yes... it has been forever since i last wrote. i apologize. nothing goes on around here to update about. i still haven't really gotten into the mood to go hang around town with everyone and goof off because i'm still upset and depressed about the fact that the man i love is in Iraq, so i stay at home and do homework and write poems, cry, and go to gramma's on saturday to babysit. exciting life huh? hardly containable
*rolls eyes*
anyway i cain't believe it's almost christmas. Karl refuses to tell me what he want's or needs, so ... i simply don't know what to get him. He's one of them impossible people to get something. well, actually i know what i want to get him, but it'll be pointless to send it to him over there because he won't be able to watch it. it's called Night of the Grizzly, and it's his favorite movie but it's really old and there are like no copies of it anymore so i'll have to do some digging before i can even find it. i just wish he would tell me something. it bugs me that he won't... he just says that he has everything he needs and... *sigh*
i don't like getting presents. I mean there's the excitment of getting something that you want, but it makes me feel extremely uncomfortable, but i love giving them.... crazy, i know. oh well.
um... oh i love christmas lights! they excite me to no end. along with christmas music. caint get enough of it. Every year I have to watch "It's A Wonderful Life" too. i haven't seen it on tv yet though. I need that movie. I think i'll buy that this year.
Ok... long enough pointless update. Later
Rachel

Thanksgivin
I went to bed at around 1:00, got up at 8:45, ate breakfast, done some homework, went back to sleep at 11:00, got up at 3:00, got ready for Thanksgivin supper at Gramma Harrison's, went over there for a few hours, came back, got on here, Ashley stole the computer, went down to my room and read for a while, attempted to go to sleep, but Ashley made me go talk to her for awhile, so I went to her room and then we started punching eachother and messing around. Then I was leaving and she started chasin after me so I screamed and ran and locked myself in the bathroom for about an hour, finally came out and started talkin to dad, then I noticed that I had orange messenger deals flashin. When she was done on here she didn't even sign out and disconnect, so I had like 3 people talking to me when I wasn't even here, so I had to apologize. It was pretty gay. Anyway, didn't get to talk to Karl today, he was movin to the place he's stationed in Iraq. I cain't even spell it so I won't try to.
Tomorrow there's a blitz at Wal-Mart which we go to every year to get crap for Gramma and we gotta be there at 4 in the mornin cause they open at 5. used to we got there at 5 and they opened at 6. I reckon I liked that deal better.
Anyway, we got that goin tomorrow, then I'm gonna do some more homework (the teachers laid it on nice and thick this weekend) then Saturday we're gonna have our dinner here at home, then Sunday we got church, then I got invited to my friends dinner, then I got supper at my Gramma Prewitt's. So's obviously this holiday ain't workin to well with my diet, cause I got the type of family that don't exactly believe in diets, and so they get mighty offended if you skimp out and don't eat somethin they made. Makes life rather difficult from time to time.
Anyway, I should be goin on to bed.
Rachel

Well... let me see what all has gone on here lately...
Friday got out of school and Johanna and I booked our asses to Monette to watch Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. It was rather good... and we could see over everyones head too *laugh* We then went to Sonic and hung out with Purdy people and ate then came home and hung out on our own "turf" for a few hours then Really went home.
Saturday I worked at gramma Harrisons for a few hours, came home and got ready for a wedding, went to it (obviously) and then came home to an empty house, which is unusual. Apparently Taylor (little sister) broke her arm in basketball practice and so everyone was up at the hospital with her. Tis a pertty (yes, I ment to do that) bad break so they may have to do surgery. We shall find out Wednesday. I feel so bad for her cause she's all sad and in pain... hmm. It's her right arm too, right at the wrist so she's fucked over big time.
Anyway, after we found that out, I had to go up to the school because we had Bonfire. (if anyone doesn't know what this is, just ask, I'm not up to writing it just yet) After that fun was over, the guys were playin eachother in a Maroon and White game so we all watched that then Jo and I went to see Heather, who had surgery on her ACL Friday, and we watched Amityville Horror with her and Joey, her boyfriend, and then we left because she was tired and we went and ate at Taco Bell where Jo got her ass hit on . lol the dude gave us free potatoe wedges after we specifically told him that we didn't want them... they turned out rather good too. But anyway, went and hung out at her house for awhile then I came home. It was rather fun.
Blah
Ok, nothing else of importance, so I'm outta here.
Me

I just talked to Karl and he is in Germany right now. It's like 11 at night over there, I was like holy crap. They still have about another full day of flying left until they get there. He said it was a nice plane though, and that the flight wasn't that bad. He said he couldn't sleep because he couldn't stop thinkin about me, which made me feel really bad. I want him to be able to sleep, cause I doubt he's gotten very much. I know he didn't sleep much this weekend and I don't know how much he slept on the drive back... ehh, I don't know, but I still feel bad.
It's like I'm at the point in this relationship where I'm extremely clingy and I want to be with him at all points in time, yet he's gone over in Iraq, or at least he will be, so it kind of kills me right now. I'll have to find a way to get past this
Anyway, I have to go do some homework
Rachel

- Karl -
Friday afternoon Karl, his mom Teresa, and his brothers Erik and Roland came down. That night I had Barnwarming to go to because of FFA Innitiation. It was fun and crazy but his mom videotaped it and it was like the night that the new people got their asses humiliated. It was funny though. I had to eat corn and then dig through all this pond shit trying to find a penny. Pond shit includes mud, leaves, cow shit and any other kind of shit was on the bottom of that and ... well obviously whatever the hell is in a pond. Anyway, they freakin didn't put the pennies in until we had been digging around in it forever. I had a cream shirt on and people was slinging the crap everywhere so I got covered in it. I was pretty mad. Anyway, later that night we made love and it was so crazy. I won't go into details but it was pretty exciting. It still hurt though, so it wasn't as good as it could have been but it was still so wonderful.
Saturday we got up and ate breakfast then just hung around the house and talked for awhile. At around 12 Karl, Erik, Roland, Trevor and I went to the movies and watched Chicken Little, which was so freakin cute. Then we went to Wal-Mart to buy stuff for Funeral Potatoes. Strange name I know but they're really good. It's like sour cream, hashbrowns, cream of chicken, and cheese. Ahh it's so wonderful...anyway, we came home after that. Oh, we ate pizza before the movie and Karl stinkin put sugar in my Root Beer when I took the kids to the bathroom ... butthead. I defended his pop from Erik... *sigh*
We got home and they made homemade Root Beer. It was soooo freakin good. It was like dry ice, five pounds of sugar, five gallons of water (I think) and then Root Beer Extract. It was so wonderful. Anyway, we had that with supper, then we all loaded up and went to Gramma and Grampa Harrison's because they wanted to see him and meet them before they left. It was crazy over there but fun... at least I had fun...
We came home and watched a movie, or at least attempted to, then we messed around for awhile while cuddled up on the couch and then we went to sleep. Oh! We actually got to sleep together this time. Usually he was on the couch and I was in my room but nope, this time we slept together on the couch and it was so perfect and wonderful. I wanted every moment to last forever this weekend.
Sunday we got up and went to church, then came home and had the Funeral Potatoes (which I'm eating right now too... they made a shit load) and then we took five thousand million pictures ... ok, we actually did the pictures and then ate, but whatever. Dad, Taylor, Roland, and Trevor left to go do cattle up at Gramma and Grampa Prewitt's and we all stayed home and talked for awhile, then we went up there so they could all meet. It was like 8 people out of the 400 in my family, but ... ehh. Then Karl and I went on a double date with Tessi and Travis. We was gonna go to Sonic and eat, but we lost Travis and I forgot how to get there (I know, I know, it's horrible, I live around here I should know... bite me) so we just kind of pulled off the road under a bridge and we messed around for awhile, then I freakin had an emotional breakdown and cried for five million hours and made a mess out of my hair, make-up and his shirt. He babied me and let me cry for awhile but then he started telling me to stop. lol I felt bad because I know it makes him uncomfortable, but ... well hell I couldn't stop. Then we went to Wal-Mart because he was determined to cheer me up. We went and got a few essential tools (aka condoms) and then we went and looked at rings because he said he needed an idea of what I liked, which killed me but I did it anyway, then we went and looked at baby clothes and that made me happy... I don't know, we had a good time. Then we got some candy and went to the movie theater, hoping that Travis and Tessi would be there... luckily they was, though apparently they thought we'd had a wreck and had went looking for us but they was fine with it once they heard the story. Made me feel like a dope though :(
We went inside and bought the tickets and then we went and played around in the arcade for awhile. Tessi royally kicked my ass at Air Hockey. I have no hand - eye cordination at all... it's pretty sad. She let me score 4 points which was horrible, but... ehh. We was watching Saw II. It scared the freakin crap out of me oh my gosh. I hate gory movies and ... well that was pretty damn gory. I screamed and Karl laughed at me forever for it. Me and this chick in front of me was the only ones in the place that screamed and Karl said he bet I made the other chick scream cause I did it first... lol I'm gonna keep thinkin she screamed because it was scary though, so that I don't feel so stupid. Him being there made it better than it usually is though so it aint gonna be so bad watchin scary movies anymore. Yay!
After the show we said our goodbyes and went home.... at least they did. We drove around for awhile and found a nice little hidden spot and made love again. It was so wonderful. First time it didn't hurt and ... *dreamy sigh*
lol I now have goosebumps just thinkin about it, but yeah, it was perfect.
We then went home and snuggled on the couch for about thirty minutes, then I went and got a shower and we went to sleep in the floor. It was the first time I had actually ever spooned and it was so cute lol. I slept really good, even though it was freakin cold as shit... anyway
This morning I had to get up and get ready for school and they loaded all their stuff into the truck then we took a few more pictures and then they took me to school. I tried not to cry the whole way there, and got by with just a few unnoticed tears. Then I had to tell them all goodbye, which was honestly the hardest thing I had ever done. He goes to Iraq at 3 something in the morning... tomorrow I guess. I didn't really cry until his mom hugged me and said how glad she was that Karl and found me and .. oh she killed me. I didn't start bawling though, so that was good. Just a few more extra tears. I hugged Erik and Karl was like "ah hell no" or "Oh I see how it is" or something like that, so then I started laughing and stopped crying... until I hugged him again and got a goodbye kiss. Then the bell rang and I had to walk away. That's when I started crying. I felt so bad walking away, but they needed to leave because he needed to back because he had a formation deal at 5:30, though it got moved back to 6:00 I think.. and I had to go to class. As soon as I walked into the building Katie was there and she saw me crying and ran up and I cried for like 5 minutes while just hugging her. I cried off and on all day, but luckily we got out at 12:30 so I could come home and cry. All my make-up was gone and my eyes were all red and puffy.... my teachers sure as hell left me alone today, though I don't think they really knew what was wrong with me. lol I think I got more hugs today than I have my whole life, it was so crazy.
I got home, took a shower because I felt gross from crying and everything, and then I tried to eat something and couldn't so I went and slept for awhile. Karl gave me a sweatshirt and pants that say Army on them that he had in Basic Training, and then one of his Army tee-shirts, and they smell like him and so that made me start crying all over again, but I put on the sweatshirt and curled up and just smelt it forever until I fell asleep. Then he called me a little after five and we talked for awhile and I started crying because he was packing and was talking about his helmet which made me think about him getting shot at and so I started crying and then he had to go, but said he would try to call me later before he left. I really hope he gets to, he said he might not be able to though. I'm gonna try not to cry this time because I know it has to make him feel bad, and that's the last thing I want so I'll just try to keep it in until we hang up, then Missouri's gettin a flood.
I don't know if I can handle this too well. I already feel as though my hearts being ripped out of my chest, and he's still in Kentucky, though only for 7 1/2 more hours approximately. It's going to be so hard to get up and go tomorrow. I really don't know how I'm going to handle this. I've already prayed my heart out today, which is something I don't do very offten anymore, but you can bet your ass I prayed today.
Rachel

So tomorrow is Greenhand Innitiation for FFA. Sweet. I have to go all day in no make up and dressed Extremely skanky. Where are peoples morals? Not with them obviously. But it's tradition. All the guys have to dress up as girls so.. ha. Skirt/dress, pantyhose, heels, make-up, wigs... the whole nine-yards. Funny... for the females, upsetting for them I suppose.
Karl's still coming!!!!!!! I'm so happy.
Oh... freakin he called me today and told me that he might get to stay until the 21st again, but then later when he called me it was back to the 15th. Sweet. I didn't cry though, I was proud of myself....*shinning moment*..... ok, that's over with.
Anyway, I'm freakin goin to bed because I gotta be at the school at 7:00. Holy Hell.
Ha, I couldn't figure out why I couldn't really see... don't have my glasses on. I did that the other night when I was on the phone with Karl.... I've been doing it a lot lately actually. Pretty sweet if you ask me. Actually that's a lie, it makes me feel completely retarded.
Anyway....Holy Hell Goodnight.
Rachel

I just talked to Karl and he's leaving like a week before he was supposed to and I don't even know what to do, I'm just kind of numb. I don't want him to leave me, but I can't exactly say that because I know he doesn't want to leave me, and I don't want to make him feel bad because this is hard enough on him already.
I've cried off and on about it, but I still don't think that it's fully hit me yet that he's going to be over there where people are dying every day. He's promised me that nothing will happen, and he says that he has a way to know it, but he hasn't explained it yet, and he said that he will someday, and I trust him, but .. well, I'm still scared of getting a phone call telling me that he's never coming back. I can't even imagine what I would do. I don't even want to think about it, but then I can't help but thing about it sometimes.
At school every one always tells me all their problems and I listen and give them advise on what to do or what not to do, and it's always been that way, but lately I just want to scream and tell them that they don't know what it means to hurt, or to be scared about losing someone. I couldn't do that though, because they're going through what they're going through and it's a big thing to them so I cain't be like "well you have problems but mine are so much worse so shut up until you know what you're talking about." I'm mean.. but not that mean. I can't even talk to people about what I'm going to because I'm just ... I don't know, I'm a better listener than I am a talker. I can't get advice from someone because it makes me feel uncomfortable, but apparently I've gotten pretty good at giving it.
Then again that's another thing, it's like I have all my problems and then I have everyone elses on top of them, and I caint get rid of any of them so they just continuously pile up.
Renkoski is starting to make me talk to him about stuff, so it's not as bad as it used to be. Basically tomorrow I'll go cry to him and he'll make everything alright for a few hours.
Anyway, Ashley's killing me because she needs the computer to email something so ...
Rachel

Was supposed to go watch Saw 2, go eat, and then go to Heathers and hang out forever tonight, but mom had a spaz fit and so that was made unimpossible... i aint for sure that's a word, but uh... yeah, i just used it.
Karl and his familys comin down next weekend!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(yes I know all them was not neccisary but... they was needed)

Um... nothing really happend today. It was pretty flippin boring.
Erik (Karl's brother) doesn't like Napoleon Dynamite. Neither does Karl. they are horrible horrible sad little people. Actually they ain't little because they're both like seven feet tall so... but yeah, weird. They don't even know what good is.
Sadness.

Anyway... yeah pretty much I'm done for today cause I caint think of nothin else to say.

Alright, I got questioned as to why I wasn't around here anymore by a little red head the other night and I had been thinking about comin back but I'll be damned if I have the time anymore. I'll attempt to make it I suppose, but no promises.
I'm not even aware of the date of my last entry so I'll just say the most recent stuff and we'll just have a little Dark Age between then and now.

-The most pressing issue of this month is that Karl goes to Iraq, though I'm not for sure as to what the specific date is as of yet.
He may be coming down next weekend... with his family in store. They're goin over there to see him and they might all come see me... Exciting... Scary... Nerve wracking.
Indeed
-On the 26th of October until the 29 I was gone to Louisville, Kentucky for FFA National Convention. It was so much fun, but it was freezing cold and the girls were all stuck in skirts, pantyhose, and heels. Not so much fun on the dress code side. My feet were dead. It was still pretty cool though.
I had bought a shirt that said "Save a Horse Ride a Cowboy", but I grabed the wrong size of shirt so I just gave it to Johanna and all was said and done. She liked it and I got other shit so it was all good... I really liked that damn shirt though. I'm freakin getting one next year, you bet your ass on it.
-I am almost officially failing Algebra II. I don't understand anything that we're doing in this chapter, probably because I've been gone on a million trips all throughout it, but mainly because it's fucking hard. We have the chapter test either Friday or Monday, I can't remember which, and it's almost certian that I'm destined to fail it. I'll cry my little heart out, then make up for it with a ton of Extra Credit, and hopefully next chapter, because it looks a little more promising for my tormented little brain. I hate math.
-Our class rings came in Tuesday and I absolutly love mine!! I had my size wrote out and everything on my order form, and then the guy freaked out and told me that i HAD to get it half a size larger because my "fingers will swell." ok... this is his job so I trusted him. Now the fuckin thing's half a size to big and I'm pissed. It don't fall off or nothin, but oooh damn he's gonna get it when/if I see him again. I get a free shirt though... so it's all good I guess...maybe if we stretch it.
-I'm even more in love with Karl and I miss him more and more every day and it's getting even harder to get by without him, and it's hard to talk myself into even getting my ass out of bed because I know that something somewhere throughout the day will remind me of him, or my friends will bring him up in a conversation and I want to talk about him, but then I don't because it's to hard and painful because everything just makes me realize that he'll be gone in just a few weeks and I won't see him for an entire year.
That will leave me with half a year left of school when he comes back, and I cain't wait. I want to graduate at semester just so I can have more time with him, but then I want to have those last 4 months with my friends, and I want to go on Senior Trip and to Prom.... so that ones out of the question I suppose.
-Doug isn't on anymore. Ever. We got into it a little bit about things I'd rather not mention, and then he was gone. I've more than likely been blocked or deleted, but that's fine. He was changing and I didn't like it anyway. I miss him though.
-I'm going to Branson on the 30th of this month with Choir to go to a recording studio and ...what else? ... record some of our songs that we've been singing. I think it'll suck, but we get to hang out at the mall for a few hours so eh. Our teacher used to sing/whatever with Ray Stevens so he's seeing if he can't get us free tickets to his show so that'll be cool. What's the catch? None of my friends are in Choir with me. Ha. Looks like I'll have a jolly ol' time huh? you bet your buns. And it's mandatory that we go. We have been killed time and again that we'll recieve an F if we aint there... psychopath. Geeze.

Alright that's about it I'm thinkin. Now I have to go finish my homework and fill out my ACT thing...ahh that's another one, I have to go take my ACT soon...I forgot what day it is... but oh well. It took Johanna like 4 days to fill her form out, but I didn't know about this one until yesterday and it has to be in the mail on the 4th so I may just be takin the next one...oops.
Rachel

I just got off the phone with Karl. He found out that they get deployed on November 24th. Thanksgiving. Looks like I won't have to much to be thankful for when that day rolls around.
That may not be the set date, but I'm sure it will be. I miss him so much.

I had four tests today. History, English, A. Biology, and Algebra. History was fine, English was fine, Bio. was really hard, but then he decided not to take a grade on it so it was fine, and Math sucked, though I think I did alright on it. It was a lot easier than the last test so ... yay I guess.

I never get to talk to Doug anymore. We both have so much going on in our lives that it's almost impossible to be on at the same time, expecially with the time difference.
I talk to Kelly more often now, though not so much lately. He's busy and stuff and so ... yeah. It makes me happy talking to him. lol he's one to make you feel good about yourself, so it's always fun. Love ya Kelly (and Earl...) ahh that's weird, just playing Kell :s
Rachel