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2004 9 March :: 12.56 am
I have not written in a while...well a while for me since I am freakin obsessed with writing in this stupid thing, but I think that I haven't written because instead of contemplating and analyzing, i have been actually living. I like that. I would recommend living to anyone.
Ok, 2 cool things happened today.
1.) my COM170 class when on a field trip to the planetarium. It was real fun and I had not been on a field trip in so long that it reminded me of back in the day...hardcore.
2.) I bought the My So-Called Life boxed set. It was a major splurge, but well worth it. I love this show, watching it reminds me of so many things, and it really makes me happy. I know that a Tv show should not have any profound effect on me, but it is ok that it does. I recommend everyone watch it.
I am in a real good mood, and I am also real tired. I must say that i want to take a shower, but Megan left the window open so it is FREEZING in our room, and the bathroom, so i will wait til the morning cuz it is too much for me, i have to get in my nice warm bed and watch a little moviemovie.
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2004 7 March :: 6.54 am
:: Music: Buffalo Tom-Late at Night
Like it is so beautiful that it hurts to look at it.
I am not at all sure how to explain this, part of it is that I have not slept yet tonight, and part of it is just that I feel it so deeply that it seems fake to write it down. I feel like I am betraying it to try to describe it. Sometimes things happen that make your mind confused because they are so intense, but this feeling is so intensely good that it is unreal. Sometimes an image can provoke a strong feeling but when the perfect music is put with the image you feel so much it hurts. Like you are going to burst and all you want to do is hold on as long as possible. Like you get a yearning and feel happy and numb and love and hate and every emotion possible just in that one moment. You get chills and feel scared for feeling so much. and ashamed that one image and a little music could make you such a complete mess, but you have to play it over and over because if you don't you may never feel anything ever again. I feel so lonely right now, yet so at peace with it. I want someone share this with, but i am not sure anyone would understand this. I have the chills. I am content. I can't move though because i feel like i have not done this any justice. I will be forever searching for things that make me feel, because right now i feel...alive. I guess that is what this feeling truely is. I feel alive, and i love it.
Late At Night
I close my door at night
But they get in all right
And she turns on the light
I held her hands so tight
'Cause words don't come out right
And she sees things at night
Me, I'm closer to the door
I don't get scared no more
But I don't know the score
If I could hold them in my hand
I'd make them understand
I'm not a haunted mind
I'm not a thoughtless kind
If I could put them in a jar
I know they wouldn't scar
I'd do it if I could
I hope you know I would
I close my door at night
But she gets in all right
So I turn on the light
I held her hand too tight
Too hard to make it right
So I could sleep at night
If I could hold them in my hand
I'd make them understand
I'm not a haunted mind
I'm not a thoughtless kind
If I could put them in a jar
I know they wouldn't scar
I'd do it if I could
I hope you know I would
I'd do it if I could
I hope you know I would
I'd do it if I could
I hope you know I would
I'd do it if I could
I hope you know I would
I'd do it if I could
I hope you know I would
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2004 6 March :: 11.18 am
Last night was the best trip to Video Hits ever. Steve and I went to 7-11 first and steve used 3 caps and 30 pennies to get some pop. Then we went to video hits and i found 4 good movies. i had to open an account though, and I was only allowed to rent 3, so I got Daria, My So-called Life and John Cusack. Then steve opened an account so that i could have my 4th movie, and we are eachother's contact people on our accounts...mothers love! we are dorks. So the first thing on steve's account is a spanish porno(basically) cuz it is Y Tu Mama Tambien...but it is UNRATED...yeah thats right annie, I will be able to tell you how it is different. I am gonna go though, cuz when i woke up I realized I have a lot to do today...I really dont think i will do all of it though, jordan catalano is calling me...wootwoot
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2004 5 March :: 9.21 pm
Morpheus
?? Which Of The Greek Gods Are You ??
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2004 5 March :: 9.07 pm
Here are my 3 problems:
1.) I have lost the motivation to watch the movies on my list. I watched Pulp Fiction and it was real good, but I just can't get hyped up about anything.
2.) I miss everyone a lot. I had so much fun the last couple days, and now I just feel so sad that it is over. I hate being sad.
3.) I am soooo bored. I need something to do or someone to talk to. I miss you all.
Ok. High Fidelity is on tv again, and so is Grease, so I am gonna watch a little television.
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2004 5 March :: 3.11 pm
Weapons are not your thing. You would prefer to
pummel your opponent to death with your fists
and feet. You show a lot of Honor but some
power still eludes you. I can give you this
power, I can make you stronger, join me.
How would you Murder?
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2004 5 March :: 1.51 am
:: Mood: Happy, it feels like the first time in so long, a
:: Music: none...annie and kasue are sleeeeping
alright *inhales deeply* here we go...
today i got up and we watched Dawson's Creek, and it was real disappointing, but then when annie got back from class we went and ate with derek, which was also dissapointing...pooper...anyway, we came back and waited for mandi (she drove to caddy to get Y Tu Mama Tambien) then we watched the final episode of Dawsons Creek (yes we rented it, yes we are dorks) and we all got pretty choked up, except katie who blubbered like a baby. There were all kinds of extra scenes, and it was sooo good. (Oh yeah we watched Coyote Ugly before that too. I love that one.)
Anyway, Annie had to go to class so Katie and I watched Thirteen and it was real good, yet disturbing. The girls made me soooo mad though...it was frusterating...grrr. We got pizza and it was soo good, and i felt like such a pig cuz all of them only ate one piece...oh well I am secure with my large appetite.
THEN we watched Y Tu Mama Tambien, and it was sooooooo good!!!! There was a lot of sex and nudity, but it was the rated version so there was not a lot of the threesome at the end, but we saw Diegos cock. No one else really liked it...I guess it was cuz was in freakin spanish and i have a dirty mind that i thiught it was so great.
After the movie we listened to a little music and got gussied up to go to shooters. OMG it was so fun...there were 4 things that happened, and i am going to tell them in chronological order not in order of awesomeness...
1.) There was a handicapped lady who was there with a bunch of friends and she was dancing real funny. This would have been entertaining in and of itself except that katie looked at her and one of the women with the handicapped woman started yelling at us calling us motherfuckers and shaking her beer at us. I could have taken her, and wanted to, but we were adopting a flight not fight strategy for the night. besides there is no "Y Tu Mama Tambien" here...I am no Motherfucker!
2.) Greg...haha what a loser, he was old and came up to talk to us in between songs, he was telling us all about his girlfriend, so i asked him where she was and he said she was at work cuz she worked third shift...curiously enough an hour and a couple drinks later we saw greg again hump dancing with some nasty girl with his face in her dirty pillows...now either gregs girl got out of work or her was looking for some ass tonight...i know my opinion on the matter, but i will let you form your own judgements.
3.) Chady...chad is too common so his friends call him chady....plus as we found out he liked to chat as well. He came looking for a light for his cigarette(strike one), then he came back to tell us he found a light and started a convo, so katie told him she was an actress from cali, and that she was on guiding light, so he said he watched it (strike 2) and had never seen her, so she is pulliong shit out of her ass and we talked to hm for like 10 minutes and as we are getting up to leave he said he will watch for her...cuz he believed it all (strike 3...chady's out!)
and finally...4.) We were getting our groove on and the 4 of us were in a little circle trying to discourage the gross guys from approaching us when a guy who had been watching me shake my ass come up amd starts dancing next to me...imediately katie stopped dancing and gave him the meanest look she could while being visibly scared that he was gonna hump dance on her. He leaned over and told me to just do my thing and then he tried to get in the middle of the circle and all of us stopped dancing. It was so funny, then he said something to Mandi and left real quick...He looked sooo much like the guy who tried to pick me up on the bus...
I smell like smoke now, and I am real tired, so i am gonna go to bed, but this is a long ass entry and I heart anyone who cared avbout my day enough to read it.
4 Thoughts |
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2004 4 March :: 12.39 am
YAY! As unfun as it sounds to come to FSU, I am actually having a lot of fun. When I got here we went to eat, then Derek drove us to rent movies...(and didnt let anyone into the back on his side...nice job douche), anyway we came back and watched Donnie Darko (more about that later)...then the OC! The best part however was definetly when Derek sang and played the guitar...I forgot how good he is...and it is one of the hottest things EVER is a musician. There was definitely some Dirty Dancing as well...owow
Ok...I think that I have been neglecting my movie opinions the last couple days so here goes...
Run Lola Run-awesome
Monty Python-awesome
A Mighty Wind-awesome
Donnie Darko-really awesome
haha well i guess that wasnt profound, but i am not in a profound reflective mood. I am happy and hope it lasts, I hope tomarrow proves to be as great as today.
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2004 2 March :: 10.45 pm
:: Music: Represent Cuba
let me introduce myself...
I hate coming back to Caddy, but last night sucked hardcore, so it was good to get away from K-zoo too. Damn, I can't wait to see my girls tomarrow! I know that i create my own drama so i should not complain about it, but damn!
i went to the basketball game tonight, and it was weird, but good. I am gonna go see mr. man tomarrow, and that will be awesome. I saw a lot of people tonight that i had not seen in a long time, and the weird pat is that 3 of them go to WMU. I see them more in caddy than i do at school. I guess the fact that WMU might have more people than this town could have something to do with that.
I hope everyone is having a good break, My fun is gonna start tomarrow, but no worries...I will keep everyone updated. Oh yeah...big shout out to my boys back in k-zoo, I hope you don't miss me too much! I heart you all!
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2004 1 March :: 11.27 pm
I hate it when this little mother is not working...especially when I really have something I wanna write about.
here goes...I hate crying...It shows a vulnerability that i never want anyone to see...it exposes a person. I cry and it doesnt make me feel better, it makes me feel worse. It makes me feel weak. Very few people have enough of an effect on me to make me cry. But when a person makes me cry i lose a lttle bit of the control in my life. I have issues with control as well as letting people in. I am very guarded. Damn I hate letting people close to me. Anyway, I hate crying, i hate when other people cry, I hate when other people see me cry and I hate seeing other people cry. I think that this makes me a bitch, but i dont really care. Crying sucks.
I watched 2 more movies from my list, and i liked em. wootwoot
by the way, I love John Cusack
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2004 1 March :: 7.47 pm
Man, I really think that Say Anything had it right...good things do always come with bad things.
I am so tired of trying so hard, why can't anything be easy here. I have to work so hard for what I want, and then half the time once i get close I realize that I dont really want it. It is like that song; if you cant be with the one you love honey, love the one you're with...
I got to talk to my max tonight which was great, and then I found out about ferris for sure, which was great and then everything went down the drain from there...i let myself get into these messes...I should have known better.
i cant wait to see my posse and get their take on my life, cuz right now i cant make any sense out of it. arg.
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2004 1 March :: 1.35 am
Ok, Here we go...
3 things to Yay about:
1.) Mike came to pick me up and is the bestest...I heart you!
2.) Steve is here and is saving me from utter lonliness! I heart you too!
3.) I love movies and I have watched a lot of them lately...wootwoot!
3 things to Boo about:
1.) LOTR swept the oscars...some of the other movies got robbed...
2.) Jason is a uncuddly stupidhead...
3.) I wanna see my Max...
Alright, today i watched 2 of the movies on my list; fight Club and One flew Over the cukoo's nest. They were both great, and I loved One Flew Over a lot...the book was still better, but it was a good adaptation. I miss everyone, but I am having a good break...it is relaxing with no real agenda.
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2004 29 February :: 12.58 am
:: Music: Santana-Satellite
I'm gonna put your skin on mine...
AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
Havana Nights was SUCH a good movie...I LOvED IT! I wish Charlie was here...he dances and I really wanna dance with someone now...It was so cute though, and they fell in love...aww...it was so grrrr...I loved it
on the way home I wanted to hear the music again, so we stopped at Meijer and I got the soundtrack...YAY... represent represent CUBA hey mi musica...it makes me sooooo happy!
In other news..I watched magnolia today and was in love and disturbed at the same time...I will have to watch it again...that is the thing that is becoming most evident, I have to watch movies more than once to form a solid opinion, or even to comprehend it fully. oh well, I am beiginning to burn through my list though...it is exciting...I have 3 more right here, I think I will put one in now...
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2004 28 February :: 12.33 am
:: Music: Butterfly Boucher
all the things i wanna do but i cant/all the things i wanna say but i wont
Today was very low-key and relaxing. I watched The clockwork Orange today...I liked it, well i guess i didnt like it but i appreciate it...i dont know if that makes sense, but yeah...
played Double dash...i suck, but i love it...I got 3rd once...wootwoot
I HAVE to watch DD2:Havana nights...damn it i wish i had a car...i cant wait...yay...
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2004 26 February :: 4.40 am
Damn fired alarms, damn studying, damn i am tired...I am going to procrastinate a little more now by going to sleep and getting up in 3 hours to study, I figure if my eyes are not staying open then no imformation is entering my brain. Damn the man!
2 Thoughts |
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2004 25 February :: 10.21 pm
Alright...I have a feeling that this is just the first of many entries that will be posted by me this evening...
Here are the 2 most important things i have realized in the last 10 minutes
1.) Damn the OC for being so awesome and pulling me into its web of drama! I love it! And Damn adam brody for being so damn hot! And he fucked her damn it! Ahh but he is SO cute too! He got up on the thing and said that and she took his hand and they....awwwwww
2.) I have no idea why I am taking Art 221 damn it...I thought i would take it because it would suck and it would be fun to have people i knew in my class and we could study together, but the exact opposite is true. I love that damn class, i love going by myself cuz they both hate it too, and we arent even studying together! Damn it! Money wasted!
(I just realized something else...I say damn a lot now...)
Anyway, I am gonna study, then watch carmen and dave get married, then study a lot more...
1 Thought |
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2004 25 February :: 8.04 pm
Bert is Dominican
Ernie is Puerto Rican...WHATWHAT!
And Animal is MEXICANO!
Woot to minorities!
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2004 24 February :: 11.21 pm
I went to work and stayed there tonight, I got 2 checks too, which was surprising but good, so now if i had a way to cash them I would be golden.
It was real weird though cuz everyone talked...graphically...about sex at work today. There was a heated discussion about strip clubs that transitioned into relationships and eventually anal sex. WTF it was so bad cuz we were talkin to alumni and they could hear some of the people talkin i am sure...awkward...
It is so lonely here...I dont know why but it seems empty and quiet...and no one is online and no one has posted for a while...damn the man...i would call someone, but i dont know who...I could call ryan, but he wont talk to me...damn the man...
I am real excited about ferris...it is gonna be fun...
1 Thought |
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2004 24 February :: 5.30 pm
You know what is real frusterating? when you call someone and you have a lot to tell them but when they say hello everything leaes your brain. i hate that...anyway here is what happened so far today...
i got up and went to class, then i went to the LHC then i went to another class, then i went to miller, then i came back and ate...and watched THE MATRIX!!! it was soooooooo good, and I get to cross it off my list now too...i will have to borrow 2 from craig cuz i wanna know what happens next, but anyway, I went to ricci's room and we were talkin and her jason is coming tonight...I am kinda excited cuz i actually talked to him for the first time the other day and he was real cool...so anyway, I have to go to work today, but i hope i canget out, Then i would be able to go see the angry black man for a cultural event.
I gg now, bitch is probably almost ready to go.
I heart you amanda, your entry made my day!
2 Thoughts |
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2004 24 February :: 12.10 am
Alllllriiiiiiiiiiiight.....I am in the weirdest mood as anyone who has talked to me tonight can attest to! I am so happy that we only have 3 more days of class til break!
reasons to be excited about:
1.)visiting for the OC
2.)I have friends
3.)Streeters
4.)Mike Michelle Jason
5.)Ler thinks i am cool enough to meet his posse
6.)PP will rock
7.) I will get to see max again
8.) I talked to 2 "hot" guys tonight on the phone
9.)i wont have to be in caddy long during break
10.) I heart you all
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