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:: 2007 6 June :: 10.13 pm

Another decent weekend....lol i say only decent because friday i came down with some sort of freak flu...and me and eric had both slept badly the night before...so the ride home was quieter and much more mellow than last weekend. And the weekend certainly wasn't the crazy type of fun i had last weekend. friday night was fun because we stopped at cam's in kenosha for the night so we didn't have to drive all the way home...so we got to hang out with him and joe (who has the same bday as eric), which was alot of fun. :-) And i absolutely adore cam....he's such a sweetheart and treated me as though i were already a friend. I felt incredibly welcomed. :-) Then saturday i spent with my sister and nephew...which was fun...we watched a parade and then all went to a baseball game. I ended up leaving a little early cuz i still felt sick and achy but it wasn't too bad. Sunday i spent the morning with my mom, which was soooooooooo much fun....i always miss her a ton.
Then i went up and visited mike for a little while, and it was good to see him and nichole. Then it was back to spring grove (only like 20 minutes from my brother's), where i got to meet eric's stepdad (who i'd been TERRIFIED to meet...because he was supposed to be a little on the scary side and very unemotional...........but i LOVED him! he was funny and very easygoing), and i absolutely begged him to let us take dakota (eric's akita) home with us. He is SOOOOOOOo cute!! It was also good to see his mom and sister again. Eric's all freaked out because sam got her license lol.

The sucky part was not getting home till like 3 and nearly dying between escanaba and mqt due to intense patchy fog where we couldn't even make out the white line on the side of the road. It was pretty scary....especially since we were basically the only car on the road!!!

Monday I took the day off, which worked out well because eric had the day off from work too. He basically took care of me, making me tea and giving me little massages to try to ease some of the ache in my body.

Every day i think eric amazes me a little more...yeah we joke around like crazy about other g/f or b/fs and such, but when it comes to actually being worthwhile, he blows my mind. He's so insanely good to me, and i'm so lucky and grateful to have him in my life. the amusing part is he generally still doesn't think he's good enough for me. I wish i could show him how much he means to me sometimes, but i think we both do a pretty decent job of letting each other know. He makes me happy in every way possible.

Alright.....i'm under strict orders to go to bed early tonight....and since it's already 1030, i should probalby get to work on that lol. Ugh...i do however dislike that 1030 is fairly normal for bed.....but i love that im done everyday at 3....so the tossup is pretty fair. :-)

sweetest dreams <3

:: 2007 29 May :: 11.53 pm

I had an absolutely amazing weekend. :-) Driving home and all around with Eric was honestly the best time i've ever had with anyone in a car! We goofed off, told stories and jokes and took pictures and talked about us, took turns driving evenly, and managed to keep the entire 20ish hours crammed together in his cavalier QUITE enjoyable. And the wedding was SUCH a blast!!! The ceremony was cute and not too churchy, thank GOD lol....and the reception was SOOOO much fun....we got to drink for free the whole night, and Eric even asked me to save him a few dances. :-) That's cheesy in itself i know....but he actually came up behind me, put his arms around me, and whispered, 'hey save me a dance or two okay?' and craig and maggie were stunning! AHHH they're MARRIED...i can't believe it, but they both looked soooo happy the whole day. :-) i'm so happy for them.

ooooooo and I got to go to my first metal concert lol. His friend Cam called randomly while we were driving and asked when we were gonna drive thru milwaukee cuz he had free tickets to an otep/static x show! hahaha, we got there just in time and had an absolute BLAST. I didn't really care for static x at all, but i still managed to have a damn good time. And Eric didn't baby me. :-) There were all these guys there with their arms protectively around their girlfriends, not letting anyone near them. 10 seconds into the first song, i was darting away and watchin Eric go off on his own too. He still found me every so often to check up and make sure i was okay, but i told him i didn't want a babysitter. :-P And i got to meet his friends brian and cam and his stepsister ayla, who i wasn't TOO fond of (but i do adore his other sister, sam). AND....after the concert, we came back to my place (at like 2 am), chatted with my brother for a few hours (him and eric got along really well even though they don't have much in common), and then crashed up in my room at like 5am. Hahahah, the next morning he completley freaked out because he'd never met my mom, we looked like shit from being at the concert all night, and he'd slept with me in my room without ever meeting her....he was so worried about that affecting my mom's opinion. Ahhhh....but it all worked out perfectly. :-) They clicked instantly and there were NO awkward silences at ALL...which surprised me...i expected it to be a little awkward at first....but the two of them just got along great. He ended up staying and hanging out with me and my mom for a few hours and then heading home to golf with his dad. When he came the next morning so we could leave for Hastings, he stayed in the kitchen and talked with my mom for like an hour while i showered and finished packing. I came down to the two of them laughing and talking like they'd known each other forever. :-D And they both truly liked each other....my mom said she absolutely adores him.

To end the weekend even more perfectly though....when we got back to marquette he took me out to the new pirates movie, since i hadn't had a chance to go see it over the weekend....AND he enjoyed it lol. Then the next morning we DEFINITELY slept in till like 11, woke up, went shopping, and then hit the beach with brookie, tricia, and danielle (and tucker!!). We grilled burgers and hotdogs, played volleyball, went for a bit of a swim (not too long though cuz it's still pretty cold), tanned, played with tucker, and thoroughly enjoyed the GREAT day. :-D Of course, today i was a tad bit on the crispy side lol, but it's not too bad and totally worth the fun i had this weekend.

I can't wait to see what happens THIS weekend.....its gonna be alot crazier and not nearly as much fun, but hopefully it'll still be great and me and eric won't kill each other lol.

Ooooooooooo....dinner tomorrow is definitely swedish meatballs and egg noodles...which Eric apparently hates.... :-D hehehe just means more for me and brooke. :-)

<3

:: 2007 23 May :: 9.38 pm

Ok....so i've decided that i don't really mind if people get jealous that i'm so happy. That's their own damn problem, i just wish it wouldn't make them act differently towards me. I'm happy. If some of my closest friends can't be happy that i'm happy, then i guess they're not that great of friends.

So things with eric almost got disastrous. Last weekend, i was drinking at the house with a bunch of friends and eric had stayed home because he knew he'd get wasted and he had to work saturday morning. I ended up playing spin the bottle with a bunch of people....and kissed two of my guy friends. Understandably, Eric was pissed. But i really respect him for how he reacted. Rather than yell at me right away, he told me to give him a day to think and figure everything out. He calmed down and realized that it was just a silly drunk game, and that i have NO feelings for those boys, and in no way was i intentionally trying to hurt him. We talked the next night and he told me he was pissed, but realizes that it could have been worse and that i wasn't going out of my way to cheat on him. He also said this doens't give him a 'freebie.' basically, if he ever messes up like that, i'm not allowed to immediately forgive him just because i've messed up. Incredibly respectable, in my opinion. And now, honestly, we're doin better than ever. We both seem to realize we could have lost each other, and it's made us alot more appreciative, more so than normal. I'm excited to see how this weekend will go.....that's alot of car time with him and him alone. We've spent days together plenty of times, but never cooped up inside a little car. Hopefully, all will go well. The wedding if nothing else should be a blast.....i can't wait for that. :-)

I've started cooking regularly.....it's kinda fun because me and eric take turns making each other dinner....and it so far has always turned out quite good. And it's a nice feeling to do that for each other. :-) I'm getting good at experimenting with different foods in cooking....finding flavors that complement each other well and so on.

Alright, i've gotta clean my room before bed...it's kinda messy and i don't like it!!!

:: 2007 16 May :: 3.45 pm

I don't think i like how happy i am anymore.

It makes people jealous and resentful towards me. :-(

which isn't really very happy at all.

:: 2007 13 May :: 11.19 pm

Yep, i couldn't be happier.

It's been exactly a week since i moved out of the dorms and into my new home and started the new job. And life doesn't get much better. Period.

The first few days were CRAZY, with all the unpacking and helping Eric move on Wednesday, and the BBQ's and beach and frosty treats (kinda like mqt's own DQ) trips. I LOVE my room. I figured i would move into Brooke's room in the fall when she moved upstairs....but I LOVE this! It's such an oddball little room (it's not square), and it's got this sweet shelf lining two of the walls........i couldn't be more comfy in here! The only thing i have left to do is get a bed up here.....right now there's a twin bed in the room....but fitting two people on there is damn near impossible....and for my own use, i just like to be able to roll around dangit! I've spent at least an hour every other day out in the hammock, just lying in the sun and reading....SOOOOOo nice :-). And i've been out on my bike more this week than i have all semester! lol....gotta get the body beach-ready!

My job is AMAZING....me, along with half the MP supervisors lol, are all doing basic custodial/painting work this summer. Minimum wage (which is 6.95 up here), 40 hours a week. I have the GREATEST boss in the world. We get 2 half hour breaks during the day and an hour for lunch.....and it's all PAID. So i generally take a half-hour nap out in the grass at 2 every afternoon. :-) Plus, Ed (the boss) loves to grill out, so he said a few times this summer, he's gonna bring a bunch of burgers and brats and we can grill out for lunch! AND he plans on taking us on his boat sometime towards the end of summer, for some swimming, drinking, and relaxing. :-) (Just to clarify, he's only the boss of 6 of us....we work for different halls, so he's the boss of one hall and there are 6 of us working in that hall) AND yep there's one more sweet ass thing...wait two. The first is that he doesn't really care if we need days off, we just have to mark it on the calendar or call him if we're ridiculously sick. and the second quite possibly greatest part is that at the end of the summer we get a $250 bonus! SWEET! Oh wait, ONE more...on Fridays, Ed said as long as we get most of what we needed to for the week done, he lets us quit at 2 and just watch TV till we can clock out at 330 :-) hahahaa....i'm not done...it's pretty sweet that my work day ends at 330! ok....NOW i'm done. :-D

And then there's all the fun stuff....grillin out, goin to the beach...went to a bonfire last night out at Amanda's....drunken fun all night long around the fire (except i only had a few beers early in the night so i could drive home at 4). It was so much fun. There were just a few of us out there, but it was a blast to kick back and talk and play games and take pictures :-) And everything with Eric is still going amazingly well. I couldn't be happier. And i love his new place....it's WAY smaller than the old one....but SOOO......comfy...cozy. The furniture has JUST enough room to make the room feel full, but not stuffy. :-) ....hahaha....and Eric's bedroom has two closets....with two full-length mirrors on both the doors....one of which we found out just happens to be in perfect placement so that when you're on the bed, you can see most of yourself......... ;-) the coolest part was we definitely didn't even think about that when i was helpin him move in and unpack. It was quite the pleasant surprise. ;-)

ahhhhhhhhhh life is good...good friends, good weather, good job, good house, good times! I've SORT OF figured out money for the next month.....the stupid rent thing messed things up a bit, but i'm ok.

Ooooo last notes...the end of the month is NUTS! Memorial day weekend, me and eric are comin home to go to my bro's graduation and his sister's birthday party, then jettin off to michigan the next morning for our friends' wedding!, then headin back here to celebrate our day off on monday :-) Then the NEXT weekend, we're goin home AGAIN, for Brett's parade that he's in and a baseball game, and his other sister's graduation. YIKES! SOOOOoooooooooo busy. And it will DEFINITELY be interesting to be in a car with him for that long...... (approximately 34 hours with all the stops.....!!!!!!!!!!!!) lol I think it'll be alright though....we've done pretty damn well with adapting to each other's mood swings when we get them, and making each other smile in the worst of situations. :-) So i'm not too worried. It'll be an adventure for sure. :-)

Ooooooooooo my dad's coming home the first week of June. Not that it really matters....I don't really have much of an opinion on the situation anymore. I'm a tad nervous on Eric meeting him (which will most likely be unavoidable the second weekend we come home)...but I guess we'll just see what happens.

Alright....have to go to bed....the only crummy part about my job is that it starts super early....but it's not so bad cuz if i'm home, i wake up with brookie and make breakfast since we work together...and if i'm at eric's we do the same since he starts at 8. Pretty good deal if you ask me.

<3

:: 2007 5 May :: 3.09 pm

LESS THAN 24 HOURS! And i will be living in my own house! :-) And i'm not even 21 yet :-)

I'm SOOOO glad finals are over.....damn they were stressful...and I won't know how i did until the 12th. But i'm enjoying this mini vacation. I have 2 more days off till i start the new job! It's been so relaxing to just lay around and lazily pack as the day goes by. Yesterday me and eric and nick went out to the beach and had a couple of beers and just watched the waves and chatted. It was so great! The sun was warm, the sand was cool, and the waves added a nice melody to the day. Plus it was so neat to watch the sun start to go down. After that it obviously got too cold, but it was still a fun thing to do. :-)
I'm pretty much all packed to move my stuff tomorrow. I can't wait to be out of the dorms. I love everyone here, but i feel suffocated. Starting tomorrow i'll have my own room, a sweet ass bathroom, and a BACKYARD! hahaha, not that the entire UP isn't like one huge backyard, but still.....i want to make a little garden lol. I can't do it this year, because it's so late in the season already, but hopefully next spring i can get a tomato plant or two in and some green beans and peppers. YUM!
I'm turning into a hippie lol....i want fresh homegrown food, flowy soft clothes, to be outside all the time, pick up trash everywhere i see it, play in the sun all day. peace buddy. hahaha. Not really a total hippie, but i like the relaxed way of life!
I've already got like 10 bucks saved for Puerto Vallarta....i know that's not alot, but I haven't been setting money aside specifically for that...i've just been dropping loose change in there. Once summer starts, though, i plan on putting a certain amount in there each paycheck.
mmmmmmmmm, eric's nappin on my bed right now...it looks so damn comfy. The sun is streaming in through the window and it's so nice and cozy! It's really quiet around here because basically EVERYONE has left. Kinda sad....but not unbearable. the quiet is kinda nice. Just listen to the wind and the birds (and the soft hum of my fish tank filter lol).
Soooooooooooooooo i owe my rent on May 14.....but the kick in the butt is that they want the entire summers' rent. BUT....that only comes to a total of $750.......which is LESS THAN $200 A MONTH!!!!! WOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooo lol....it kinda cramps me up for a bit because i was only counting on paying like 450....but i've got the extra cash available (except for probably 75 that i'm gonna borrow from my mom and give back 3 days later when i get paid again). It means I'm a tad bit broke...but only till the 17th. That paycheck's gonna be nearly 400 dollars because i worked so much the last two weeks...pretty sweet deal. :-)
Alright.....bed just looks way too comfortable to pass up right now....and it's perfect napping time.... :-)

:: 2007 29 April :: 8.44 pm

It's been awhile since i've written in here. I've been soooooooo busy with everything (classes, spending time with friends and eric, figuring out house stuff) that i haven't really had the spare time to write in here. And i don't really have said spare time now...but it beats studying :-) The year is basically over. All i have left are 2 finals and turning in my final paper. I can't wait! Summer brings me nothing but good thoughts. I get to move out of the dorms and into my house.....that's just unbelievable. I like that i'll be completely on my own (and literally because my mom pays nothing for me) before i'm even 21. Yeah the loans after college will suck....but I prefer knowing that i'm self-sufficient already. :-) And i've already got one job :-) And i get to see where things will go with Eric. That man just makes me smile every time i think of him. I love waking up next to him...it's been stressful lately because we're both stressed about school and busy as all hell....but we still make time to have our own movie and pizza nights. And we're planning a few camping trips, just out to little presque to grill and fall asleep under the stars :-)

My birthday was awesome....the big golden one! :-D It was a whole crazy weekend full of dinners and goin to hotplate and layin in hammocks and of course drinking the night of... :-P

I've actually been doin really good about not drinking as often at all. I'll only drink one night a weekend and even then i won't drink too much. I've got plenty of other stuff to do. Who knows how summer is gonna go. I need to try and save some money though so i don't have to worry about rent each month. Plus, I'm hopefully going to Puerto Vallarta next Spring Break....so i need to save up for that! I'm determined to have fun :-)

Ok...i need to go study...i planned on this being longer...but the finals looming in the not distant future are calling my name :-)

:: 2007 13 April :: 12.45 am

YAY! I got the assistant supervisor position!!! They only hired 8 people out of 30 that applied...so i feel pretty damn special right now :-) The only really shitty part is that tricia didn't get the position. :-(

Ooooooooo and I donated plasma today!!! 20 bucks! :-) Next week i'm gonna go twice and April is a 20/40 week system, so ill get 40 the second time i donate!!! WOOOOO extra money!

<3

:: 2007 8 April :: 12.44 am

wow. I really truly non-sarcastically love how happy i am.

things get tough....but i'm still HAPPY.

I wish everyone the amount of happiness i feel every day.

And i throw out a thanks to my mom, tricia, brooke, eric, my cats, my roomate, and sunshine...for making me so happy :-)

is it cheesy that i talk about how happy i am all the time? I don't think it means i'm really not happy, because the only thing that brings about htis awareness is going and reading other journal entries, or AIM convos with friends.

The only thing that is awful is that i'm terribly procrastinating my 10 page paper.....which i'm now going to try and stay up late writing...hahahahahaha....we'll see how this goes...but hopefully i will have a draft to bill by tuesday. I plan on spending all night and then tuesday at the library if i don't finish tonight. maybe spend monday night after work there too....not hang out with eric for a night. Sounds like a plan. Just spend time at starbucks...they're open till 3am during the week...and tuesdays are my easy days then! :-)

MMMMMMMMMMk.....so maybe i'll just write 2 or 3 pages tonight....then study for calc test tomorrow. Bill's gonna hate that i don't have my draft done by monday...but he can suck a fat one. :-D

I told my mom i don't really care much for my GPA anymore....i'm happy even though it's not a 4.0. I'd rather have a life and leadership roles and a not-so-good GPA then spend my life at the library trying to memorize textbooks. <3

:: 2007 7 April :: 1.26 am

This has been an AMAZING week! Not only did i not have Bill's class all week, but we had 2 SNOW DAYS!!!! and by snow days i don't mean a little sprinkling of snow...this is the damn blizzard of 2007! lol, i managed to get out today (friday) for easter and come home, but the trip to escanaba took twice as long because i was driving 15 mph in an inch of packed snow! Literally it's whiteout conditions up there and it's out of control...everyone's getting stuck or winding up in ditches...bianca's done well though! The snow days were SOOOOOOO great...wednesday me and eric laid in bed reading till 3 when we had to get up for work and thursday was more laying in bed...after my INTERVIEW!
eeek, i hope i did good...it was justin, kimmy, and tim giving it and it was damn intimidating to walk into the room with all three of them sitting there. But i guess we'll see what happens...if i get it, SWEET, if not, well there's always next year or antoerh job :-P
The snow days also meant that my calc test and my chem quiz got pushed to monday (or the next day we have school, which may not be till wednesday!!!) Kinda nice to have the extra time to go over my notes....really slam down what i'm doing. :-) I talked to my mom about classes tonight....told her that I'm probably never going to graduate with a 4.0 and maybe not even a 3.0. but i told her that i'm happier than i ever was in highschool. I think i've found a good balance. I may not be an A student, but i'm moving up in jobs and clubs, and i have a spectacular life. I go out with my friends, spend time with my boyfriend, stay up late playing cards and watching movies and talking, and i still find a little time to study. I've decided that as long as i can get my degree, the GPA just doesn't matter. That probably means i'm going to get kiked out of honors soon...which means i'll lose the director position, but that's ok. I can still put it on a resume, and if i'm not in the program, i'm alot more free to relax with my classes and not have to honorize them. Basically, i'll be more free to enjoy life and the UP.
I can't wait for summer. I'm sure i've said that a thousand times by now, but i just can't wait. With all the people staying up here, i really think it's going to be a blast. It kinda sucks that i'm not taking classes (i feel like i'll lose motivation), but at the same time, that leaves me more time to work (hopefully at JJ's when Dan gets back from training in Ann Arbor). It's all kind of up in the air still. I still haven't heard back from the job on campus for summer...and needless to say, if i don't get it, i'm a litlte on the screwed side of things! I don't know what i'll do then, but i know i'll get by...i've been checking hte michigan works site for open jobs and we'll just see what happens. I may have to borrow some money from my mom for a bit though if i can't pay rent, which i don't like, but i'll pay her back quick...i don't like having debts to anyone.
Alright...i suppose i could head to bed. I should have written a few papers tonight...but i started playing guitar hero and got hooked....VERY BAD! hahaha....but tomorrow i plan on spending time with my mom and owrking on the papers and that's it. I know once i sit down and crank them out, itll be fine...it's just he sitting and doing them that sucks.
sweetest dreams and sunny days....or snowy! if you so please :-)

:: 2007 27 March :: 10.03 am

blehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh my throat hurts!!!! I'm sucking down orange juice so it will hopefully go away...but damn it's sore! I'm still quite ridiculous in my happiness....lol. Eric's mom liked me!!! :-) She took us out to dinner on Saturday....and bought me PEEPS!!! And Eric even remembered how i like them (a little on the hard side), so he cut open a package before i got there so that in a few days they'll be good to eat! I even think his sister Sam liked me lol. She's not a huge talker and she's super shy, but by the end of the weekend, she was talkin with me a bit :-).
....I explained to Eric a bit about my family. Throughout college so far, I've gotten away with just saying htat me and my dad don't get along. But with everything that's been going on (my dad is out of the house and my mom has an order of protection against him)....i've been pretty uptight, and when i'm tossing and turning in bed at night and can't sleep, Eric notices.....and i'm not one to lie to him. So I told him the basics. Just kinda what was going on. I'm still pretty determined to let the past die. maybe i'll tell him if he ever asks. Or if it ever seems necessary. Maybe when dad dies....not everything...but a little. We'll see. I like NOT talking about it....I like not having people see that when they look at me.
But enough of that.....if the time comes for it, it will...and if not, then good riddance! :-)
It really does amaze me how happy I am up here. I can let all the shit with my family fall away and jsut relax and be me. Yeah, some people would call it running away from my problems....but wouldn't you run too?? Haha, basically I see the fact that whatever I went through up to this point has made me me....but I don't have to acknowledge it all. :-)
ADD - I'm applying for a student supervisor position at the MP. I don't know if I'll get it or not, but I hope i do. I want the challenge of leadership!!! Even if it's just a little bit. And I hope everything works out for summer jobs!!! EEEEEk. I gotta pay rent lol. But I won't know that for another week or two.
Ahhhhhhhhhhhh ok...i should probably go get some work done....I wanted to write more...but it's all kinda scrambled :-P

just know that i'm happier than i've been in as long as i can remember....plain and simple. :-)

:: 2007 24 March :: 1.44 pm

AHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i'm so ridiculously happy. Stressed...yes.....but so happy regardless. Life couldn't get much better right now. The weather is gorgeous too, which kinda adds to that whole happy thing hahaha.
Stress issues - money a bit, summer job situation, getting all my work done for the last few weeks of class.
GREAT things! - Eric, all my friends, deciding not to take any summer classes (due in good part to the money issue), moving out of the dorms!, only 5 more weeks of classes, CLIFFJUMPING SOON!, hiking, music, driving around town with the windows down and the music all the way up :-), BEACH!, meeting Eric's mom and sister last night (which HOPEFULLY went good...he said he'd tell me after he hangs out with them today....and they're takin me and him out to dinner tonight), being happy....which makes me even happier...if that makes sense :-P.

K i need to go work on some homework....and play outside!!!!!!!

:: 2007 15 March :: 3.21 pm

I'm on a high. It hasn't stopped since i got off the plane. I've been studying, going to all my classes, spending TONS of time with my friends and Eric, playing outside, and basically just enjoying EVERYTHING i've got. Even though I'm stressed a bit...things are just going well. I've figured out a schedule for next semester, which looks halfway decent and hopefully won't kill me....still 18 credits though, there's no getting around it....they're all big credit classes (4 or 5 each).

I'm still a tad stressed about my classes this semester though......I'm hoping i can fix everything up these last 2 months.... :-\ It's gonna be tough for sure, but i gotta get it in gear.

:: 2007 14 March :: 12.21 pm

Greece was AMAZING. There are no other words for it.

I missed everyone like crazy....especially eric. Hugging him at the airport was quite possibly the best feeling in the world. And waking up with him isn't far behind it.

I'm still a little jet-lagged. It's exhausting.

I'm gonna go nap and study. I'll add details later.

:: 2007 27 February :: 9.56 am

YIKES i leave in a little over 24 hours! I'm freaking out lol and i'm a little sad about leaving....things have been going so good with everyone that it makes me sad to leave it for 2 weeks. The other thing i'm not really excited about is the two tests i have to take today....that's the one thing that's definitely been slacking the past 2 weeks or so...school. eek. I'm just not motivated anymore. AT all. I need to work on that. I've been workin on goin to the library during the day on tuesdays....ill be heading there soon actually. It's the one day i have where i have a significant amount of time to spend there studying/doing homework.

Things with eric are........ahhhh i don't have words for it. Absolutely amazing. I'm so happy with things right now that i basically never stop smiling. Don't get me wrong, there are little bumps....but even those i love, because he shares my love of arguing and we always get it worked out within 10 minutes lol. And i actually do like the arguments, because we get anything that's wrong dealt with.....it doesn't just sit and simmer until one of us gets pissed off. :-) Bahhhhh the past week or two with him have been unbelievable. I don't think i've smiled or laughed so much in quite some time. We've partied together, gone to bed early some nights (like 10pm), slept in annd cuddled, watched movies, wrestled, played guitar hero, even studied together. It's been so nice....to just spend time with him both with our friends and without them....just enjoying each other. The fact that he could leave for the summer makes me appreciate all these little things all the more. THe one thing i'm afraid to do is let myself love him. I could...easily, without a backwards glance....but I'm a little afraid to fall....I don't know if I'm ready for that yet. And i don't want to do anything without knowing that i'm absolutely sure. So i'll enjoy what i've got right now.....which is an incredibly happy bubbly heart bursting deep feeling lol....if that makes any sense. <3

Ok...i really need to go study.

:-) <3

:: 2007 19 February :: 1.38 pm

Just a quick update

-love my tongue ring...the swelling has gone down finally! YAY! :-) Not allowed to use it for fun purposes for about another week though....

-I leave in 9 days...YIKES!

-I have WAY too much homework to do and not enough motivation to do it!

-I'm pretty sure Eric is going to North Carolina for the summer. I don't know what to do with that. I hate the thought of another long distance relationship with him. It wasn't much fun last summer, and I doubt this summer would be any less sucky. I don't like the idea of not seeing him. I love falling asleep with him at night and waking up next to him in the morning. I love being with him. But I want to see how greece goes....then we'll start talking about summer.

-I sitll don't have a new job.

-I'm happy nonetheless.....bizarre? not really. I have alot to be happy about. :-)

:: 2007 14 February :: 10.40 am

WHOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

lol

Life is still goin good. :-) I got my tongue pierced last night! Hurts alot today and i can't talk much hahaha, but i'm in love with it already. And got to go out to dinner last night. Eric took me to Lagniappe, an AMAZING creole restaurant on Washington. It was soooooooooooooooooooooooooooo good....and he cleans up so gorgeous lol. Then we just chilled the whole night after impaled....studied a bit and just relaxed. He would barely even kiss me though sadly because Anthony said he probably shouldn't that night and not do it too often for about a week...SHITTY...lol.....i had to trick him to get my goodnight kiss.

Before bed we talked about NC. I'm torn on that....i want him to go, but at the same time, i really don't. Kinda sucks, so i guess we'll see what happens. :-\

K....have to go study for a quiz.....

:: 2007 5 February :: 1.53 pm

"Everbody knows that the sweetest thing that you'll ever see in the whole wide world is a happy girl." - Martina McBride, Happy Girl

Life is amazing right now. :-) For starters, Eric found my hat and camera....in my drunken haze, i apparently 'hid' them in his dirty clothes.....ewwwwwwwww. hahaha, at least i know i hid them somewhere NOONE else would look lol. So now a) my head is warm, and b) I don't have to buy a new camera before i go to Greece. Both very good things....especially since the temperature up here is like -14 right now.....at 2pm.

Classes are....good...hahaha. I didn't really do much work this past week, so i feel a little overwhelmed right now...but that's my own fault, and i'm gonna get caught up tomorrow.

I've gotten to go snowboarding quite a few times in the past few weeks......i'm getting pretty decent at it and i'm getting alot more comfortable on my toe edge. I think i'm ALMOST ready to hop on a rail. :-D Of course, i still haven't put my new stomp pad on....so it's rather interesting getting off the lift. I can't fully stop......even if i put my foot down on the ground, i still slide for awhile ....but i think i'm gonna put that on after work tonight.

Unfortunate news ..... there's no new I <3 New York on tonight... :-(
It's a new Monday night tradition....me, brookie, tricia, allie, and megan all get together in my room and watch the show every week and snack and talk for awhile....i LOVE it....it's so nice to relax together.

Eric still amazes me nearly every day. There have been 2 or 3 little speedbumps where we've gotten irritated with each other....but i think it's a good thing because instead of blowing it or each other off, we cool down and talk it out. It makes me feel more comfortable knowing that if i'm upset, i CAN go to him and talk with him about it and he'll listen and not blow it off. Plus, he just keeps making me smile. My favorite thing? When he tells me I look beautiful....because he doesn't do it often....just when i look especially good for the day. I love it...because i know he's not saying it just to say it. It's so amazing to hear that that little extra time in the bathroom doin my hair or picking out an outfit is noticed. But I don't want to gush too much and sound like a freak. I'm happy with where things are right now. I like that although it quickly became a solid relationship (with me staying over there often and not doing the whole 'dating' phase over again) we're moving nice and slow. Just taking it a day at a time and enjoying each other. I'm still feeling him out, slowly really getting to know him....and he's doing hte same with me. The one thing i hate is that we're still a bit 'on parade' - like when i got upset with him saturday, a few OTHER people went and talked, or in one case, yelled, at him about it. That pissed me off. It's OUR relationship, not theirs. I talked to those people and politely asked them to just butt out. I'm hoping that fades out soon...it's been getting better, but I can't wait for this part of it to be over. I'm sick of being the 'new couple' that everyone has to ogle over. Boo....lol. However, i guess if my only real problem is that everyone is paying attention to us, then i've got it pretty damn good. :-)

Other sad sad sad sad news.....the bears game. Grossman just wasn't experienced enough to be playing in a football game. End of story. But.........my first child will be named Devin. (To which Eric replied, 'well then you better start dating black guys').....

The superbowl party was alot of fun though. Us girls made a bunch of snacks - BBQ lil smokies, cheese plate with crackers and different meats, salsa, chips, different dips, deviled eggs, potato casserole, and guacamole....then we had pizza and beer and pop....and probalby 20 people. It was so much fun.....and even though the bears lost...it was SOO good to finally see them in a bowl game. :-)

<3 <3 <3

:: 2007 23 January :: 3.15 pm

This feels like a dream.

:-)

And it doesn't have to be awkward....because we already went through that stage almost a year ago. Now we can just enjoy each other. Lay around and talk and watch movies together and snuggle :-P and all the other good stuff ;-) I think he's still afraid to hurt me...which is ok. As long as he doesn't let that fear stand in his way...which he isn't anymore :-)

He makes me happy. Really really happy. A little nervous to be starting a relationship....but i wouldn't have this any other way. :-)

School's good too...hahaha. And my friends have shown me just how amazing they can be.

The only bad things.....my hat and camera have disappeared... :-( and i don't have a new job yet....but those should all be temporary things...alright..must go do some hw.

<3 <3 <3

:: 2007 21 January :: 8.34 pm

Yep. life is amazing.

Eric and I talked last night, after we went out to the casino and before we partied. :-) He said he realizes that he just has to stop worrying about stupid things and he wants a relationship with me. Which he gets hahaha. :-) :-) :-) ahhhhh HAPPY lol.

K........have to go do homework before i start being gushy or something :-)

:: 2007 20 January :: 2.27 pm

:-)

I had the most amazing night

Then again...life in general has just been amazing lately.

Which I'm pretty sure was the entire gist of my last supershort entry.

Calculus is AMAZING. I LOVE the professor...he's a nutty wackjob...but i've learned a shitton already and it's the first WEEK! Greek class.......ahhhhhh i have no words for it! I'm so excited i can barely contain myself. French.... <3 <3 <3 that's all i've got for that lol. And Chem...oh god. I"m in heaven. It's all the types of problems that I LOVE to do.....and it's the whole point of the class. I'm absolutely ecstatic. Plus i think this will make it SUPER easy to raise my GPA up quite a bit this semester :-)

As for my night :-) we all went out to see the hitcher, which almost everyone liked.....i thought it was OK. not a favorite but a decent movie. Then we all went out and hung out and did our typical friday night spiel lol. Ended up staying over at Erics.....and wound up just in each others arms, kissing and quietly singing along with the music to each other. Cheesy?.....well yeah....a tiny bit. But more touching and romantic than cheesy. :-) Both ended up passing out to shooting star by bad company. amazing song....download it if you don't have it...it's a keeper. Don't know the final outcome yet. Some good things have happened....but I'm just gonna watch. He's got till wednesday and then i get to sit on him and make him talk about it hahaha.....actually i think we may do that tonight before we start drinkin. :-)

K....i need a nap and a shower :-)

:: 2007 18 January :: 12.21 am

:-)

School is great, friends are great. Things are still up in the air with eric. I got my iPod. and my board.

I'll write more later.

But life is amazing right now.

:: 2007 8 January :: 1.03 am

countdown to marquette....t-33 hours.

yeeah that's all i've got. I'm sleepy and i packed some stuff...basically threw it all into bags...hahaha....i'm just gonna have to unpack most of it in a few days anyway.

Only 8 more hours of work :-)

and hopefully at LEAST a $400 paycheck...YES!

'i'm the devil i can do what i want, whatever i've got i'm gonna flaunt'....hehehe gotta love tenacious d

alright.....can't keep my eyes open.

<3

:: 2007 7 January :: 9.25 am

Today....tomorrow....and then.....BACK TO MARQUETTE!!!!! <3

I could not be more excited....a little stressed because i have NO packing done, and not really any time to do it since between now and then i have to work 20 hours.... :-( hahaa....but that's 200 dollars in my pocket before i go back to school...so i'll deal.

I ordered...my new snowboard....an ipod...and all my books! The snowboard should be at Brooke's either by Tuesday or Wednesday, so i can put the bindings on and *maybe* break it in a little before classes! The ipod i had sent to my dorm, so i won't be able to pick it up till saturday....but that's alright...i'll have to workout with once we start classes up again :-)

SO.....last night was supposed to be me, kelly, tricia, and brittney watching movies and eating pizza...however, kelly and brittney BOTH ditched out on us!!! But that's PERFECTLY fine, because me and tricia had a BLAST! However, we're NOTORIOUS for picking the absolute lowest budget, shittiest acting movies in the movie store...bad enough that we actually drove back to the blockbuster at 1030 to get a different movie (sweetest part...the lady didn't charge us cuz she kinda warned us about the one movie)!!! AHhhhh it was so much fun and SOOO needed! We rocked out to tenacious D in the car too....lol...i swear she's the only girl i sing along to beezleboss with!!! and not just sing...but completely rock out to lol. Eric came over for like an hour too, which was awesome....he was exhausted though from boarding and driving all night. And he was gonna stay and watch the movies with us for longer, but he had a bunch of friends from home he wanted to see before he left (plus we'll see him tuesday night). THe crummy part was that i definitely didn't leave till like 130, and had a 40 minute drive home...and had to be up at 730! hahaha....but it was totally worth the tiredness....last night was a blast and now it's only 2 more days till we head back!

And..i finally have all my financial shit figured out i think....I sat down and actually worked it all out....working this break completely saved my ass.. I"m not rich right now, but i definitely have some extra cash :-). Of course....this month my phone bill will be through the roof....everytime i come home, it skyrockets....damnit. But that's alright....i'll just work my ass off till i catch up again. OOoooo me and tricia are goin job hunting once we get back to mqt too. THere's a few places we're for sure gonna go put in apps at, and then we'll see if anywhere else is hiring...i hope i get that bartending job....i really think i'd LOVE it. I love that atomosphere and i can totally deal with assholes and a few creepers haha. I guess we'll see hey?

:-) i got my hair cut!!! At Kristi's!! I missed her SO much! We spent like 4 hours there of course (hahaha, eric and tricia were so thrown off by that). ANd i LOVE my hair...she always does a good job with it....then again, she's been doing it for nearly 13 years now...so i THINK she has a good idea of how to work with it :-P She kept the length :-) but threw back in the sideswept bangs like I had over the summer and layered the hell out of it. She even did the bangs on both sides so that if i want to change my part, i can, but it doesn't look weird :-) Oooo and thank god she razored the hell outta it too...it was getting SOOO heavY!!!! i just have too much hair! It's so thick...which is awesome...but when it's long like this it gets really weighed down...when i looked down there was so much hair on the floor...but most of it was from the razoring not the scissors!!!

alrigth.....well i'm out!

:: 2007 4 January :: 2.36 pm

Only 4 and a half more days!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm pretty sure i couldn't be happier. Me and tricia are basically counting the hours. I have to get out of Marengo....it's SOOO boring...and most of my friends don't even care to hang out. :-( Last night i literally drove out to B&N for 3 hours, sat and read books....made me deliriously happy and led to tricia makin fun of me to no end...I live up to the dork status quite easily lol. But I called a ton of people and noone wanted to hang out...bleh. However, the weekend looks semipromising at least. Tonight is dinner out with the one and only Amanda! who i haven't seen in ages. Then Saturday is girls night in with kelly, tricia, and her friend brittney out at tricia's house...movies and pizza and popcorn!! :-D And then sunday is PACKING!!!! hahaha...i have to pack sunday because i'm working monday and leaving early tuesday morning... :-)

ANother severe downside to being home is definitely my psychotic family. Ugh. I walk in the house to yelling or screaming almost ALWAYS....it's so ridiculous. I've adapted to NOT being around that and now i HATE it.

I'm excited for dinner tonight...me and amanda have SOOO much to catch up on...she's graduating from undergrad in May! Yikes...we're all growin up so fast lol. Next year, Brooke and eric and a ton of our other friends will be graduating......ahhhhh...i don't want college to end!

Hmmm me & eric had been talkin every day...but i haven't talked to him in like 3 days now....not really sure how to take that yet...i do kinda miss talkin to him...i got used to the convos every day.

Blehhhh i'm in a kinda cranky mood.....and i really don't like it. Being here drags me down......it's just not me anymore. I'm happier when I"m away from here. WHich is sad but oh so true. This just isn't home anymore.

MQT however..... :-). Makes my life. It's sad to think of leaving it. We (me, tricia, brooke, eric, a few others) have talked about getting a house once we all graduate that we could timeshare out between us. ANd then have it be a place to meet back up....renunion style. I don't know if we'll ever actually do it, but it'd be amazing. I can't imagine life before them...or without them in my life period. As for living after college...i'd love to go out west. Colorado or Arizona...maybe Nevada. Mountains and snow...or the old comfort of AZ...I miss goin down there. But I guess I'll have to wait and see what life has in store for me.... :-)

<3 <3

2 flames | light a fire

:: 2006 24 December :: 10.00 pm

YAY! Christmas is TOMORROW!!! :-D I'm not really looking forward to dealing with my family.....but i LOVE christmas!!!! The decorations and smells and sounds are SOOO great! <3 <3 <3

all my christmas shopping AND wrapping is done! Finished wrapping the last of the gifts today which is a LITTLE last minute....but oh well...i got it done hey. And....i splurged on myself this year a LITTLE too....got a HOT new lingerie set from Victoria's Secret (and some new cute undies :-D), a new shirt, pair of jeans, and a book. Ok...so maybe i splurged MORE than a little....but i hardly ever buy anything for myself...so this year i decided i'd treat myself to some stuff as i shopped for everyone else :-).

Chef opened a new restaurant!!!! :-) Me, Marie, and Jill went out there (crystal lake) and ate last night...it was SOOOO good to see him!!! I'm a little disappointed in the restaurant...it's WAY small...probably only 10 or 15 tables. But his food was still AMAZING. And we got to talk to him for awhile too which was great. Hugs all around and catching up on all our lives. :-)

:-) On a semi-related note, I've still talked to eric every day since i've been home. Talked to him last night and i was absolutely gushing about chef's (we'd just gotten out of there like 15 minutes before he called) and he actually said he'd have to go out and try it. I love that he's been callin every day, but I don't think it's anything big yet. It's awesome talkin to him though....makes me miss marquette a little less and i always end up laughing. Between talkin to him, tricia, and brooke, i miss marquette a TINY bit less. :-P

I think i'm actually gonna be able to buy both the ipod i want and the snowboard right after christmas. ALL i asked for from my relatives was money to buy both of those.....and i've already gotten $100 from my aunt....there's still my grandma, sister, two brothers, and uncle. :-D I may actually have money left over!!! I'm stoked.

mmmmk, i think it's time for hot chocolate and christmas movies.... :-D MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!

<3 <3 <3 <3

:: 2006 22 December :: 1.12 am

Yep definitely missing mqt like crazy. It actually amazes me how much i miss that place. I find myself craving it. Not that it's not good to be home for a little while. I've gotten to see Brett a whole bunch, and my sister and mom and brother and cats....and friends-wise has been alright. The friends thing blows my mind, because I'm a little apathetic to the whole thing. I don't really have any feeling towards anyone...except maybe kelly and marie. Does that make me horrible?? I honestly don't think so. In the past two years, the only relaly close friends who have been there when i really truly needed them were kel and marie a bit. Everyone else was too busy with their lives....even though I've put my day on hold for them before. One-sided friendships suck....and I'm over them. I'd rather spend time with friends who love me as much as i love them. :-)

Work is GREAT! I do NOTHING! Today i NAPPED and spent 2 hours making foam penguins with my sister....and i'm getting PAID for it! hahaha....yeah i do a good portion of sorting/organizing/numbering/etc, but this is AWESOME! <3

I didn't go out at all tonight....so far i've been trying to go out each night and see friends or do something. I got to see tricia alreadY!!! and meet her and eric's close friend durkin (i think his real name is chris...durkin is his last name), which ROCKED....durkin was awesome...his sense of humor totally matched up with me...which makes sense considering our mutual friends. :-) and i got to see allix and marie last night whcih wasn't too bad. we went out to steak n shake and just chilled and talked. and the general consensus is that everyone is happy, which is GOOD! :-D

I should be sleeping right now. I have to get up early......but i'm restless....i miss *home* and I hate being so far away from everyone/everything/everylove. but it is a sweet comfort to have mav sleeping next to me right now. I don't like the trucks speeding past my window. It bothers me...and means my music has to be up louder so i can at least FAINTLY hear it as i fall into slumber.

I love rain....it strikes me every time it falls and affects me in the greatest of ways. Right now, however, i'd give anything for it to change to snow. :-(

This entry's kinda random...but alas, at this early hour...my thoughts don't really take on a coherent line.

17 days till i go back. That doesn't seem like alot....but at the same time, it's eternity. I have plenty to occupy my time though. Work, christmas party, christmas, wedding, new years, dinner/movie with trish and kel and maybe brooke, and hopefuly more lol. Plus i've got two more books to finish :-) so it won't be bad.

alright...need sleep....sweetest of dreams.

:: 2006 17 December :: 2.49 am

I got home today. And in sitting here, relaxing on my bed and listening to quiet music, I realized something. This semester has made me a happier person than i have EVER been. I have no specific reason to be happy. I didn't pull the best grades, I've lost 2 friends to stupid arguments, I haven't landed a spectacular love interest, and I haven't made a shitton of money. But I smile more now than at any other time i can think of. I'm just HAPPY. I've decided ben breaking up with me last year was probably one of the best things to ever happen to me, even though it was hard at the time. I was freed of all the restrictions, all the mistrusts, free to just RELAX! He made a comment a few weeks ago that he actually felt a little bad because i haven't seemed happy since we broke up. I read the comment and just kind of laughed, because it shows me how little he knows about me anymore. How much i laugh.....how much i smile....how much i love. But in fair argument, he hasn't had much a chance to know me after we broke up, which is understandable. When i do talk to him, we usually get on the relationships topic, and obviously, things with eric have for sure had their ups and downs. And other than that, he doesn't see much. But that's ok. :-) It's a little sad that i can't show him just how happy i am.....spread it around a little...but sometimes thats just the way things work out, hey?

I'm not entirely sure I enjoy the fact that I'm back in Marengo. Don't get me wrong. it's GREAT to see my mom and my brother and my cats and kelly. And it will be a blast when me, tricia, and brooke bring our bests (kelly of course for me!) out to dinner and a movie with us. But at the same time....I already find myself missing the random dinners, the movie nights, the late night talks about religion or peanut butter. And missing the sunsets....and the view from the chairlift of the lakefront. I feel bad that I already miss it....feel like i should want to be home more. But all Marengo really holds for me is too much drama. I've already heard half the latest gossip and I've only been home for a few hours. And I honestly just don't care about that anymore. I'd rather enjoy the company of the people around me and hear what's going on in THEIR lives, not everyone else's. however, on my optimistic side......being home makes me appreciate everything i have in marquette that much more. :-)

Life has been good the past few weeks. There are a couple of interesting things up in the air...one being my ochem grade....I think i'm just going to retake the class anyway...I didn't understand half of what I did in that class and it's for my MAJOR! The other being Eric of course, because we never end. We've been really close the past week or so. I've had alot of my doubts proven exceptionally wrong, which has been spectacular. I can't say if we'll actually get together at this point...and no, there hasn't been anything sexual....but things have been really good. And i'm glad for it....his friendship means quite a bit to me. He's always 100% honest with me, and we can goof off like the best of them. Kelly's not too happy about the good streak...she's still stuck on him being an ass. But like i said....i've had alot of doubts proven wrong.

Me and tricia's friendship has been amazing lately too. I absolutely love that girl to death. She's irritatingly honest with me and expects the same from me. I think we complement each other really well. We balance each other's personalities out and have become close enough that even arguments haven't hurt us yet....and we've gotten into a bit. But I'm glad our friendship has become so tight. I know Brooke gets jealous sometimes (even though their friendships could never compete....i love them both equally), but I'm pretty sure I couldn't ask for a much better friend out of Tricia. Really amazes me somtimes.... :-)

There's one exciting part to this next 3 weeks that I'm home (I'm leaving a week early so it's not 4 weeks): villa olivia is ON MY WAY HOME! It's a ski resort and it's open late...>SOO, i should be able to get out on my board at least 2 or 3 times! :-) They open on friday hopefully for skiing, and even though that cuts off another week, it'll still be good to get some runs in before hitting mqtmtn again. Eric and LP promised that they'd make sure i could hit a rail and do a jump 360 by the end of the season :-D. I've actually gotten surprisingly better this season already. I have ALOT more confidence, which is really all it takes!! I continuously make it down the run without falling at all now. I'm having a bit of trouble riding toeside this winter, which I can't explain, because I was fine with it last season, but it's just something else to improve. PLUS....boarding this year has ultimately proved to be my new stress relief...there's something so soothing and freeing about strapping in and flying down the hill. :-D

sweetest dreams <3

:: 2006 14 December :: 1.58 am

I used to be so good at giving advice. back when things were simple and everyone knew everything about everybody else. Now i feel stupid and mute. Or unexperienced, whichever you prefer. And it's not really a bad thing. I just wish i could do more for some of my friends. Wish i knew how to slowly dissemble walls I could once jump over. But college is different. Even the closest friends sitll have a few walls...because college is a NEW place where you can hide away all your secrets if you want to, behind an indestructable wall. It's difficult when you know a friend is hurting, is sad, and there's not much you can do, because you don't know WHAT to do.

Yeah I'm rambling.....but i hate feeling helpless. I used to be so good at this...and now i feel like i'm floundering when i could be helping.

:: 2006 30 November :: 1.03 am

I am torn. Torn between what i think i SHOULD feel and HOW i feel. How do you know what's right??? Is what I feel right, or is what everyone else thinks right?? I FEEL like what I want, what I feel is right. It's my life. I don't know. blahhhhh all my thoughts are running together.....i need a shower.

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