FUCK BALLS.
And then Kelly was gone forever and we never talked.
w00t.
>.<

I can't even call his phone. Last night it was just like, "this mobile user... blah blah blah," and tonight it was busy.
I kind of expected/hoped he would call me back today after I called him like four fucking times, but NOPE.
Ugh.

Anyway, I've decided that I'll just save money here and there, and acquire enough to pay rent for June, July, and August, and still plan on moving in May. There is NO fucking way I can get out of signing the lease. It's not up to me, it's not up to everyone else; my landlord said that us four girls were going to be on it. I can't exactly be like, "oh, no I'm not actually, you're a liarface." I can't really imagine that going over too well.

FUCK. That's how I feel right now. I just want everything to be alright again. And I want to talk to Kelly. He's being elusive and I don't like it. Every damn thing that happened today made me think of him, and I've cried for the past two days. I'm sure I'm getting on everyone's nerves, but omfg. I don't like fights, we've never really had one, and it's not setting well with me.

Clean, clean, paint, clean, stain, varnish, clean some more. Sleep a few hours, and get back at it.
That's what my life consists of atm. It's fun though. I can't wait to get moved in here.
...However, there's like a million people that I'm not very comfortable around and I have a feeling they're always going to be over here and it makes me feel weird.
Plus, people don't put the toilet seat down when they flush and it grosses me out. Urine and feces shoots out all over if you don't shut the lid!! Geeze, people need to learn to not be sick.

Um... I was excited that my room was this really dark red/maroon color, but it doesn't match these amazing orange curtains that I have, so I'm going to repaint it.
Actually, I FAIL at painting, so mom's going to.

That's about all... I can't wait to LIVE here. And have internet that I'm not stealing >.> heh
I miss my man =(

Stuffs
We are for sure getting the house. I'm so excited. No one can even fathom the excitement that I have atm.
We have to be moved in by the first, so that gives us like... 18 days? Something like that. This week I think I'll be rather nonexistant. We're going to start cleaning up the house, bleaching everything, mopping, scrubbing... fun stuff. I enjoy doing that stuff. Then we're going to clean up the yard. It's got a pretty decent sized back yard... not that I really care. I'm so not an outdoor-sy person. I hope I don't get stuck mowing too often. I'm not really good at it; I get bored and like day dream and end up doing a shitty job.

Hmm... Johanna is moving. She's like one of my closest friends, though we don't hang out too often anymore, unfortunately. She and her boyfriend, Matt, are moving into a house in Arkansas, to attend U of A. They're leaving on the first, as well. I'm rather depressed about this. Yeah, I could drive down and see her in like one day, but the likelihood of that happening isn't very good. I'm going to be so fucking busy, and gas... yeah. We all know about gas, so I'll leave it at that.

Anyway, I'm probably going to be working on weekends here pretty soon, which is kind of okay, because I hate my stupid sunday school teacher. She's a dumb bitch -_-

I is baaack. I am so stinkin sunburnt, too. It hurts =(
It was kind of a shitty trip. It rained a lot, everyones tents leaked. Then Trevor got sick.
All that was alright, though, like it didn't bother me too much. However the third day, we were all down at the rock everyone jumps off of, it's what the place is named after, and the water is really fucking deep, thanks to the tons of rain lately, and so this guy jumped off of another rock close by, head first. He never came back up, so they called the police and they drug the waters for like 45 minutes before they found his body. I wish that I had just left, but I was like holding one of the little kids that was like... part of his family or some shit, idk who it was, so I couldn't really. I saw him, too. His face was all busted up, I guess where he hit something in the water. His body had gotten caught up in some trees on the bottom and the current and pushed or pulled or something and he was all just... nasty. I don't know. It was really scary, and I keep having horrible dreams of it being like people I know, especially my dad. Luckily I made Taylor and Trevor, and all my cousins go back to the camp site or they would have seen it too. It was just really fucked up.
Idk, I've been to a lot of open casket funerals or visitations or whatever, so it's not like that was the first time I've ever seen a dead body, but like... stuff.
/shrugs.
I'm sure I'll get over it sooner or later.

Anyway, I'm so fucking happy to be back. I'm like dying to talk to Kell, but currently he's set to away. I have to babysit for Grandma tomorrow, so I'm staying the night over here, and Ashley's laptop is quickly dying. You can't plug it up and let it charge, either, until everyone's asleep cause it fucks up the tv and makes it all static-like, and then grandma bitches. So... looks like no Kelly tonight, and he'll be at work tomorrow, so maybe tomorrow night when I get home I can talk to him.

Oh, and we're totally getting the house in Cassville. I'm so fucking excited that I'll finally be out of the house. And we're going to get high speed internet, and I'll have service for my phone... zomg. Dreams are coming true in the next month or two. Happy, happy am I.

Mert.
So we pretty much have a repeat preformance of yesterday, I guess.
I think there will be plenty plenty of those. In some weird way I think it's her way of making me want to stay home. We don't necessarily like each other, but like, she still wants me to stay here... Yeah, I know, it makes no sense. But when I was going to go to Michigan for school, she got extremely hateful; now that I'm getting ready to move out, she's doing the same. She got pretty hostile with Ashley when she moved out too, now that I think about it.
/shrug
The woman is fucked up. No denying it.

Anyway, I'm going to apply for a job at Ark of the Ozarks. It's a facility that houses handicapped people, be it physical or mental. My grandma Harrison was a foster parent ever since my mom was like 10, and she just quit a few years ago, and she usually had handicapped people, so I've been around it my entire life. I am therefore rather confident that I'll be taken seriously. I have a lot more experiance than two of my friends that work there, so... fingers crossed I guess.
I can't apply yet, though. Well, I could, but they require you to have a CDL license. So, I'm going to study for that, take the test, and then apply and hopefully impress them with the fact that I already have that. Yeah, I'm kind of being a brown noser, but hell if I care. If it'll get me a job, it's well worth it imo.
The only downfall is that it's in Monett and that's about 30-40 minutes away = ugh. I may just stick with working third shift at Wal-Mart. I've already thought all that through, it'll allow me to make all my classes without changing my schedual, and if/when we move to Cassville, it'll be like less than five minutes away from the house.
I don't know yet, though.

Blah.
So, today was a fucking pile of shit.
Mom made me feel so fucking small, and... fuck if I deserved it. I want to just scream and yell and swear up and down that I hate her, but for the life of me, I can't hate her. Oh, I can say it fairly convinsingly, I'm sure, but I never mean it. I want to hate her so bad, but at the end of it all, she's my mom, ya know? It's like some horrible joke being played; I simply cannot hate her. I love her. She's malicious, and rude, and will stop at nothing to make sure that she has thoroughly ruined your day. She'll say one thing and then do something completely different. She makes it her goal to publicly humiate you as much as possible, she's sarcastic and she does shit just to set you off so that you get in this huge fight, and then she threatens to kick you out and take away, for me, the computer, shut off the internet, not let me drive.... and despite every single fucking thing, I love her.
I feel like an idiot because I love her so much. I fucking defend her all the time because my dad's side of the family is always ragging on her and saying shit, and I fucking defend her. I want to tell her that, but I never can. I'm sure it would start even more problems with her and dad. I wish that they would just get a fucking divorce already.
Everyone's like, "oh you're so lucky your parents are still together, that's so amazing."
The fuck it is. It'll be amazing when I can go one day without my mom calling my dad an asshole and dad punching the shit out of something. One day where they come home and are pleased to see each other and kiss and hug rather than scream.

Anyway, enough of that. Good news: Dad got the job he applied for. It's the carpentry teacher for the Vo-Tec program at Monett school. He's horribly excited and it's awesomely cute. However, when he was working with his construction crew, the company put out for gas, he never had to pay for it, and now... he's kind of on his own there. And it's going to suck up a lot driving to Monett and back each day. Mom and dad are kind of flirting with the idea of moving, but they don't really want to, so who knows how that will turn out.
Doesn't matter, I'm getting out of here anyway. We found a house to rent in Cassville and so as soon as August gets here, we're moving in. It'll be me, Ash, Lacey, and Samantha. There's another room, but we don't really know anyone who want's to move, or at least I don't. Plus, they would so get the short end of the stick, because it's a tiny ass room, and is more suited as a storage room, or a guest bedroom.
I'm pretty sure that Taylor and Trev will be staying over a lot, as well as Brooklyn and Gus. And Sam has two cousins that are basically siblings. So, a lot of people will be able to put it to use, so we're not too concerned, though it would be nice to split the rent and expenses five ways instead of four, but whatever.
And as soon as school is done with, baby, here I come. No more long distance shit. It's doing okay, we're fine and everything, but fuuuuck I want to be held =(