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2010 7 September :: 2.50pm
:: Music: Still Waters Run Deep - 69 Eyes
It smells like crisp Autumn air mixed with laundry, and it took my headache away for a minute.
It was a minute that seemed to last forever.
I realize that I've taken a lot for granted lately. Actually, not just lately. In the entirety of my life. All the time, basically every single day.
I know it's impossible to put things in reverse, but at this moment it's all I want.
A reverse button.
Not even to "re-do" anything, but more so to watch..or just to get "that" feeling again.
Every so often as of recently, I've been getting a glimpse of "that" feeling again. Most likely because I'm getting a glimpse of what life should really be like. Thanks to a good, dear friend.. and a possible willingness on my part to go out and do more things (besides turn everyone down who wants to hang out, and sit at home) -- I have felt like I'm living again. Just a little bit.
I think this trip my good friend and I have planned will be just what I need.
All that I need.
2 stay strong |
I'm doing everything
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angel_bob
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2010 2 September :: 1.16am
HOW IS IT SEPTEMBER ALREADY
This freakout brought to you by wedding stress. For when you really want to stay up all night worrying about shit you could not care less about, there's wedding stress!
3 stay strong |
I'm doing everything
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butterfly
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2010 30 August :: 3.41am
I just finished a book.
No. I didn't write it. I wish I had. But I wouldn't want that to be inside my head.
Such A Pretty Face - Cathy Lamb.
It cut to my very core. And I don't really have friends I can talk to about it. Or family. My best friend and sister moved to Baltimore to be with a man. And I can't say anything because I almost moved to Utah for a man. And then I almost moved to Michigan for another. Hello, hypocrisy.
I don't have anything to say. I just had to say all this nothing to get it out of me.
I'm doing everything
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2010 27 August :: 9.41pm
It smells like a freshness I've never been able to grip since the day it all ended. The clouds were billows of smoke, in any shape I could think of.
It was periwinkle blue.
Everything was blue, and green.. and bright. Like bright white hospital lights that weren't intimidating. I squinted a lot, I remember, as I dipped my toes in the serene water. I felt the fish nibble a bit, and it always made me jolt and go back for more.
I wandered behind the pond, and glided my fingertips along the petals of a hundred roses. The deep, abundant purple flowers of the Azalea bush caught my attention each time.
I floated on thoughts, and spoke imagination.
I wished for nothing.
I wanted nothing, for I had it all.
The grass never smelled uncut. The sun always shined through the trees, onto the grapevine trellis where I would hide secret treasures. It felt warm, like I was wanted, like a true home's caress.
No matter the season change, I remained invited. The aura called my name, and I never missed a step.
Beauty at its most vulnerable.
Unforeseen by most, witnessed by few.
A real-life Fairy-tale.
I'm doing everything
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squallet
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2010 27 August :: 1.43pm
:: Mood: disappointed
:: Music: "Lethean Tears" by Solution .45
Well... should have seen that one coming...
Wow. I haven't posted here in ages...
Well! I feel like crap today, so I figured I'd rant.
I don't feel like talking to anyone right now really. It'll probably just make things worse.
SO!
School starts again on Monday.
Which means Mike and I will probably hardly see each other much.
He's been working like crazy this summer, so I haven't had much time with him as it is.
It's Friday, and I figured that hopefully we can spend some time together before Monday comes.
Ha... haha...
After telling Mike yesterday how I don't feel like he shows me he genuinely cares as much anymore, he said he'd do better.
And it started off all cute. He said a bunch of cute things to me last night, actually talked on the phone with me for a while, etc.
He even told me that he had plans for us today that were secret, so I got really excited and happy!
I woke up with a smile, had a spring in my step, and was just overall really happy.
First thing he tells me this morning?
"So... Joe wants to hang out with me today..."
Omg... really? So what? We have freakin' plans. Tell him another time. Do I really have to tell you this?
So, initially I was upset for a few minutes, but I got over it since he said he'd only hang out with him for a few hours.
Then he tells me his mom didn't give him his paycheck money so he can't take me out tonight for our date.
Ha! ... Hahaha! OMG, I should have seen it coming!!
Seriously?! Something always ruins our plans!!
Why do I even BOTHER getting my hopes up?!
It just makes me laugh now at how stupid I am for actually counting on our plans today...
... Lesson learned.
:'(
I'm doing everything
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