forget my name

forget my name

:: 2003 21 September :: 5.34pm
:: Mood: exhausted
:: Music: AFI- The Celluloid Dream

.....home, once again

..... i went to disney world friday-sunday with my grandma, step grandpa person, aunt sharee, uncle vince, cousin amanda and her soon to be husband, bryan (which i guess would make him my soon to be relitive of some kind) and there almost 4 year old daughter. it was my very first time too. it was an alright trip thing. i mean besides the fact that i was with my family, ugh, most of disney was fun. there were a lot of times where i almost slapped my brother (god i hate him) but i had to controll my anger so all i did was be bitch and what-not to him. my grandma and step grandpa person got on my nerves a lot too, but i had to deal with that. also my grandma and step grandpa person kept getting in stupid little arguments like they always do,which irritated me. then everytime you would look at my anut or uncle you would see them puffing on a ciggerrett. other than that i guess you would say i had fun. i rode some rides, ate food, looked around in the gift shops, took pictures, watched some piraides & fireworks. also i ate dinner in the princesses castle. it was pretty inside. i didn't want to come back home to my mom and dad and so called house tho. i wish they would have left me there. the next time i go to disney world i want to be with some friends instead of family. that was my first tie trip to disney......

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BleedingHeart

:: 2003 18 September :: 9.48pm
:: Mood: ....super happy
:: Music: Die Trying- Oxygen

.....yay
...... me and adam started going out today. ahhhh, yes.... happiness......

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blacktears844

:: 2003 13 September :: 3.48pm

Ah.....leaving tonite. Nothing too much has happened today. Considering I've been home all day. Sheesh.

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blacktears844

:: 2003 13 September :: 12.47am

Ah......I just got back from this mexican resteraunt a little while ago. I'm downloading some Cradle of Filth and Kittie to keep me busy on the plane Sunday. Dave is drunk. He couldn't even walk upright. Sheesh. The forums are getting so hostile. Everyone is in a bad mood. I'm trying to be in a good mood, despite all that's happening....but I don't think I'm doing a very good job. Oh well.

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blacktears844

:: 2003 12 September :: 5.21pm

Well, two days to Florida. I don't know if I'll be writing in here for about another week.

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blacktears844

:: 2003 11 September :: 6.26am

God, life really sucks. My mom has been ragging on me for the past two days. I don't know if I should tell the whole story on here or not, because I really don't want to type all that, it's a waste of time. I haven't gone to school yet. I still have about an hour. I don't feel like dealing with all my classmates. They're so oblivious to the things going on around them. As well as the teachers. For my classmates, it's a midlife crisis if you get dumped by a "like totally super hot dude!"
But I guess they should be dealing with stuff like that, they're still pretty young. I feel so old.

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blacktears844

:: 2003 10 September :: 2.49pm

Not too much to write about today either. I'm depressed right now. It's been a fucking boring day. We got out of school early today, so we got out at 2:00. Woopee. I have to go to my dad's again. At least one thing went right today. That guy I was telling you about in one or two entries ago......um I think his changed name was Larry.......he hung around me alot today. He's cool. I have NOTHING to write about. Arg. I guess I'll go now.......

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blacktears844

:: 2003 9 September :: 3.53pm
:: Music: AFI

Ahh......so bored. SO BORED!! I had school today.....ah. I'm watching Dr. Phil. Hehe. I have to go to my dad's house today. Sheesh. I'm so interesting today, eh?
Shitocki.

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blacktears844

:: 2003 7 September :: 7.14pm

Ah.......I got back from bathing suit shopping. No luck. I got two tank tops and two short-sleeve shirts though. Oh well. Nothing too much to write about. There never is. I have to go to school tomorrow. Sheesh.

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bleedingheart

:: 2003 7 September :: 12.38pm
:: Mood: sad

why do i bother?

... this morning i woke up at 4 and i was crying for awhile, about my life, and whenever it starts going well again, it goes dow hill. why do i even bother struggleing to make things right and work for me?...

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bleedingheart

:: 2003 6 September :: 11.23am
:: Mood: depressed

...................
....i wish i could curl up in a deep hole and never come out of it.....
......life. ha. who needs it?........

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blacktears844

:: 2003 5 September :: 4.13pm
:: Music: Murderdolls, woo!!

Not TOO much happened today......
Yesterday though, this kid, let's call him um.....Kevin* (*name has been changed haha) yelled out the bus window, "Bye Sarah, I love you!!" I guess I took it a little too seriously cause now I'm in a big floaty stage. Where I sigh pathetically all the time and daydream. *smacks self* Oh well.
Also, this guy that is kinda cute... let's call him Larry* (*also, name has been changed) was typing things into his computer this morning so I could plainly see, trying to get me to talk to him. Typing Murderdolls-related things and whatnot, seeing as everyone in school knows I love them. And of course, AFI. :) Maybe I'm just overreacting. I tend to do that alot since I don't have much luck in the "love department" and I try to hang on to whatever "love" I get. Oh well. It's the weekend. That will let them have two days to realize how ugly and dumb I am and just forget about me altogether. I have to go to my dad's tonite. Don't wanna go!! *bangs fists on table*

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bleedingheart

:: 2003 4 September :: 8.56pm
:: Mood: depressed
:: Music: silence

......what a loser

.....I am a loser. I can't do anything right. I beat myself up inside when i do something worng. Then i get depressed and i don't talk to anyone......

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blacktears844

:: 2003 3 September :: 4.07pm

Totalimmortal - AFI
Hope unknown
Sometimes just waking is surreal
I walk right through the nameless ones
I know that hope's unknown
Sometimes the water feels so real
As I walk through it fills my lungs
My god, I'm drowning
This day never seems to end
This pain, never
This rage I will not let go

I hear them calling
I feel them gnawing out holes through flawless souls

So alone. Sometimes I swear that I can hear the taunting of the voiceless ones
I fear that I alone fear those who ceased to feel that they're alone inside this place
I am the misplaced
Now every face, it looks familiar...
Then every face would melt away until...
Now everyone, do you know, I know your deception?

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blacktears844

:: 2003 3 September :: 3.58pm

The Boy Who Destroyed the World - AFI
Once there was a boy who had a vibrant glow
But as it goes, someone took it from him
One day through the rain I heard him meekly moan
He said, "Will you wrap your arms around me as I'm falling?"

Remember when we were so beautiful?
But since then we've lost our glow.

They said it hurt their eyes but he would never know
That they were filled with regret as their own dissipated
He said, "I now feel more desperately alon, even though they wrapped their arms around me as I'd fallen."

Remember when we were all so beautiful??
But since then we've lost our glow.

They said it hurt their eyes, but he would never know
That they were claiming regret as their own...
As their own dissipated.

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