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2009 1 December :: 8.07pm
I paid some of my credit card. It's down from where it was. Makes me less stressed. I'm liking it.
Though.. I am officially broke. Like, completely. Until this coming Monday.
I hung out with Alicia. Just got back like.. 20 minutes ago. I got my bridesmaid dress for her upcoming wedding. Exciiiiting!! It's cute, and it was only 15 bucks! Can't beat it. :) Now, hopefully her sista likes it 'cause we bought her one without her there. Haha.
Anyway, school sucks. I only have 3 more days. Well, about 3ish. I finished my 11 page paper. That sucked majorrrrly. But - that's the end of the class. I sell my books back next week, and I hope to god I get a decent buy-back. Sometimes they're crappy and I don't get anything. One can only wait..
So. Yep. I cashiered at my job a couple days ago. Time went by way faster than the deli. It was a good change, but I hate being in charge of money. Not that I make huge mistakes, just makes me nervous a little. But yeah, it was nice. Lots of different people; some nice, some decent. You know, the usual with customers.
Money sucks. I just wish the world didn't have to revolve around it. I know that's far-fetched, but it would be magical, wouldn't it?
No matter what or who you are, money is an object and it's beginning to get more and more relevant to me. Not that I was naieve to it before, but it's way too real now.
Maybe that, or I'm just dutch.
7 stay strong |
I'm doing everything
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14outtanone
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2009 30 November :: 7.35pm
:: Mood: missing it already
Farewell
This Journal is the one constant that I have had for almost 10 years. I love everything in it, and I honestly wish I wanted to share it with every person in existance.
However I don't. I love you, all of you who followed my life. Please, don't forget the idiot lessons I learned.
There is nothing left here. If I followed you, I will be friending you one way or another. Thankyou.
Nee Maria Seidel
I'm doing everything
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Angel_bob
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2009 30 November :: 4.06am
:: Music: George of the Jungle
Recent thoughts with added emphasis
I like the idea of Montreal (much like one enjoys the idea having a baby but not the pushing it out of your own vagina part or the human being inside me thing or much like one may love the idea of organizing a bookshelf by color but not actually having said bookshelf (I cannot find any book I am searching for. Surprise, surprise, I do not remember my books by color.)) but that whole French thing always turns me off. Gravy and cheese curds on French fries? I am there. Calling it poutine? Sorry, I'll pass. Maybe next time. With bacon. And a not French name. Losers.
I think I might have mentioned it before but this I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant show is insane. How the fuck do you not know you are pregnant? "Oh I had missed my period two months in a row but I just thought it was stress." "I had a craving for tacos but I just like tacos, you know?" "I thought I had to poop and then a baby was in the toilet." What the fuck, kids? And they never have any prenatal care but the baby is always fine. While people who take care of themselves have sick babies. Also, what sexually-active woman is not hyper-aware of every single thing that is going on with her body period-wise?
I am having more and more dreams that involve someone sending me back to France for some reason. And I'm not allowed to leave for some other strange reason. Like I lose my passport or I lose a piece of luggage and cannot leave until it is found. I suppose that is what I get for speaking French all day.
Speaking of...speaking French, I think I speak more French in my average work day than I ever did during my 8 years of studying it in school. Probably even more than I did in an average day in France. I really hate myself for not speaking more French while I was there but whatever. I went to Budapest, bitches. French didn't matter. Now I talk about having votre numero de reservation and combien des chambres voudriez-vous and sorry, you need a carte de credit and who doesn't have an adresse email these days? My dreams are just filled with more French.
My sister is studying in Innsbruck, Austria next year. For the whole year. My mom didn't want her to go for the entire year because she didn't want to pay for Notre Dame with my sister not even being in the country but somehow they got over that. Also, next year is the motherfucking bicentennial of Oktoberfest so my friend and I were already planning on going to Munich. She lived in Germany for a long time and knows people we can stay with for free. We would only have to pay for airfare and food/drink money. My sister and I are planning a European tour since we can handle most countries with my French and her German.
I need to learn to play an instrument. I am thinking something terribly hipster like a ukulele or organ. I've always wanted a hurdy gurdy.
I have no clue what to get anyone for Christmas. Personne, kids. Not even Nick. It is terrible. I know what Nick wants but I can't buy him a 400 dollar laptop/netbook or whatever. And I can think of things I would like for him but nothing he would actually like. You know how guys are. I can think of about twenty things I think he would like but he would just say "oh, thanks." And not really enjoy them because it's nothing he wants. You know? And of course if you ask him what he wants, he never knows.
Nick does many things to annoy the heck out of me because he thinks it is cute when I'm mad. One of these is not putting the new toilet paper roll on the holder. He knows it drives me insane, so he doesn't do it. Every single time he does(n't do) it, I fake yell at him for it. It's what we do. It's our joke. Anyway, the other day, I was joking with him about it and he said he'll always do it. It's his thing, and it won't ever stop. And I said, "Just like it's never lupus." So today when I went to shout at him about it, he said, "It's never lupus."
I am torn about Monk ending this week. It jumped the shark years ago but it has always been one of my favorite shows. I almost have Nick hooked on it but I think it will be like West Wing, I will talk about it for years and he won't watch it until it's OFN and then he'll fall in love with it and talk about it like it's something new.
I read about the newest game from Team Ico and it looks like it's going to be only for the PS3. This may be the game that forces my hand into buying a stupid PS3. Damn you, Team Ico. DAMN YOU.
Nick's parents got us an electric fireplace for Christmas (and already gave it to us, obviously) and it is awesome. The smart cat has only slept on it once so far but their favorite thing seems to being going behind it for some reason. Silly cats. We totally tripped a breaker with it already too. Which was bound to happen since it's on the same plug with the xbox and the router and the modem and the TV and the cable box and the surround sound and the Wii.
I've typed for about an hour now so I think that more than makes up for my silence. I'm out, kids.
I love you all &c.
P.S. I was watching Zero Punctuation's review of Modern Warfare 2 and the little line he always puts in the credits said, "I wonder what kind of gun fires with a noise that most closely approximates the word 'BANG.'" I read this to Nick and he replied, wittily, "An onomato-P9." This is why I want to marry this kid.
P.P.S. Earlier today, we were eating pizza and watching Away We Go and we couldn't find the TV remote. We looked everywhere but it was nowhere to be found. Finally, after the movie was over (98 minutes after it was lost) and we began a hardcore-retracing-steps mission. This mission was quickly completed when Nick found the remote in his pocket. This is why I will keep this kid around.
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I'm doing everything
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squallet
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2009 27 November :: 1.06am
:: Mood: contemplative
:: Music: "Lost In You" by Three Days Grace
Random Dream Interpretations
So I was laying here with Mike half asleep. I had just woken up from a series of REALLY random dreams, but the last moment of them was simply beautiful. Mike and I were all dressed up and walking into this masquerade ball type thing. Everything was decorated in white. There were thousands of lights everywhere and a giant fountain in the middle of the courtyard. I only got the briefest look at this scene before Mike's phone alarm went off and woke us up. I just remember his arm in mine, looking to the side, and seeing his sweet smile before the blaring sound woke me up. Perhaps I'll look up some dream interpretations on that later.
After this though, we both attempted to go back to sleep for another hour. I laid there half asleep, and just tried to put myself back into my beautiful dream, but instead I just ended up going in and out of sleep. I figured that while I was in this state, I might be able to get myself into some lucid dreaming, astral travelling, past life regression, etc. Instead, I found myself trying to get a glimpse into my future. I'm not sure if someone is supposed to be able to do that. The whole time it was going on, I was completely aware of where I was, I could hear Mike's TV, I knew I was laying in his arms, and even though that part of me was conscious, there was a part of my brain that was somewhere else.
Now, I didn't get any sure predictions or anything. More so what I did was I started imagining myself walking down a hall and then walking through a door where I could have some questions answered, and what I got was symbolism on return. On the right there was a pretty green tree in bloom, like something you'd see in the spring. Looking at it, I felt a sense of growing and just being alive and happy. On the left there was an equally pretty tree, full of colorful fall leaves, but they were slowly falling off. The only difference from the other tree was that this one had a long path following behind it. It gave me a sense of something perhaps a bit less cheery, but definitely something long-lasting and steady. I could picture myself walking down this path, but at the same time, I could picture myself climbing up the growing tree.
Woohoo for random symbolism! So I figured that I would look some things up in a dream dictionary and put them here for documentation.
Oak Tree
To see an oak tree in your dream, symbolizes longevity, stability, strength, tolerance, wisdom, and prosperity. It may also mean that you have built a solid foundation for success in some endeavor.
To see an oak tree with acorns, represents your climb up the social ladder and rise in status.
Trees
To see lush green trees in your dream, symbolize new hopes, growth, desires, knowledge, and life. It also implies strength, protection and stability. You are concentrating on your own self-development and individuation.
To dream that you are climbing a tree, signifies that you will achieve your career goals and reach those high places in society. The degree of difficulty to which you climb the tree will measure the speed of your achievement of these goals.
Maple Tree
To see a maple in your dream, symbolizes humility, warmth, and openness. It also indicates positive gains, happiness and fullness of life.
Autumn
To dream of autumn, indicates that something is about to come to an end and something new will begin. Alternatively, the dream is symbolic of the cycle of life. It is time to collect the benefits and rewards that you've worked so hard for.
Spring
To dream of the season of spring, signifies new beginnings and creative endeavors. It is also a symbol for warmth, virility and fruitfulness.
Path
To walk through a quiet, open path, signifies clarity of thought and peace of mind. It may also symbolize your progress.
To see a blocked or windy path, denotes that you need to give serious attention to the direction you are heading in your personal and/or business life. You also need to take time out to consider and rethink the consequences before acting on your choices.
Smile
To dream that you or others are smiling, signifies that you are pleased with your achievements and approve of the decisions you have made. You will be rewarded for the good things you've done for others. Alternatively, you may be seeking for something or someone that will make you happy.
Left
To dream of the direction left, symbolizes the unconscious and your repressed thoughts/emotions. It is an indication of passivity.
Right
To dream of the right, represents conscious reality, deliberate action and rational thoughts. It may also be a pun on the rightness of an idea, decision, or plan. The dream is offering encouragement and telling you that you are doing the right thing or that you are on the right path.
Wow... Some of those interpretations are so dead on. And that says something if that's supposed to be two different future paths. o.o
I'm doing everything
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squallet
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2009 26 November :: 5.34am
:: Mood: bouncy
:: Music: "In My Life" by The Rasmus
That's one violent fucking cow... o.o
So I'm in a relatively good mood right about now.
Oh, and yes, Mike totally infiltrated my journal for that last post. :3
Anyway, I've been up all night playing Runescape, because I'm a massive nerd. I spent a bunch of time just sitting around killing cows... It raised my defense a level though, so I can't complain. Hahaha.
Wow, how random is that?
I suppose if I'm going to post an update, it should probably have some kind of actual meaning and not just be about me mercilessly slaughtering poor cows on Runescape.
My life... is so... Idk. Tragically beautiful sometimes. I hate it but I love it. I mostly just hate it because I feel like a massive waste of life. It's because I've been out of school for so long. o.o BUT I'm registered to return in January! I can't wait! :3 And to think, I only took off for one semester! It almost drove me crazy!! But I got to spend a ton of time with Mike, which made it all worthwhile! :]
I'm so crazy about him. <3 Like... what we have is so precious and amazing. We always work things out before they can turn into arguements, so we don't waste time pointlessly fighting. It's so nice! Hehehe. He just makes me feel all warm and squishy inside!
Oh shit... those are my intestines... o.o
But anyway!!! I think I should rant about this one guy! Because like... this situation drives me crazy!!! >.< Well, I know this guy who can be a total asshole. In fact, thanks to him, I had a HORRIBLE emotional breakdown a few weeks ago that poor Mike had to help me through. I made myself so sick that night...
Here's the kicker. He's not really an asshole on his own. I mean, yeah, he can be, but he generally isn't. And now, he's supposedly leaving his psycho fiance type thing. I don't know if it'll actually last this time, and I'm not sure if I really care. On one hand, I really hope it does, because then he'll be free of a complete bitch and he could do SO much better! She's so controlling and just... ergh. I just can't stand her. But then he'll get his freedom back, so he'll be able to do what he wants, and we'll be able to talk and hang out again and whatnot.
On the OTHER hand, I almost hope he doesn't leave her, for the same exact reasons. If he does, that means he'll want to start talking and hanging out a lot again, and I'm not sure if I want that to happen. Well, I wouldn't mind the talking, but I doubt we could ever be best friends again like we used to be. Sure, it would be pretty awesome, but there are some problems with that.
One, I spend every moment of my freetime with Mike. Now, that's not a bad thing at all. I love every second I spend with him. <3 But I'm not really sure if I'd be willing to give up my Mike-time to hang out with him. Two, this said person would probably want to be more than just friends, and might try stuff. Yeeeah, I'm not okay with that. I never want to hurt Mike that way again. Ever. EVER. He deserves only the BEST.
Sigh.
This sucks. Hardcore. I don't want to hurt this said person anymore either... Hopefully he'll just be so happy not to be with her anymore, that he won't even think about trying to start any other kind of relationship. It would be great to just be friends.
But I know how much that would hurt Mike...
GOD, I'm such a hypocrite... I don't mean to be at all, and I try to apologize when I am... And then I get upset over things in his past. It's like... dude, he can't change it now, so I need to get over it and move on. And who am I to tell him not to talk to someone because it bothers him when I go ahead and talk to this said person, which really upsets him. I told him I'd stop talking to this person, and so far I've held to that. When I'm with him, I don't find it hard to stop talking to this person at all. Mike's smile is enough to get me to do just about anything. I'd give anything to see my baby happy. <3
Sigh again. I guess we shall see what happens. Until then, I just gotta keep my head up and keep on truckin'.
Note to self: Try to keep being honest with people! Don't dig any holes you can't climb yourself out of!! >.<
I'd write more, but I'm effin' tired, and now I'm totally ignoring poor Jeff Gordon. Jeff is amazing btw. Just thought I'd let you all know.
Happy Thanksgiving everyone!! :D
I'm doing everything
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