:: 2003 12 November :: 11.07 pm

my new fav word, reconciliation.


EDIT:

ok I'm being stupid. You're still ruining my plan. It's fate is not worth living up to but it sure as hell sounds good to me right now.

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:: 2003 10 November :: 11.54 pm

my sex is like whoa.
friday night, marisa and i met erica at muvico. we dipped and went to a boca high party. tru tru tru tru..boy with glow sticks, oh you are so wonderful. let me take you home.

saturday day, left marisas and picked up kate. went home. walked to get ice cream. 50 cent jewelry fuckin rocks.

saturday night, atl ave. met with joe hellow <3 retch steven BBBBBBBB and stu?

sunday day, mall with kate. met with steven B retch evanede etc. polka dot tote :)

sunday night, movie night in at kate's house. tommy came over for a bit. snuck out later with steven B again. SO fun. chilled with 4 college guys on the back patio of some kids porch. just gettin fuckin drunk and passin the reefer. we drove threw mickey d's on the way home and i threw up there. hah its alllll good. returned around 5.

monday day, hung over and feeling like shit. beach day was cancled due to the uncopperation of mother nature. watched a dramatic kidnapping movie on tbs and half of Simone. weird movie. mom picked up kate and i.

monday night, jaquzzi. btown movies with mekatemarisastephjustin ELF, love it. debating to go back out now or not. im quite tired. ahhh fuck it.



-------------------------------------------------------------------
messed up this time. youre being stupid. dont want to hear that. ruining my plan. stop.

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:: 2003 6 November :: 7.50 pm

there's not a day...
alone together in a vacant room sharing glances; and my eyes bleed


soph retreat tomorrow. um, yippee.
4 day fucking weekend.
blah so sick of it all.
smoke it awayyyy says they

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:: 2003 2 November :: 4.23 pm

you've got a beautiful taste.
















halloween friday. marisa and i were 80's aerobic instructors. annie potters for the night with a bunch of people. chilled at her dock etc. garetts bday saturday. sick zippo. scary movie 3 and zachs mantion on the beach with martinmekateandjustine.
1 30 pm sunday. goodmorning.
im home.

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:: 2003 29 October :: 10.52 pm
:: Mood: Nostalgic

tonight was the funeral/memorial.
this was my 4th experience.
experiences that never seem to brighten.

since about sixth grade ive had this phobia of death. not upon myself, but on those who i know and love. i have this fear of those who i care about dying. i had 3 deaths in 3 years during probably if not the most muturing stages in my lifetime.
i can tell you that mark's death has impacted me in such that i have again felt sorrow for past relatives.
and every time we will sing amazing grace.

i cant stand knowing youre even in the same room as me. i hate you seeing me like this. i want to be powerful and independent enough for your eyes. unspoken words and ignored glances make me weep. id take it all back for anything. i dont think it will ever be the same. a warm embrace followed with hidden outbursts of tears. ive lost a very good friend.

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:: 2003 27 October :: 5.26 pm

i have not shed my last tear

Spend all your time waiting for that second chance
For the break that will make it ok
There's always some reason to feel not good enough
And it's hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction oh beautiful release
Memories seep from my veins
They may be empty and weightless and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight

In the arms of an Angel fly away from here
From this dark, cold hotel room, and the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of an Angel; may you find some comfort here

So tired of the straight line, and everywhere you turn
There's vultures and thieves at your back
The storm keeps on twisting, you keep on building the lies
That you make up for all that you lack
It don't make no difference, escaping one last time
It's easier to believe
In this sweet madness, oh this glorious sadness
That brings me to my knees

In the arms of an Angel far away from here
From this dark, cold hotel room, and the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie
In the arms of an Angel; may you find some comfort here

You're in the arms of an Angel; may you find some comfort here

RIP- Mark Drewes. You are loved and missed.

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:: 2003 19 October :: 8.39 pm

i miss you



i have nothing else to say.

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:: 2003 13 October :: 4.09 pm

not a care in the world..
friday night at steph barb's. me kate justine justin and some of his friends hung out at the pool. it was nice to see those who i am not connected with anymore.
saturday woke up late, went with mom to buy boxes and packed the rest of my room. nicole's house later. she had 20 people over or so. not bad. nicole was the only one drunk at her own party. she had 3 and a half beers. ::everyone laugh here :)::
sunday came home and packed the whole rest of the house. we finished around 7 and came here to gma's to stay.
last night and tonight we'll be sleeping here. the movers came to pick up our stuff today and everything should be moved back in tomorrow.
:DDDDDDD
marisa is comming home with me and staying over thursday night. we're sleeping on matress' on the floor. hoping to plug A tv in somewhere. friday ryan is going to pick us up. taking us where we wish to look for halloween and such. what a doll. my house is so out of his way.
most likely saturday im going on the annual shopping trip with my mom to wellington or something.
20 bucks for that party bus after homecoming.
marisa isnt going.
justine is getting her own limo. kate will be there.
i wish i could divide in two sometimes. justine calls right side <3
i havent looked at any dresses yet either.
yuck, what a bummer. dresses, boo.

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:: 2003 7 October :: 10.25 pm

OH just kidding, there's more.

Vatican trip today= blew.
what's a pope now?
oh you know, the next closest thing to God.

i forgot to mention that my sneaks are too small and my feet hurt.

oh and i got bored eariler and i counted TWENTY FIVE mosquito bites just on my left foot. not including the other foot, 2 legs or thighs. jesus, this is why i hate west boca.

im moving next tuesssday :)

bday next friday AND no school. baller.

i have so much cooper homeowrk left for tonight which i supposedly 'have done already' gahhh i hate teachers


you know, u 2 really cheer me up sometimes. thank you.

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:: 2003 7 October :: 10.15 pm
:: Mood: Discouraged

ouch
open gym after school today.
mabe basketball just isnt for me.
i cant ever seem to enjoy it anymore from all the pressure i put on myself.
just tonight has discouraged me from trying out.
im thinking it over.
i really just want a hobby. really.
i feel like such a lazy ass when i dont play a sport.
and tonight proves it.
im out of shape.
which i knew.
maybe when i find a job in the next few weeks itll be enough of a fix.
thats all for today kids.

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:: 2003 5 October :: 7.32 pm

another fun weekend

Friday- Adams came home with me. We went out with Will and Sean again. Plans didnt follow through but that's ok. Next time around. It was actually quite awkward. Met Stu. He was really anything at all how they described him. Fat and Jewish? no. He's acts exactly like Nicole. Maybe he is her, yeah. But Will was being kinda mean. Nicole told me why. I hold no grudges anyway, you know me. So we just dropped off some beer at his house that I finally got out of my closet and then picked up Stu. Let Nicole see David Zima. Subway. Wal Mart. No one wants to get in the cart. Come on now, I'm a safe driver.

Satuday- I got my hairs cut finally. Its been 3 or 4 months at least im sure. It feels good now. My mom was gay and wouldnt take Marisa and I around to thrift stores for our Halloween costumes. Justine Kate Donna and Jon picked me up to go back to Justine's house. Justine had a party with her sister with 40 or so people. No momma either. We got a keg around 9. That went dry by 1. I guess we were loud or something. The po's came and everyone dipped. Joey was passed out on the street and someone was supposed to give him a ride home. The cops found him and had him in cuffs. We were all watching through her front door and they shined their lights in. We ran upstairs and hid. Ignored the doorbell. Lights went through the whole house. The cops came through the back door and told everyone to get the fuck down here. Kate Donna and I stayed upstairs being drunk and all hiding under Joycelyns sheets. They put cuffs on Hunter and threatened to take him in. He was 21 and supplying alcohol to minors so uh. But they couldnt do shit because they came in the house with no warrant so they let him go but took Joey back home. Jon threw up everywhere and drove home. Brandon and Ray were told to go home by the cops and ran through the neighborhood. Ha. They came back in after and we went to sleep around 5 30.

Sunday- awoke 11 30ish. Left Justines at 3. We played with Mufasa (new kitten) and erhm uh....made it a poster? Im so damn tired. I fell asleep on the couch and my mom woke me up to do my homework when she came home. Im pissed. Fuck that.

On Tuesday we're going to that Museum for the day. Some religious one. OH JOY. intoxicate me.

<3

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:: 2003 1 October :: 7.51 pm

went to nicole alvarez's house yesterday to do our poster. shes so chill, we talked about everything. justine kate and jon picked me up from there. we headed to the mall. jon broke his 300 dollar phone. sucks. justine can read the buttons on her phone. jamba juice. dropped kate off. justines house. dad picked me up.


i can smell you in my sheets.
poonndderrriiinngggggg


today was uhh um, ok. meeting for bball after school. try outs arent til another month. but i think i might go for it this year. i really want to be in shape again. but we shall see, after all, i can be lazy. i forgot to shade on my math test today and i just remembered. fuckk. well, adams is coming over friday night. i need to find us a ride home, shit. plans are still undecided. initial plan was for city place with will and sean. but sean is working til 9. next weekend it is. OMGOSHkljegoioeijtoiwet i get a haircut on saturday. yes. im happy. i need one so bad.

pops is yelling. ok.

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:: 2003 28 September :: 1.26 am
:: Mood: Pensive
:: Music: Thursday

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:: 2003 25 September :: 9.23 pm

3 blacks for freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
and when i thought that lj was the prettiest thing i meet journalspace, check it out.

and i think i might start writing again.
besides, it's good right?

hmm so let's let the events unfold..

my house: was sold, fell through, looked at another house, couldnt get it bc of the deal that fell through, sold our house again, the old house we wanted was taken by someone else, found a new house in Pine Tree, im moving there Oct. 14
how fucking baller?
i feel like a rich mofo.
::my room is actually 2 rooms that have had the wall knocked down, i got wood floors, 2 closets, and my own personal bathroom::

School: same old i guess. grades are good. got A-B on my progress report.

Family: my mom smokes again. FUCK THAT. only, ONLY, because it's my mom do i have a problem with it. she claims her cause is "stress". and its funny how she thinks they are going to make her better. well hey hey mom! ur an idiot and you smell. so there. my grandma is away again on another trip with my aunt nancy (rolls and flutters eyes in back of head--laughs histerically)

Me: I have strep throat, or am in recovery. I missed school on Wednesday. Other than that, im great. im awesome. im so happy right now. but i could use some. hah

My friends: i have decided that ranking friends into 'best' is not important and unnecessary. besides, i could call maybe 5 people my best friends. kate's thing with Jason got fucked up. jason is a lying asshole and cares about no one but himself and played everything off the whole time. it was all a game to him. justine is doing better i presume. get-together at her house next wkend bc momma-dukes is gonna be out of town. marisa is busy with ryan and work. nicole a and i hang out with Will and Sean again, just started back up and i think it will be a good thing. as long as we dont have to deal with Billy. but err uhm, we have yet to menton him to them.

plans for tomorrow night are as follows:
mall with nicole, dinner, home, sneak out later with will and sean. almost a reoccurance of last wkend.

weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

marisa and i have discussed halloween costume idea's. I AM SO EXCITED. we decided raiding through the party city isles of unstocked costumes was useless the day before. but, we are keeping it secret. oh but, dont get ur hopes up.

Im gunna be the big 1-6 soon.
22 days and counting.

i thought the other day when u write in your yearbook all the differernt nicknames people call you, i have a damn long list.
holler.

today was wonderful and may tomorrow be the same.

-jb


don't think this is personal, like im doing this intentionally because it's what i always do. but no, not this time. maybe im just busy and things are easier this way. forgive me.

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:: 2003 14 September :: 9.46 pm

im such a sap for movies.

..and if you should ever leave me I will crumble..

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