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2010 5 May :: 5.39pm
When I do this, I realize my friends aren't close.
When I lash out, it's really misplaced anger. From being angry at myself, my mom, anybody. I've been trying to keep composure.
My gate fell today. I feel so dramatic. I feel like it's no big deal, but it is. Well, maybe not to you or your friends.
I'm just upset with me. Yeah, just me. Because I control what happens with this life.. and I've done nothing to change it. And I know I won't, and it kills me everyday.
I yelled at Shane today for not wanting to go to the mall with me. I got my hopes up about it, and no, it isn't a big dilemma. He didn't want to go, and I got really upset. I couldn't control my anger, and I know he doesn't understand. I know he doesn't understand a lot. Not much about me, actually. But it's like I can feel this anger and hate and.. this almost feeling of betrayal. I can't describe it, other than just pure anger. It's not towards him, and I tell him that. Usually not, anyway. I hung up the phone, and cried. For a good 20 minutes. Not because I didn't get to go buy new summer clothes, or because I didn't get to keep my plans, and not even because I felt like a crazy super-bitch.
Not at all.
I cried because a realization washed over me. I was angry and hostile because I realized I have no friends here. I have Shane. My mom. And that is all. If Shane doesn't want to go, and my mom is gone.. who do I call?
Fifty miles doesn't seem far, but today it does.
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And don't it make you sad to know that life is more than who we are?
You grew up way too fast, and now there's nothing to believe..
And reruns all become our history.
A tired song keeps playing on a tired radio, and I won't tell no one your name.
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I'm doing everything
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butterfly
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2010 29 April :: 5.00am
:: Mood: druuuunk.
21!!!
2 stay strong |
I'm doing everything
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angel_bob
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2010 15 April :: 2.16am
I just want a crappy car (NOT TRUCK) that I can drive to work. Is that too much to ask for?
Craigslist is letting me down for the first time ever. All it has are trucks and winstars.
Nick won't let me get the mustang convertible for some reason.
2 stay strong |
I'm doing everything
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2010 14 April :: 1.30pm
:: Mood: anxious
I need a new start, and I'm trying to find my niche.
So far - it's not working.. but I'm trying. I guess that counts.
I'm trying to find a new school, a new place for myself - in life.
I've become to realize that things I thought were important are little specks, and the things I never thought about are here to beat me in the face. I don't like these sorts of wake-up calls, but I'm also grateful for them.
Because some people never hear them.
3 stay strong |
I'm doing everything
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angel_bob
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2010 11 April :: 2.52am
:: Music: SHARKS IN VENICE on SyFy
wuzzupdate
Real quick because I don't really feel like writing but I do feel like you guys deserve an update.
I got a promotion at work after being here for 10.5 months. woo. I will now be making 65 cents more (plus shift bonuses). I've actually been acting in this position for a month so it's nothing new. I did it last November but I just realized I only mentioned this on my other blog so I better link to that so I don't have to explain anything because I'm feeling lazy.
Nick and I got awesome tax returns and put most of it away in our savings account for an engagement ring. So that should happen soon. I don't know, Nick's being vague about it. He's all "I have a plan" and "stop bugging me" and "I want to make it special". It's annoying.
I DVR'd both Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus and Mega Piranha. I've been wanting to watch the former for about a year now and the latter was just too good to pass up. I mean, seriously? Here's the synopsis on my DVR: "Giant mutant piranha escape from the Amazon and head for Florida." You know what? Just watch the trailers:
Read more..
And now I'm watching Sharks in Venice which has terrible Italian accents, Stephen Baldwin and the synopsis "A great white shark menaces the waterways of Venice." Oh and it wasn't even filmed in Venice. That was too hard. This soundstage is terrible and the music is even worse.
So I think that's it. I'll try to write more often but nowadays I sleep and work and I'm lucky if I have the energy to do anything else.
Still love you all, by the way.
P.S. I forgot to mention that today Stupid Cat not only pooped on the only rug in the bathroom but also peed on it right before I went to take a shower. He (it could have been the Other Cat, but I doubt it because he's not dumb) then proceeded to PEE AGAIN in the same spot (and waited until we got home to do it!!) because he is a jerk.
P.P.S. Before you try to diagnose Stupid Cat with some Stupid Urinary Infection or Stupid Bowel Disease, he did the first Stupid Move because their litter needed to be changed and the Second Stupid Dumbass Jerk Move because I apparently didn't get rid of the smell well enough and he's a big meenie.
P.P.P.S. Update from my Adventures in Wikipedia:
"Empire State of Mind got at most 20 million views on youtube (combining all the videos of the song together) They thought that this song was going to be a bigger success; however, only the east coast and the west coast knew about this song. This song was a failure due to the amount of views it got, they were desperate on youtube so they gave it acouple million more views than it originally had. Only 10 radio stations put this song on air in the whole entire world, only 10 radio stations had it on. Due to this, Jay Z quit singing and Alicia Keys retired aswell. Many were shocked and disappointed"
I'm doing everything
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