justplainolemica

tonights been a night
Well, I'll start out by saying today was great. I had so much fun with red flannel. It was great to see my sister and of course great to spend the day with Charlie. The combo of last night's football game and movie with todays activities was just great and I loved every minute of it.

Then we have tonight. Started off well enough, then through my own big mouth ran into some issues. Lotsa deep coversation. And all this conversation started me to think.

I thought about some issues that I've always had, and then some new ones. Gotta say I'm not even remotely happy right now. Just as Charlie was about to start his sneezing attack (cute sneezes by the way hunny) he said some things that made me think. And I know that words always come out differently than intended but here are my thoughts.

There are certain words out there that can make you feel the best possible way ever if used in one context and absolutely horrible if used in another. People always say love is a big word. It'd fall into this catagory that I'm talking about right now though. If someone you care about tells you that they love you it feels absolutely amazing, but on the other hand if someone were to say that loving you was a mistake, then youd feel really bad.
The words that were used to spark this entry were "never" and "100%" (or basically, always). Two words that since little kid-ness we've known are big words but we use so lightly now. So all this talk about english prolly leaves everyone wondering why I'm in such a poor mood and why I'm just basically unhappy.
Well, I know Charlie likes me, I dont doubt that at all. And I know that he doesnt mean to hurt me and that this entry is basically gonna be a buncha "mica's hurt, but all over something that she read too much into because it wasnt meant to come out the way something was said." I know thats what it is, but I'm in this thinky mood, so obviously here I am typing my thoughts.
What was said was this (slightly changed so yall dont know the true topic of what we were talking about):
"You'll never get me to ________"
and
"I'll never know 100% __________"
So I guess 100% isnt such a big deal, but the nevers are. I just feel as though these nevers say a lot more than they should. Its not like the first one was "you'll never get me to go tanning" it was about something larger. And between the two statements (made one right after another) it just sounds like I'm setting myself up to be hurt. Not that the topic we were talking about is that important (I'm gonna go on a boycott actually) but just that what the topic is means a lot. It's the sentiment behind the action that means oh so much. And I guess saying that makes me glad that the never was in effect tonight, but at the same time, never... its a scary word. And all this never talk just makes me think that never really means never. When I know it prolly means not right now. Its just been one of those dramatic nights where I over react. And I know this (or at least I hope I'm right about me just over reacting) Its just that certain words can really hurt ya, ya know. Even when unintentional, they hurt. And I'm doing it to myself which sucks the most. I'm not mad at anyone, I fully realize that this is all my doing. But that doesnt mean that you cant hurt yourself sometimes.

do it up.