to go to Delray with her on Wednesday so we can try that puppy out lol. Haha, well if it happens, it will be worth the laughs.

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:: 2003 1 April :: 7.50 pm

(_ _)
(o)

And its that simple.

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:: 2003 31 March :: 7.21 pm

Fuck you mom. You're a bitch.

You have to control everything dont you? Everything has to be your way. You're always right. Well fuck you. Age doesnt matter. Its some completely stupid rule the government made up. And as for being under 18 and living with your parents. Is it a law that you have to obey them anyways? Fuck them. Fuck them all.

Consequences: No youth group for a month. "Dont tell me you would still go if all it was was the bible study part" "Fuck off mom you obviously dont know what its liek to be a confused teenager"

Today sucked. I missed you guys.

3 Inspirations | --> Leave Advice

:: 2003 30 March :: 6.44 pm

Ill never tell.

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:: 2003 30 March :: 3.24 pm

Saturday- We went to the beach and met up with Thomas Kristie Dominique Erica and Becca? . Then Lauren Braun picked up me and Megan and we went to Pimp co and had to come back in an hour... went to Starbucks and then back to Pimpco. I got to watch Megan get her nipple pierced. Ow-chi-wa-was...I didnt expect the needle to be that big. It was fun. After we went back to Laurens house, she pieced my cartilage for the hell of it. -OH..80 bucks and 4 and a half months away from an industrial- Dropped off at Town Center for a while, then back home while Megan went to the stupid dance with her dad. Rob came over and we hung out and had fun. Lotion and hairspray are great defenders in fights. Went on the golf cart and it almost died but not till we got home. Megan was there when we came back. Her and Rob got along great. Hah he got to see it. We went swimming and he left aroud 12.

Today- Posed to hang out with Rob again, got cancelled. Went to eat at Fridays. Ran into him unexpectedly anyways. Boynton mall after. Saw Mark, hes stopping by my house after work around 4. Coolness. Gunna start homework and end my boredness.

Bye :)

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:: 2003 28 March :: 4.35 pm

Last night couldnt have gotten anyworse.

Uturn didnt turn out to be as fun as I planned. Picking up Megan was an hour late. Her flight was circuling in the air for a while bc of the weather. Im glad shes here now though. Mark was all over Stephanie. Im not supposed to care and I wouldnt have except for the fact that he told me something different the other night while texting but maybe I took it the wrong way, I'm not sure. The talk for the night didnt keep me focused my eyes kept tearing.

Sometimes the people closest to you, even sitting next to you, have their own problems and you would never know until finally everything got to them and they burst.

Me and a friend of mine sort of balance each other out when it comes to our problems. Both of us have someone we're dealing with and those 2 people happen to have something between themselves.

Stephanie, you're gorgeous and you make me jealous. Admitted.

---------------------------------------------------------

School was tiring. Its hard to act normal when you're not sure how you're supposed to react to things. He passed me the 'notebook' towards the end of the day. He was all huggy and I could only make myself put my arms around him. Squeezing would have gone too far. I didnt know what to say so I wrote a couple pointless lines.

Reports cards yesterday too... 3.5

Richies having a party tongiht I guess? I want to go but Im going to the movies with Megan and everyone from last night. Oh well, it wont be as fun.

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