how was today no one asks? much better, thanks. they were still disecting live creatures in biology, but i read instead of paying attention. Tessi still loved doing it and did like 3 worms and a beetle. fucking psycho.

I thought that at 9 last night my day, or night i suppose, would get better. I'm addicted to Nashville Star (usa, 9:00/10:00, tuesday nights). My plan of getting cheered up failed. last night my favorite person, Jayron Weaver, got voted off. that just kicked all the controle i had maintained to shit, and i started crying. i cried for over two hours, and finally fell asleep doing so, and woke up with puffy, bloodshot eyes. it was wonderful...*rolls eyes*

doug should be getting on pretty soon. He's the only person that i don't have blocked on MSN. i was talking to this girl, Natalie, from school and "she" told me that "she" looked good in this picture and gave me a link. of course i click it because i never even think twice about that stuff. oops. she was like "No! don't click it it's a virus" ... hmm. so now my computer has a virus that randomly opens up a conversation box with anyone who's online and gives them the same shit line about looking good in a picture. i was going to delete everyone, and went from 57 people to 22...then i got the bright idea that maybe i only needed to block them. i only deleted people that i never talk to though, so it's alright. i feel really weird not having like five trillion conversations going at all time though. the only reason i didn't block doug was because he said he didn't mind the deal sending him the link and that he "is smart enough not to click it". It hasn't sent it all day, but im not sure if its gone yet. ive been doing scans and deleting a bunch of files and shit on the computer, so hopefully i got it deleted. i don't know though, so i'll wait until monday or tuesday to unblock everyone. makes me really sad that im retarded. i'll never click a link again. Ever.

we had a history test today. i think i did alright on it, but im not sure. we're going to have a math test coming up soon also. i hate those, but were doing easy stuff at the moment, so i should be fine. last week we had a biology test and he just got them graded. i got a 93%. that really bummed me out, but i tried. he let us redo the questions we missed and we'll get half the points back. that'll take me to a 96.5, so a 97 because he just rounds up if its a .5 or above. that makes me a little happier, but not much.
i get made fun of all the time because i strive for good grades and im not happy unless i get a hundred. i wish people would just leave me alone about it. i need to keep good grades so that i don't become completely invisible to my parents who are forever awed with ashley and her amazingness, taylor and her troubles, and trevor and his...cute and funniness. i'm the overlooked middle child. that's to common in this world. that's why i want 2 children. i won't have a middle one to overlook, though i know i wouldn't do that because i know all to well how it feels. im not begging for the spotlight though. i like being alone and not having to much expected of me. i just wish that there was something that was expected of me. well, besides getting the chores done and the kids watched when needed.

alright, i've done enough ranting about my home life.

Karl called me sunday. i was in the shower at the time. felt Really awkward talking to him while i had nothing but a towel on. dumb dad told him that i was in there, so he kept teasing me. it was horrific, but i survived. he got a tattoo on his left arm. he couldn't really explaine what it was good enough for me to understand, so i told him he had to send me a picture of it. the dumbass keeps getting in trouble for cussing. im in love with a potty mouth. just grand. lol oh well, hes in love with one also *smiles*

lmfao i love that commercial where the girl is introducing her boyfriend to her parents and then she like pops that dentyne fire gum in her mouth and starts going at it with him and then the mother was like "umm..." and then takes the gum and goes at it with the dad
makes me laugh Sooooo hard. i can just picture that happening to me, some guy (heh) and then mom and dad.
most people are grossed out when they're parents kiss...it doesn't bother me at all. i mean my god, they freakin have sex, id rather them kiss in front of me than that, so i don't complain. ew, not that they would do it in front of me.
ok, now that i've made myself sound like a sick freak, im gonna go
Rachel

It's been awhile since I've wrote I guess...oh well.
Today in Biology we had to disect something. He told us to bring in whatever it was alive, thought it had to be an invertabrea or whatever. So, I bring in a worm. Easy enough. I had thought we were going to kill it before we disected it...Mr. Terry had other plans. Tessi went first. She had a crawdad and just like freakin ripped its legs off and cut into it without it bothering her at all. She's got every intention of becoming a forensic pathologist...i think that's what it's called. anyway, she wants to do autopsies. ok, we spend forever watching the poor thing die while she's having fun and laughing while cutting it up.
My Turn!
I had Tessi pin it down because i couldn't. that should have been my first clue Not to do this. actually, the first clue should have been when i was like almost in tears because the poor fucking crawdad was in like so much freakin pain or whatever. anyway, i start to cut it and it just won't. i'm like gaging at this point because it Will Not cut. so, Mr. Terry told me to move up to where the heart is. I do so, and it cuts and all this blood just starts pouring out and all i did was like make a little poke in it. i gagged, ran out of the room and threw up. i didn't go back in there until the bell rang, and only then because i didn't have my stuff.
Hopefully ill be ok in advanced biology because the pigs will at least be dead.
anyway, the bells gonna ring and i gotta go. schools finally out. fucking woohu.
Rach

Either tonight or tomorrow night is my last. After that the second phone line is cut off and my life ends.

I'm starting to get depressed about the seniors leaving. I grew up with all of those people. Only because I always hung around Ashley when she didn't want me to. Still...Ashley and I were never all that close and this last year we've become really close. She'll still be living at home, so it's not like I'm exactly losing her or anything, but she won't be at school. Joey and Ryan are also graduating. They are basically loved by every single person in the entire school. They're hilarious and will do anything at all.
Today during the senior Vs. faculty game, they stripped off their regular clothes and Joey was wearing a pink wife beater, a pair of girls boxer shorts and slidders underneath those. Ryan had a yellow belly shirt on that had like cuts out of the side and a pair of cut off wranglers that came up to like mid thigh.
Now, everyone reading this is probably like "wow. thats really fucking gay" but it's hilarious. You would just have to know them.
School is going to be pretty boring next year.
Now that I think about it, they're like the Van Wilder of our high school...only they're actually graduating when they should.

Alright, I have to go finish writing a retarded English paper.
Rachel

Fuckin randomness
Tomorrow they are having an assembly for National Honer Society. You're actually not supposed to know if you get in until they day they tell you...but I got my hands on the envelope, and I got in. heh. Ashley was pissed because I found out, but she can eat a dick.
I'll look hot up there with poisin ivy, that's for sure. *cries*
lol

We're reading "To Kill a Mockingbird" in Novels. I love this book so much. There are so many people who hate it. What the hell is wrong with them? I just love the way it's written and the story it tells. Anyone who hasn't read it definitly needs to. No questions asked.

Ashley's staying at Jackies again. She's having knee surgery and needs someone to watch her dog. I hate that dog. Ashley was out until 9:30 tonight because of FFA districts or whatever. So fucking glad I didn't join FFA even though I got so much shit for it. Fuck them though. Anyway, she was bitching because I didn't get her shirt washed, mom didn't make brownies (for the NHS thing tomorrow) because mom forgot to go by and get her make-up, because dad didn't wake her up early enough, Taylor didn't take her dogs out...and omg it just went on and on. She's so fucking annoying now. I will never be like her, and if her "omg lets go fucking nuts over every little thing because my life sucks and I'm graduating" senior disease ever gets onto me, I'll fucking kill myself. I refuse to act like that and be an annoyance to every living person around me.
Anyway, Ashley finally left after telling me that it was in my best interest that I do not forget her shirt in the morning. I was like wtf would I forget it for? I really want to now, just to piss her off, but no, I couldn't be that mean on purpose.

I absolutly hate MAP testing. It's the stupidest thing ever. The state decided that we students "rush through the test, purposley not doing well" so that we "can hurry and draw, sleep or read", so now we can't do anything when we get done. They give us so much time to do anything. For the math today we had an hour and a half to do 11 problems. ELEVEN PROBLEMS!!! wth. i had like 45 minutes left to just sit there and stare out the flippin window. Fun fUn fuN for sure. Bastards.

Hmmm...life basically sucks for any teenager unless they are rich, have parents who care, but not about what they do, have a vehicle and don't have to pay for gas, have friends that care about doing things other than playing hide and seek (fucking Johanna and her childish ways) and partying every night and smoking pot or doing any other drug, good looking with nice teeth, have a nice body, and either has a boyfriend (in which they can actually see) or is not really concerned about settling down with one person at the moment, but still manages to Not be a whore.
Basically. Now, that may not all be true, but fuck you.
Rachel

Definitly worth the 16 dollars. I love this CD. The sheep kind of scared me when I opened the case for the first time. I'm kind of creeped out by sheep and pigs. I don't know why either. And ladybugs.

I got kicked out of school at 8:20, before it even begins. Apparently they couldn't keep me in school because I "could be contagious". eh. So, I came home, crashed until 2:30, mom got here at 2:40 and we went to the hospital and got my first shot in the ass. I wanted to cry. I don't really mind shots, they're pretty cool actually...yeah that was a little weird, but anyway. lol I don't shoot up cause I like needles, swear.
Um...oh, the verdict was: Poisin Ivy on the torso, Poisin Oak on my neck. *Big sigh* I feel so nasty. I never went outside because I'm not exactly a very outdoorsy type of person. But I want to loose weight so I decide to jog every night and one night I get bored and go for a hike...last time I ever do that. So much for being spontanious. Fuckin outdoors.

Rachel

Well...
the other night when i was jogging i got done and was still pumped up and whatnot, so i decided to drop off of this steep hill and go look at the creek below. i guess i got into something and now im like covered head to toe with a flippin rash.
disgusting i know...makes me want to cry. we don't know what it is, and i have to go to the doctors if it aint lookin better by tomorrow. fuckin a
alright, im gonna go sleep now.
ahh! jess was gonna have sex with joey for the first time. they stopped by this old abandoned house, didn't have enough room so they did everything but for about an hour and a half. lol she's so fuckin hilarious and he's a dork. gotta love 'em both.
i better have enough room when i decide to give it up or i'll be mortified and remain a virgin for the rest of my life.
he'll also have to wear about 3 condoms if we aint married.
Rach~

karls in alabama now. he also has access to a computer, so now we can talk. i don't know if he has msn or not, he wasn't to sure either, but we do have emails, and if worst comes to worst, we can meet up in the old chatroom and talk there. that'll be a trip down memory lane....


PASSIONATE LOVER. You love to love, always looking
for a relationship. You cannot live without it.
Your lover must be passionate and you want
that you and your partner melt into each other.
He/She should not try to take the domination .
You dont want a relationship without passion,
and the sexuality plays a big part. The first
moment you meet him/her is one of the most
important. There has to be something between
you , you cannot explain. From the first moment
on everything must fix. But when this passion
disappears you disappear to. For you it is
better to leave than to see your love
restrained.

PLEASE VOTE, I want to know what you think about my
quiz, I worked hard on it.You can always
message me or tell me how I can improve that
quiz. Ill sure write back.


~THE big LOVE TEST!! What do you need? With PICS! For girls and boys!~
brought to you by Quizilla

You like the sweet, shy type.


What kind of guy are you most attracted to? (CUTE anime pics)
brought to you by Quizilla
(indeed i do)



You are sad because you are suppressed


Why are you sad? [amazing pictures] For darker people
brought to you by Quizilla



You are a hopeless romantic person. You think of
love as an innocent light. You are a happy
person and you are also opptimistic. You like
the bright things in life. Many people like
you for your 'breath of fresh air attitude'.


Who are you inside????? (LOTS OF RESULTS)girls only
brought to you by Quizilla


-alright, im done. i love how my quizes sometimes contridict each other. oh well. im hittin the f-n sack now.
later ho's
Rachel

I don't know if it's just my computer that's messed up, but it hardly ever shows the pictures that go along with the quiz results that I and other people post on their journal. Just a minute ago I couldn't see the picture that went along with the quiz results that I had put on there at school. Maybe I should have hit refresh and seen if it worked then...but I didn't.

Tomorrow night at 5:00 my class is hosting an Oriental Dinner. We needed decorations and so a bunch of people were drawing and coloring stuff. I can't draw, and there was already Way to many people coloring stuff, and we didn't need any more pictures, so it was decided that I could make paper cranes. So, I called mom after I got home from school yesterday and told her to pick up some colored paper on her way home. She grabbed this Extremely thick paper, and refused to go back to Wal-Mart. I was up until one in the morning making them. I started at 7:30, and I only got 45 made before dad made me go to sleep. It took forever to fold them because I had to crease them and it was really hard to get the folds where they needed to be and oh, it was just horrible. I have to make 105 more tonight. I have until 12 to make them tomorrow too. I wish they would have told me earlier that they wanted me to make them. Ehh.

On the fifth, we did the little election thing for school board and new rules and stuff. We were also going to raise the taxes $0.60 for every 100 dollars worth of land that you had, because our school is in debt really bad. They had to fire ten teachers and drop a lot of our classes. We no longer have any Business related classes, no keyboarding classes, music, band, we only have 1 English teacher and she is Way to stressed out, and track is running only on donations. Anyway, the deal didn't pass so now the school may be closed down next year or the year before. I really don't want it to get closed down before I graduate. I would hate to have to go to another school. I would be pissy the entire time.

Anyway, I ain't got nothing else to talk about and I have to go get ready to go to grammas.
Rachel

In your eyes, people can't seem to see anything
because your eyes are covered up by tears! You
are constantly hurt and depressed... No one
seems to understand how you feel because
everyone is scared to get close to you... You
long to be able to reach out and tell someone
everything, and all of your problems... But you
have no one to tell, or they just don't seem to
want to hear what you have to say. You've been
hurt many times that you don't seem to have any
tears left to shed, or if you do, they're an
endless river flowing... You've started to hide
and bottle up all or your problems and
feelings, hoping that maybe they just will go
away... You want company, but at the same time,
you're scared of it. Your sanctuary is your
room where you can just be alone and try to
throw away all of your aching pains. You're
dark and mysterious and people like you for
that reason. Even if you think you're all by
yourself in the dark, someone is always there
with you. Your special someone wants to admit
and show their feelings towards you, but
they're afraid of how you'll take it. Get out
more and enjoy life because, it is far too long
to frown your way through :)


What Lies Behind Your Eyes?
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