Most days it feels like its the same ole' crappy song on repeat.
Doesn't matter how hard I try to repatch, cope, or ignore the issues, they don't go away, for good.
She doesn't see the hurt she causes.
I am starting to think she is incapable of feeling anything.
Which would be making excuses for her, and that is the last thing I want to do.
But with her, I never get to do what I want.
Lets face it, she makes me feel quilty, and I cave.
I can tell her how it is, be a royal bitch to her, and she still makes me feel guilty.
Why?
Why does she always turn it back on me?
Will she ever stop?
I'd cut ties with her, but would that really do any good, for anyone?
I don't care about hurting her, or myself.
It's the rest of my family I am worried about.
I can't stop asking myself what we did to deserve this.
Growing up the way we did.
Not everything was bad, but not everything was good thats for sure.
Each one of us had to witness different things, and as time went on, they got worse.
She drank more.
And more.
The fighting was worse between her and Jim, than it ever was with my dad.
At least, thats the way it seems to me.
Even though I was 11 when my parents split, a lot of the memories of them being together is a blur.
Not because they are bad, or I am trying to repress them, it's because I do not remember.
I vaguely remember when my parents were happy.
When I was at the age where I would be able to remember, it was probably just a show anyway.
There are bad moments that I do remember, but I feel like they are a dream.
I wish they were a dream.
I wish the drinking would stop, the drugs, the promiscuity.
All of it. I wish she would realize what she has before she loses it, again.
I know that I shouldn't care as much as I do, because I moved out.
I left and moved on with my life.
I want her to be a normal mom.
I want her to actually care.
Not ignore her kids because she just doesn't want to talk to anyone.
It's pathetic.
21st birfday is 12 days away. Thinking Mongolian Barbeque for dinner at 7 and then Taphouse. Who knows after that. I am inviting you all. Let me know if you would like to come.
Don't ever visit ZOMBIELAND. This is what you turn into...
Worked today. This guy came in who is 86 I believe he said and he was telling me stories about WW2. It was, interesting. He had said that his plane got shot down and they were on a life raft for almost 72 hours before someone found them. But, then he had to leave. I will have to wait til next month to hear more.
Anyways, after work Sammy and I went to Halloween USA, then we went to the mall. After the mall we visited my dad. Then we went to Applebees where we met up with Dan and Jake. Pretty fun night.
Now, I am off to watch Airplane. The, "don't call me Shirley" edition.
Tonight was, without a doubt, one of the best nights ever. Clutch was AMAZING. I was able to get some pretty sweet pictures. I will get to posting those after I sleep.
