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2005 28 August :: 12.06 am
:: Mood: worried
Fan-effing-tastic.
Waiting, Just as I always end up doing.
The sad part is, I had this big night planned. So.. Romantic. He has no idea about it and now its just too late. It would have been so.. Beautiful. So perfect. Well... No more nice suprises from Brianna, Everytime I get something together the world turns on it. Or he does. I'm So stressin right now. This is the LAST thing I needed on my shoulders.
I don't know what to believe....
Anyways...
I'm gonna get going into this big web of lies...
2 <3 |
Love |
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2005 27 August :: 2.10 pm
:: Mood: F You
:: Music: Crazy Love
Stupid Girl
Yeah.. Sitting at Jordans, Absolutely nothing to do/eat.
Hoping.. That he'll come soon.
The first part of last night was so.. memorable. I love you so much baby!
Then there was.. UGh your so dumb. You backstabbing little girl you. Stay out of my relationship. You dont even know it, but i'm... WE are so DONE with you.
Edit: Yeah that was pretty harsh. I'm sorry.
Love |
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2005 26 August :: 12.00 am
EFF THIS
WTF -----
Why is it when one thing goes wrong, EVERYTHING falls out of place after that? This isnt something petty to fight over either.. I dont know what to think. I trust him with everything, my life...my all. And i want to believe you... but.. its just so much more difficult when I hear 2 completely different stories. You two have some talking to do, because im so done dealing with this. I dont care how it gets worked out, but DO IT.
1 <3 |
Love |
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2005 17 August :: 2.25 pm
Love |
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2005 16 August :: 10.42 am
Im awake again...Very early because of these effing cramps. It's un-bearable. :( I'v been up since 7. Doing absolutely nothing. Waiting for people to call me or get online, but since it was 7 i figured nobody would be on. I'm really upset that today is dan's day off and he has things that "he has to do". That's gay. ugh.
I'm stressin ashley..........!!!!!!!!
2 <3 |
Love |
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2005 10 August :: 6.42 pm
Cheryl is the COOLEST. WHAT A DOLL!!!!
Now my journal is fun, Hooray !!
5 <3 |
Love |
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2005 7 August :: 7.58 pm
:: Mood: discontent
:: Music: Eric Clapton - You look wonderful Tonight
...
ATTENTION : If your not interested in reading a pissy entry then just look over it.
I'm having one of those days where i just....I'm not happy. I'm not happy with myself. Like when you look in the mirror and say "im not satisfied". I dont understand why anyone else is satisfied with me either. I wish that i looked like some of my friends. Sometimes its like..when im around them i feel....lower. Like For instance : I wish i had amys long, gorgeous hair, and her 100 watt smile that could make the most pissed off person light up, and jordans big brown eyes and I wish my body looked half as good as hers. Even things about my mom. My moms great self.... and her personality. My mom is great. I think im just looking into it too much... But still, its upsetting. Tomorrow will be better and i wont think like this..its very rare but i hate it when it happens.
But then again, i can only blame myself. Because im still trying to adjust to being a new person. Theres alot that im not showing alot of people and I think that would make me a better person. But i still have to figure all that out. I'm slowly finding me. I'm slowly beginning to see who i want to be. Alittle bit of each of my friends.
And sometimes.. I just wish he would rub off on me. It used to be when we were friends i was learning something new from him everyday. Different qualities... Everything he does is an inspiration to do great. Granted he's not perfect and has issues to deal with...And he handles them so... maturely. I wish I could be like him. It seems like it would be so much easier to deal with if i were alittle more like him.
I suppose I'm done.
6 <3 |
Love |
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2005 6 August :: 3.57 pm
To sum up last night
>>>>>>>Intense.
I miss Dan. I miss him alot. It hasn't been that long, but reguardless...I just feel like I need to see him. There is an empty feeling in my stomach. :(.
I'm going to walk away from the computer now to go do something more imortant... Like lay on the couch and watch Full House re-runs.
Bye
2 <3 |
Love |
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2005 5 August :: 2.19 pm
Yesterday was a good day. Woke up, went to Jorda's and SHOWERED. Went to allyns and got my clothes that i haven't seen in a couple of months... Then went to the mall with jord and pavlak to see DAN. It was a good time. On the down side i was pretty upset. Jordan and I went to look at the rings and I just thought it would be the sweetest thing to get one. Not that I need one it would just be the SWEETEST thing in the world. Especially since AMY is getting one from Kevin thats over 4 grand... It's just depressing.
Anyways after the mall we went back to pavlaks and andrew c was there and we all played pool and stuff. Joes brother is the sweetest!!!
Then dan rescued me from there and we went back to my house to find my room just TRASHED, after i cleaned it for about 6 hours. It was messy ... again. I was FURIOUS!!. Then dan went to Jakes for a bit then came back over.
Yeah Amy that was weird. I can't really explain what happened. I dazed off and just....i could see his face. It's as if the world stopped and he was instantly there and it was just us on this planet. It was really freaky. THen i snapped back into reality and i had to tell him that i loved him. That second.
F R E A K Y.
Oh yeah its drumms going away party tonight give me a call if your interested and i'll give ya directions to my cottage.
835-8151
2 <3 |
Love |
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2005 3 August :: 11.00 pm
Dan, im so sorry. I had no idea what they were doing.
I swear i had nothing to do with this...I'm sorry baby.
*anyways*
They cant be mad at MY boyfriend because he disapproves. ugh. He was the only honest person I think. I want it to work believe me. And theres always hope from me no doubt...but...its so soon, and they are SO young.
They disrespect MY BABY, in my own house! They cant be mad at him because of his opinion. Especially if more then one persons feel the same way. They are mad at him because he is a peer to them. THey are expecting support. NOt that he doesnt support it...but he has many doubts. But was really pissed me off is my MOM said the same thing and they still love her and would do anything for her. I'm sorry i just want them OUT OF MY HOUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Goodness...
Jenna sees it.
6 <3 |
Love |
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