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m&ms487
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2004 4 September :: 11.53am
I wish I wouldn't care anymore, and let things slip by. Somehow, I remember, it was easier that way.
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m&ms487
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2004 26 August :: 8.21pm
It's amazing how people build houses and stores and places just to get away from the outdoors. We came from the outdoors. We are ruining it.
I was cleaning all the fast food wrappers and cigarette butts from the Meijer parking lot today, when I happened over a stunningly beautiful view on the west side down a hill. It had the most beautiful purple flowers, in full blosom, beech trees, tall grass, that is browning in the knowing that it will soon be time to die in order to renew the cycle it was born into. I stood there for a moment and looked about my feet. The dirty trash of humanity had destroyed the view, and I was overcome with sorrow. We came from that, and all we do is destroy it in hopes of living the "good life". What good is life when you've ruined everything you ever had, and you have nothing beautiful to pass on to your children. Nothing but stories of beauty, things they may as well never see, except maybe tainted in captivity.
6 backstagenone |
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m&ms487
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2004 26 August :: 10.36am
Music cleanses the understanding; inspires it, and lifts it into a realm which it would not reach if it were left to itself. ~Henry Ward Beecher
Music has been my playmate, my lover, and my crying towel. ~Buffy Sainte-Marie
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m&ms487
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2004 21 August :: 9.53am
:: Mood: awake
I came home from the lake to get some cabbage for my mom. And my calender, and my straightener. I have a few more hours next week. Yay. not really.
Oh, and Rueben, there's something I want you to read, you know where to find it.
Michelle
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m&ms487
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2004 19 August :: 11.22am
I went to sleep last night in the hopes of forgetting everything and waking up to a better day. It wasn't a better day.
1 backstage |
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m&ms487
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2004 17 August :: 10.03am
The mouse
There is a mouse in my house,
Yes, I said, a mouse! a mouse!
Tis not a fowl, insect or louse,
But a mouse! A mouse!
A ranpant mouse in my house!
We set a sticky trap thing for it, and it was in my room, and I had to sleep on the couch. I hate it when that happens. I don't like sharing my room, i'm just selfish like that.
2 backstagenone |
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m&ms487
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2004 9 August :: 12.13pm
The Ultimate Kissing Survey
Age of first kiss: 14
Number of people you've kissed: 4
French kissing is: Better upside down
The worst kind of kiss is: When you hit your teeth together
The best kisser you know: Rueben, of course, he learned from me ;)
The worst kisser you know: I won't say the poor guy's name
The celebrity you'd like to kiss: I don't really care because I wouldn't want to anyway
Friend you would like to kiss: Hmm. That's dirty.
Favorite movie kiss: Never Been Kissed
Do you kiss on the first date? No
Eyes open or closed? Closed
Average number of kisses you get a day: I would have to say......45?
Ever kissed a friend's boyfriend or girlfriend? No
The last person you kissed: Rueben
Best placed to be kissed:
Have you kissed someone of the same sex? Yes
What about the opposite sex? yes
Do you consider kissing cheating? yes
The longest you've gone without a kiss: 14.7 years
The kiss you regret most is: Kissing Kristen
Kissing in public is: Fine, as long as it's not too out there
Tongue rings are: shiny
Two girls kissing is: Ackward
Two guys kissing is: something I don't really need to see
Take The Ultimate Kissing Survey
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Places in five!
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m&ms487
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2004 9 August :: 11.42am
:: Mood: lethargic
I'm so tired sometimes. From trying so hard. I really am, but I'm in a cloud of confusion. This math problem, never works out to an exact number, and is no where close to where it was estimated at.
I worked 12 hours yesterday. The whole day seemed like an out of body experience. I would stand back and look at all the people and wonder about them. Statistically, that store had criminals, and pyschopaths, and poor people, obese people, screwed up people, people who didn't know how to read, people that are never happy, people who haven't boughten a new pair of shoes in 12 year, people who don't shower, and people who have no common sense.
And while I was looking at those people, I realized that they are America. I might be the future, but most of my generation is going to end up like that anyway. Those are the people who influence my destiny. Those people are what make us "the land of the free and the home of the brave".
Those are the people I am supporting with my social security payments out of my paycheck.
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m&ms487
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2004 5 August :: 7.42am
:: Mood: cold
I'm about to leave for my fourth day of band camp. Yesterday went a hell of a lot better than Tuesday, when we had a whole shit load of freshman have to leave for cheerleading, Courtney broke/fractured/sprained her ankle/foot, and one of my girls 'got sick' on the field and I got to clean puke out of her flute.
All in a days work.
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m&ms487
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2004 26 July :: 9.45pm
:: Mood: calm
I had my training class at Meijer's tonight (and for all of you wondering, it opens August 3rd!). Old people can be pretty cool, and I think I'll do good there, if I stay. I'm not sure right now, all it is to me right now is some way to pay off my car, my insurance, have money for gas, and have money for any frivolous thing a sixteen year old girl could want (you know, for cigarettes, condoms, drugs, alcohol, male strippers, and pizza).
I know, I know, I have such an entertaining life.
One week until band camp! I finally realized how much of a dork I am today. The first thing we did in class was go around and say our names, where we would be working, and something about ourselves. A lot of peoples was something like the following:
Hello, my name is Dave, I'm working in the Deli and I like to sky dive.
Hello, my name is Sara, I'm working in groceries, and I take care of a five year old and a two year old.
Mine was the following:
Hello, my name is Michelle, I'm working on the Courtesy Team, and my life revolves around music and my flute.
That's my life, I can't help that I might like it sometimes.
13 backstagenone |
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m&ms487
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2004 25 July :: 10.58pm
:: Mood: drained
So you left. I'm here. On time. Like I said I would be, and talking to everyone except for you. Maybe i'm too deepy invested in this? Maybe. Or maybe I'm so hormone ridden the sight of chocolate makes me cry and I can't do anything right today. I think that's it.
1 backstage |
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m&ms487
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2004 23 July :: 10.03am
:: Mood: cold
Caught the chipmunk that's been living in our house for the past week. Damn bastard.
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m&ms487
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2004 20 July :: 4.36pm
:: Mood: calm
I've become quite oblivious to a lot of things around me. Detailed things are the only important things anymore. I live through small occurances, not the big picture. The big picture is way to scary to consider right now. That's all I ever did before, think about things in months or years, what will I be when I'm 35?
Now it's what am I doing tonight? I can't seem to see into the future, things a few weeks away are in the desolateness of nothing. They don't exist. In essence, they don't. Tomorrow is changeable. Of course, many of the things we plan happen, which gives us a sense of security, that we know exactly what is going to happen tomorrow. But in reality, all those plans, no matter how definite, could always change. The past cannot be changed, only interpreted. Biasedly interpreted. However, the future holds many possibilities, as well as set backs, horrors, and pain. It's a clean white sheet of paper that is open to be formed however we like. The child drawing a sun on it with a macaroni colored crayola crayon, or a beautiful poem being written about two soulmate's endless love, a marriage certificate which bonded together two beings of the same sex, a divorce statement, a eulogy, or a diary entry confiding a teenage girl's innermost thoughts and feelings (which, if violated, would cause certain death to the reader).
Does it matter what happens tomorrow as long as we are here today, that we can live with our regrets, and our broken dreams, and if you died tomorrow, would have have tasted enough of this big fat cake and savored every morsel? Or have you just dipped your finger in the icing, that after the inital enormous sweetness of it all, disolves away to leave you with a mouth full of rotting teeth?
Do what you will today, be in good company, enjoy good food and drink, accept there may be no tomorrow for you, or for anyone that you know, but also plan for your future.
It's like getting a second degree in college:
If you don't die tomorrow, you just might need a second plan to fall back on.
The point of all life is death. That is what we were made for, and that is a change we all must go through. It's quite unnerving, for the fear of the unknown, but from the moment we were born, we were meant for one purpose, and one purpose only, to enjoy our journey, because we never know how long it's going to last, you never know when you're exit comes up on the expressway, and it's better to be in the right lane and be prepared for it, than to be in the left lane and regret going eighty five in a seventy zone, that could have taken you longer, and you would have had more time to see things, if only you slowed down a bit, and cared to pay more attention.
3 backstagenone |
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m&ms487
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2004 13 July :: 5.21am
Time goes by so quickly. Summer is already half over.
I really really hate those people who don't listen to reason and have to have what they want when they want it, and won't stop bugging you until it happens.
Damn kids.
2 backstagenone |
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m&ms487
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2004 11 July :: 5.38pm
You give me the most gorgeous sleep
It was a good weekend. I'm sort of burnt out from tubing and being in the sun all day, and then working tonight, but there are other things that outweigh that enormously.
Whenever I say "enormously" I think of an elephant. I don't know why. I just do.
I'm sleeping tonight. A lot. There is a storm brewing on the horizon and I plan on staying up and watching it for a while. It's so beautiful, yet it can be so dangerous.
Life can be so beautiful sometimes.
Everything has beauty, but not everyone sees it. ~Confucius
1 backstage |
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