:: 2003 5 November :: 11.17 am

i want to curl in a ball with a blanket over head and hide from the world.

pooper dooper scooper

:: 2003 5 November :: 11.12 am
:: Mood: aggravated

so yeah old crushes die hard. we hugged today. after not hugging yesterday. this is so stupid. i dont know whats going on or how to act. i figured that not hugging yesterday was some type of signal that i could move on with. there i go again...here we go again we hugged. yes i understand it is just a hug...but thats not right. i have to tell him face to face and i dont think i have anything left in me.

pooper dooper scooper

:: 2003 5 November :: 10.17 am
:: Mood: aggravated

i know this probably sounds stupid but i am so confused. i cant figure out what i want anymore. EVER! im so sick of not being able to make up my mind. or decide what or who i do or dont like. i wanted to give guys up...but now i dont...i ll probably say im giving them up again...but then i wont. i am so sick of contradicting myself all the time. my friends asked me if i was okay...and all i could say is I DONT KNOW! i really dont though. its like never really knowing how you feel but you drill in the idea of how your supposed to feel...and sooner or later it either sticks or just fades away.

Im not making any sense.

2 poopss | pooper dooper scooper

:: 2003 4 November :: 10.46 am

so yesterday turned out well. he ended up skipping his classes and said he wanted more time to spend with me. he picked me up and we went to see Texas chainsaw massacre and afterwords he took me to dinner...toatally suprised. anyways he is really nice but i guess kind of weird. i dont know. so anyways

pooper dooper scooper

:: 2003 4 November :: 10.46 am

General Information
State your full name.:	Casey Starr Volkers
Do you like your name?:	no not really
If you could change it, would you, and to what?:
Tell me your age.:	17
Relationships/Love
What do you want your wedding to be like?:	big and pretty
Tell me the perfect setting for when you have sex.:	being with the right person...in a room set with candelight and a fireplace bed warm and nice feeling
Have you ever been in love?:	i couldnt tell you. i thought i had
Are you in love?:	i dont think so
Your opinions
Rock music is..:	Awesome
Pop music is..:	okay
Your thoughts on anarchy:	none really
Do you believe in God?:	agnostic
Favorites
Type of music:	rock
Band:	Dashboard confessional
Food:	spaghetti
Thing to do:	sleep
Thing to say:	i love you
Person to talk to:	theres a lot of them
Subject in school:	creative writing
Parent:	mom
Color, and why:	blue, because it shows a lot of my moods
Author:	stephen chobosky
Book:	the perks of being a wallflower
Candy:	milky ways
Last, just random questions and things about you.
Do you like yourself?:	not really
What do you like about yourself?:	im trustworthy
What dont you like about yourself?:	a lot of stuff
Can you play any instruments?:	clarinet
Are you depressed?:	i dont know
Have you ever been suicidal?:
Do you do drugs?:	not a lot
Do you drink alcohol?:	not a lot
Do you miss anyone right now? Who?:	no not really
What do you want to do with your life?:	a photographer, animal cop and a journalist
What's something you know you want to accomplish before you die?:	true love
Do you think that I love you?:	no
You best, because I do.

About Yourself brought to you by BZOINK!

pooper dooper scooper

:: 2003 4 November :: 10.36 am

tell me about your first...

day at school:	i wore bibs lol
kiss:	it was gross
girlfriend/boyfriend:	steven
time getting high:	didnt do anything
time drinking:	got sick the next day
date:	confused as to if it was just a friend thing or not
time having sex:	in a hot tub
time you asked someone out:	i dont remember
time you ate sea food:	does lobster count?
time getting in trouble for something really big:	i havent ever
detention:	never got one
time getting a filling:	one only...kind of hurt
fist fight:	on a bus
time you cut yourself:	sophmore year (a few times)
questioned existance:	all the time

Tell me about your first.. brought to you by BZOINK!

pooper dooper scooper

:: 2003 3 November :: 12.20 pm
:: Mood: optimistic

So yes the note did nothing and he has yet to NOT reply. I told him just to forget it and i said that it didnt matter anyways. i dont understand why it is so hard to just write a note. i am hoping that the hug we shared a few hours ago was a goodbye so i can move on. :( it seems hard. um..so my weekend was really great. i had a lot of fun with all of my friends and saturday i met a great guy. he is taking me to dinner tonight. on the other hand greg (another boy) that i am going to prom with was at the party and he too was with me a lot of the time. needless to say i might just have to date them both. they know about eachother...they are rather competitive. can you believe it...two guys competing for me? i am still not caught up to reality yet. matt is taking me to diner tonight and greg and i are hanging out some other time. finally pleased.....~casey

pooper dooper scooper

:: 2003 30 October :: 10.42 am

What would you do if... (Realistic)
...you retired to your bed only to find your pillows missing?:	look for them
...you saw a stranger drop a dollar in the middle of a crowded sidewalk?:	grab and keep
What if no one was looking?:	adjust my wedgie
...you saw someone choking in a crowded restaurant?:	call for help
...someone waved at a guy behind you but you were mistaken and waved back?:	laugh and act like i was waving at someone behind them
...some kid pushed past you in line?:	nothing
What if his parents were with him and didn't stop him?:	i would tell them they were rude
...you stepped on gum and knew who dropped it?:	try to get it off as much as i could
...all your clothes were in the wash and you had to go out?:	put the birthday suit on: or just borrow something from someone else
...a robbery was taking place?:	call the cops
...you were witnessing a poor schmuck getting mugged by one big fella?:	call the cops
...you saw a wandering child on railroad tracks with a train coming?:	run after him
...the power went out right now?:	stop this survey
...the power went out and you lost all your answers?:	do it again
...you were caught in the middle of a gunfight with no weapon?:	duck and cry
What would you do if... (Unrealistic)
...you looked up in the sky and saw a bomb crashing down at you?:	run
...your pant suddenly caught on fire and you couldn't put it out?:	burn
...animals could talk?:	i would talk back
...suddenly all your clothing turned 80% transparent?:	id wait till it was fully transparent
...animals started talking to you?:	id talk back to them
...someone superglued your feet to the ground?:	id laugh and take my shoes off
And if the building you were in was caught on fire?:	find an exit
And if at this opportune moment your pants combusted and caught on fire?:	put them out
...you had a remote control for life?:	id rewind to the good parts and then push play
And if somebody wasted the batteries so you could only push one button?:	id push a number for a different channel (life)
...the alphabet song became a number one hit single?:	id sing along with it
And if all your friends were buying the CD?:	id ask them to burn it for me so i could practice
And if it had a catchy beat?:	id dance with it
...you woke up to find all your feet apparel gone and you had to go out?:	i wouldnt go out obviously
...pink became the "new white"?:	id wear pink
Last Two Questions
You have a monkey, his name is Bob, what do you do with your monkey?:	teach him new things
I came crashing into your house asking you to "join the resistance"?:	id scream

Hypotheticals brought to you by BZOINK!

pooper dooper scooper

:: 2003 30 October :: 10.31 am
:: Mood: gloomy

I gave him a note. basically explaining how i feel. about what i wanted. about what i hoped he wanted...and he has yet to reply. i dont know everyone...i think that it might not end up being what i hoped for. sigh. maybe i should just give up on all guys. nothing ever works out anyways.

pooper dooper scooper

:: 2003 28 October :: 12.40 pm

so the old crush is again back. we huggged today and lets just say that my butterflys appeared to resume to their place...my stomache. needless to say that im smiling and want to cry all in the same.

3 poopss | pooper dooper scooper