::
2005 21 March :: 7.42 pm
:: Mood: angry
:: Music: every time i die - home is where you hang yourself
so today i got cut from the long jump squad. coach blunk (head coach) talked with Barr last night and he (blunk) decieded i would be better off not jumping and running distance (which i hate). so explain to me how this makes sense. take the best long jumper on the team who beats the whole team by around 2 feet in a full jump, who scores your points and forces the other guys on this squad to work harder so they can be the best they can, and then you go and cut him from the one thing he was actually good at and what colleges look at. does this make any fucking sense? i was to kill someone, cry and scream all at the same time. fucking ruin my chances at a scholarship (maybe). then fucking pat leaves for work (50 minutes late) and leaves me to drive 4 other guys back to school, its out of my fucking way. i could have been an asshole, but i actually have a conscience (unfortionatly) and couldn't just leave them at the track. i screamed to much on the way home. i think i scared like 20 people. i'm just fucking pissed and this rant isn't making much sense. how can this much bad shit happen to one person in such a small amount of time? i'm fucking worthless now. i'm good for nothing, like what people have been telling me all along. i have become what i have always hated. coach barr told me that i'm the hardest worker on the whole entire team and not to let anyone tell me otherwise. i push people to be the best they can, hopefully a lot better than me. a washed up good for nothing 17 year old.
first breath after coma |
::
2005 19 March :: 5.06 pm
:: Mood: pissed off
:: Music: mookie's last christmas
okay, i've got some questions i want answered. these are for the girls. why is it that assholes who play guitar get the girl, but the guy who isn't an asshole who plays guitar, bass, piano, drums and trumpet gets made fun of? why is it that the football, basketball, soccer, baseball and lacross players have girls after them, but the cross country runner and track runner with decent times (5k - 18:24, mile - 4:56, 800 meter - 2:08, 400 meter - :54, 100 meter - :11.1, long jump - 17'6") gets ignored. i don't talk much because i'm going to get ignored anyway. why do i get made fun of because i don't drink, smoke, do drugs or go around fucking anything that lives and walks on two legs. why do girls play games? just tell me if you like me or not. if yes, awesome, cool, let's see what happens. if not, then okay, let's be friends or whatever, let's talk, or you can completely stop talking to me, that happens a alot/works too.
From throat and eyes came winter and reasons
I'm told to carry on
Sad overwhelms my senses drown oh I feel dependent
The feeling that you weren't honestly gone
I can't shake it...
Make the same mistake twice
Bursts of red and green covering me
Freeze the things that she loves
Ash from what had formed all over
We count the days left, 23
And all I know
Honestly, could I be protected
With you suddenly gone
The feeling that you weren't honestly gone
I can't shake it...
Make the same mistake twice
Bursts of red and green covering me
Freeze the things that she loves
Ash from what had formed all over
Make the same mistake twice
Bursts of red and green covering me
Freeze the things that you loves
Ash from what had formed all over
1 breath |
first breath after coma |
::
2005 18 March :: 9.50 pm
Me and John rode out from ocean heading east
I had to see with my own eyes the factories
I'm buggin out
We've never strayed this far
Right out of town southeast and down
Inside my filthy car
But when we got there all we saw were more malls and marble mansions
In emerald parks the singing larks proclaimed the great expansion
There is no beautiful garbage
They cleared it up already
Tears roll out the eyes and though I cry I hold the wheel steady
Steady!
Do do do do do do do do do
Do do do do do do do do do
When I get home
I cannot stand my house
My father still fighting with his trophy unfaithful spouse
I hear the echo now I see it somewhere else
A thousand ways, a thousand days, a thousand towns across the commonwealth
Out on a date but like a dog she smells the fear and runs
And still we make our cheap tortured artists are no fun
I dream of anger, sex, unnurtured I succeed but still
Soon I'll be poppin pills
This emptiness will not be caved or filled
Do do do do do do do do
Do do do do do do do do
Look at the earth
It's just so green
Perhaps it's envious of all the galaxies it's seen
Where forces swirl in symbiotic harmony
Free of the taint, the gas, and paint of parasites like me
Keep using love as the excuse for why we're fat and lazy
Wait to grow old, like we've been told
Go bald, go west and crazy
This is so pointless it actually holds up our evolution
Sing it to the bastards
FREE YOURSELF FROM MENTAL PROSTITUTION
Do do do do do do do
Do do do do do do do
Oh Oh I didn't know I didn't know
Oh Oh I didn't know I didn't know
first breath after coma |
::
2005 16 March :: 7.33 pm
basment ghost singing
Now I'm in your basement
I'm laying low to keep out of your way
I hear your footsteps
Move the floorboards above my head
I have my own routine now
I'm keeping busy in my own way
I'm learning ways to not feel
Like I'm down here forever
I hear your footsteps
Move the floorboards above my head
I hope you know that I'm down here
Just for you
I sang a song to you through the floor
To reach you upstairs
I thought I heard you call out for more
I know that's crazy
I'm pretty sure that I'm lost again
It won't get through to you
I won't get through
I think I won't get through
I'm gonna close my mouth now
You don't need more noise in your life
I miss you more than you know
But I know time makes you move on
I hear your footsteps
Move the floorboards above my head
I hope you know that I'm down here
Just for you
I sang a song to you through the floor
To reach you upstairs
I thought I heard you call out for more
I know that's crazy
I'm pretty sure that I'm lost again
It won't get through to you
I won't get through
I think I won't get through
first breath after coma |
::
2005 15 March :: 5.49 pm
what's the point of coming online? no one really talks to me. all i come on the computer for is homework. if you want to get a hold of me now, you're going to have to call. if you know my cell, then call it if you want to talk, if i don't answer, leave a message on my voicemail with your name, number and why you are calling and i'll call you back (i'm paranoid)
first breath after coma |
::
2005 13 March :: 12.16 pm
English Genius
You scored 86% Beginner, 86% Intermediate, 93% Advanced, and 77% Expert! |
You did so extremely well, even I can't find a word to describe your excellence! You have the uncommon intelligence necessary to understand things that most people don't. You have an extensive vocabulary, and you're not afraid to use it properly! Way to go!
Thank you so much for taking my test. I hope you enjoyed it!
For the complete Answer Key, visit my blog: http://shortredhead78.blogspot.com/. |
|
My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:
|
You scored higher than 21% on Beginner |
|
You scored higher than 19% on Intermediate |
|
You scored higher than 61% on Advanced |
|
You scored higher than 79% on Expert |
|
first breath after coma |
|
