i leave in less than an hour. i really don't want to run. its cold and wet. course is going to be a mud field. 3 long, cold, wet and muddy miles. i went and saw the village today. it was really good. made you think. ha. i went to keri's yesterday. we watched fight club among other things. i fucking love that movie. guess whose got the number one spot on JV for cross-country? me! lol. one thing i've figured out. xc is definatly the hardest sport ever. so much work and it hurts a lot. and pretty much the hardest person to beat is yourself. your mind can beat you, and then you lose. you must beat your mind. we've been doing 8 miles a day already. and the offical seasons hasn't even begun. we had 5-5-5s wednesday, but coach changed them to 6-6. it sucked. i ran until my viens burned battery acid. and then i ran some more. after the first 6 i put a big "E" in the trail to mark my spot. i passed it the 2nd time. kevin was like, dude, i passed your E. which is good, because we both were going to collapse. i think our team is going to do very well this year. i have a shot at the 6th and 7th spots on varsity. i think i'll let mike get it though. he deserves his letter. i can wait til track. number one varsity long jumper automaticly gets his (fuck yeah!) my new camera is stuck in communist china. bastards. well, when i get it, its going to be hardcore.

so i guess its time to update. umm...wednesday i went to the mall with lauren for a bit. then i went and met kevin, jeff and domanski. then we went back to my house. then to coney. then to jeff's for some poker. i left around 10:40....in the middle of the storm. it took me an hour to get home. i had to pull over three times because i couldn't see the road at all. i almost got run off the road by some assholes in their huge trucks. you don't need both fucking lanes to drive motherfuckers.

Straight Ahead At The End Of The Court
Of all the fears I've grown to love
I'm frightened the most of missing you.
I've punished myself for finding joy
and focused on what I have to lose.
its hard to believe in what he says
when I have the strength to silence lies.
and hearing it now I feel secure.

I know its worthy of a plot I sacrificed
and all the tears I cried tonight.
Show me faith I dream about,
as long as you're here I'm strong.
And I believe in every word I heard you say tonight.
Finding peace despite tonight.
You're the strength I lack tonight.
Steadier than I am.

You're folding your fingers into mine
You tell me that healing comes in time
It won't be the same again.
Do you believe in rebirth
And lies becoming new?
It's hard to believe in much now
The weight is crushing me
And cutting off my air
I'm finding it hard to stand at all.

You've got to relate to this,
I want you to tell me yes
Knowing you have my trust,
Believing its for the best
Feeling this vulnerable i'm letting down every wall
Now looking down on me, my walk becomes a crawl.

I'd walk the winter to with diamonds turned to spring
I see the cold and frigid glances passing through
We watched the grass begin to power through the soil.
We watched the scales fall.

I know its worthy of a plot I sacrificed
And all the tears I cried tonight.
Show me faith I dream about,
As long as you're here I'm strong.
And I believe in every word I heard you say tonight.
Finding peace despite tonight.
You're the strength I lack tonight.
Steadier than I am.

And I'll remember every bone I heard that broke tonight.
Seeking solice from the light.
My eyes have seen too much tonight.
My ears have heard their folds.
Will you remember everytime you said you'd wait with me.
Through the dark til we could see.
All the shards with clarity.
Steadier than I am.

And I'll remember every bone I heard that broke tonight.
Seeking solice from the light.
My eyes have seen too much tonight.
My ears have heard their folds.
Will you remember all the times you said you'd wait with me.
Through the dark til we could see.
All the shards with clarity.
Steadier than I am.

And I believe in every word I heard you say tonight.
Finding peace despite tonight.
You're the strength I lack tonight.
Steadier than I am...