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2005 6 March :: 6.53 pm
:: Mood: contemplative
:: Music: Acceptance - So Contagious
so i figured it was time for an update and i want to say some stuff also. i want to go to sleep. my brother woke up me up early this morning (around 1:30 ish, now that he told me what time it really was) last entry was a big rant, courtesy of my good friend max from the band say anything. i put a new cd player in my car, that wasn't very much fun. it was a lot of work, but i do have it done and it feels pretty good. i know how to work with my hands, how to problem solve and how to wire something.
my counselor talked to be for a bit after my visit/interview with holy cross. he knows that i don't have much confidence in myself. so from now on, i'm going to be more confidant. some of you may have noticed a small change in me this week. now i'm going to believe in myself. i'm not going to have anymore problems girl-wise. i'm not going to be a dick or an asshole now, but i'm going to talk to people. a girlfriend will come in due time, i'm not worried anymore. so girls, here is your chance. no more me being all secretive about who i like, if you don't like me, that's cool, we'll be friends or whatever you want. danielle, i like you an awful lot, you know that already but i figured i'd write it in here, now whoever reads this knows. i don't care what other people really think about me now, but if i seem like a dick/asshole/concieded prick, please tell me. i don't want to, i'm still a nice guy, but i know who i am and i'm the same person with everyone.
Would you believe me if I said I didn't need you,
because I wouldn't believe you if you said the same to me.
Near death, last breath, and barely hanging on.
Would you believe me if I said I didn't need you?
first breath after coma |
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2005 6 March :: 3.11 am
:: Mood: annoyed
i hate a simple plan too but if your twelve year old sister starts liking us THATS ACTUALLY A GOOD THING Because she's NOT LISTENING TO A SIMPLE PLAN. i'll go further to say that its GOOD that she LIKES A SIMPLE PLAN because that means she's not listening to like, britney spears (who is kind of better than a simple plan but thats not the point). And good charlotte SUCK in a way but you know thye're KIND OF GOOD too. (they're catchy, they make kids yell at mean populars and their parents) YOU'RE NOT COOL BECAUSE YOU HATE THEM. stop dissing on popular music. the beatles were popular. if a kid listens to good charlotte and it keeps them from columbining it, then good for good charlotte. the ultimate example of this is my tiny friend christopher carabba. because he is good looking and successful and kids like him, now a lot of kids who used to like him hate him. even i went through a period where i was all "fuck dashboard, yo, that shit is the antichrist of rock, listen to joy division man they're good blink 182 is the devil blah blah blah". i was an unhappy bitter piece of shit. you know he is amazing. you know you've listened to that cd more then your stupid mars volta cd (which is good too but come on) . he saved your fucking lives at one point and now you diss on him. its typical and boring. its much more punk to stick by dashboard and listen to his new cd (pretty fucking good) and new single (even fucking better). he spent years touring to kids who wouldn't even listen to him because he was playing "soft music" so its not like he didn't earn it. he's a smart, good guy. FUCK YOU.
my brother woke ME up at 2. I CAN'T FALL ASLEEP because he can't fall asleep because he watched the exorcist: the beginning with me and is scared out his mind and I WANT TO KILL SOMEONE . am i going crazy? there's going to be a new eric around here. SLEEP tight motherfuckers, because I FUCKING CAN'T!!!
first breath after coma |
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2005 28 February :: 7.16 pm
RULES:
1. Hit shuffle and pick the first twenty songs on your playlist.
2. Write down one line of the song. Try to avoid putting the song title in the line.
3. Have your friends comment and see if they know the songs.
4. When someone guesses correctly, strike out the line.
1. Je leverai les yeux à toi, J'ai change cent foi le nom, Je leverai les yeux à toi, je n'ai pas le désespoir.
2. Everything was wrong so we sang sentimental songs. "Oh how seldom we belong but how elegant our kiss."
3. I'm thinking she needs me, well do you girl? I guess we'll see.
4. Love me or leave me or rip me apart. This is the voice that I was given and if you don't like it take a long walk off the shortest pier you can find and I'll be singing it out, I'll be singing.
5. I am the gauze that heals your wounds and I pray this pen won't fail me now.
6. In no time there will be make-up on our new set of cutlery. The livestock is starstuck, they're all salavating like ravenous cartoons.
7. You know this lady, she's my baby, she's my baby baby, when can I see you, can I know you, can I hold you, hold you.
8. Future butterfly, gonna spend the day higher than high, you'll be beautiful confusion, wish I was you.
9. "No joke" she says "I'll leave you I'd never think to treat you like this I can believe it. I'll give you three more chances then I'm done for good."
10. Blá náttfötin klæða mig í, Beint upp í rúm, Breiði mjúku sængina.
11. Arbed amser ar ben fy hun, Cynal cof ac atgofion blin.
12. She only wears red lipstick on friday night.
13. Well, he's hot, he's smart, he's cool, he's all I really need, he's hot, he's smart, he's cool, he's not you.
14. You can show up at my house, Completely unannounced, We'll have that movie kiss we talked about.
15. Should they kill me your love will fill me as warm as the bullets, I'll know my purpose this was worth this I won't let you down
16. Oh can't you see? You belong to me.
17. I know it's worthy of the pride I sacrificed, and all the tears I cried tonight, show me faith I dream about, as long as you're here I'm strong.
18. The bar on First Avenue, we went there solely for you, so you can flirt with best friend, kiss a girl, tell me why you're laughing. I won't hold on, I can't hold onto this.
19. You came to me like a dream, the kind that always leaves, just as the best part starts, it ends so abruptly and leaves stunned and naked in your bedroom all alone, kinda funny how something to soothing gets interrupted by the ring of the telephone.
20. I sang a song to you through the floor, to reach you upstairs, I though I heard you call out for more, I know that's crazy.
enjoy. no google or yahoo. use your brains people.
4 breaths |
first breath after coma |
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2005 28 February :: 6.01 pm
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: halifax - sydney
starting to really dislike people in general again. okay yeah, make fun of me for being straight edge, do what you wish. but at least get the name and the facts right. it's not straight laced, nor do i not eat meat. i don't really care if you hate me, enjoy wasting your time hating me or trying to make fun of me. it doesn't really matter to me, i just like writing out responses here because it gives me a small laugh. i don't care if my car is not american. it gets me from point A to point B with good gas mileage.
new norma jean cd comes out tomorrow. i might try to get it before i go to school. also, i bought a car saturday. 1996 honda civic. black, two door coupe. $4,500. i like it. so sunday morning i was playing resident evil 4 and keri called me, so her, claire danielle and amy stopped by. so i finally met danielle, i've been talking to her online since around christmas.
amusing moment of the day. scott dips the ends of his pen in candle wax so he can smell them all day long. so today he has us smell it, so me, jack and iwanski do. so iwanski goes "macintosh" he knew what it was, jack and i laughed so hard. "way to be straight matt."
i write stupid shit in my notebook in history class because i already know what he's going to talk about. i write stupid little songs that don't make sense and no one cares about. no one knows who they are about, if it was about you, you probably wouldn't even know. why do i do stupid things like this. i'm just going to put it in here so i don't forget it if i lose my notebook.
you don't talk to me. who i am means nothing, yet i still care. you like all the other boys, why don't you see me? i try so hard to get your attention and affection with stupid subility, you brush me off. i act dumb and complain so maybe you'll see what i try not to be. i don't talk because i'm scared of what you might think. i don't let people know who i am because i don't even want to know who i am. i try to hint about how i feel, you don't notice. i like you an awful lot.
first breath after coma |
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2005 24 February :: 10.42 pm
:: Mood: annoyed
:: Music: cut the strings
school was boring today. i did nothing of any importance, like usual. came home and ran. 5:40 for a mile. stupid people at school. i don't want to know how many fingers you can fit into your girlfriend, nor how many girls you have been with, or are going to be with. i don't want to know how much pot you smoked over the weekend or how drunk you are going to be this weekend. i don't care if you like me or not, is it really going to matter in a year?
on a side note, i was talking to jack in homeroom yesterday and today. we made a bet about a year ago, who got a girlfriend first would get $10. a little incentive for us to try. yeah, it's been a year and the bet is still going on. it's sad. we are such losers.
1 breath |
first breath after coma |
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2005 24 February :: 5.48 am
We are no longer pretty boys, with hearts made for breaking.
If it were up to me I just assume drowned this fucking town in their own sorrow, we’ve been made to believe the world owes you something because your quick with a quip, and straight to the point, a pretty face could sell them anything. It’s a shame you’re selling your self
nobody’s in the market for broken hearts!
didn’t you hear?!?
broken hearts are out!!!
this city’s dancing.
p.s. pretty boys, love pretty girls, who sleep on secrets.
first breath after coma |
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