I don't understand it.
I seriously do not get it.
Why do I act like this? And why the hell do I feel like I can't get away from this FEELING?
It's beginning to go around in circles, and then back around for one more swing. To laugh at me, to poke fun at me.
It's not funny. It really is not funny. Life, you're really starting to irritate me. You really, really do sometimes. It's not funny anymore.

Hey, I know it makes no sense. I really know, I totally do.
I feel like I'm going crazy over here, trust me.
I don't even know why I'm typing, to be honest. I just need some sort of outlet, I guess. Some form of communication from myself, with myself so that I can read back all of the things I wrote the previous day and wonder if I'm really here or there.

I am feeling so ridiculously at the end of my wits. I don't know what to do about it, or where to go, or who to be with, or to even look at myself in the mirror when I wake up in the morning.
If this is some stage in life to 'find out who I am', it's not funny. Not anymore. Life, you need to just stop. For one second, let me catch up, and maybe I'll be able to give you what you want in turn for some peace of mind.

AND now I feel like I'm repeating myself endlessly. Just to sit back and realize that what I'm writing now is what I've always been writing, just slightly off key. Just a tid-bit different. Not by much, but enough to make a new post all about it.
Sometimes I disgustingly hate my ability to dig deep into the abyss of all that is 'me'. I know that I'm not the perfect girl. I know some people might not like me, and some people might even feel like they know me. Well, maybe they do. Maybe they've gotten to the bottom of the bottle. I hope they tell me what's going on down there, at the end of the tunnel! It better be a huge party.

I can't stand not knowing what's going to happen. I know it's strange. But life is full of that, and all of its 'surprises' and shit.
I'm starting to think that's why life's getting to me lately. Don't get me wrong, I'm not sitting around wallowing in my own self-pity.. okay. Nevermind, I probably am. And it's getting old, even to me. The person who's doing the wallowing.

I'm getting desperate here.
Someone - with some good fucking advice, tell me WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON.
And the sad thing is.. I am being completely serious with all of this.

I just really want to know what someone else has to say.

4 stay strong | I'm doing everything