moana
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2008 17 May :: 4.52am
:: Music: Sade - Is It a Crime
Surely you want it back.
I've been out of Kuwait for a little over a month. My room feels dusty and unchanged. I wonder if this is what it was like while I was gone.
I think I might never know, and I'm not sure which I'd prefer.
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2008 1 May :: 6.30am
:: Music: Edith Piaf - Le Vieux Piano
Catch me, because this has been a long way down.
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moana
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2008 21 April :: 2.16am
Und so weiter...
I think this is what it must feel like to fall into time with no regard for anything except for when it's going to end.
P.S. This is not an unhappy post.
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moana
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2008 15 March :: 10.16pm
jay: what were you doing?
me: nothing
watching tv
greys anatomy came on
jay: oh yuck
you like it bubi?
me: no
i dont get it
jay: hahaha
girly girls love it
i dont know either
me: everyone sleeps with everyone else
and then meredith gets pissed off at someone
jay: hahahha
me: and then the angry little black woman is mean to someone
and soemone learns a valuable lesson
jay: its like a german orgy in the garden, with everyone blindfolded, and one girl married to all the guys
me: LMAO
oh my God
i think that'll go in my blog
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moana
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2008 12 March :: 9.20pm
:: Music: Incubus - Southern Girl
Could you want me..?
It's time for another list of things I've realized about myself...
1- I am not nearly as strong as I thought I was. I am weak and full of insecurity. I fail almost everyone I care for and constantly pass around advice and trash talk which makes me a hypocrite.
2- I am so over everyone who wants to make my life harder than it needs to be. I know who I love and what I want out of that love, and everyone else, anyone holding their breath for an apology or some kind of reward for accepting me after I've run away, is very welcome to go to hell.
3- I can accept the bullshit situation I've put myself in, and I can even be happy in it, but I'm lonely and I need my friends, my real friends, to support me. Like I said, I'm weak.
4- I miss the closeness I used to have with people so I spend a lot of time reading through old emails from '04 and remembering what it was like to come home everyday from school to an email waiting to be read, full of love and support, sometimes pain and the need for comfort, and I miss it so much I try to grasp at it like some kind of faded washed out dream that wouldn't survive a serious breath. I am filled with dread that I might never have that closeness again with those people I love.
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moana
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2008 24 January :: 12.22pm
Identity
Because Dani asked so nicely, it's my published work. If you can call it that. It's all of 150 words, and it's called Identity.
Read more..
This is copyrighted, all rights reserved, courtesy of Guildhall Press, etc etc, do not reuse without permission or you will be sued. ^-^
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moana
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2008 22 January :: 11.36am
:: Music: Interpol - Mammoth
I find that I have become accustomed lately to long games of "Being Paul Banks" in front of the mirror.
Since AUD does not in fact accept AUK credits, I'm going to be spending a lot of time at home by myself, especially since the mornings leave me home alone. These mornings are dedicated to reading, writing and listening to the few CDs in my posession. After I shower, do my hair and spen agonizing ages in front of the mirror wondering if those really ARE wrinkles, I play Interpol and sing and dance in what I feel is a rather impressive imitation of Monsieur Banks.
All in all, I suppose there are worse ways to spend one's mornings.
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2008 14 January :: 4.28pm
:: Music: Mongolian Chop Squad - Hit in America
I had a dream last night where I was leading a lot of scared people through something big and dangerous. I was younger than I am now, about 16 or 17 at most, and I was very skinny and scrawny. But people depended on me to get them through this thing.
Maybe it's supposed to prepare me for something great.
Maybe I've justb een playing too much Heavenly Sword.
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moana
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2008 10 January :: 9.31am
I feel better now. I've been discussing options with my Mom about what to do next, and it makes me feel better to have a plan. I'm going to be looking for a job as a priority if I find out that I can't transfer credits from AUK to AUD. Part of me dreads AUK because of who I know might be there. I can't help but feel like it would be just like high school. If anything, I just wanna put all that behind me.
Jay says he'll wait as long as he has to, just as long as we can stay in touch during the time we're apart. He's braver than I am, because having to be apart from him for that long is just way too hard on me.
But it makes me feel better. My brother got me a new phone, and it's awesome. I just love it. Also, I showed them the story I got published. My mum says it's worth something to keep writing and try to get published again. I think it's worth something too. It's nice to have my mum acknowledge that I have the ability to do something that well. Very very nice.
Smile now!
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2008 7 January :: 10.56pm
I feel depressed, and kinda miserable. I really thought going back home would be a good thing, and that it would help me get past the issues with my family, but I feel like I just fight everyone around me while I'm here, because they project this picture on me, and if I don't fit it then I must be a bad person.
It's also kind of depressing when your own mother thinks you've been subject to some witchcraft or something and is trying to break the curse through holy water and readings from the Quraan. I'm not a bad person just because I don't believe in the same things she does. I feel disappointed and tricked, because all they've been trying to do it seems is talk me out of being with Jay.
And I feel depressed be cause I can't talk to him, I can't call him or go see him and just tell him everything until he makes me feel better.
I also feel depressed because my brother thinks I came back for some personal gain instead of to have my mother back in my life again. I feel tricked because they're telling me all these scenarios about "what if your father does this and that and this and you never get to leave the country or see him again?"
And I feel depressed because I wasn't told about any of this before I came, and I was tricked instead, and now that I'm here, there's nothing I can really do to get out, because I've put all my trust and faith in my mother to help me. And she doesn't want to. I see her reluctance. I know why she's trying to convert me back, because she's HOPING this is the work of the devil, and once it's gone I'll be her daughter again.
But this being who I am, why am I made to feel like a bad person? I know I hurt them by running away, but I wish they saw that hurting them was not the REASON for my running away, nor was it an indication that I no longer loved them.
And I still think I'm a good person.
I'm just so so depressed.
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moana
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2007 10 October :: 6.37pm
this song just breaks my heart..
Amy Winehouse - Back To Black lyrics
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moana
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2007 8 October :: 8.21am
umm, guess who just signed a 3-year modeling contract?
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2007 16 August :: 5.51pm
homophobia is now an excuse to be lenient on murderers
On the afternoon of April 12, 2007, a man named Aaron Hall (nicknamed gShortyh because of his slight build and miniscule stature - he barely topped 54 and weighed around 100 pounds) met some fellow Crothersville natives, coming back from their Stop-In at the liquor store. 19-year-old Garrett Gray,18-year-old Coleman King, and 21-year-old Jamie Hendricks picked Hall up and went back to Grayfs house, where they proceeded to drink and hang out.
From every indication from sparse news reports and word of mouth, it began as a verbal insult, maybe to Grayfs dead mother, maybe to Kingfs heterosexuality, maybe to nothing at all.
The ewhyf will probably never be fully known to us. Whatever the details, Hall said the wrong thing. And sparked in Gray and King what the official Initial Hearing report termed a gsudden heat.h
A gsudden heath which would last throughout the next 24 hours.
http://vesperholly.wordpress.com/2007/06/19/sudden-heat/#comment-127
Hall was beaten to death over a period of 24 hours, two men using their boots to beat him over 72 times, taking turns jumping on his broken battered body, pulling him down stairs by the feet so that his head would 'bounce' every step of the way, and finally dumped in a ditch. Apparently, this was ok, because he 'came on to them'.
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2007 1 August :: 12.21am
:: Mood: outraged
http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,2-2007290126,00.html
this is the most disgusting thing i've come across in a really long time. this man, aged 25 years, gets sentenced to two years in prison for raping a ten year old girl TWICE, because apparently, this "young lady" as this eloquent judge calls her, was wearing a bra and a thong in the park. maybe if it had been someone he had KNOWN and CARED ABOUT, he would have had more sense than a flacid dick's pathetic wad, which is about the amount of sense he has right now. fucker. i hope there IS a hell because if there is, there's a place for just your kind you bastard.
Read more..
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moana
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2007 12 July :: 12.40am
out of boredome..
1. How old will you be in five years? 24. ew
2. Who did you spend at least two hours with today? jay. duh.
3. How tall are you? ummm, 5'4?
4. What do you look forward to most in the next six weeks? the tour! yaaaaaaaay!
5. What's the last movie you saw? Star Wars Ep. II: Attack of the Clones
6. Who was the last person you called? richard
7. Who was the last person to call you? richard!
8. What was the last text message you receiveved? umm.. jay i think.
9. Who was the last person to leave you a voicemail? na
10. Do you prefer to call or text? depends on my mood
11. What were you doing at 12am last night? i was online i think
12. Are your parents married/separated/divorced? divorced
13. When is the last time you saw your mom? april 22
14. What colour are your eyes? dark brown
15. What time did you wake up today? around 11am
16. What are you wearing right now? swim shorts and a t shirt
17. What is your favourite christmas song? silver bells!
18. Where is your favourite place to be? mmm... in bed i guess. lazy lazy lazy.
19. Where is your least favourite place to be? ummm.. don't know.
20. Where would you go if you could go anywhere? ooooh.... maybe shanghai
21. Where do you think you'll be in 10 years? i have no idea
22. Do you tan or burn? tan
23. What did you fear was going to get you at night as a child? darkness
24. What was the last thing that really made you laugh? spongebob squarepants
25. How many TVs do you have in your house? 1
26. How big is your bed? big enough for two. awwwww.
27. Do you have a laptop or desktop computer? laptop
28. Do you sleep with or without clothes on? i don't know, how hot is it?
29. What colour are your sheets? ummm. pastels.
30. How many pillows do you sleep with? 1 but i prefer not to use it
31. What is your favourite season? fall
32. What do you like about fall? the weather's nice and you can definitely smell the leaves
33. What do you like about winter? i can snuggle in bed with hot chocolate
34. What do you like about the summer? swimming!
35. What do you like about spring? same things i like about fall
36. How many states/provinces have you lived in? umm, three?
37. What cities/towns have you lived in? so far, kuwait, dubai and guangzhou, and counting!
38. Do you prefer shoes, socks, or bare feet? bare feet!
39. Are you a social person? i'd say so
40. What was the last thing you ate? chicken curry, mmmmm
41. What is your favourite restaurant? ummm, mcD's?
42. What is your favourite ice cream? vanilla, with sprinkles
43. What is your favourite dessert? vanilla ice cream with sprinkles!
44. What is your favourite kind of soup? lentil i think, thick creamy lentil soup
45. What kind of jelly do you like on your PB & J sandwich? i don't like PB and J sandwiches
46. Do you like Chinese food? i ADORE it
47. Do you like coffee? i sure do
48. How many glasses of water, a day, do you drink on average? like, 4
49. What do you drink in the morning? coffee with coffe-mate
51. Do you sleep on a certain side of the bed? the side jay isn't on
52. Do you know how to play poker? yup
53. Do you like to cuddle? aww cuddly wuddly poo bear!
54. Have you ever been to Canada? not yet
55. Do you have an addictive personality? sometimes
56. Do you eat out or at home more often? lately, home, but usually, out
58. Do you know anyone with the same birthday as you? my dad's youngest brother!
59. Do you want kids? maybe in five years or so
60. Do you speak any other languages? yes!
61. Have you ever gotten stitches? yes!
62. Have you ever ridden in an ambulance? once when my brother's nose started bleeding for no reason
63. Do you prefer an ocean or a pool? oceans are scary, so i don't know
64. Do you prefer a window seat or an aisle seats? window
65. Do you know how to drive stick? yes!
66. What is your favourite thing to spend money on? hmmm.. food? or just stuff. star wars collectibles. yeah...
67. Do you wear any jewelry 24/7? most of it justb ecause i'm too lazy to put it on every morning
68. What is your favourite TV show? i dunno. the l word?
69. Can you roll your tongue? no.. *gloomy*
70. Who is the funniest person you know? hard to say...
71. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? yes! wuzzy the bear! (short for wesley)
72. What is the main ring tone on your phone? the chauffer by duran duran
73. Do you still have clothes from when you were little? nope
74. What red object is closest to you right now? my shorts!
75. Do you turn off the water while you brush your teeth? yup
76. Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed? closed
77. Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of bees? bear. i hate bugs.
78. Do you flirt a lot? why would i ever need to?
79. What do you dip a chicken nugget in? whatever's around
80. What is your favourite food? well now i can't stop thinking about chicken nuggets..
81. Can you change the oil on a car? yup learned from my dad
82. Have you ever gotten a speeding ticket? never ever
83. Have you ever run out of gas? na
84. What is your usual bedtime? it randomly ranges between 9pm and 6am
85. What was the last book you read? the second lemony snicket book
86. Do you read the newspaper? nope
87. Do you have any magazine subscriptions? nope
89. Do you watch soap operas? i tried but they're just not for me
90. Do you dance in the car? i dance anywhere
91. What radio station did you last listen to? some random station, and they played my chemical romance!
92. Who is in the picture frame closest to you? no one...
93. What was the last note you scribbled on a piece of paper? someone's phone number i think
94. What is your favourite candle scent? sunkissed melon
95. What is your favourite board game? monopoly!
97. When was the last time you attended church? na
98. Who was your favourite teacher in high school? ms shenouda! yaaaaay!
99. What is the longest you have ever camped out in a tent? na
100. Who was the last person to do something extra special for you? jay of course
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