jus4fun06
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2005 15 December :: 6.18pm
:: Music: Adema - Giving In
i want to feel beauty. i feel a need to surround me in beauty.
...
i feel so plain...
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jaganshi
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2005 25 November :: 2.13pm
There used to be a girl on this site who used the handle "Porcelain."
I miss her. She was cool. Every time I log on and think about how much respect I had for her. Unfortunately, her mother found her blog and she had to leave us. Then her journal was wiped out in the Great Deletion of Unpaid Journals.
Well, Porcelain. Here's to you, wherever you are. I haven't forgotten.
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jaganshi
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2005 25 November :: 1.59pm
Proof that I'm becoming an elitist condescending adult:
Every time I see an entry on a weblog that looks like this:
"oh man why cant i just have love but no one will love me becaus i suck and there's no way anyone can love a thing like me because i suck and everything i do cuz i have no worth and i should just die becaues n oone cares and ill never ever be loved and i'm so alone and theres no hope for me cuz no one understands"
...The first thing I want to do is look for the person's age. It could be the bad grammar. It could be the lack of capitalization or punctuation. It could be the lack of specific explanations or thought of any kind. But the main thing is, I doubt the maturity of entries like this. The people I've kept on my friends list use proper English, and sometimes proper French or Japanese as well.
The other reason I doubt the maturity of these bloggers is that, yes. I'm like everyone else. If I'm supposed to believe that someone who's never worried about the cost of food or where they'll be living in a few months' time has problems worth reading, I want to read some kind of actual justification. Just because this is the internet doesn't mean you're excused from actual communication.
In conclusion: Quit your bitching or at least start bitching in a way that makes people believe your problems have some relevance.
This time of year I'm thankful for a lot of things. I'm thankful that no matter what has happened to me or is likely to happen, my problems will still never be that bad. I look at victims of wars, diseases and natural disasters all over the world and see that it can always be worse. I have it pretty damn good, and so do most people who live in an area where computer access makes blogging possible.
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jaganshi
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2005 25 November :: 1.57pm
I'm getting my WIS teeth out over winter break. As a result, my mother wants me to plan to be totally incapacitated for two weeks. This is the royal edict. This means I cannot plan to go to Brian's house over break. Why can't we just see what happens and maybe I'll be able to do it? Fantastic question! Because! My mother is buying me plane tickets. She will be doing this within the next day or two. This means that she'll be buying me a ticket back to Indianapolis. This means that the Fords couldn't drive me home to Indy without wasting a perfectly good plane ticket.
This all has one grand implication. I stay with my parents and endure not only oral surgery but four weeks around them, or else be a selfish ungrateful bitch for not wanting to be away from Brian for that long. That's what it means. And there's nothing I or anyone else can do about it.
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smilesideways
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2005 18 November :: 8.17pm
pulling my hair out at all angles.
wishing somehow it was longer.
and i didn't lose everything.
but by this time all the instruments ring low.
sitting in my ears.
under circumstance and denial.
and i'll just be me.
until the lights go down.
and my eyelashes flatter your every move.
silently.
because i never make a sound.
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