Longing For Release...

 

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alastar

:: 2008 13 October :: 11.56pm

Be calm. Become.
Now be patient and embrace this.
Be gravity or weightless.
Let off, let up,
And learn to let it all go.
Let yourself be vulnerable
To fear, to failure.
Then to collapse and reconstruct
And to enhance with any luck.

discovering the flaws


valoth

:: 2008 30 September :: 12.08am

Gotta love cliffs...yup...

2 chasing my dreams | discovering the flaws


valoth

:: 2008 26 September :: 10.53pm
:: Mood: indifferent

The A La Menthe
Nikkfurie - The A La Menthe.mp3
Many will remember this one from the movie Oceans Twelve. The scene with Le Mark doing the dance in the laser room when stealing the egg.


---
Dont know how to cut me losses on the relationship ordeal...thankfully I keep busy with distractions.

2 chasing my dreams | discovering the flaws


Upchuck

:: 2008 24 September :: 11.11pm

What is wrong with this picture?

A "compassionate conservative" at the start of his presidency, George Bush is now asking us to socialize the banking sector. I wouldn't be suprised if Canada was planning to invade because of some crazy domino theory that the rest of the free world will slip into a quasi-communist system.

But seriously folks. This is a little prepostrous and hard to swallow. McCain seems to be playing right into it. What if this gets worse? Then are we just going to suspend the election? Is it just me or does this have the potential to unravel the American government, and not jus tthe American economy? I guess it doesn't matter because after the bill pass they will be one and the same I guess.

And by the way, I do not see how this is going to affect me. I guess I can understand how a slow down in financial markets is going to impact investor confidence. I can also see how the reduction in credit is going to force business to not invest in costly new projects with a ton of risk. I can see that this will slow down "progress." But will it really matter? Not to me I don't think. As long as there is a job, then I will be okay. Now if were talking Great Depression proportions, then we might not be okay. But if we let things get that bad, then shame on our government. I know, it sounds kind of ironic. Not wanting the government to do something now, but wanting them to step in if it gets worse. Yes, it makes perfect sense in my little libertarian train of thought. This is why regulation is good. To prevent these kinds of things. We need a 21st Century Teddy Roosevelt. I'm sorry, McCain, you are not it. Maybe Palin, but her business suits scare me and make me think that all she would do for domestic security was wag her finger at a gun toting Iranian cab driver. It would be the worst pr mess since someone landed on an aircraft carrier declaring total victory.

Wall Street has no guilt and no shame. That is why I have no guilt and no shame. These guys should be sent to Wyoming, or Nebraska, or wherever (not Iowa because they get to vote for president there first, we don't want to give them anything ressembling power) to live out their days farming corn and soy beans. Then we should take all their private money and use it to bail out the firms that they've run into the ground. And then give ownership of those firms to the people who's mortgages are owned by those firms so that they are not getting screwed for missing a month's payment.

Then and only then can we turn our heads and watch "It's a Beautiful Life" on TV.

discovering the flaws


valoth

:: 2008 24 September :: 12.55pm

Life is a matter of Fortitude. You have it and keep it, or someone gives it to you and you try to make the best of that gift.

Thankfully it would seem I live somewhere between the line on that one. Like walking a tight rope.






...oh ya, the post below...I really hate that song right now...it needs to just not play on my radio.

2 chasing my dreams | discovering the flaws


valoth

:: 2008 23 September :: 9.49am
:: Music: Moby-Porcelain

2 x 2 = 4 = no more
Rachel and I decided to call it quits yesterday. Seemed to be a rather mutual deal for the most part.

Im not gonna lie, it stings, and Im sad to let it go. Fortunately, I hope we will both be able to keep ourselves civil and sociable enough to not let it ruin at least being friends and to continue to talk with one another. I dont really want her to just up and leave from my life.

Moving on to other areas of life, I would like to say the walls are closing in on me and I feel Im about ready to submit to the pressure. Heres hoping I dont.

3 chasing my dreams | discovering the flaws


valoth

:: 2008 22 September :: 11.55am

Weekend Report
Ok so Im back home now. Sitting at work writting this out.
Its been a very long vacation time. Full of...eh lack of sleep.

Trip #1

Friday was filled with being busy at work, then going to pack up for the trip to Wisconsin that weekend. The event was subpar, the field was amazing, and the days were wet. Getting the yurt to sleep in was an amazingly awesome choice, so thanks Vern on that one.

Saturday was spent just kinda dinking around once we arrived at the location. The evening was spent at the field hoping to get night games going but no one showed up because of the weather. Oh ha! Weather, non stop annoying rain for the whole day. Some flooding was seen here and there along the way.

Sunday was the event; turn out for the event was subpar as to be expected. Only 3/4 of the folks, at best, we ended up with like 37(OpFor/civi) and 17(US) players. It was just plain ducks in a barrel for them. The scenario was adjusted per turnout and skewed the whole thing up big time. My day was spent walking to and from the spawn location because I Was being killed constantly as I tried to medic heal the other players. I died about 10 times and attempted 13 medic card heals, all which turned out to be dead cards. So Im gonna go ahead and say next time someone else is doing that. Once that event was over with we returned to the yurt and changed/showered then went to eat. Dinner was good. Nice relaxing time.

Monday was the return trip and it went by with nothing exciting. Got back into GR around 4:30 that afternoon. Got home around 5pm and then unpacked threw the airsoft gear to its spot and grabbed clothes for the next trip. Left the apartment around 6:00 and went to Sprint. Ive got a new phone now. Went to my sisters after that and spent the evening talking to her and doing laundry in her 'flooded'/wet basement.

Trip #2

Tuesday: train day. I was bussed into Chicago from GR because of a mudslide closing the track around Michigan City. I got into Union Station around 10:30am(CT) and awaited the next train until my CHI to KC train came in. Wandering around Union Station isnt something I like to do, fyi. The train rolled in about 15min late and we got on our way shortly after. Got into Kansas City,MO around 11pm and walked through the station to find Rachel.(<3) The rest of the day was spent in the car till the wee hours of the morning driving to Cassville.

Wednesday was spent lounging around most of the day while Rachel was at school in the afternoon. That evening I got to meet Tylor and Tessi as well as Jacob. We hung out in front of Rachels place most of the night just talking then moving inside where they all had some drinks and continued the enjoyable night.

Thursday morning was amazing. The day was largely uneventful till that evening when we met up with Tylor, Caleb, Tessi, and Jacob to go to the Casion's in the area. We ended up all wining a little cash, me only winning like $10 off the slots. Im semi mad for not clocking out earlier than I did on the video poker, I have had about $30 more than I did.

Friday was spent moving, all day. Rachels mom and Lacey's mom made us dinner and it was good. Meatballs, Corn, Potatoes.

Saturday evening Rachel worked and I went to watch the softball game for the church that they all attend. Ridgley won 14-4 over the other church they played. The evening was spent feelinging somewhat ill from fastfood.

Stayed up that evening until going to meet Rachels parents to head back to KC.
Big mistake.

Sunday was a long, long day. I slept maybe an hour or so on in the car to KC. We left late out of KC, about 45min late, and I got like 3-4hrs of sleep on that train. 2 times we stopped without warning or reason and sat waiting for like 30min. Got into Union Station around 4:30 and immediately walked over to the boarding gate for the next train. We left on time for that one. Unfortunately the trip was stalled out as we sat in Gary Inidana wastelands for an 1.5hrs moving a little ways here and there for whatever reason. Traffic was heavy out that way on the tracks I guess. I got into GR around midnight and headed home. plopped into bed around 1am.

I slept hard last night but if I had the chance I would have been sleeping till around 1pm or so.

So thats the trip in a nut shell. Id write more but my brain hasnt given me a good way to put it all into words just yet. This being thoughts/feelings about things here and there in the trip.

But I will say this. I love Rachel wholeheartedly.

So <3 to her and /sleep to everyone else.

4 chasing my dreams | discovering the flaws


Upchuck

:: 2008 18 September :: 6.39pm

RSS in Plain English
poop

discovering the flaws


valoth

:: 2008 11 September :: 9.12pm

Got into the wowbeta tonight. Downloading the client over night

Im a happy camper. Good weekend coming up. Rachel time. Computer is looking good. She got me Spore and that makes me a camper too.

<3 her

Bestest girlfriend!

7 chasing my dreams | discovering the flaws


valoth

:: 2008 10 September :: 11.47am

So apparently the guys over at CERN are totally gonna mark a big moment in the human sciences. ...Which will go totally unnoticed by large portions of the populace of the world.

CERN Website
Press Release about experiments

They have the largest super collider in the world and are working at remaking things like the big bang and antimatter.

So if the world falls into chaos in the next bit of time here we can thank CERN for it.

3 chasing my dreams | discovering the flaws


Upchuck

:: 2008 8 September :: 7.39pm

What gives the Supreme Court to hear cases from the individual states?
Today we take for granted the appeal process in our legal system. Although the Supreme Court hears only 3% of its cases appealed from state courts it is still understood in our legal fabric that the Supreme Court is the highest court in the land. Unlike today, at the founding of our federal system the Supreme Court did not automatically have the authority to hear appeals from state courts.

discovering the flaws


valoth

:: 2008 2 September :: 2.18pm

So ya, update time.

Ive been keeping very unbusy I suppose. Havent had much of anything to do or look forward to -aside from the middle of this month- so its been a holiday weekend filled with wow mainly.

Sold some of the airsoft stuff I was looking to sell. Ive got hopes to finish selling it all so I can change over like I wanted to. Moving to a better quality of G36C with a ppa M4 conversion on it.

I seriously spent 95% of the weekend being a bored slug. I hated it but I went along with it. I wish I had some amazing story to tell or something fun happened but it didnt.

So basically all I can say is that Im looking forward to the middle of the month and Ill be tired of the long trips but the fun awaiting on the other end of each will be worth the time. I arrive at Kansas City around 11pm(cst) which is rather unfortunate, for me and for Rachels sake. I wont see her much of the next day so Ill be just kinda taking in the environment. Maybe go for a jog, look at the paper if she has one -check for jobs- and just generally relax. Then when she gets home Ill totally be mean by holding out on giving her the gift I got. Our second 2yr anniv. is just a few days before the trip.

I dont know what she may have for work that week, but I hope its not too much. Id like to get some time with her. I know we both need it badly. Very badly.

I really need to look at getting another phone and I prolly will this week or next. Hoping my bill wont be too bad for what I want, which is just basically good service, texting, and like 100-200min.

Sigh. Rachel Im getting to antsy over this. <3 you so much!

2 chasing my dreams | discovering the flaws


upchuck

:: 2008 1 September :: 11.37pm

So I think I can live wiht my aunt being a biker chick. It was nice to see her and her new guy Ray seems to be very nice. A more down to earth type guy. A real man's man if you know what I mean. She looks happier than I had seen her in a long time and that was good.

Another troubling incident. Apparently someone at the park and my cousin Megan are dating. Now, they are only in their early teens so I'm sure it's nothing serious. The troubling thing is something that my mom said. She told me and then she said "I hope it doesn't last." Well, I can understand her not wanting Megan to hang around the park because it would be awkward. The whole, "hi, I'm your aunt but I have never been a part of your life" bit. But it troubles me that my mom would wish for someone not to be happy. Her problem is with my uncle, not his kids. Maybe this is me feeling a slight bit of remorse for having this multitude of cousins that I have no idea who they are.

So, I just got done reading "The Audacity of Hope." After Obama's selection of Biden I was kind of down. My biggest knock against Obama is that I am afraid of the people who he will put in office to run this country. I agree with his vision. I like his ability to stir someting deep inside of people. But can he be an effective leader and be fair in all respects of government. Probably not. I wish he could be and have people that he could appoint that believe in the same things he does. But there are not that many people in Washington qualified that don't view a cabinet post as anything more than a way to reward their friends, make themselves rich, and campaign for their next job. Not that things would be any different with McCain, but you don't expect that out of him.
I truly believe that this is shaping up to be a big victory for the Democrats. It is kind of a Kennedy v. Reagan type case if there ever had been one, but with a 21st century twist.
The woman from Alaska scares me.

So long for now.

discovering the flaws


valoth

:: 2008 28 August :: 10.55am
:: Music: The Raconteurs

Selling muh gunz!
1.)
Echo1 SOC16 (OD Green) @ $100 Includes original box and 4200MaH 8.4V Battery (large type)
Pic1
Pic2
2.)
x4 Echo1 M14 Hicap Magazines @ $15 per Or $55 for all 4
Pic1

2 chasing my dreams | discovering the flaws


valoth

:: 2008 20 August :: 3.08pm

Ontime Woes

Staying busy at work...Ya...this is really depressing because all those things marked 1-3 will each takes about 30min+ to check and move to the next section below it, Start Testing. I hate the tail end of a development cycle.

3 chasing my dreams | discovering the flaws

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