Do you remember when your tears were like cinders, burning with sorrow and rage?
I'm so in love.

but there are more important things going on in the world. I'm not saying that mine and Alex's relationship isn't important, it's one of the most important things in my life. but not in anyone else's (besides him.) any little fights we get into (what we argued about last night wasn't exactly little, but I'm not going to go into that..) don't really matter. there are so many more important things. this fight that he and Erin are in right now, totally a waste of energy. Alex, you shouldn't have said anything to Erin about her choice of music, and Erin, you shouldn't have immediately blown up on him. I mean, Alex, you should have just left her alone about it, but Erin, you should have just ignored him. I know you tend to take his joking around seriously, but come on, he didn't mean anything by it. there was no reason to get that upset. it's Cooper. so there. I've given my 2 cents and I'm stepping away because it isn't my fight..and thank god for that because it's one of the stupidest ones I've ever heard about. I'm sick of people thinking their lives are so horrible when they have so much. I mean, if there's really that big of a problem, then go see a psychiatrist and be put on some medicine or something, you could be depressed, who knows? but I think most of it is just whiny teenage bull. I woke up this morning, but it took a while for my mom to get up. and when she did, she was stumbling and shaking; result of too much drinking and drugging from the night before. so I had my dad drive me and Jennah to school. I felt bad for waking him up on his day off, but the last time I let my mom drive like that..hah, it was funny, but scary, and I hate to put my friends through that. so there, I just told you a story. about my mom being a drug addict. did I complain once in there? oh, maybe when I said I felt bad about my dad having to drive, but that doesn't count. so, the point I'm trying to make here is, I, and many many many others whose home and family lives are way worse, who actually have something to complain about, don't. because we know there are things that are worse. we know that our situation could be ten times worse. but here you have all these annoying teenagers who are all sad and what not because Mom wouldn't buy them that one shirt. or, Dad wouldn't let them go to the movies. BIG FUCKING DEAL. yea, I get pissed off about those things too, but theyre small. they are so small and petty. now, another thing, is the whole freaking gay marriage thing. who cares if a man wants to marry another man?!? we have American soldiers dying in Iraq, and President Bush is over here, trying to make a fucking amendment limiting our freedom. WHY THE HELL ARE WE OVER THERE FIGHTING FOR IT WHILE OUR PRESIDENT IS HERE LIMITING IT?!?! I'm wondering if there are any gays or lesbians over there who are contemplating this too..if I were gay, and I was fighting for our country over in Iraq, and I just learned what President Bush is trying to do, I'd come home right now. ehh. I'm having an I hate everyone time right now. especially girls. teenage girls. and pre-teenage girls for that matter. and even girls who are just turning 20 or 21! roar! roar to all of you! ah. god. I hate being a teenager. you can't do anything about anything. even if I were to protest against something, it wouldn't mean anything because I'm underage. so fuck you all. fuck fuck fuck you alllll.

whiny, self-absorbed, teenage assholes.


and I'm such a fucking hypocrite that I hate myself as much as you. fuck.

Do you remember when your tears were like cinders, burning with sorrow and rage?
I'm so in love.

but there are more important things going on in the world. I'm not saying that mine and Alex's relationship isn't important, it's one of the most important things in my life. but not in anyone else's (besides him.) any little fights we get into (what we argued about last night wasn't exactly little, but I'm not going to go into that..) don't really matter. there are so many more important things. this fight that he and Erin are in right now, totally a waste of energy. Alex, you shouldn't have said anything to Erin about her choice of music, and Erin, you shouldn't have immediately blown up on him. I mean, Alex, you should have just left her alone about it, but Erin, you should have just ignored him. I know you tend to take his joking around seriously, but come on, he didn't mean anything by it. there was no reason to get that upset. it's Cooper. so there. I've given my 2 cents and I'm stepping away because it isn't my fight..and thank god for that because it's one of the stupidest ones I've ever heard about. I'm sick of people thinking their lives are so horrible when they have so much. I mean, if there's really that big of a problem, then go see a psychiatrist and be put on some medicine or something, you could be depressed, who knows? but I think most of it is just whiny teenage bull. I woke up this morning, but it took a while for my mom to get up. and when she did, she was stumbling and shaking; result of too much drinking and drugging from the night before. so I had my dad drive me and Jennah to school. I felt bad for waking him up on his day off, but the last time I let my mom drive like that..hah, it was funny, but scary, and I hate to put my friends through that. so there, I just told you a story. about my mom being a drug addict. did I complain once in there? oh, maybe when I said I felt bad about my dad having to drive, but that doesn't count. so, the point I'm trying to make here is, I, and many many many others whose home and family lives are way worse, who actually have something to complain about, don't. because we know there are things that are worse. we know that our situation could be ten times worse. but here you have all these annoying teenagers who are all sad and what not because Mom wouldn't buy them that one shirt. or, Dad wouldn't let them go to the movies. BIG FUCKING DEAL. yea, I get pissed off about those things too, but theyre small. they are so small and petty. now, another thing, is the whole freaking gay marriage thing. who cares if a man wants to marry another man?!? we have American soldiers dying in Iraq, and President Bush is over here, trying to make a fucking amendment limiting our freedom. WHY THE HELL ARE WE OVER THERE FIGHTING FOR IT WHILE OUR PRESIDENT IS HERE LIMITING IT?!?! I'm wondering if there are any gays or lesbians over there who are contemplating this too..if I were gay, and I was fighting for our country over in Iraq, and I just learned what President Bush is trying to do, I'd come home right now. ehh. I'm having an I hate everyone time right now. especially girls. teenage girls. and pre-teenage girls for that matter. and even girls who are just turning 20 or 21! roar! roar to all of you! ah. god. I hate being a teenager. you can't do anything about anything. even if I were to protest against something, it wouldn't mean anything because I'm underage. so fuck you all. fuck fuck fuck you alllll.

whiny, self-absorbed, teenage assholes.


and I'm such a fucking hypocrite that I hate myself as much as you. fuck.

I'm tired of things never being fair.
Alex, it's not fair.you are so completely not being fair about this. but I love yuo regardless..and I owe you too much to not forgive..so, there you go.




okay, done that. so, got out of school to go to another empty appt. haha, but this time we stopped home and called just to make sure it was today. guess what? it wasnt. we were looking at next month's calendar. so that's why we got the vicki appt. messed up and yea. but my mom is still an idiot. and i still hate her. whatever. I think I'm going to start taking my showers in the morning. if anyone cared about my showering habits..hah.

fioaeck.

yea.

Rach is happy. :) :) :)
no one's going to ruin it for her. or I'll kill them. seriously.

don't think I'm gonna be in this play. maybe. I don't know. it's going to be the worst one ever and I'd rather not be associated with it. maybe I'll go for student director or something, just so I can do Mrs. Wagoner's job becuase she doesn't know how to give these poor kids the right kind of evaluation. THEY ALL SUUUUUCK!!! I'll whip em into shape. maybe make someone cry. Mrs. Cole made me cry. :) she also taught me a lot. so, let's try and do a take off on shakespeare...if water is the food for good actors, cry on, cry on, cry on. haha that was horrible. but not as bad as the "jennah and brett are old and dying and mishel and rachel are babies." hahah..wow..okay. totally leaving now.


have so much more to write though..but I can't find the damn motivation. oh well, fuck you.


I fucking love Alex Cooper..

I hate my mom.
so I was supposed to see Vicki today. My mom came and got me out of drama (second day I've missed this week because I had a dentist appt. yesterday). so we get to Vicki's office, and apparently, my mom wrote down the wrong date in our calendar and my appt. is tomorrow. god. shes so..ah. so we had to cancel for tomorrow because I have a dermatologist appt. at 320. I better be able to go to the library though. Alex is the best, and I neeeeeed him. these past few days, I don't know. it's worse than usual, saying worse I mean more defined. it's like I've needed him more than usual. ah, I don't know! I love him so much..being in love with your best friend is definately better than being in love with someone who's not your best friend, or not being in love with your best friend. I mean, seriously. it's got to be the best feeling in the world. in the universe. god, okay. I'm going to go do homework, or read the journal, or soemthing. I love Alex. and I love Mogwai, even though they're the saddest band on the planet..with the exception of Bright Eyes, maybe.


































Don't you cry tonight, I still love you.

I'm in yearbook. bleh.
well, I'm in yearbook. wooooohooo. not. I do not like this class I do not like this class I do not like this class. it'd be sooo much better with Mrs. Wubbena, but whatever. damn Mr. Bailey's reputation. anyways. we're done with the yearbook. it's going to be horrendous. ehhh. I'm not really having a good day. I had an awesome day yesterday, but then Alex and I went to the library...hilarious...then not. we got into another pointless fight. I cried. like always. ::sticks tongue out at whoever is judging her because she cries too much.:: so, yea. today, ah, I don't know. I hate Patrick. but even more, I hate Clint. he seems to be at the root of all my problems. or at least I'd like to think so. it's 11:37. if anyone cared. right now, I'm doing nothing. the phone is ringing, but Mrs. Leinenbach and Mrs. Gifford aren't here. luckily for them they didn't ask to talk to them. but if the office found out that we were in here unsupervised they'd be in big trouble. darn. Mrs. Leinenbach is back. double darn. okay, well, I think I'll go read Rach's journal. haven't in a while.

Your hazel green tint eyes watching every move I make.

My lips, are screaming pretty nothings.
I know that was Atreyu and I'm listening to Avenged Sevenfold, but oh well. they're almost the same, cept Alex from Atreyu screams kind of..harder? or..rougher? whatever, Atreyu is the favorite.
today. was. h.o.r.r.i.b.l.e. I'm still pissed about not being able to see Atreyu. if you didnt already know, theyre not starting till the 3rd..which totally rules them out. fuuuuuck. cant wait till they go on their own tour though, if they ever do. and I won't be able to see MCR, but I'm starting to put that into reality. (the Atreyu thing, it's still like a bad nightmare..::sticks tongue out because she knows what she just said was completely stupid and obsessive::). anyways, forgot my lab. or, actually, didnt know it was due today. so, my grade, chris's grade, and clint's grade (not thatll itll really affect his 39 F) will probably drop. I'm not too worried, considering I have the highest GPA in that class..SCORE..but ehh, it made me feel like an idiot. so, that started off a bad day. and I don't feel like going through the whole thing. but I did find a smoooshed banana in my backpack, which stained my book, damnit, and ugh, got into a fight with my dad. ehh...I wanted to go to the library, thought it'd make a better day, but Alex had to go to fuckin sports game. oh well.
I'm going to take theatre instead of AP human geography. everyone was telling me too, and I agree I was kind of starting to want to take on everything at once..so I decided to go for theatre. let's just hope I can get in touch with Mr. Brendlinger tomorrow morning so he can sign me in for comprehensive theatre..because I do not want to take that Drama 1 or Acting 1 bull. and if I can't see him tomorrow, I'll just do the AP class..I already have Mr. Davis's signature so..ah, it all depends on Mr. Brendlinger. the whole idea of being in a theatre class with a bunch of sophomores who already know Mr. Brendlinger, and each other, kind of scares me, btu I think there'll be more freshmen..I hope at least. regardless, it's exciting. okay, I'm leaving. later.

My lips, are screaming pretty nothings.
I know that was Atreyu and I'm listening to Avenged Sevenfold, but oh well. they're almost the same, cept Alex from Atreyu screams kind of..harder? or..rougher? whatever, Atreyu is the favorite.
today. was. h.o.r.r.i.b.l.e. I'm still pissed about not being able to see Atreyu. if you didnt already know, theyre not starting till the 3rd..which totally rules them out. fuuuuuck. cant wait till they go on their own tour though, if they ever do. and I won't be able to see MCR, but I'm starting to put that into reality. (the Atreyu thing, it's still like a bad nightmare..::sticks tongue out because she knows what she just said was completely stupid and obsessive::). anyways, forgot my lab. or, actually, didnt know it was due today. so, my grade, chris's grade, and clint's grade (not thatll itll really affect his 39 F) will probably drop. I'm not too worried, considering I have the highest GPA in that class..SCORE..but ehh, it made me feel like an idiot. so, that started off a bad day. and I don't feel like going through the whole thing. but I did find a smoooshed banana in my backpack, which stained my book, damnit, and ugh, got into a fight with my dad. ehh...I wanted to go to the library, thought it'd make a better day, but Alex had to go to fuckin sports game. oh well.
I'm going to take theatre instead of AP human geography. everyone was telling me too, and I agree I was kind of starting to want to take on everything at once..so I decided to go for theatre. let's just hope I can get in touch with Mr. Brendlinger tomorrow morning so he can sign me in for comprehensive theatre..because I do not want to take that Drama 1 or Acting 1 bull. and if I can't see him tomorrow, I'll just do the AP class..I already have Mr. Davis's signature so..ah, it all depends on Mr. Brendlinger. the whole idea of being in a theatre class with a bunch of sophomores who already know Mr. Brendlinger, and each other, kind of scares me, btu I think there'll be more freshmen..I hope at least. regardless, it's exciting. okay, I'm leaving. later.

Alex is here.
Alex is here, but I don't like myself right now. ehh.

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid:	Low
Schizoid:	Moderate
Schizotypal:	Low
Antisocial:	Low
Borderline:	Low
Histrionic:	Moderate
Narcissistic:	Low
Avoidant:	Low
Dependent:	Low
Obsessive-Compulsive:	Moderate
-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! --

hahah, now I wonder what the results would be if my mom were to take that test..;) at least I'm not like my mom.