:: 2006 14 February :: 8.17 pm

Well, I am officially the WORST college student i have ever been. yay.
Today i stayed home and sulked and watched one of my new favorite shows: Growing Up. I got up on time and went outside and scraped my car, got in and put it in reverse, then put it back in park, turned it off and came back inside and proceeded to lay in bed for oh...8 hours i would say...to be sure lets recount the shows i watched...

Growing up...
Cheetah (1/2)
Penguin
Clouded Leopard
Hyena
Baboon
Black Bear
Lion
Elephant
Tiger
Wolf
Giraffe

10 1/2...i was close...Well at least i learned something today. Now i jsut have to read a book and write a report on it. WOOT.

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:: 2006 12 February :: 12.42 pm

i dont rmember large portions of last night...not good since the parts i remember i want to forget...i love my girls though, always backin me up.

um so i had to pay derek utilities today ad it made me want to cry. i am excited about next year and the fact that i get to buy new stff and will not have to pay utilities...funfun.

this will be my 5th day in a row working, i am happy to be getting some money, i just wish i had sme more of it.

in 2 weeks i will be in cali...YAY. My aunt was gonna let me drive the beepbeep, but i dont know how to dive a stick....damn the man! hopefully i can learn so we can drive it to the drive in @ least...or meybe they can just come with us....oh anyway...jason wants to take derek and ana to alcatraz too, so it will be like a party!

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:: 2006 7 February :: 7.12 pm

i updated the look ad sound of my xanga again....actually i went back to some old stuff, but anyway, you all sould check it out!

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:: 2006 7 February :: 12.39 am

i opened my AIM and one tree hill was at the top...it made me very happy.

i got up at 6 and read my textbok, then got to library as it was opening to find my 5 sources and wrote a 7+ page paper and got it in on time ( the extended time) at 130...wow, that is bad even for me.

I was lost today n dunbar and of course miche;le saw me....damn! i had never been to the class in that room... today was a good day overall though. I watched a really good movie on lifetime about a town that was still haveing 2 proms adn the girl that wanted to integrate them.

we were talking about how tv rots the brain today, and i think that it is very true. i didnt have great grades last semester, but i didnt have cable inmy room, so i was a lot better about 1. going to class and 2. doing my homework. the same thing happened last year, i got more into watching tv in my room and i went to class and did homework less. I know it has to do wit distraction and motivation, but i fint that i dont think as critically or deeply when i have been watching tv a lot. I hthink i am trning my once formidable brain into mushy mush.I am going to make a goal for myself. No more than 4 hours a day...sounds like a lot, but ou would be sick if you knew how much i watch now.

I have to write another paper or 2 now.

Oh, i saw molly today when i was getting a den pop. I also have to work 5 days in a row starting wednesday. that is ok though because next week i only work wednesday...arg

my typing looks bad tonight, sorry guys.

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:: 2006 3 February :: 5.32 pm

So i got called in to work tonight, and since i am poor, i am going to go. I really need any money i can get because right not i only have 40 dollars in my account and i owe 88 dollars for utilities still. arg, spring breakk is so soon too...i need money for that too. dreams come true not free i guess. i am so screwed on the school front though, i have been a bigger slacker than ever before ( if you can believe that ) i think i might go to cadillac tomarrow after work for the afternoon cuz i want my tapes and i have some stuff i need to give my mom. i feel stressed but i dont actually do anything about it...i suck.

um, one thing on the recent drama on here...i have made peace with it all, but i just ask that no one writes things on the public pages that is antagonistic or hurtful (even in replies), because we all have hard things we are going through or will soon go through, so why dont we just try to be civil...please?

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:: 2006 22 January :: 4.35 pm

ok, here is the thing i am super pissed about right now...
i am not going to be able to get a One tree Hill Calendar now.
This seems trivial, and I know the actual item is...i mean i will have to get a different one...grrr...but the thing is that i wanted THTA one and katr said she got it for me for x-mas....so my mom (who was going to order it for me) didnt get one, and i didnt get one....well then she lost it and gave me a giftcard to borders(which we dont even have here) and now everywhere is sold out of that calendar....why does it feel like she made it all worse by trying to be noce? i mean that was the only thing on my list that I REALly wanted....arg a larg....i guess it would behoove me to look online some more and stop complaining....

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:: 2006 21 January :: 1.00 am

ARG....( shakes fist at the thought of her last Xanga Entry)

* scrunchy face *

I think i will try to be more optimistic here:
I am frusterated with my life, and sad at my severe lack of cuddling lately, but things have to get better. I have to focus on the positive...one positive being CALIFORNIA....another being MICHELLE, RICCI, and KRYSTAL (friends) and the last being the paycheck i recieved today ( my back account isnt COMPLETELY empty anymore)

I need money, and cuddling, and direction in my life....in no particular order....

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:: 2006 19 January :: 5.16 pm

well, i went and saw some advisors today...i didnt make it to all my classes though...i slept through the morning ones and then all of the sudden this afternoon i got a huge surge of motivation and saw the LHC advisor ( i need to email the dean of the LHC now) and then i went to class and took a test, then i went and saw an A&S advisor and found out there are only 1 maybe 2 more things i need to take as gen eds....woot!

Here is the tally of what i still need to take...
8 Credits of Anthro to complete minor
3 classes (12 credits) of english to complete major
Retake Spanish class i failed (3 credits)
CS1000: 4 credits
Area III: 3 credits (if Utopias doesnt count, which it should , but i have to get a letter from an LHC advisor)
total: 30 credits
Right now my GPA is only a 3.1...i need to get that up, but other than that i am a happy camper knowing that i will be done quite soon.

Tell Me...

:: 2006 19 January :: 11.44 am

i am GOING TO sACrameTO FOR SB!!!! the best part is that i will be there with one of my favoritest ppl in the world MICHe::E! My aunt is going to let us stay at her house and use her car...woot! It might not be an exciting destination to most, but i am excited to be away from the snow!



alright last weekend was fun, well mostly fun. I have realized i spend a lot of time cheering people up...i like that job though. Anyway, I went to caddy on thur night and watched OTH then came back on friday and had dimnner with my girls and then made cupcakes (mmmm) and got drizzy. We went to a party then i fell asleep and they watched Jurassic park...thank god i was drunk. saturday we all went to GR to see Brokeback. IT WAS AMAZING!!! then i went back to michelles and chris came over and we FINALLY got to watch weddign crashers. I ot blown off again that night though...you would think i would have learned my lesson by now, but i just keep going back for more....anyway, my friends rock! Sunday i worked and Monday i felt like SHIT, so my weekend went downhill, but it was, overall, a good one. To quote a very good movie..."I wish i knew how to quit you"...i really wish i didnt let that guy disappoint me all the time. I mean, i try really hard to not care, or not think about him, but when he calls i still care, and when he is a jerk it still hurts...damn it...

it is a hard time right now, because 3 of the people i havng out with the most are having trouble. i want to make it all better for them, but it is not within my power to do so. i just want them to be happy because i love them. I LOVE YOU!!

CALIFORNia
CaliFORNIA
HERe we comE!!!!!!!!

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:: 2006 12 January :: 12.10 am

So it has been brought to my attention that i dont update my journals enough...well i guess i have soem good reasons...
1. I have been very busy with work and holiday travel and school starting
2. my desk was too messy to get to my computer

i am going to fall out boy in march...i am not sure how excited i am about that, but i am sure i will have fn w/ my caddy girls, i always do.

i have been realizing that i am severely out-of-touch with a lot of people i used to be close to, but i am also getting closer with some people i had previously lost touch with. Maybe relationships go in cycles...
Things have been hard to harness lately. I have to work a lot because i am in a bad way with my money situation, but that means that i am tired all the time. I also realized i really dont know what i want to do with my life. I only take classes because i am supposed to. i feel really directionless. I also dont know where i am going to live next year...
Despite all these things weighing on my mind, i still feel good. I am just plugging along hoping the bad stuff will get better and that the good stuff will get me through the hard times.
I also have some quality friends that make me laugh even when i dont want to just because it is what i need. That is clutch.

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:: 2006 4 January :: 10.46 pm

OMG....
I just got home and my hamster has been loose since i have been gone! HE is LOST in my room! BAD NEWS BEARS!

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:: 2005 16 December :: 1.28 am

i havent worked in like 5 days and today since i had to work til close, 3 people called me wanting to hang out. awesome. one of them was aaron though, weird but good i guess. I wish i would have been able to hang out with someone though. i guess it is more Sex and yarn for me.

Oh and my roomates are fighting w/ eachother in the livingroom right now. fun.

Tell Me...

:: 2005 12 December :: 12.49 am

I dont remember all of my icons. I had Ryan Gosling for a long time, and i had a camp picture for a while too. i forgot all about the dinsaurs though...fun.

last night was fun.
"There are no winners in weed smoking."
"I'm sorry you're sad, but i really dont know what you're talking about."
I wont forget the lamp catapulting off the table at miche;;e either.

It has been bad news bears all day though...

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:: 2005 7 December :: 12.15 am

abstinence club...haha

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:: 2005 5 December :: 1.36 pm

WHoa...I am posting like CRAZY!
Dreams or Nightmares

When I was younger I used to dream about pterodactyls swooping in and carrying me away. I never really liked dinosaurs so this wasn’t a good dream at all. I would wake up and imagine raptors next to my bed, then I would pull the covers over my head and shake until the air was too thick and I had to peek out just to breathe. Those were the days when I would jump from my doorway onto my bed and cuddle with my favorite cabbage patch doll. When I would get up before dawn and eat cold cereal then ride the bus for an hour to an elementary school that was 15 minutes away. I would pass days into nights, dreams into nightmares, always knowing the raptors would come back, but always hoping the pterodactyl would take me away; it was the lesser of two evils.

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:: 2005 5 December :: 8.09 am

I was wrong! YAY!
Ok i know, not something i usually am happy about, but i AM glad because i read my exam schedule wrong and i dont have an 8 am today, it is thursday. I fell asleep studying for the exam i thought i ad today and thought i was fucked, but as it turns out, i still have time. I am so relieved.
*sigh*
**takes swig of coffee**
back to studying...

3 Thoughts | Tell Me...

:: 2005 5 December :: 1.45 am

Sometimes i call my friends for no reason other than they are my friends and i want to talk to them. I call people. I have always been the one to call. I am not much for talking on the phone though if i can help it. I would rather call and set up doing something. I usually call and take care of buisiness to make it short and sweet. the point is I CALL> i hate it when people say they are going to call and dont. I HATE it!

He didnt call again tonight. I don know why i set myself up for this, and i hate that i got sucked into this when i should be worried about the fact that I have a test in 6 hours that i am not ready for. why doesnt he call/ Why doesnt he care? and why do i keep doing this to myself?


why do i call him and IM him when it is him that is supposed to make the next move...am I pushing him into it? but if he doesnt want to why does he suggest it, or why does he randomly talk to meall the time...why does it always have to be on his terms when HE has nothing better to do/ and why does this situation make me feel like such absolute shit?

god i suck at life...back to studying...

Tell Me...

:: 2005 4 December :: 2.06 am

I went to 2 movies alone today. It was a ver interesting feeling to walk in by myself and sit alone and just enjoy one of my favorte things...pride and prejudice was really good. it was long and beautiful and i didnt want the end to come. rent was really good too, but there were some technical difficulties with the screen and sound, so i will have ot see it again.

Andy and Derek called me while i was at the movie and left me a message saying come home we miss you. I love those drunk asses...when i got here though tey went to meijer for some pop for mixed drinks...and got in a car accident. They are fine and were in the parkinglot, so no cops, and no dui or ticket...just a busted truck.

today was a really shitty day and a really great day simultaniously. I was in a crappy mood and really pissed off, but i dealt with it in a really interesting way. I healed myself today, which is not normal. usually i deny my feelings and just put on a happy face, or else i look for comfort in someone else. Today i really just made myslef better, and it feels good. I am not all the way there, but i am better, and the progress is what is important.

Aaron is an anomoly. he baffles me to no end. I dont know what it is about him that makes me psycho sometimes, but i hope that i can control tat part of me, because i miss hanging out with him. I hope someday we can be freinds again...

I cant wait to see brad again. I love that kid.

Today i studied...weird i know. I am going to study tomarrow when i get out of work too...i need to do well, and i am realizing that i need to do it for me. I have always felt like i am just here because i am supposed to be, but i was thinking today that i reallylove to write, so i should do well so maybe i will have a future involving what i love. What better reason is there?

I was looking at mackenzie's photo gallery today and i remember all those good times we had. She used to be my best friend. It makes me sad that i dont know her at all anymore. (kinda like max) but i think all is not lost there. She and i can get some of it back, it will just be harder now because we are not the same girls we used to be.

measure your life in love...

Tell Me...

:: 2005 3 December :: 2.31 am

i went to dinner and a movie with my favorite miche;;e! then we hung out with Ricci and watched scrubs, which i had never seen and it is really good and i want to watch more for real...after exams though...anyway, Jarhead was a really good movie. jake is very hot and it was funny and sad, and action packed while not losing the character driven feel that sets it apart from a lot of other war movies. I have noticed that i laugh a lot more when i am with miche;;e than when i am with anyone else. i feel like i have had an ab workout everytime i hang out with her. We do the most random shit, and we laugh at the stupidest stuff, but it is always fun. I like that. Ricci was lost a lot because we have so many inside jokes and just, i dont know, we just have this wavelength we are on that is different than other peopel...i explode her brain a lot.

this is a portion of my last xanga...sorry if it is a repeat because you love me extra and read both...

Tell Me...

:: 2005 2 December :: 12.43 am

I think i am going to move away. Wilmington nC sounds like a nice place. a girl i know from High school is moving there with her husband and they are going to go to UNCW...i hear they have a good creative writing prgram too...hmmm

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