forget my name

forget my name

:: 2004 2 February :: 3.32pm
:: Mood: blah
:: Music: "Deception" - Cruxshadows

Well I asked Mandy about it.
She said she wouldn't care at all if I went out with him. She even encouraged me to wave at him and stuff. He's already walking me to my classes and whatnot. He has to call me today. Maybe this won't be so bad after all. After the deal with semi-boyfriend I had, his name is TJ, I NEED a real boyfriend that will ACT like a boyfriend. And James sure does that. I just hope everything works out alright with TJ now. James already asked me to go out somewhere this weekend. I've never been on an "official" date.

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blacktears844

:: 2004 1 February :: 10.58pm
:: Mood: stressed

Houston we have a problem..
My friend Mandy broke up with my friend James. Well, turns out that James "loves someone else." Turns out, it was me. He told me that he's loved me for awhile now, and that he was thinking of breaking up with his girlfriend because of me. But Mandy is my friend and I don't know if she would approve of me dating him, and I don't want to lose a friend. Thing is, I also have a "boyfriend", but I don't know if he can be called for that. Also he is really good friends with James. He was telling me how much he loves me, and how I was so pretty, smart, and cute, and funny and everything and I just didn't know what the hell to say. I don't know if I like him like THAT. We've been friends for soo long....I'm just so confused. I told him I needed time to think things through. I've never been in this situation before.

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BleedingHeart

:: 2004 31 January :: 11.48pm
:: Mood: content
:: Music: incubus- megalomaniac

....you're no answer

...today sandy came over. we hung out at my house till 6 or so. then we went downtown to the movies with lesley. alex and joe never showed up :( ....figures. we saw the movie "the butterfly effect" and i litterly cried 3 times. after the movie, we went to apple bee's with manny. then off too coldstone and tropical smoothie.... good times. :)

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blacktears844

:: 2004 31 January :: 3.03pm
:: Mood: awake
:: Music: "Sweet Dreams (Are Made Of These)" - Manson

I'm going over to my lovely friend Renee's house. As soon as my mother wakes up I can depart.
I took some new pictures before I left because I am a mad cam whore and I have PIGTAILS.

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blacktears844

:: 2004 30 January :: 11.50pm

Where Good Girls Go To Die - London After Midnight
Step into this picture
release all your light
I think God has gone mad... here tonight

You can't believe your eyes,
control is so hard to keep
obsession can be hell
from which you'll never be free
It's all for the taking, here tonight

Where good girls go to die
that's where I'll be
Waiting for my love with my heart on my sleeve

Forget about the future
forget about the past.
My heart beats so,
my hands are cold
please God make this moment last

You seek to fill me
with virtues I lack
I'll turn your pure white wings to pure black.

You've pushed too far and now
you've lost control can't you see?
You thought you were the master
but you're down on your knees.
It's all for the taking, here tonight

Where good girls go to die
that's where I'll be,
remembering our love as if it were a disease.

Forget about the future
it wasn't meant to last
My heart beats slow my hands are cold
Oh God it's the end at last.

photograph

blacktears844

:: 2004 30 January :: 8.56pm

I get to go to Chicago in March. My friend Mandy is going with me too. Fun stuff. Only for one night though. But still, it's CHICAGO.
I hope I don't get blown away.

photograph

blacktears844

:: 2004 30 January :: 5.41pm

I don't have to go to my dad's tonight. :)
My mother has 5 whole days off from work. *is happy* Well I don't have too much to write. I was sopposed to stay with Renee tonight but my mother said tonight was a bad night. Maybe tomorrow night.

What a cam whore. Psh, like I should be talking. She Iz Da GoFFiK. HAHA.

photograph

blacktears844

:: 2004 30 January :: 7.54am
:: Mood: disappointed

Where is my snow day?
It snowed really bad last night. Like, iced and everything. And every school around our area except for the Middletown ones are closed.
This sucks ass. I DO NOT want to go to school today. This week feels like it's lasted for about a month.

3 _ | photograph

blacktears844

:: 2004 29 January :: 4.17pm

I'm just going to forget it all ever happened.
If he can't remember, then why should I?
It's better that way.

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blacktears844

:: 2004 29 January :: 7.15am

I can't believe a day could be so horrible
My dad got drunk last night.
After I went over there, he was already slurring and throwing stuff around. I had to go after him and constantly pick everything up. He hasn't gotten drunk in over a year. I thought his alcoholism days were over.
Things got worse.
He started yelling at me for no reason because all I did was sit there, and then he fell and he started cussing me out because I didn't help him up. He's a 300 pound man, how the hell am I sopposed to pick him up?
So then he started yelling about how I should do more stuff for him and how he knows more things about me than I could ever know. He started cussing me out more and flipping me off.....and then he hit me. I was so stunning, just lying on the floor.
He has never hit me before. I feel so strange.
This morning he asked me why I had a little bruise on my face.
I told him I ran into my dresser. I told my mom that too.
I hope no one at school notices.

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blacktears844

:: 2004 28 January :: 4.16pm

My bangs
I cut my bangs as you all know....so I decided to post pics. WOOT!

Not too much cut off, but still. I think they look dandy. :)

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blacktears844

:: 2004 28 January :: 4.02pm
:: Mood: amazingly aroused

HOT HOT HOT

*points to guy on far right* MOMMY ME WANT!!!!!! *drools*

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blacktears844

:: 2004 28 January :: 7.10am
:: Mood: strange
:: Music: "Under My Wheels" - Alice Cooper

Baby if you wanna be my lover, you better take me home...
No snow day today either. :(
I didn't end up going to the mall. They just went without me. I guess she was cheered up enough. *snicker snicker*
Well, I ought to be getting off to school, I believe I am already late. I actually had breakfast this morning. Greasy, rubbery bacon. IT WAS SO FUCKING GOOD.
I feel strange today.

3 _ | photograph

blacktears844

:: 2004 27 January :: 3.45pm

Well, I had school today. And as I was walking to my bus stop and SPLOOSH! right into a puddle of soggness my shoe went in and it seeped through my sock. So I went through the whole day with a soggy sock. Lovely feeling. Really. I might go to the mall later on with some of my friends I never hang out with. I don't really WANT to go...but my friend is in a sad mood and she wants me to go cheer her up I guess. Not much to say. I guess I'll go then.

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blacktears844

:: 2004 27 January :: 6.21am
:: Mood: disappointed
:: Music: TV

Well, it looks as if I'm going to have school today. Joy. I got about 5 hours of sleep last night. I don't think today is going to be a very good day.

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