Ariana

Ariana

:: 2005 8 October :: 12.19pm

i dont know what to do anymore.
you make it sound as if I didnt care, as if this isnt hard for me at all. almost as if I did it on purpose. hurting you I mean.
as if I felt like there was any other choice at this point. its the hardest thing ive ever done, dont you understand that. dont you understand what im going through. what if that was it pj. what if im wrong and just through away the best thing that will ever happen to my life. your life isnt ruined. its renewed. you will be nothing but better without me. i treated you like shit and you know it. i was demanding and snobby and bossy and a whole slew of other things. good thing i will be without a computer for awhile because everytime you talk all i do is start to cry again.

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liz	:: 2005 8 October :: 3.52am fuck again. i hate being the person i am. I want to shoot myself in the face. 1 Red Hairs Left \| Leave a Red Hair

liz

:: 2005 8 October :: 2.59am

FUCK YOU.
Yeah maybe I fucked up and you know what SHIT HAPPENS.
Do you know the shit you put me through. NO you don't because I bottle it all up in fucking side and let it fester, and then you have the nerve to tell me loved you, as in the past tense as in a 10 minute break up conversation takes away 1 year and 5 good months.
YOu tell me that I can't comprehend what I did to you.
As if a pack of cigerettes and a couple of drinks could compare to the lying and the hurt that you did not admit to me but that I had to find out myself and be completely destroyed. I hate this and I hate myself. Its almost as if your trying to make me hate you too.
whatever burn your bridges and Ill burn mine
THATS RIGHT WOOHU READERS, YOU HAVE JUST WITNESSED THE END OF PJ AND LIZ GOOD FUCKING NIGHT

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liz	:: 2005 8 October :: 2.32am fuck there isnt much beyond that is there? Leave a Red Hair

cowsgomoo!!!

:: 2005 7 October :: 11.40pm

Okay, for those of you who actually read this:

I am not dead... actually very far from dead... i am feeling great. I have a girlfriend, who is fantastic, classes are going good, and I don't have to put up with shit from soccer. Life is going good

-me

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liz	:: 2005 7 October :: 8.57am I would like to say that you haven't really gotten anywhere with the plan making. tonights plans were all me. Please make an effort. 1 Red Hairs Left \| Leave a Red Hair

bigty623

:: 2005 5 October :: 10.24pm

it's been awhile so here is my thoughts right now
i don't care about life anymore. i don't give a shit about what happens anymore. i'm getting sick of the imature kids on the damn soccer team. yeah i may joke around with them but it fucking hurts. No matter what i do that keep doing it. I don't care any more. then other shit that i going on that really bothers me. but i guess i have no other choice and won't find out whats going on. so i guess i'm going to go with the flow. so fuck school and fuck life i'm done.
Cya

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liz

:: 2005 5 October :: 10.17am

wowzer, its been an interersting coupla days. okay mostly last night which is one of the best nights ive had in a long time, thanks a mil matt whetzel annie and kaylee. i like when we have good times. I like gay people.
good times.
I like Mickey.
Thats a super great time. I cannot wait until two tuesdays for now. funness. .
I would so go into more detail about the whole night but well. Im ubes of tired and am going to go sleep a little and then to hang out at the school and all sorts of stuff. yeah. so that. laters.

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liz	:: 2005 5 October :: 2.54am My love, note to you, I would really enjoy it if you would sometimes drop me a line, It saddens me greatly that I always have to look for you and that I always have to make the plans. Very sad. thats what I am. 3 Red Hairs Left \| Leave a Red Hair

liz

:: 2005 4 October :: 1.17pm
:: Mood: okay
:: Music: All Jacked Up.

well phew.
both tests over with and the paper written, not very well but written nonetheless. I smell. because i have yet to shower today. slept through my alarm and missed math class, big whoop. anyway. I don't have to work again until friday so that is fantastic. Im so wiped out. I fell off the top of a ladder last night, that was bad news. a high ladder. I fell onto my side and the heavy box that knocked me off balance to begin with fell on me. I don't know how that works. but what my back has been bothering me anyway so why don't I just fall off a ladder and become paralyzed. Jeff seemed pretty concerned because I called him to let him know. One of the other employees said i would have to fill out a report. I guess not unless I get hurt. THANK GAWD. I hate reports and people making a fuss. Hopefully I don't feel that back thing again later on. Besides that a package is lost on layaway. I dont know that I lost it. or who lost it, but I discovered it as lost which is the scary thing because Aline will flip her lid at me and thats not good. She is a crazy ol' bitch.
Onto school news. High School left me completely unprepared for college. All they talk about is being prepared for college, nope nothing close to prepared and that is mostly my fault because I did next to nothing in high school and came out with A's. ???????? I don't know, anyway now Im in college and want to continue doing nothing and its just not working out for me. Apparently they want you to earn your grade. Whats that about anyway. Whatever Im getting used to it and fighting the overwhelmedness thats been pushing me back. Im getting a little organized and I seem to be caught up in everything now i just need to get steadied and keep up for good.
I miss PJ. Haven't seen him in like four days. I don't like that so much. I miss Joslyn too. Come home soon dude, like when Im not doing anything. If I have the money Im coming there for spring break. Pj too, he just doesn't know it yet. thats a big if. Because the money is tight. But after Christmas I should be okay. Okay then that would be my entry Im just superior amounts of bored, and I haven't seen Leo in like 3 weeks and I should go meet up with him before class because that is our tuesday thing and I totally blew him off last week, except i did call to tell him I wouldnt be there but he never called back. I think maybe he is a little mad. Whoops. Okay is all.

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liz

:: 2005 3 October :: 12.17am

well after two nights of hell at work tonight was just okay, I was supposed to get out at 10 but then as i was heading for the time clock at 1015 jeff stopped me and asked if I would stay and i was like eh, paper, two tests, jeff and he was like one cart liz, we are so swamped. four carts and an hour later i punch out, That sneaky bastard. anyway i was hoping to talk to pj tonight but he seems to be not anywhere, not msn, now WoW i wonder what hes doing. weirdness. okay gotta study up a litte and hit the bed.
oh and pj you know what song makes me cry.
Sarabeth by rascal flatts listen to that, so much sadder than the little girl. so much.
IM me quick.

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liz

:: 2005 2 October :: 10.27am

Friday night and the moon is high
I'm wide-awake just watchin' you sleep
And I promise you you're gonna have
More than just the things that you need
We ain't got much now, We're just startin' out
But I know somehow paradise is comin'

Someday baby, You and I are gonna be the ones
Good luck's gonna shine
Someday baby you and I are gonna be the ones
So hold on
We're headed for a better life

Oh now there's a place for you and me
Where we can dream as big as the sky
I know it's hard to see it now
But baby someday we're gonna fly
This road we're on, you know it might be long
But my faith is strong
It's all that really matters

[Someday baby, You and I are gonna be the ones
Good luck's gonna shine
Someday baby you and I are gonna be the ones
So hold on
We're headed for a better life

So hold on, hold on
C'mon baby, hold on

Yeah, we're gonna have it all
And ooh

Someday baby, You and I are gonna be the ones
Good luck's gonna shine
Someday baby you and I are gonna be the ones
So hold on
We're headed for a better life

Someday baby, You and I are gonna be the ones
Good luck's gonna shine
Someday baby you and I are gonna be the ones
So hold on
We're headed for a better life

Oh, a better life
Hey we're gonna leave this all behind us baby, wait and see
We're headed for a better life, you and me
We're gonna break the chains that bind and, finally we'll be free
We're gonna be the ones that have it all, you and me
Just hold on tight now baby

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liz

:: 2005 2 October :: 12.36am

I sleep so much better with you next to me, whats about anyway.
God i love you so much. I can think of no one who makes me as happy as you do. not even ronald mcdonald.
thats a lot because Im fat girl who love eating.
But yeah work was better today, we found those packages but then lost another one. Its okay though because after a round or two or Liz calm down, take a seat, BREATHE. Fawn and I figured it out and accomplished some stuff and all presents itself as okay, hopefully tomorrow will be kind of slow so that i can get two nights of paperwork done. Aline is going to be angry but thats okay Ill get over it i suppose.
Either way. I love you a whole bunches of a lot and i wish you were here with me right now.

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shannonw55

:: 2005 1 October :: 8.41am
:: Mood: annoyed

I wish you could realize why being desperate

ISN"T GOOD.

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liz

:: 2005 1 October :: 4.47am

I find myself tired. can we please go home yet?
I hate walmart, it has officially become cuntmart through ray and I's imaginations while scavening the outside bins trying to take care of layaways and I lost some boxes because I was super stressed and I was like fuck it Ill deal with it tomorrow and its totally going to come out in the log and Aline will see it and then yell at me but they told me to leave and I was upset and Jeff was liike "what are all those boxes liz?" and I was like "thats the product of somebody doing their job Jeff, odd I know and something not seen often around here but it happens"
and then he said "Im sensing a little hostility" and so I said "ya think" and left and he yelled back, "whose all ready to complain about everything tonight" and walked back and said "well whose ready to tell someone she can have an extension and not let the people on layaway know so the customer doesnt have her merchandise and walmart has to give her a discout, no wonder we have to rush and cut hours, maybe it has to do the with level incompetence of our superiors" and then i got really upset and when i was trying to get some paperwork done I realized that I had written a couple of numbers down wrong and I couldnt figure out the telzone and that tonight was nothing compared to what christmas is going to be and I have no idea what the hell Im going to do because I cannot take the stress of layaway and I hate walmart, and to cap off the night ray and I were walking out and what, there was our mananger taking pictures of the interior of a truck the was covered in paint, ray was really upset because he does hardware and he mixes paint and he knows that he put the lid on tight, so while he claims partial responsibility i told him that the lady probably opened it to check the color and didnt get the lid on, but that is just another little incident to throw on walmarts tab. corporote bastards. fuck i hate that place.

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