Life Is An Ever Changing Road

:: 2006 29 June :: 11.37pm

That was weird.

I think I'm worng,
And that makes me a huuuge asshole.

'What will your obituary say?' at QuizGalaxy.com

:: 2006 29 June :: 9.11pm

Hell yes.

:: 2006 29 June :: 7.21pm
:: Mood: embarrassed

Going over to my grandparent's house always makes me feel guilty. I feel guilty because I never go and see them, and when I do I realize I should have instead of doing everything else I have been doing lately. I still encounter that 'perfection' thing, but I'm trying not to let that get to me. You know, the whole 'I have to be just like they want me to be, or else they won't want me anymore'.

My biggest fear in life is of confrontation that ends in abandonment.

I know they are all going to die pretty soon, and I'm going away, away to college. I'm going to miss the little they have left. At least, I always feel that way.

To all those who don't know, the admissions office at GVSU doesn't like me and wouldn't take me (even though i was accepted into their music program, their school, and I graduated sixth in my class with a fucking 3.96 gpa), so now I am going to CMU. My orientation day is July 21.

I'm not a little child anymore, but I still feel like I need to behave like one sometimes...ask permission, don't talk to strangers, eat my vegetables, and the like.

3 laughs | smile

:: 2006 29 June :: 2.49pm

Jessie wilde,

do you want hang out friday or saturday?

:: 2006 29 June :: 3.40am

I Love Superman Returns
Ok all I went and saw The Movie of the Year.....

It had so much potential to fail, how can you follow up to Christopher Reeves movies. You cant. Its fact. But somehow they did. I'll admit it there were alot of scenes that made me get a bit teary eyed. I seriously love that movie. I have loved A Walk To Remember as my favorite movie but Returns totally kicks its ass. Gah. I want that costume too. Its so kickass on screen. Damn you Brandon Routh..... not really. Great acting, Great Story, Great everything. If only I can go and watch it again.... oh wait i can.... haha I love being a retard. *Durrrrrrr*

Go See That Movie.... YOu wont regret it.

Joey

10 laughs | smile

:: 2006 28 June :: 11.04pm

Guys really dont go for the funny girls.

If they tell you they do, they lie.

Angel_Bob

:: 2006 28 June :: 12.23pm

The scholarship I was dependent upon for France and was confident I would receive has been cancelled because of poor stock investment or something like that.

The funniest part is that the scholarship is giving to those going into an international business field. It looks like investing scholarship money in the stock market was a poor business move.

So France continues to grow farther and farther out of reach.

:: 2006 28 June :: 9.17am

Superman Returns was awesome.

He's a sexy beast.

5 laughs | smile

:: 2006 28 June :: 4.06am
:: Mood: *happy*
:: Music: *push - sarah mclachlan*

*as my past turns to ashes i build a life i won't forget*
Been suffering the past few days with a terrible headache.
I've tried everything to get rid of it.
And nothing seems to help.
I think the cause of my headache was partly from an over-abundance of unwelcomed, inexplainable stress.
I suppose it's what I get for being a paranoid over analyzing insecure girl who suffers from PMDD.
However, some of my insecurities have been surpassed.
With a little help from my wonderful boyfriend, who I love more than anything.
Saturday night he helped me realize that he does love me, without even saying the three words I want him to say more than anything.
I guess I will just have to deal with it and wait until he is ready to tell me.
Have I mentioned that I'm impatient as well?
Anyway, today my headache eased up a bit.
Even moreso when he surprised me with some good news.
Starting next week he'll no longer be on third shift.
They are transfering him to first.
He's wanted this for so long.
No more sleeping alone at night.
Maybe we can start to have a "normal" relationship for once.

Hopefully tomorrow we go pick up his car or as he says "our car".
He's buying a 98 ford mustang.
Kind of excited because he's going to let me drive it.
I am still in need of a job.
So if anyone knows of anything, please let me know.
At this point I will settle for almost anything.
I'll baby sit all summer if I have to.. Well if the pay is right.. I do have rent to pay.

Tonight I was able to do something that I spent 2 years thinking I was never going to be able to do. Since I got over him, I still had this thought in the back of my mind, that if he were to come back around and tempt me, I'd go running back, with arms open. They say you never forget your first love. Back then I thought he was my first love. But I was wrong. It was just a deep infatuation gone wrong. I finally have the self-control that I was lacking for a long time. I am finally able to say no, to the one person I wasn't able to say it to. He told me what he was thinking, and asked me what I was thinking. The thoughts in my mind were nothing near what he had on his mind. Two years ago or so, they would have been the same. I can finally say this without hesitation. I am completely over him. I will be able to have a friendship with him and not think about what would happen the moment we were alone. The only person I think about in that way, is my boyfriend. The only person I want to think about that way, is my boyfriend. He means the world to me. And I wouldn't have it any other way.

Some of you may know who him is, infact he may even be reading this. If you don't and are confused, then it's better that way.

And if you are reading this, I am not sorry that you weren't the one on my mind, but I am sorry for the way you must have felt when you found out you weren't. Multiply that by atleast 3, and thats the way I felt for 2 years or so when I thought I had my chance when really I didn't.

I feel quite relieved now.

:: 2006 28 June :: 12.19am

So this is how it rolls: List ten (10) things you want to say to ten (10) different people. Do not state who these people are. Do not confirm or deny any 'comment speculation'.

1. You have problems, but I love you anyway, because you need it.
2. You make me smile when you talk to me. Every time.
3. I know your big dark secret, it�s so cool, even though its so bad.
4. I can�t even stand it when someone brings up even your name.
5. You are on my mind more then you should be ;)
6. You are the best friend I have ever had.
7. You make things complicated.
8. You hurt me more then you will ever know.
9. If I had another chance, it would have been you.
10.You amaze me so very much.

:: 2006 28 June :: 12.05am

2 things
Okay today has 2 things going on......

first off happy b-day sydney

second happy superman returns day to everyone who actually cares......

saweet

Joey

:: 2006 27 June :: 9.13pm

Im a pretty strong person.
I can handel a lot.

But sometimes i wish life would not hit me so hard.

It would be nice to have some problems just vanish.

It would be nice.

:: 2006 27 June :: 5.58pm

I've been having a rough day so can someone just end it for me...... time has gone by so slow today and i just havent felt like my happy self lately. i dont know whats wrong with me.

:: 2006 27 June :: 10.51am
:: Mood: awake

I dream of...

glow worms
rockstars
candy buttons
fancy cars

melodies
vibrant skies
starry nights
pecan pies

total darkness
extreme light
frigid waters
my lonely fight

sorrowful mothers
holding hands
perfect kisses
marching bands

moving music
shadows of night
green tall grass
famine and blight

beautiful sorrow
dramatic scenes
exquisite jewels
Alien Beings

Perfect ends
being close
never ending
Him the most

michelle

:: 2006 27 June :: 9.37am

Oh. By the way.

Happy Birthday, Jessa you sexy person you!!!!!

I love you! sex!

5 laughs | smile

:: 2006 27 June :: 7.11am

I am going to be tired for the rest of my life.

I now have two jobs and I'm going to see if I can squeeze in a third. Training went to 10 last night. We have training again on Wednesday then again next week on Monday and Wednesday.

I usually go to bed at 10:30.

We're going to see Superman tonight at 10 and I'm just so tired.

I'm all alone at the office again today.

Good thing I don't have to work until noon on Wednesdays or I'd collapse.

I love you all.

8 laughs | smile

:: 2006 26 June :: 11.17pm

For What?

7 laughs | smile

:: 2006 26 June :: 11.16pm

And Why?

:: 2006 26 June :: 7.43pm

I've missed so many things already.

I don't have time for this, I don't have time, don't have time, don't have time.

There are children laughing outside. Is it wrong to want to shoot them?

5 laughs | smile

:: 2006 26 June :: 4.16pm

These fashion zombies don't walk this world alone.

WTF?

i'm feeling slightly wounded
won't you kiss it better?

:: 2006 26 June :: 12.21am

I'm so lost right now
Well let me see.... Jess and I opened up so much to each other tonight. I'm trying to get into college because I feel i'm gonna need it more than I thought. I want to be a better person and i feel thats what i have to do. I'm thinking maybe Emt, Degree of arts, or something else that i'll take that i'll like. oh well i dunno even if i'm smart enough. I guess I'll have to see what they have for financial aid or grants. well I'm gonna go bye all.

JOey

:: 2006 25 June :: 9.42pm
:: Mood: amused
:: Music: ths START - Big Shot

One shot was all it took for me...

Phil you rock so much.

skife

:: 2006 25 June :: 5.39pm

so i need to get rid of a set of centerline auto drag wheels.

15x8.5 (i think) 5-5" lug pattern.
thought they were 5-4.75" but they wern't.
$100 or best
front tires have lots of miles left on them, back need to be replaced.
They came off of a 1/2 ton chevy with a 5 lug pattern.

:: 2006 25 June :: 10.44am
:: Mood: contemplative

Going camping the best break from here I could have had.

It was so wonderful and smokey smelling. And I think I came out unscathed, except for, perhaps, a small bug bite that is developing on my right foot. It's itchy.

I don't regret anything I have done. If I regret it, it's like exiling a part of me. Everything I have done is always going to be apart of me, whether I like it or not. We all have room for mistakes, and some fill that room sooner or more closely than others. But you only fill that room when you feel like something is a mistake. The door to my room hasn't been open in a while, and I don't know if that's a good thing or not. I'm not talking about petty mistakes, either. I'm talking about huge life changing, crying for days mistakes. I use to think everything was a mistake, that I was a mistake. I'm not sure exactly where I belong, but I know I'm not a mistake anymore, and whatever I do, and whereever I go, whoever I meet, I will be lucky to be there and do that, and talk to them, and see them, because I'm here, and by some will I can, and so I shall.

I suppose a lot of that does not make much sense to anyone but me. That's fine. You never understand sex in a trashy romance novel until you actually have sex. You just can't understand some things until you feel them, and even then, you still may not be certain of them exactly. Perhaps we find solace only in the end. Perhaps we never find solace. And that's okay with me.

"She told me son, fear is in the heart of love, so I never went back..."

lushness?

michelle

3 laughs | smile

:: 2006 25 June :: 2.26am
:: Mood: listless
:: Music: the START - Her Song

Can you just be in love?

I think im in love.

but not with a person.

Or even an object at that.

and if not, what is it?

4 laughs | smile

:: 2006 25 June :: 2.22am

So as most of you know, the last few days I have been questioning a lot of things and looking for answers.
Until today, I was questioning whether or not he really does love me.
I was confused because he's never said it.
Today, he made me realize that he really does.
All it took was the kiss he gave me and the way he looked into my eyes.
The intensity of the kiss was just amazing.
He's never kissed me like that before.
Now I must continue to go sweat my ass off and finish watching the movie I rented.

:: 2006 24 June :: 10.29pm
:: Mood: curious
:: Music: Daddy O (some french band)

Its a good thing he's gay or i would be in love.
So....I went out last night with Megan, Katharine and Mike.

It was so much fun. We went to Rocket Star and had coffee and then just talked. And i didn�t mean to ignore Nathan but i just didn�t want to talk to him. It was cool though because i met a ton of Mike's friends. It made me almost laugh because there was a guy who was so much like Addison.

One thing that i never know how to respond to is.."You are so beautiful" especially when they are strangers. Its one of the only things that you can say that will throw me off and leave me not knowing what to say.

But then we went to The Crow's Nest. And i feel a little bad about leaving Katherine & Megan out of our conversation, but it was amazing. I can�t even begin to explain how great it was. He knew everything i was talking about and I knew everything he was saying.

It was just very nice to have someone understand every word that came out of my mouth.

And at the end of the night he said the same thing to me, and it was just, Amazing.

:: 2006 24 June :: 7.06am

I forgot how close 6 in the morning was to 7. They're neighbors, for heaven's sake.

:: 2006 24 June :: 4.29am

*things I hate*
I hate my apartment.
I hate the white walls.
I hate living on the second floor.
I hate having to pay to do my laundry.
I hate doing laundry.
I hate my landlord.
I hate that the dishwashers are so loud I can hear all of them in the building.
I hate that the washer and dryer are the same distance from my bedroom at my moms to the bathroom in her house.
I hate that I can't get a kitten, because of my landlord, and my boyfriend is allergic.
I hate that I'm insecure, paranoid and have to sleep alone at night.
I hate that I have crappy hair that is brittle, thin and gets greasy really easily.
I hate that I have to shave my legs everyday in order for them to be soft.
I hate that I get jealous.
I hate change.
I hate that after wearing my glasses for awhile, for like a day it feels like I still have them on, so I am constantly touching my face like im pushing them up when really there is nothing there and then I end up looking stupid.
I hate feeling stupid.
I hate that my car is still broke.
I hate that most my friends won't come see me, I have to go see them.
I hate that hurt my boyfriend.
I hate that I'm allergic to nickel.
I hate that my mother is a fucking psycho.
I hate that gas is so expensive.
I hate stupid people.
I hate people in general.
I hate people who think looks are everything.
I hate people who act better than others just to try and make themselves feel like something.
I hate Jim.
I hate alcoholics.
I hate people who drink and drive.
I hate child abusers/molesters/pediphiles, etc..
I hate drugs dealers, ho's, whores etc..
I hate snow/winter/cold and anything associated with that time of year.
I hate thanksgiving.
I hate that there isn't a cure for cancer.
I hate that no matter what, bad things always happen to good people.
I hate the fact that I never got to say good-bye to my grandma.
I hate that I didn't get to see her that often, and when I had the chance I turned it down.
I hate judgemental people.
I hate anyone by the name of Courtney.
I hate cheaters, and yes, that includes myself.
I hate rich people.
I hate being a girl.
I hate it when people who want kids more than anything end up not being able to have them, while the people who don't want kids, are able to.

That is my list so far. Perhaps there will be a part 2, maybe even a part 3. But for now, I'm done.