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2010 8 December :: 11.27pm
:: Mood: blah
:: Music: "Give Me Novacaine" by Green Day
Tell me that I won't feel a thing...
So give me Novacaine...
Wow... I just realized that Green Day spelled Novocaine wrong...
Then again, supposedly it's an alternate spelling. I don't buy it. xD
I feel completely lost inside my own mind right now.
Time keeps passing, and yet nothing changes.
I can't wait until school's out next week...
I wrote something for Michael the other night:
"A hideous beast dwells beneath the surface
The bounds of its hatred unknown
Little did I know, this ugly monster
Was the one I called my own
How could I not see
The lies swirl about inside
Pools of false truths and deception
Deep within soulless eyes"
It's not finished yet, but those are just the first things that came to mind looking at his picture.
God, he makes me so sick.
I can't believe I didn't see him for the beast he really was.
The name of that song is going to be "Beast of my Own" by the way.
I'm strangely addicted to Taproot lately. o.o
I never listened to much of their music before the other day.
I love their sound though. It's sort of like old-school Korn meets A Perfect Circle meets Chevelle.
Or something like that. xD
I've been listening to a lot of The Offspring too. What an odd mix.
I heard Mike play the piano today.
I thought it was beautiful. <3 :3
I'd love to learn to play sometime.
I kind of wish he'd teach me. Haha!
He kind of drives me crazy sometimes, yet I'm still crazy about him. o.o
It's the strangest feeling I think I've ever had in my life.
It's being completely irritated by someone, but just wanting to be around them. o.o
I love that he's actually an intelligent human being who can have deep conversations.
I also adore that he's a creative person who's always doing something new.
But sometimes I'm just afraid he'll disappear.....
He wants to take things slow, and I completely respect that.
But even so, I guess I just wish I knew how he felt.
I just don't know what to think sometimes.
Then again, maybe I just think too much as it is... :\
I'm doing everything
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2010 6 December :: 3.52am
:: Mood: busy
:: Music: "Run Away" by Staind
When I look at you...
All I see is ugliness...
I don't even know what I saw in you.
How could I not see all those lies?
They seem so obvious now...
Hidden behind your soulless eyes.
A deep pool of deception and false truths.
Dear God, you're a monster...
I'm doing everything
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squallet
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2010 4 December :: 3.57am
:: Mood: hyper
:: Music: "Citizen/Soldier" by 3 Doors Down
I don't think I've been so excited to be turned down. o.o
I asked Mike out today.
He said no.
I'm happy.
xD
Okay, so without explanation, that sounds hilarious.
I'm actually kind of touched.
He wants to take things slow and get to know each other better first.
It's flattering to think that he thinks I'm worth getting to know. ^^;
What's even more surprising was his reaction when I told him we could take things slow.
He was happy that I was willing to do that for him.
I told him he was worth it. <3
It's true. :3
Therefore... I'm sort of still on a cloud. ^^;
Blah. Spending time together makes me realize how much I miss him when he's not here. xD
*glances around*
That made sense.
Now, to sleep.
Hopefully.
I'm doing everything
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squallet
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2010 3 December :: 11.53am
:: Mood: excited
:: Music: "First Time" by Lifehouse
We're crashing into the unknown.
We're lost in this, but it feels like home.
Apparently, I wasn't creative enough to come up with my own subject today. xD
I just woke up not too long ago, and I'm all excited. :3
I get to actually spend the day with Mike today, so I can't wait!
Oh! Yeah! I have a new playlist on here! It makes me happy! :]
Obviously I still love The Rasmus, but I was getting tired of only having them on here.
Besides, half of the tracks were replaced with other crap anyway. o.o
So, this new one has a bunch of older music from my middle school days, plus some other stuff.
Yep. Apparently I was feeling nostalgic.
I wanted a list I could play at any time and I'd want to hear anything on it.
With other stuff, there's some music I have to be in the mood to listen to.
I'm weird.
I'm currently typing up some homework at the moment.
I find I'm a lot more easily distracted lately, and I have no idea why.
I'd like to think it's just because I need a break from school.
Thank GOD we're almost out for break. *nod*
I find myself second guessing what I'm in school for just about every day.
I want to do something practical that I can have a degree in.
That way, if I decide to do something else, I still have that to fall back on.
The only thing I can see myself loving every day would be music.
At the same time, even if I do have talent, I can't see finding a viable career in that anywhere.
With only a few months left until this degree, I might as well finish it either way.
Not like I was planning on just giving up on it anyway. I'm stubborn like that. :P
SO! I have 3 days until my 21st birthday. I have no idea what the hell to do for it.
All I know is that for once, I actually want to hang out with some good friends.
I'm completely broke though, so that will probably be the extent of it. xD
I'm not expecting anything from anyone, because that's just dumb.
My parents got me a full tank of gas. That was well enough for me! :]
I have issues.
I don't know why I worry so much about what Mike thinks about me. D:
He says he's not going anywhere, but still.
I'm sure things will get smoother the more we get to know each other.
He's probably reading this wondering why the hell I'm rambling about things.
Yeah, I overthink things all the time. It's just part of me. :P
Regardless, I'm in a super good mood right now and I can't wait 'til later!
*thrashes around the room to random music like the dork she is*
That about sums up my mood right now. :D
I'm doing everything
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2010 2 December :: 8.55am
:: Mood: busy
:: Music: "21 Guns" by Green Day
Arrghh!!1!
Too much crap to do.
Yet I just keep looking for ways to procrastinate. xD
Nah, I'm actually just taking a break from work now.
I had a really off night last night.
I just got really depressed out of nowhere and went to bed relatively early.
I hope Mike doesn't think I'm too much of an idiot. :\
I feel like I'm putting way too much on him way too soon.
Like my expectations are just way too high.
I'm to blame for that.
I'm glad we're taking time to get to know each other better before getting super involved.
I just get this feeling that once he really gets to know me, he won't stick around long.
I hope I'm wrong...
Damn it, I miss him. XD
I'm doing everything
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