It is always nice to have one place that is pretty well private. I feel awful that I try to hangout with my friends and just leave because i feel like a wallflower. It makes me want to relive novels, and suck into my own world. But, I have 2 weeks until school finishes up for the semester. Mike will be coming home, and its about time because i need some sweet lovin. Time waits for no one and i have to keep pushing through the next few weeks until the break comes. Not that i want to go back to CS for anything, but at least it will be plenty of time with Mike. *sigh*
Ready to sleep, and have dreams of a day approaching quickly. I need to expand my music library, and my book collection. I have years and years, but I would like so much to know it all now. Oh well, back to reality.
EDIT: Correction. I suffer from insomnia. Included in my package deal is anxiety and obsessive compulsive tendencies. This results in rumination. The end result of which is a mild and random psychosis.
Agoraphobia
Social anxiety disorder
Obsessive-compulsive disorder
Job did it better...
The friends spend 7 days sitting on the ground with Job, without saying anything to him because they see that he is suffering and in much pain. Job at last breaks his silence and "curses the day he was born".
-Last part-
Job, confident of his own innocence, maintains that his suffering is unjustified as he has not sinned, and that there is no reason for God to punish him thus. However, he does not curse God's name or accuse God of injustice but rather seeks an explanation or an account of his wrongdoing. Job does question God.
-Again, last part.-
God's speech also emphasizes His sovereignty in creating and maintaining the world. The thrust is not merely that God has experiences that Job does not, but also that God is King over the world and is not necessarily subject to questions from His creatures, including men. The point of these speeches, and ultimately the entire book of Job, is to defend the absolute freedom of God over His creation. God is not in need of the approval of His creation. He is free. Furthermore, Job's lack of knowledge and the ability to see the world as God does prevents him from fully understanding God's reasons for allowing Job's suffering.
-Grand scheme/Divine Plan, aside...how about some 1 on 1 talks? Aye?-
I dont find myself to be a religious man, as I see things for what science suggests unto me. Sadly, I question why things are like they are. I read sure things and add unto what reason I already had.
Though I find myself in a similar situation, however little it may seem. Job was a prophet renowned for his endurance (assumed to be of pain and suffering).
Ill take more pain. Ill deal with more suffering. In return I would at least like my chance to question that which is, but isnt.
Where does a man with no dream or ambition turn? Im at the end of my rope here. Thankfully I havent tied the knot on the noose.
The only woman I truly cared for, I have abandoned and cut myself off from. I shift away from social life. I continue to disengage my what one would call friends. I try to keep my mind from doing ration things like thinking about my situation.(This is becoming increasingly more hard) I hide behind walls...yet...I have pride. I have morals. I have eyes that see things that others cannot or choose not to. Then, I have sanity. It slips away more swiftly now.
So ya. Job did it better.
I should really look into getting therapy or some fucking happy pills.
Carl's at school. I'll be gone before he gets home. Will be at work. Sad day really. =[
Off my facebook (didn't really feel like retyping it):
Chuck ran outside this morning. Only, she ran out a window. On the second floor. She stood on the ledge outside and really wanted to jump. Her head was doing that thing that cats do before they jump off something high. But, I got her in, no problem. All I had to do was panic a little and call her in nicely. =] Scared the eff out of me though.