Hmm...

Well actually Im not in that much trouble..Mrs. Craft broke her gavel..haha. Our project today was fun...but write now Ima insert a writing I wrote after I was talking to my mommy. I asked her some questions...and this was jus poppin in my head as I was thinking. Don't tell me I was too harsh on anyone...I needed to vent.

The Life of This Adopted Child…
*Courtney Nichole

Daddy
He asks you if you know who it is and you say yes. So then, he asks you who and you pause…because saying “dad” simply isn’t in your vocabulary. After he establishes that he starts going into the same usual conversation. First your heritage, then someone who dies, then some story about how he got into a fight with the cops again, and how everyone wants to meet you, let’s not forget about how much he loves his baby girl. You listen as he talks and talks trying to figure out whether he’s telling lies or not and trying to sort out who lives in what country and the names of your 18 nieces and nephews.

So then he goes into the topic of how much he wishes he got custody of you is going to back to courts, and this time will try to take you from your mother for the third time. He also goes into the sad sob story about how every day he drives by his little girl’s house and misses her so much because she never calls him. Now…let’s think why would she call you when all you tell her is lies? That doesn’t make sense…now does it? Why would your youngest daughter want to live with a rapist anyway?

That’s right, your father committed rape. Even if “you can’t rape the willing” you did it and you knew exactly what the hell you were doing. What are you doing at 31 years old with 8 (or more?) older children and here you are getting a 16 year old girl in the summer going to her senior year pregnant? She skipped a year of school, she was an honors student…and you got her pregnant. So now when you ask your new mommy “am I a mistake?” with tears in your eyes at 14 years old and when she tells you “yes”…it breaks your heart. “It wasn’t meant to happen…but I’m so happy you’re in my life”. Even if that does make you happy for a little bit… IT WASN’T MEANT TO HAPPEN… you are a living mistake. How do you think that makes you feel?

Honestly, tell the truth. And how do you think it feels when people ask how you have so many siblings but none are in the school. Or why your name is Cross-Johnson and then you have to go into this long explanation of how your 31 year old father got a senior pregnant. You just shouldn’t of done it. Would you speak highly of your non-child support paying, boxer going into jail 24/7, can’t even call his daughter once, lying father? I don’t think so. All you needed to was give your daughter a fuckin call those –three- years you left her sitting on her stairs on her birthday…and maybe she wouldn’t hate you so much. Just let her know that you weren’t gonna come. And that’s all I have to say about him… Rapist.

Mommy Dearest

Her turn. It sucks when you’re always compared to someone doesn’t it? Well, how would you feel being compared to your mother who got pregnant in high school who was –just like you- at the same exact age. At least you thought about your oldest child once and gave her up for adoption…but you kept your other two. Thanks for leaving her out. We’ll just say for the best. “My mommy was a slut in St. Louis…so I can be one too right?” I hope I never use that excuse…but I should pull it just to see what the family would say. “Just like Tracy”. She got pregnant twice after I was born…and I know she’s gonna get pregnant -real- soon. You don’t even remember the race of my brother’s father… you had to call him while I was over there. And my sister’s father…you cheated with him while you were dating a guy who you might have wanted to marry. I can’t lie… maybe I was in that same situation once… so maybe it runs in my blood, frankly I don’t know. I love my “mommy” to death…but you will never be my “mommy”. You’ll just be the 33 year old, older sister figure whom I call Tracy, but will be introduced as my cousin if anyone asks.

Thank goodness, I was taken by my great-aunt who grew to love me very much. Sometimes I dislike her with a passion and wish I could go live back with you. But you know what, I don’t want to live with you. Maybe when you’re stable and not living with your two youngest kids, your younger brother who dropped out of college 3 times, and your mother… but not now. I have something that I look forward to everyday over here at least…even if I –would- be in BCIT or some Willingboro high school… I love my mom, even though I –hate- to admit it.

I don’t have as many issues with you as I do my father , excuse me, Albert Sr., even though I know I was the reason you didn’t go to college. I know I was the reason you didn’t go to prom or hang out with your friends as much. I know it wasn’t my fault. I know you must be happy that I was taken from your wing…so you could be “free” again. But tell me, if you talked to me so much when I was younger about how it won’t happen again… why did I see a big fat belly when I was 9 goin’ on 10 and 12? Are you lying to me like my father always does? At least I know you love me…

yeah...Ima work on it...Ima be out now...got notes 2 write...

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