buttercupistiny's Journal

buttercupistiny's Journal

:: 2008 26 July :: 7.35am

half day.... and sayche time FOR THE REST OF THE WEEKEND. i love it. LOVE IT. =] that alone makes me excited to go to work =]

*loveeeeeeeeeee*

leave a comment

duckie

:: 2008 25 July :: 7.19am

I'm not in a good mood today, and I'm feeling pretty fucking irritated about going into work and just standing around doing nothing for 10 hours because we're slow as fuck.

Shooting range tonight though, so hopefully that will be fun although I'm pretty certain I'm going to be tired as fuck since I didn't sleep much last night, and I have to get up early tomorrow too for work =[ Gay, imo.

leave a comment

duckie

:: 2008 23 July :: 9.17am

Sig 226

That will be my baby, and I'm ridiculously excited to get her! I got shot in the face at the Ohio op which pissed me off, so it was suggested that I carry a sidearm with me in case someone decides to get cocky. It's SO comfortable to hold! Pj and I went to MC as well, and I got to hold a real one =D If I ever have $800 laying around, I'm definitely going to be picking me up a real steel Sig 226.

Yum, imo =]

3 comments | leave a comment

duckie

:: 2008 22 July :: 12.42pm

Don't feel like you have to read this.
I feel a bit of drama coming on, and I'm not at all looking forward to it.

I was good friends with a girl in high school, and in my darker days I decided that I was going to seduce her boyfriend and get him to sleep with me because I thought she was being a fucking cunt, and I just wanted to get back at her for it. I'm not proud, and this was when I was 18, so obviously it's been a few years. I'm pretty sure she knows what happened even though we've never actually talked about it. None of them talk to me anymore.

Well, apparently she got in touch with Missy who I just recently reunited with. After 5 years of bullshit, we finally got past things that happened at the end of high school, and we hung out and caught up like we never missed a beat. Sooo now Amanda wants to be friends with her, they talked on the phone, friended on facebook, and all that stuff.

I don't even know what to think. I just feel like I was stabbed in the fucking chest. I don't even know why I feel this way because it's completely unjustified. I fucked up when I was a kid, and I did things that I could quite possibly regret. Is it even worth it to feel like this? I don't deserve her friendship, but I feel like I deserve the chance to be heard out. Maybe I don't because I crossed one of those lines and broke one of the unwritten rules of friendship. I'm different now though, COMPLETELY different, and I've grown up a lot. I guess that's why I feel this is all justified. I hate that I give people second, third, twentieth chances, and when I want a second one, I don't get jack fucking shit.

So here I am for the who knows how many times wanting to try to reach out again. Try to explain myself and salvage whatever is left of what we had. I know it will probably end in heartache like it has every time before, but I can't seem to let go of everything. I can't just erase some of the best times and memories of my life, and no matter how hard I try to forget, I get slapped in the face with everything over and over again. Rolling with the same circle of friends always brings them around, and I hear about them whether I want to or not.

Damnit.

leave a comment

duckie

:: 2008 21 July :: 8.58am

Ohio was a blast, and I took tons of pictures of the boys which was supposed to quench my photography thirst, but instead made it grow tremendously. It was hot as FUCK, the airsoft field sucked ass, but hanging out with the boys made it all worth it =]

Me, Pj, and Kel went to see Dark Knight last night after we were showered from the weekend. Amazing. That's all there is to say. OH and that Heath Ledger better damn well get an Oscar for his performance because it was flawless. I think that would only make it the 2nd time [if he gets one] that an Oscar was awarded after death.

And now it's Monday again. I'm still exhausted from the weekend, and my arms are a bit sore from sun burn so it'll be a long day, I think.

Edit: Trip to Young's is probably going to be in order this week so I can get a sidearm =D

leave a comment

duckie

:: 2008 16 July :: 9.27am
:: Music: Cartel -- Wonderwall [Oasis cover]

Short day today = YAYsauce.

Work til 4.
Post office.
Oil change.
Sayche timeeee.

So much love for msh =] <4

leave a comment

duckie

:: 2008 15 July :: 10.19am

Slayer just jumped up on my lap, turned to face me, wrapped his paws around my neck and kissed my face.

It was the cutest thing ever. I love my kitty =]

Oh, and I'm feeling ridiculously sappy/cutesy today. It's rather exciting because I totally just stepped out of my comfort zone and did something that I haven't done in a good 5 years. =]] I just hope the mood lasts until I get home.

<3

Oh and btw, it's blue bra Tuesday. So go put one on with a white shirt over the top, and go do the Cha Cha Slide on the sidewalk with your best friends. =]

2 comments | leave a comment

duckie

:: 2008 14 July :: 8.19am

It was a really great weekend.

I love you =]

leave a comment

duckie

:: 2008 11 July :: 7.19am

Sweet! 82 degrees tomorrow with a 60% chance of storms that could possibly be severe. I'm going to be SO excited to float down a river if storms hit. Nothin like being in a huge body of water with lightning raining from the sky =] I hope I don't get electrocuted!!

=|

/end sarcasm.

Today can lick some goat balls, imo =] 10 hour day for the LOSE, buttttt if storms hit like the sky looks like they will, it'll make for a relaxing and humble day which is always exciting. I'm going to blow my fucking manager out of the water at our meeting this morning because I've been stalking our campaign numbers. Not gonna lie, I pretty much love ~~being right all the time~~ being a show off =]

Anywayyyy. Work work work, lunch, work work, home, pack, shopping, food, Cedar Springs, Pj's mommmmmm, Wii? SLEEP. sleep sleep, rafting, storms, liquor, electrocution, home.

iiiiiiiilmshsfm! inef. aikwlyfwighfw =] KTHXBAI.
<3

3 comments | leave a comment

duckie

:: 2008 10 July :: 11.09am

<33333333333333333

Don't go changing, to try and please me,
You never let me down before,
Don't imagine, you're too familiar,
And I don't see you anymore.

I would not leave you, in times of trouble,
We never could have come this far,
I took the good times, I'll take the bad times,
I'll take you just the way you are.

Don't go trying, some new fashion,
Don't change the colour of your hair,
You always have my, unspoken passion,
Although I might not seem to care.

I don't want clever, conversation,
I never want to work that hard,
I just want someone, that I can talk to,
I want you just the way you are.

I need to know that you will always be
The same old someone that I knew,
What will it take till you believe in me,
The way that I believe in you?

I said I love you, and that's forever,
And this I promise from the heart,
I couldn't love you, any better,
I love you just the way you are.

I don't want clever, conversation,
I never want to work that hard,
I just want someone, that I can talk to,
I want you just the way you are.

leave a comment

duckie

:: 2008 8 July :: 11.16am

Oh! I almost forgot =]

I'm FINALLY selling my rings and my necklace tomorrow. Hopefully I'll get enough money so that I can get a new video card and a power supply. My PC is pretty much jacked for gaming, and it's extremely frustrating that I can't play CoD =[

I should also be getting my half of the stimulus check on Thursday or Friday which means that Shawn will be paying the lawyer sometime this week which means that I'll FINALLY get divorce papers, so this can be fucking over. I'm also hoping I can just do court via phone because I don't want to drive 7 hours just to go to court for like a half hour. That's a waste of time and gas, and I'm not going to do it. I need to start preparing my case for requesting alimony too. Hopefully I'll get it too.. that will help me out tremendously with bills and such. I'm pretty excited for all of this to just be over. Then I can finally get my new drivers license, plates, switch the title of my car, and all that good stuff. And I'll be able to have my maiden name back which makes me even happier <3

K I'm done now. Yay for good mood, maybe? Andddd yay for storms again today!!! I'm actually visibly excited about these unlike yesterday.

Btw, Stephen King is WIN. And Pet Semetary is supposed to be his scariest novel =D I'm glad I finally got my bookssss <3333

leave a comment

duckie

:: 2008 8 July :: 9.59am

So this weekend we went swimming, and I randomly busted out with how I was really excited for Christmas which shocked myself probably more than it shocked the boys. I figured it was just some float away thought bubble that prematurely popped, but here I am again, thinking about fucking Christmas.

Idk if it's because I'm spending it with my mom and pops orrr if it's because I get to be with Pj and Kelly for the holiday season. I REALLY want to get a tree, but we won't have any room for one which is incredibly sad. I'm already thinking about how we can rearrange things so we can fit a small one or where I can put stockings up.

Fucking pathetic? I think so, kids. I think so.

Yesterday sucked fucking dick. I was by myself at work for the majority of it which was kind of a disaster, and balancing my cashbox was even worse. The power went out the last time that I worked, so I had to balance manually, and I'm pretty sure that something got fucked up between then and now. I'm less than excited to go into work today, because I know that Becky is going to be all over me talking about it and trying to figure out what happened, and I just don't want to fucking deal with it right now. I came home, didn't say a word to anyone, and went right into the shower to cry. It was less than exciting. I finally fell asleep around 1030 [I was ready to fucking sleep once 8pm hit =\ ] once I stopped being ridiculous about things that REALLY didn't matter [yes, I realize I was upset which makes it matter in itself, but when I get like that, I overreact about EVERYTHING which is why it really wasn't important].

...

Okay it was important. And if I just would have fucking said it without worrying about sounding ridiculous then I probably would have had a good night to end my horrible day. When have you ever thought that I sounded ridiculous when I was upset? Oh yea, that's right. Never.

Alright, I need to get ready for what could potentially be another horrible day at work. I'm glad that I have tomorrow off. REALLY glad. I'm probably going to drown myself in the pool all day.

Maybe I'm amazed at the way you love me all the time
Maybe I'm afraid of the way I love you
Maybe I'm amazed at the way you pulled me out of time
and hung me on a line
Maybe I'm amazed at the way I really need you

Maybe I'm a girl and maybe I'm a lonely girl
who's in the middle of something
that she doesn't really understand

Maybe I'm a girl and maybe you're the only man
who could ever help me
Baby, won't you help me understand

Maybe I'm amazed at the way you're with me all the time
Maybe I'm afraid of the way I lead you
Maybe I'm amazed at the way you help me sing my song
Right me when I'm wrong
Maybe I'm amazed at the way I really need you

4 comments | leave a comment

duckie

:: 2008 7 July :: 7.07am

I feel restless and unsettled.

Sigh. SH time sounds ridiculously good right now, and I want that more than anything =\

I'm praying today goes by fast so that I can be back home already. 10 hour days ftl =[

Edit: It's probably the isolated/scattered thunderstorms that is in the forecast for the entire day. It's pretty much the only time when I feel like I don't have control over things. Normally it's a very humbling feeling, but sometimes it just makes me feel really off my game like I don't have control over anything. It always makes me really quiet and slightly frustrated.

leave a comment