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dumbblonde1137

:: 2004 25 October :: 5.05pm
:: Mood: aggravated
:: Music: dry your eyes by The STREETS

the world feels like its caved in...


i am NEVER telling anyone anything ever again. well actually there are like mayb 2 people in the entire world that i can trust completely. thats why i dont tell anyone anything about my personal or love life cuz i feel like first of all-that they dont give a shit. even my really good friends, and second-that i feel i might say sumthing and it will get around and smack me in the face like most things tend to do lately. im through with all this shit. my friend group has seriously deteiorated and its upsetting. i seriously have like 3 best (true) friends that wont leave me and one of them that i love a whole bunch is mad at me, all cuz i opened my big mouth. thats why im not saying anything anymore. ill keep everything locked up inside. its ok...ive done that before...it doesnt hurt that bad...


gahhh whatever.

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dumbblonde1137

:: 2004 24 October :: 8.33pm
:: Mood: sad
:: Music: dry your eyes by: the streets

in one single moment your whole life can turn around...
lil thingies camila sent me:

*In kindergarten your idea of a good friend was the person who let you have the red crayon when all that was left was the ugly black one.

In first grade your idea of a good friend was the person who went to the bathroom with you and held your hand as you walked through the scary halls.

In second grade your idea of a good friend was the person who helped you stand up to the class bully.

In third grade your idea of a good friend was the person who shared their lunch with you when you forgot yours on the bus.

In fourth grade your idea of a good friend was the person who was willing to switch square dancing partners in gym so you wouldn't have to be stuck do-si-do-ing with Nasty Nick or Smelly Susan.

In fifth grade your idea of a friend was the person who saved a seat on the back of the bus for you.

In sixth grade your idea of a friend was the person who went up to Nick or Susan, your new crush, and asked them to dance with you, so that if they said no you wouldn't have to be embarrassed.

In seventh grade your idea of a friend was the person who let you copy the social studies homework from the night before that you had.

In eighth grade your idea of a good friend was the person who helped you pack up your stuffed animals and old baseball but didn't laugh at you when you finished and broke out into tears.

In ninth grade your idea of a good friend was the person who would go to a party thrown by a senior so you wouldn't wind up being the only freshman there.

In tenth grade your idea of a good friend was the person who changed their schedule so you would have someone to sit with at lunch.

In eleventh grade your idea of a good friend was the person who gave you rides in their new car, convinced your parents that you shouldn't be grounded, consoled you when you broke up with Nick or Susan, and found you a date to the prom.

In twelfth grade your idea of a good friend was the person who helped you pick out a college/university, assured you that you would get into that college/university, helped you deal with your parents who were having a hard time adjusting to the idea of letting you go...

At graduation your idea of a good friend was the person who was crying on the inside but managed the biggest smile one could give as they congratulated you.

The summer after twelfth grade your idea of a good friend was the person who helped you clean up the bottles from that party, helped you sneak out of the house when you just couldn't deal with your parents, assured you that now that you and Nick or you and Susan were back together, you could make it through anything, helped you pack up for university and just silently hugged you as you looked through blurry eyes at 18 years of memories you were leaving behind, and finally on those last days of childhood, went out of their way to give you reassurance that you would make it in college as well as you had these past 18 years, and most importantly sent you off to college knowing you were loved.


omg. im going off to college in like a year and a half. its too soon.

* 10 ways you know ur in love *
1.Time is an eternity when u're without them
2.time goes by too fast when ur with them
3.the thought of them makes you shiver
4.the sound of them makes u smile
5.when seein them,u cant c anything else
6.u start 2 listen to sappy love songs
7.u actually like sappy love songs
8.the smell of them makes you relax
9.you find yourself smiling constantly when it has something 2 do w/them.
10.YOU WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR THEM!!!

-^^hmm seems like the story of my life right now...

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dumbblonde1137

:: 2004 22 October :: 11.16pm
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: tv in living room

call now and well throw in this free gift...


THIS ENTRY IS DEDICATED TO ANDREW. haha <3


today was umm...gay? evnviro we had a sub and we did our lil group project thing. it was soo funny. god, were so racist. lolol. psych was boringgg. i feel asleep for like 45 minutes and i drooled on my sleeve. haha im sucha l0ser. =] lunch-god gustavo pisses/pissed me off so bad i was about to leave and go sit sumwhere else. i swear, if he says anything monday, im not sitting with any of them anymore. its absolutely ridiculous. we are being nice letting him sit with us cuz he got in a fight with lauren and he repays us by being a complete asshole. no im gunna kill him. literally if he doesnt watch what he says. buy anywayyyys...history watched a movie about an indian named kawaysdljguha...whatever. lol. chemistry was so gay. yeah after school hung out with like no one cuz everyone left right away. jaryd and max attacked me with paper numchucks. stupid fuckers. lol. after school went with daddy to get new cell phone!!! yay im so happy. then went to coral square mall to get my brothers halloween costume then went over to janis' house to finsih our spanish project and then went to the movies with nicole and camila. we went to see the grudge. jeremy and eric met us there. OMFG ive never seen a scarier movie in my entire life. i cried, i was shaking, i stopped breathing, i almost peed my pants, and screaming uncontrollably. it was horrible. even eric and jeremy were scared shitless. lol. i was greatttt. especially that lil chinese boy behind us. hahaha. after jus chilled and saw kelsey.<3 aww her and her new bf aree so cute. hehe. came home and yeah. OMG mommy quit smoking today =] . im so proud. <33.

-later days-

<33-janelle

if u want my new cell phone number, comment and mayb ill tell u =]

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dumbblonde1137

:: 2004 21 October :: 3.54pm
:: Mood: annoyed
:: Music: all my life. kci and jojo

gahhhhh!!! -_-


gosh, im such a fucking loser...

9 comment | leave a comment


dumbblonde1137

:: 2004 19 October :: 3.34pm
:: Mood: scared
:: Music: over and over again..

i dont know what else to do...

i fucking LOVE him....


^^...but it seems so pointless. its like leaving my heart in the middle of a six-lane highway to let it get ran over again and again. and im gunna leave it there, until no pieces are left unbroken ....

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dumbblonde1137

:: 2004 18 October :: 6.17pm
:: Mood: grumpy
:: Music: parents discussing my brothers suspension

HAHAHAHAHHA..wut a fag


today started horrible and only got worse as the day went on. i wore an outfit to school today that i thought was cute and camila kept making fun of it and it made me really upset. especially at lunch when she had everyone come up to me and make funny of it and point and laugh. i was seriously on the verge of crying. gahh it really pissed me off. took a spanish test did well. got a 46% on my english test lolololol!!!! history took a open note test and failed. greeeat. algebra totally failed the test. i eventually gave up and stopped trying. whateverrrr. after school chilled with everyone. max kicked me and nowi have a bruise..stupid moron. then found out that derek's name isnt derek. its james !!! wtf? lolololol!!! grandma piked us up then went to gas station and got an icee cuz i felt like it. lol . now i haveta go do hw. blahhhhhhhhhhh. peace

-later ladies and gents-

<33-janelle

1 comment | leave a comment


dumbblonde1137

:: 2004 17 October :: 7.36pm



i feel like i have to become a skank in order to fit in or be accepted by my "friends"...

wtf???

8 comment | leave a comment


dumbblonde1137

:: 2004 17 October :: 7.20pm
:: Music: crazy train by: trick daddy

ur not a friend to me, bitch dont pretend to be...


last night i finally gave up and stopped making excuses for why my so called friends act the way they do. people seem to put on an act and pretend to be so nice and trustworthy or whatever and then i get kicked to the curb. none of my guy friends are really my true friends. everyone is so god damn fickle. i hate how i can never talk to ANYONE about my day or how i feel about someone. no one takes the time to listen or care yet im expected to be all ears when ever they need to talk? doesnt seem fair. instead i have to talk to my mom. thats fine except for the things i cant talk to my mom about. i wish i jus had people who would listen and try to understand me. this past month has been hell on me and im an emotional wreck. no one knows it tho. so when i get pissed off cuz no one knows it, they think im being a bitch or whatever. im jus so sick of having all these "sorta friends" and acquintances. right now, the only people i can actually call my good friends who wont desert me, are camila, niki, and nicole. and i love them to death. i jus wish that everyone else who is supposedly my friend, would act like it...

-apparently thats too much to ask from you people.

-whateva-

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dumbblonde1137

:: 2004 17 October :: 7.12pm
:: Mood: cynical
:: Music: all my life by: kci and jojo

[insert slow gay music here]


yesterday was fun in its own weird way. woke up went on computer, gustavo called and he was on my driveway. so i took him to camilas house then i did my chores and got ready and me camila and gustavo caught the 2:15 BUS to the mall. it was the first time i ever took a public bus sumwhere. it was awesome. lol. yeah im a loser i know. =] stayed at the mall for several hours. saw scary 18 year old kevin ekkk!!! saw emily and lisa too. ha we see them everywhere!! lol. then camila got a dress and we went home. then we went to alinas birthday party and showed the 7th graders how to throw a kickass party. lol. it was pathetic tho, i had 12 and 13 year olds teaching me how to dance. hahaha. then jeremy and chris show up at like 10 and we all hung outside on camilas driveway for eternity times two. then scott came. and we all sat in paranoia of bernice the ghost. hahahaha. it was great and eye opening if u ask me. we stayed out till like 1:30 cuz her mom didnt care. lol. then gustavio, jeremy, and chris left and scott went to the window for a teeny bit then left. we went to sleep and i woke up at 10, came home, did hw and then went shopping with parents. bought jewelry for my dress and a lamp for my room. then came home, did massive amounts of vocab for POFL and yea. now im here. i tried studying for the algebra II test but its hopeless im sooo lost in that class it isnt funny. grr. now i have to go read a bazillion pages in POFL. joy..

-later people-

<3-janelle

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dumbblonde1137

:: 2004 16 October :: 10.06am
:: Mood: cold
:: Music: lets take our time by: ryan cabrera <3

i dont want this to die..dont wanna ever forget this night...


last ngiht was pretty fun. hung out at shadowood mostly with sam and sean. scott eric guillermo and gustavo were there too. i drove and gustavo says i drive like a woman...well DUH. lol. we tried on halloween stuff in walgreens, ate happy meals in mcdonalds and got coffee at starbucks. we saw alotta people. OMG OMG OMG i saw JUSTIN!!!! (piercing justin from pe last year. awww hes sooo hot. lol. i havent seen him in like forever. also saw chris working at borders and hayley working at the ice cream place. and then i saw my most favorite lovers in the entire world....DILAN, JACK, and KYRIE!!!! omg i miss them soooo much. <33. ...came home around 10:30 and yeah. now im here and we mite go to the mall. who knows.

-peace losers-

<33-janelle

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dumbblonde1137

:: 2004 15 October :: 3.58pm
:: Mood: angry
:: Music: 40 kinds of Sadness by: ryan cabrera <3333

i feel the same thing always happens when you're gone...


ugh! im so effing stupid! i dont know why i even believed for a second that there might be the slightest chance that there was still sumthin there between us. i was so fucking wrong. like totally. im so fucking retarded like seriously. i bring all this drama upon myself. ahhh IM SO GAY!!!! ....grrr.. thats why i wrote in my journal for psychology that i wished i had the power to read peoples mind and see what they are really thinking or meaning. it would save me from so much pain...

gosh am i an idiot. =[

-whatever losers-


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dumbblonde1137

:: 2004 13 October :: 7.23pm
:: Mood: drained
:: Music: 40 Kinds of Sadness by: ryan cabrera <33

just around the corner is not enough...


today was ehhhhhh. culd barely get outta bed this morning. that shit like gives u a fucking hangover. hahaha. went to school, found out that POFL isnt due till october 25th. i was soo happy i coulda got up and started dancing. went to take the pSAT. it was ok i guess. i was having problems concentrating and i kept falling asleep in between sections. like actually dreaming and drooling hahaha. im sucha dork! anyways then lunch was ok. saw piercing boy ahh*has orgasm* LMAO!!! 5th hr was borrring. 6th hr i learned, or tried to. 7th hour...GAY AS HELL. i hate that class i hate that teacher i hate everything. fucking teacher moved ppl who talk to much to different seats and she seperated me and dana. i was seriously gunna cry. thats the only reason i dont mind chemistry. the fact that dana makes it fun. but no now im sitting next to valerie which is ok cuz shes cool to =] but its still not the same *tear* andddd then i got a fucking 77% on my test, i thought i did sooo goood. i like cried, seriously i did. to myself and barely tho. yes, im a fucking loser. but then after school had to talk to jd and stuff cuz damian didnt come to school today...uh oh!! yeah but then every1 left and max talked to us. well he actually hurt us and threw my EVERYTHING folder on the ground and alll my papers went everywhere. im so disorganized im gunna like have a spaz. ahh. lol. went home, and walked with nicole. went to seth and jds house. got a dollar from them , met gusto at the park went to gas station and OMG....i saw my lover....DILAN!!!!! we made like a big scene. it was hilarious. but i havent seen her since annas party. aww i miss her <3 and all my lovely olympic friends <33. now i gotta try to study for my scarlett letter essay test i have tomorrow in AP english that is if i dont fucking pass out before then, im sooo tired....blah!

-later sexy beasts-

<333-janelle

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dumbblonde1137

:: 2004 12 October :: 8.42pm
:: Mood: high
:: Music: none cuz i cant find my ryan cabrera cd =[

wow....im a bad bad bad girl. shame.

today was, well interesting to say the least. ap env test went ok. psychology test was a piece of cake. lunch was ok. 5th hour got my id and i must say, it doesnt look too bad. lol. then chemistry test was ok too. but omggggggg!!! after school we were gunna go talk to damian but he was sooo fucking stoned it was hard not to laugh. but i didnt cuz i know many ppl who get really fucked up from taking those bars. he took two and then they, well camila, pressured me into taking one since he some left. i was scared but i did it anywyas. it tasted like absolute shit and i didnt really get that fucked up. just a lil spacey and touchy lol and a MAJOR headache. me and camila had to get outta the house so we met nicole and went up to wendys were we met upw ith jd and then jeremy chris and max came.russel was there too. they were sooo pissed when they found out what we did. especially jerermy. lol. then we all jus hung out for a while and talked about having sex and shit. like usual. lol. i still owe jeremy sex for that one day cuz of the bet. hahaha anyways. im happy cuz i talked to max a lil which means he doesnt completely like hate me or whatever =] so thats good. but he hurted me. grr. he like tried to kill me jus cuz i pushed him. lolol. my arms feel like they are broken haha and my head hurts like a bithc cuz he hit me in the head with his head like 3 times. owwwie. lol. but yeah. my mom told me to take advil but i cant cuz i still have that other shit in my system and i dont want to get anymore fucked up than before. ahh i gotta go call scott alarcon with his homework cuz hes an idiot. <3 lol bye

-later chicos-

<33-janelle

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dumbblonde1137

:: 2004 11 October :: 4.49pm
:: Mood: pissed off

she paints her nails and she don't know,
he's got her best friend on the phone....


stupid fucker...-.-

2 comment | leave a comment


dumbblonde1137

:: 2004 11 October :: 4.47pm




im so fucking over it...

omg. grrrness x 12738728473!! im so fucking pissed. i'd talk about it in here but we all know how my words have come bak to bite me in the ass previously so im gunna make a friends only entry where i let all this go....sorry that none of u can read it since i know you all are soo interested by my life..hah not. but yeah. you'll get over it. but i will have to inform this "person" of whats happening possibly behind this "person's" back. i care too much for this "person" to let this "person" get hurt by this "person's" supposedly best friend. wow why the fuck do i care about ppl so much? grrrrr. whatever. im not in the mood.

leave me happy messages?? =]

-later fuckfaces-

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dumbblonde1137

:: 2004 9 October :: 6.48pm
:: Mood: bored
:: Music: over and over again by: nelly

when you said that you would leave, i was too damn stubborn to try to stop you or say anything


today was ok. i woke up early to go with my mommy to her work so i could concentrate on homework and get my hair done. oh and see lauri since i hadnt seen her in like forever. well i went online and looked at my journal and saw that andrew had left a comment on every single journal entry visible at one time. hmpf. at least sumone comments once in awhile lol but it was nice it made my morning good. lol. then lauri and her mom came in and she got her hair done and me and her took the car to marshalls to find her shoes for homecoming. then they left i stayed got my hair dyed and i read my book. came home, ate dinner and now i have to go read 150+ pages in my book before im allowed to do anything else, even sleep!! lol. im so fucking hard on myself. geez. =]

-later lovers-

<33-janelle

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dumbblonde1137

:: 2004 9 October :: 6.47pm
:: Mood: bouncy
:: Music: over and over again by: nelly

i remember the day you left, i remember the last breath you took right in front of me...


Andrew made my day. =]

<33

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dumbblonde1137

:: 2004 8 October :: 11.31pm
:: Mood: angry
:: Music: Over and Over Again by: Nelly

i cant take it, i cant shake it no more...

wow. tonight was 100% gayness. we actually went to see a movie, The Forgotten, but only me, nicole, camila, and zach went to see it. the fucking manager came in the theater a bazillion times. grr. omg the movie was fucking scary. me and nicole were like shaking, crying, and hyperventalating. lol. then we met up with chris, jeremy, and gusto and then ran into scott, eric and sum ppl. then went to walgreens .camila and zach decide to go find scott. zach gets to them ahead of us and we hear them say omg they keep following us and shit blah blah. omfg i have never been more pissed in my life. we fucking left them. then i accidently blew up at chris and jeremy and got all emotional and shit. i swear, i shuld be an actress. anyways, we went into borders but on the was we ran into vito, buddy, and sarah. so we kinda ran to borders to avoid getting our asses kicked! lol. and guess who we run into there....seth. ehhhh. we peed and then ran into juliano. and then omg...i saw DANIEL MIRANDA!!!!! i havent seen that kid since the last day of school last year. awww i miss him and his stories. <33. he told me about his dressing up as a woman the other day at school and actually being an attractive woman. LMAO. then we jus hung out with zach jeremy an chris. and me and nicole went into the lil ice cream store thing to say hi to hayley. then zach left and the rest of us hung out. i really love jeremy and chris. they rock. no seriously. out of all the skater ppl, they, even if sumtimes they dont show it, in the end they are the only ones who care and are actually like our real friends. and i love them for that. lol ok anywyas...so yeah we sat on the stairs cuz jeremy was crippled and we were all gunna have a massive orgy but the concrete was uncomfortable and wet so we postponed it. then me nicole and camila left. tomorrow im going with my mom to her work so i can read and get my hair dyed. ill get to see lauri too!!! <33

-later fuckers-

<33-janelle

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dumbblonde1137

:: 2004 8 October :: 3.53pm
:: Mood: irritated
:: Music: Over and Over again By: Nelly

i cant go on not loving you....

today sucked. 1st hour was boring. 3rd was too. we watched a movie about a talking monkey. ooh yeah i said hi to sumone today. i was impressed. lol. anyways...at lunch fuckhead gustavo knocks my beloved dr. pepper on the ground and it like explodes everywhere and then jeremy throws a sandwich at my face!!! ahhh. lol. 5th was boring. so was 7th hour. after school got jamba juice and talked to damian and sum ppl. then daddy piked us up and i was gunna do my analytical article for english but i cant find an article to write about. grrrrness x 43473847. and i wanna do sumthing tonight.!!!

-later d0rks!-

<33-janelle

ps- the funniest thing i heard today was dana telling me that her cat's foot started on fire last night. LMAO!!


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dumbblonde1137

:: 2004 7 October :: 9.23pm
:: Mood: blank
:: Music: Shes by: ryan cabrera <33

hes the one who brought me tot he edge...


today was ok. english we took two fucking essay tests. i swear to freakin god that that teacher is inhuman. 4th hour was ehh. i came to the conclusion that i am going to fail class particiaption, what else is knew? lunch-gustavo and jeremy were with us for a while, then we went over to damian and it started pouring, my skirt was flying up and i was trying to cram last minute for my ap history test. the test wasnt too bad. it was jus sooo long. 80 questions in 50 minutes. jeez. 6th was ehh. math is so fucking hard this year. it stresses me out so0o0o much. grrrrness. this is the first year that u havent had an A in math. i fucking suck. blehhh... after school hung around with damian camila eddie and stephanie. then walked home... muwahahah. anywyas...then went walking around with niki and nicole and we ran into tony...ehhh ick. hes so unlike mike. hes fat, white, and gay!!! grr then we saw chris (heart problem boy from OH) so we hung out with him and ran into jeremy, chris, and gusto along with brandon jj and matt at wendys so we all chilled. well minus our bros. we jus ate their food and sum old man looked at me strange. LOL. then we walked home and niki stepped in dog shit! LMAO it was hilarious. then came home, ate dinner and did my chemistry lab report. im so happy tomorrow is friday. i wanna do sumthing fun tomorrow. wanna make plans? comment or call me..

-later days-

<33-janelle

ps- Happy Birthday Max. =]

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