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2004 27 April :: 11.58 pm
OMG!!! i had a HUGE fight with my best friend ryan in like january and he would not talk to me AT ALL... which made me super sad because he is the one person in the entire world who i trusted and who had always been there for me, so i was really close with his family and his house was a second home to me for years and his girlfriend was my second best friend so yesterday i went and talked to his gf for like 4 hours and it was so awesome, but we didnt talk about him and it was a little awkward and today i went and saw his mom but the weird thing was that i checked my mail tonight and he had emailed me this morning so i called him tonight and just talked to him for like 30 minutes and it was so nice i missed him soooo much and after a while it got easier, but there was still a place in my heart waiting for him...he is going to work at my camp this summer, and i was so scared about it until tonight...wow what a rollercoaster ride our relationship is...goodthing i am not a puker...
ART 221 HISTORY OF ART CB
SPAN 201 INTERMED SPANISH II B
HNRS 290 SERVICE LEARNING, COMMUNICAT BA
ENGL 110 LITERARY INTERP BA
COM 170 INTERPERSONAL COMM I A
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2004 27 April :: 12.24 am
Wow, been here for 2 days...it is weird...here is what has happened so far:
I have both of my jobs for sure, i talked to my bosses
I might be able to live at camp again...freedom YAY!!
I talked to pussy and michelle today...neither for very long...but long enough to make me happy...
I talked to kenz today for like 4 hours at her house, and it was weird and good...
so far my parents have only fought 2 times, and my mom hasnt fought with me once...
i watched all of the shows my mom taped for me and i was sad that i couldnt run up and down the hall singin when the OC was on, but the other shows were SOOOOOOO good...i love TV drama...
Tomarrow i have a lot to still do, so i am gong to try to go to bed now...night y'all...
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2004 20 April :: 8.00 pm
Alright, I have pressing business to vent about, but first a brief recap of last weekend...
Thursday, got buzzed and walked around with molly...talked to lots of people and met a buch of new people too...wrote papers and went to dinner friday...19 wheels and jason's on saturday...beach on sunday...jersey girl Monday
so here is my current drama: I was going to go to a bigger camp to workl this summer, but the bottom line is I CHICKENED OUT...i was going to miss camp T, and Max, but now i just found out that max was following in my footsteps and was looking at other camps, and now he is going east ALL summer, and i already told camp t i was coming back so i cant even call any of the camps that e-mailed me...i dont know if i can do it w/o him...but i guess if he can do it w/o me...i think i am just upset that i was a coward...stupid fear!...damn it!
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2004 20 April :: 12.08 am
Wow...ok...this has to a record for me...I have not written in soooo long...but even now I am not going to do the post about what has been going on...instead I made a list about my top 20 songs of my freshmen year...they are not the ones that were popular neccessarily, but the ones that when i look back will remind me of a time or person from this year...the ones i put on repeat...in my cd player or just in my brain...here goes...
20. Oliver James-Long Time Coming
19. Silverchair- Black Tangled Heart
18. Eamon- Don't Want You Back
17. Kelly Clarkston-The Trouble With Love Is
16. Dispatch- The General
15. Ying-Yang Twins- Get Low
14. Butterfly Boucher- I Can't Make Me
13. Fiona Apple- Never is a Promise
12. Hanson- Wake Up
11. 19 Wheels- Really Stupid Girl
10. Counting Crows- Colorblind
9. Yeah Yeah Yeahs- Maps
8. Gavin DeGraw- I Don't Wanna Be
7. Joni Mitchell- Both Sides Now
6. Oasis-Wonderwall
5. Cat Stevens- Wild World
4. Sheryl Crow-I Shall Believe
3. Phantom Planet- California
2. Dashboard Confessional- Hands Down
1. Buffalo Tom- Late at Night
This list only includes individual songs, because I couldn't pick just one song from some of the cds like the DD2 soundtrack, BHG, Sting and the Police or Journey...oh well...those songs were important too...
I have more studying to do before I sleep...so good luck everyone, and feel free to comment or leave me some lovin'...
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2004 15 April :: 11.33 am
Updated List
Things to do:
COM class: 4pm Wednesday-Cancelled for good weather
Spanish Extra Credit: due Thursday-gonna turn in at study session
ART class: 9:30 am Thursday-skipped
Spanish class: Noon Thursday-skipping
English Paper: due ASAP-ehhh
Service Learning Paper: due 11 am Friday
Service Learning class: 11 am Friday
COM reflexion paper: due 5pm Friday
COM Final paper: due 5pm Friday
COM dinner: 5pm Friday
Spanish review: 10:30 am Monday
Spanish Final: 12:30 pm Monday
ART Final: 10:15 am Tuesday-already made flash cards
English Journals: due 10:15 am Next Thursday
English Final: 10:15 am Next Thursday
So since I am skipping my classes today, that means I have NOTHING to do today. I have to get on my papers cuz they are real important...procrastination is not my friend.
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2004 14 April :: 2.00 pm
Alright, I am sort of sad because all of my caddy posse has mored to Ujournal instead of paying for thier woohus...but it is the same setup pretty much, so i guess it wont be bad...i just bookmarked a friends page and it is all good...
I am getting an A in espanol, but i have missed so many classes that i will probably end up with a BA instead...stupid attendence...oh well...oh my gosh my grades are going to be so much better this semester than last...the only wild card will be ART221...i will have to study for that exam hardcore...
Things to do:
COM class: 4pm Wednesday
Spanish Extra Credit: due Thursday
ART class: 9:30 am Thursday
Spanish class: Noon Thursday
English Paper: due ASAP
Service Learning Paper: due 11 am Friday
Service Learning class: 11 am Friday
COM reflexion paper: due 5pm Friday
COM Final paper: due 5pm Friday
COM dinner: 5pm Friday
Spanish review: 10:30 am Monday
Spanish Final: 12:30 pm Monday
ART Final: 10:15 am Tuesday
English Journals: due 10:15 am Next Thursday
English Final: 10:15 am Next Thursday
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2004 12 April :: 1.25 pm
The new me...
Things that have not and probably won't ever change:
I procrastinate...hardcore...
I am blunt...sometimes bordering on rude...
I am a people pleaser...in general...
I love to tell/hear stories...
I worry about the wrong things too much and the right things not enough...
I am messy and a packrat...
Things that have changed from my year on First Fox:
I learned to bite my tongue...(Megan)...
Sometimes the best friends are the ones you dont really expect...
Trusting people is ok, as long as you choose the right people...
I don't need other people to feel alive...I can make myself happy...
Sometimes memories are enough...
I was really scared about this summer, but I know that it is likely to be my last one in Caddy, so I am determined to make the best of it...I have to make it good, because sooner than I would like it will just be one of many memories...
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2004 11 April :: 12.45 am
Sorry if i have been a bitch this weekend, I have tried to keep my mouth shut and kind of just keep to myself, but i know that is hasnt always worked...just remember that I heart you on the inside.
Side note #1: My mom and max both stood me up today and max stood me up last night too...grrr...
Side Note #2: The movie last night was real good.
Side Note #3: Molly is my favorite shopping partner ever, because we shop the same way, no rushing, just relaxing...thanks...
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2004 9 April :: 12.25 am
MaxMaxMaxMaxMax...YAY!!!
Yay, max is gonna come see me AT LEAST once this weekend...he hearts me i know it...he is just in denial...
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2004 8 April :: 2.47 pm
AHHHH
Why des my mom have to be like that? She just called me and she wants me to let my step sister to come stay with me for a night one of the next weekends, but next weekend is the weekend before exams, and then the friday before i leave i dont want her here cuz we will be partying...grrrr...she acts like I am a bitch for saying no, but the thing is that i have been here all year, and they couldnt have thought of this before now? I wanted her to come this weekend, but noooooo...it doesnt work for them. I wish that they would understand that I have a life too, so it is not just whatever they want whenever they want it...grrr...my family is irking me. She called Me, then proceeded to yell at me...why call? leave me the fuck alone...oh man how am i gonna make it through the summer?
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2004 8 April :: 2.17 pm
:: Music: Physics soundtrack-smoke on the water
i got up early this morning and did my hair cute and everything cuz Hot Luke picked me up at 9:30. He and i went to Hobby Lobby and got a Pinata, then to Meijer to get candy and chips and salsa...he also got a lot of alcohol...eeeeee...then we went to the Sig Ep house and he got his bat...and i found out that he quit smoking...12 days now...wootwoot. We got the rest of our crap then went and actually wrote our presentation, then it was time for class and we did alright. Carmen thoguht is was a little silly, but she liked it i think.
Today has been an exceptional day so far. I wish it was still sunny though. Megan is leaving today...woot, room to myself.
My mom is going to take our futon this weekend, then we are going to take the beds down...it will be so weird in here...i will have to make use of the futon this weekend...it will be gone forever.
It is bittersweet to leave. I will miss everyone, and it will never be the same. As much as I hate the dorms, I don't know if i would have made it through my first year without all of you.
*heart*
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2004 8 April :: 1.04 am
Alright...today rocked...A LOT!
I got an A on my termpaper that i had been stressin about, then I got an A on my spanish Test too.
I must say that my gum did fly out of my mouth when i saw amanda, and that i alost died laughing when it flew up into the air. Lunch was super fun though.
I cleaned my room, and started packing up all of my crap. It was really nice to go through a school years worth of memories and remember all of the good time, but then it was nice to pack them up too. My room looks real weird, and it will look even weirder once my mom takes the futon this weekend.
We set off some fireworks tonight, and it was so funny when the first one almost burned michelle and I ...i screamed, i admit it. And Grr to becky for being a bitch and making allen feel bad about letting us get away with crap...he has been all year, why should that stop now...we only have 2 more weeks... if he was gonna be a hard ass now is NOT the time to start.
I worked on my presentation for tomarrow. I called hot luke and he is gonna pick me up between 9 and 930 tomarrow...i cant believe that i my partner is as big a procrastinator as me...i didnt think it was possible.
I think i found some people to go to the concert...Kate and Michelle for sure...mybe we will let some boys come too...hehe...
I am going to go to bed now...paz
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2004 7 April :: 2.40 am
Alright 3 things.
1.) i got bi-a's wireless card to work...ALL BY MYSELF!!! YAY
2.) if you peopel want to go to Dashboard, let me know and we can get some tix...
3.) I want to go see the triplets of Belleville this weekend...does anyone wanna go?...will anyone even be in town?...let me know...
uh oh...still haven't done my paper.
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2004 7 April :: 1.41 am
I love Jordan Catalano.
I met a cute boy today, and Ironically his name is Jason...cuz I don't know enough of those. I just looked back at my characteristics of the perfect hottie and he had 7 right off the bat, just from seeing him and talking to him a little bit. WOOT! I don't want anything to happen right now, because the possibility of summer romance is too tempting, but it is nice to know that there are such awesome guys around...it gives me hope. YAY HOPE! Alright I better start writing my paper now...only 3 pages...it ain't no thang...
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2004 5 April :: 2.44 pm
:: Music: Sheryl Crow-Favorite Mistake
when you go all i know is your my favorite mistake
Wow, I haven't written in a long time...that is weird for me, especially since I looked at my friends page and there were like 10 entries since i even checked last...I guess I am getting a life instead of just lamenting for a better one in this journal. Lots has happened...
max came to visit on friday and made me so happy...I love it when he omes over cuz i miss him a lot. we played games with steve walter amanda and andy.It was so fun.
saturday was a lazy day. I drank that night and ended up passing out early. It wasnt even fun, it was like, hmmm i am drinking, drinking, oh there is the floor and it looks comfy...zzzzz...oh megan is here, i should get up...oohhhh...dont feel so good...*hugs toilet for a while*...sleepy time...bed is good...zzzzz....no fun...no anything, just sleep...i think i am sticking to captain from now on...I know how much i can have, i know what it does to me and i like it...
I watched lots of my so-called life last night too, I freakin love that show! Mike is real sick, i feel bad for the kid, he watched with us and he was so sick he didnt even make fun of it...that is how i knew that is really didnt feel good...
I got fired last week...it is weird and bad, but i am not really that upset. I am just disapointed in myself because i know i could have done better...
I got 2 papers back today and had a test. I got a B on the english one, and an A on the spanish one, I think i did ok on the test too...I have to go to COM now, but it wont be too bad...I dont have to go to work tomarrow...that is weird...
i read all of you-alls entries, and...
JOE-I am sorry if you didnt have fun on saturday...it was so weird, because everyone was so out of control...me included...and it isnt usually like that, at least not to that extent...I mean 6 of7 of the people who were drinking got sick...that is a HIGH percentage...but you had said that you had never seen me drunk...and now you sort of have...I just get cuddly...and mean...at the same time...not a good combo i guess...
JASON- oh man I have no idea what you are talking about most of the time, but you still get the feeling across even if the words dont make sense...all I can say is to BUCK UP cuz we dont have much time left, and i know we are weird, but just know that if you need anything that I would be here for ya...oh and if you want to look like peter gallager OC style...you need to 1.)grow out your hair 2.)Shave your face 3.)work on those eyebrows and 4.) get a wife who is superhott cuz it will make you happy which will show on the outside...moving to Cali to be tan wouldnt hurt either...The Dan connorness would be harder to do cuz it is all internal...but you can to it...i believe in you!
AMANDA: I am glad we got to hang out this weekend even if the circumstances were not exactly ideal...no worries about Becky...only a couple more weeks...and next year i promise if i ask myself questions out loud i will answer them quickly enough to make it clear that you dont have to...I still dont know what i should have you draw for my room next year...what can you draw?? I like lots of things...can you give me some ideas??...I am so excited about next year...wooWOO!!
ANNE- Who is going with you to DC?? And how was you little trip? Not much longer...we are gonna have to go on the open house circuit together...all the little ones are graduating...awww...it will be weird though to go back...wow, it has been a whole year...CRAZE!!
KASUE- I am happy that you are happy with your honey...please eat a big dinner after you read this and think of me, cuz i think of and worry about you all the time...i heart you!
Wow this is a helle long entry...I hope you all arent just skipping over it cuz it is long...I heart you all!
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2004 31 March :: 8.36 am
well...i got mt paper done at 7am...that means i havent slept yet...hmm..unless you count when i was in the shower and i accidentally didnt open my eyes or move and 10 minutes went by...my paper kinda sucks, but truthfully, it wasnt cuz it was the middle of the night when i wrote it, it is cuz i just have no idea if it is that she is looking for...it is well written and researched thoughly though... whatever...i don't know...i am just glad it is over...today i a going to learn my languages, then i will probably crash in the lhc til 4, and travel back to brown for COM...then i will come back here and eat and fall asleep somewhere, then i will watch the oc...wootwoot...then i will go to bed...wow..i am a loser, but that is ok...i am tired...
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2004 30 March :: 6.40 pm
fuck.fuck.fuck. Why can't i make myself do this damn paper...it is worth so much of the fuckin grade, it is regoddamndiculous. OMG I am going to lose my job for nothing...I should have just gone...alright i HAVE to go this fucker...DAMN IT! damndamndamn...FUCK! DAMN THE MAN!!!!
ok...i feel a little better...gonna write now...
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2004 29 March :: 7.00 pm
:: Music: Oasis: Wonderwall
And all the roads we have to walk along are winding
Today sucked...I went to Financial Aid this morning at 830, and then went to 2 classes, and the library, then to another class, and then go back here and ate, now I am writing here before tackling a term paper i realized last night was due wednesday. My teacher is so grrr cuz she has only given back on paper so far and it was not even formatted the same as the term paper, so i am not very confident in even know what she wants...DAMN IT!!!
I did get 2 pieces of good news today though. My CoM project isnt due til the 16th instead of the 6th...that is totally saving my ass! I was soooo worried about that, and as you all know i dont worry about school nearly as much as i should...or at all for that matter. The other is that i have a quiz tomarrow instead of a test in spanish...the test is on thursday or monday...YAY!!
Lots of bad stuff happened today too, lets just say that a blister, a bloody nose and bruised leg are just the beginning...arg...anyway, here is a GREAT song for y'all...
Today is gonna be the day
That they're gonna throw it back to you
By now you should've somehow
Realized what you gotta do
I don't believe that anybody
Feels the way I do about you now
Backbeat the word was on the street
That the fire in your heart is out
I'm sure you've heard it all before
But you never really had a doubt
I don't believe that anybody feels
The way I do about you now
And all the roads we have to walk along are winding
And all the lights that lead us there are blinding
There are many things that I would
Like to say to you
I don't know how
Because maybe
You're gonna be the one who saves me?
And after all
You're my wonderwall
Today was gonna be the day
But they'll never throw it back to you
By now you should've somehow
Realized what you're not to do
I don't believe that anybody
Feels the way I do
About you now
And all the roads that lead to you were winding
And all the lights that light the way are blinding
There are many things that I would like to say to you
I don't know how
I said maybe
You're gonna be the one who saves me?
And after all
You're my wonderwall
I said maybe
You're gonna be the one who saves me?
And after an
You're my wonderwall
Said maybe
You're gonna be the one that saves me
You're gonna be the one that saves me
You're gonna be the one that saves me
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2004 29 March :: 1.06 am
Today wasn't a good day, and when I think about it I have completely screwed myself over and will possibly get a terrible grade in like 4 classes, but I am at peace right now and I don't know why exactly.
I think that this quote from American Beauty is great and pretty much sums up how I am feeling, i know he is reflecting on death, but it has a lot of weight in life as well, I think if people can see the beauty in life while they can still take advantage of it then they are really lucky. I want to be one of the lucky ones.
"...it's hard to be angry when there's so much beauty in the world. Sometimes, I feel like I'm seeing it all at once, and I can't take it. My heart swells up like a balloon that's about to burst. But then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold onto it. And then, it flows through me like rain and I feel nothing but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life. You have no idea what I'm talking about, I'm sure. But don't worry. You will someday."
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2004 28 March :: 2.05 pm
Well last night was fun and stuff...I am so glad amanda hung out with us! I heart you! anyway, I have a lot to do, so i wont waste any more time, but i have to say that 28 more days is not enough, but it is too much at the same time.
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