OK . so .. i think i just figured it out. As long as I get at least a 50% my next test and a 75% on my paper and a 60 on my final... ummm wow that's horrible. well then i think i will pass.
SHIT i suck. that class just kicked my ass so bad but i swear it was so stupid. seriously. we were the guinea pigs for that class. the teacher was brand new. the book was WAY too advanced. the teacher said they are definitly getting a different book for next semester and that the book is way too advanced it is for people who are actually going to be cell biologists and it is just way too hard and our entire grade was based on only the tests. i hate that because it's like you get 5 little chances and if you do bad at all on any of the tests it brings your grade wayyyyy down. the only thing i'm hoping helped my grade was my paper and i'm not even too sure about that. i just know i need to study hard for my exam because it is all answers from past tests. seriously i'm going to memorize those answers and get 100 percent. i'm going to my moms house and studying the entire day as long as she will help me. ALL next week that is what i'm doing . mark my words lol
i wanna go see that guys light show that he made. someone take me. and while you're at it...
oh nevermind... maybe it's at the whitecaps thing i thought it was at his house.
while you're at it take me to japan.
everytime i start thinking that i shouldn'tbe a nurse and that it isn't for me i talk to my mom and she makes me feel like i'll be good at it or that i can at least pass the school. i'm not stupid but i'm not brilliant. i duno. she always makes me not want to quit. i feel like i would disappoint my parents if i quit and it's not like i have something else wonderful in mind and my college is free so i might as well keep going... right?
i had to write this will thing for my online class and I gave my money and our cats to Roman and my car to Brandon and that was pretty much it... hmmmmmmmmmmmmm
tomorrow i have my last test and then next week i have two exams and then two online class exams that should be pretty easy. Only one really hard exam. I just hope i pass cell biology or I will be screwed and sad. ughghhghghgh i hope i get 100 on the paper i wrote. then i wont be as worried
i just called my phone company because i wanted to add text messaging and they wont let me because roman's name is the one on the account the FCC just changed their rules that sucks because usually i am the one who takes care of all that stuff. I call and fix stuff when it gets messed up, i pay the bills through my account and then roman just writes me checks for his half. like i do EVERYTHING and then now i can't even have control over it. it is understandable but still it sucks.
i really should be studying.
annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd. i duno. we almost got another cat tonight. we are like...obsessed with cats. we are freaks.
oh and I keep getting these headaches again. I used to get these ... the last time i was getting them was in august-ish when i worked at the daycare but...
it starts out that my left eye-it's like i can't see... it's that thing you get when you look at the sun or a camera flashes in your eyes- you know, the little dot things. and so that happens but like over my entire left eye so basically i can't see and then about a half hour or so later i get an incredibly bad migraine where i feel like i'm going to die/throw up.
yeah so that's fun. except not. and then in the morning i wake up and my head honestly still hurts but it's just a dull headache
so i'm pretty sure i have a tumor of some sort.
and i have a lot of woohu reading to do but more importantly i have homework and i might be getting a part time nannying thing and also i dont know if i want to be a nurse so yeah.
sometimes i just wonder what would happen if i just dropped out of school. i hate it so much it makes me so frustrated. there really is nothing i enjoy about it. nothing i get out of it. i've learned a few things ..... the only class i really liked and i didn't even like it that much i just found it relatively interesting was medical terminology.
it is stupid. fuck. i should just drop out and i'm not getting anywhere anyway. fuck fuck fuck. i wish i could just move to florida with my parents.
except i bought a new camera. i know i know why why why but i can't stand not havin a camera. and this one is really cool i hope it's really as awesome as i think it is.
it has a million settings and stuff.
now if only my man would come home...where is he? work.......
stupid work and stuff. stupid stupid. what an awful day.
i thought wer were gonna see a movie today but ... doubt it.
Well the party is this weekend, seems like it was so far away lol. Its finally my week of not working that much, my work schedule is so messed up. I got my costume today for jimi party. I'm so excited, thank god someone had a party after october otherwise I would of missed out. So things are going pretty good. Just have to get rest of the apartment together for this weekend.
Tonight roman and i went out to east beltline- got coffee at beaners and then went into pet supplies plus and saw these bunnies and the woman let me hold one and then let roman hold the other and they were these dwarf bunnies and we want one really bad. i know that's bad- our apt is going to be all gross with pets but not really but we want one becaue they were so adorable and the woman said that they can be litter box trained and stuff and that they are good pets and you can let them out and hop around and stuff.
so yeah i duno. we might get a bunny i think.
and then we looked at halloween costumes . but we need to find something fun to do on halloween before we go and buy the costumes becaues they are expensive.
but if we do go somewhere we want to look all cute and costumey.
annnd then we went to the IMAX and saw transformers. i had never been there before so it was pretty neat. it was making me a little nauseous though because it is so big and stuff.
and other than that, i want to quit school because seriously i am doing really horrible and i studied hard and thought i did quite well on that last test and i did awful. i'm so pissed. at myself, at the class, at davenport, at the test. they are horrible tests. they are hard and confusing and stupid.
ugh
but seriously i don't want to be a fricken failure. i want to have a career. i dont want to just be a little housewife with kids. i mean, seriously- i dont care if it sounds pathetic to some people but that is my number one thing i look forward to - i look foward to having a family and raising our kids and being the perfect mother and wife. that is number one on my list and always will be but i reallly feel like i won't feel like i accomplished as much as i could have. i'll feel like i failed or like i didn't reach my potential. like... i have to have a CAREER too. at some point. you know? my mom regrets it so much and i don't want to have that same regret.
I hate school so much though. and i honestly really really don't have any idea what i would be good at.
but i'm shadowing this guy's that my dad knows daughter. ( i know i wrote that all wrong i dont care right now) and she is a nurse so i guess i'll find out then if i could handle it or not. which i know i probably can't. ughghghghgh hwhatever.
and anyway i like midnite sun and cruise and getting tan and sexy now if only i could get myself to start fricken working out . seriously. i need to get serious about that. i really really do. i just feel like a moron in front of all those muscley guys. eww and i don't want to run on the tredmills and fall on my face like on a tv show. i'd be so embarassed. and it would hurt. i can't run on those treadmills. i'm not coordinated enough to do that and listen to my earphones and sing MY hUMPS in my head and watch the tvs with no sound and worry about what people are thinking of me and check my heart rate all at the same time.
HOW DO YOU PEOPLE DO IT. HOW DO YOU RUN ON TREADMILLS.
and that m y friend is the question of the day. how DO you people run on treadmills.
i'm quite sure one of the many reasons i am not doing well in this stupid one night a week, three hour class is that there are computers in here. this a fricken computer lab. not a classroom. dude. seriously. it's 6 at night-there are plenty of other classrooms but no they stick us in a classroom with computers with access to facebook and myspace and woohu and email. ughghghhh and then the boredom hits and i'm online.
i've never done so bad in school. i think it's a sign. i shouldn't be a nurse. i doubt i can handle it. i'm compassionate but i'm too compasionate i cry whenever someone else gets tears in their eyes. i'd be walking around crying 24/7 and my waterproof makeup wouldn't hold up and also would clog my pores.
fuck you davenport .....i have such mixed feelings towards you- you gave me so much money and a good oppurtunity but no choices.
i think maybe we should break up. how do you feel about that davenport? i think maybe you are no good for me and i am getting no where being with you.
is anyone good at statistics? i'm not.
i really should just leave this class. i think i may. there's no point in me being here. i leave with pointless notes that i never ever look at. they mean nothing to me.
damnit.
stupid college. What else could i do with my life? seriously i dont think i would be good at anything. i'll be a good mom and that's really pretty much it.
i duno. gotta check homework i'm sure i'll be back