And in the end, nothing matters.
I'm tired of all this. All my friends are sad . .and I dont know how to help them. I hate seeing people I care about suffer . . .especially the ones that dont deserve it. I hate it. Being powerless. Life's such a douche bag sometimes.

And anyway . . . .I'm starting to feel . . .idk. That nothings really worth it anymore. I know that people are going to get mad at me for saying that, but seriously. I'm not going to commit suicide or anything . . .

Anyway . .this is something I wrote three years ago . .I feel very emotional . .lmao. Something I'm usually not.



****Who am I? Just a drop in the infinite ocean? Or something so important that the world couldn't go on without? I am just a person.of no significance in this world****

Are we these things? Nothing? Do we truly know who we are? We seek answers in our Gods and Goddesses....their bibles....but can they tell us these answers we crave in life to have? In reality they are the false answers we all hide behind to shelter us from the truth, not the other way around. Is that what life is? The ultimate quest for the answers that in the end mean absolutely nothing...

****Maybe, just maybe.... I can make a difference in the forever changing tides of my life.... Dreaming dreams of "strange things", shunned by all "normal" people****

We all have that choice, to make a difference...to try and alter things that may or may not happen....thinking we've committed a great service...but deep down knowing that what we have done still bends to the will of FATE. Dreaming...not controlling it...but just swimming in the stream...along with the flow of time...of things locked inside, like "demons" I suppose you could say. And yet, the "demons" that people speak so much of, are inside all. People compelled and frightened at the same time by the ugly truth that is known but not spoken...

****Living my life by the rules of those around me. It will change, I'm sure. As I grow older. For now people regard me with cold eyes and think I am useless****

As children we are influenced by all those around us...our very souls built off of what THEY think...you say that you are your own person, but we are merely puppets of adults...mannequins... and b/c of this parents, grandparents, all those above, think that children know nothing. But as we get older, our "nothing" grows and prospers so that eventually, our knowledge, in a way unknown but to the Ones above and almighty, that even we are smarter than them. But sadly I know that one day the world will listen, but it will be too late...

****"Just wait." I would tell them. "The future is yet to be decided and I will make a difference..."****

Waiting...some have the patience, while others rush ahead blindly. Sometimes, both can be a blessing. The future...can be altered, but as I said before, still bends to FATE. But that doesn't mean we are all are being trapped. Like many poems, there are rhythm rules and words that must be included, but the poem is STILL left for you to write. And by these poems of life we MAY make a difference.

****How? Through my courage? Courage is just the ability to do the things you truly believe in with the presence of fear. Or so says some. Maybe it is something else... One of the many things we all share. The ability to this... is a great thing****

Courage...a supposed virtue. Maybe it is...A "virtue" is determined by the holder of the ability to change...and we all have that ability. Everyone has their own opinions of everything, even in something so simple as a color. Courage, to me, IS a great thing, for it is a bridge between everyone, animal or human, along with choice, these and others are wonderful things.

****Some people think I'm evil. What does that really mean? I pity the people that strive in their life to be supposedly "Light" For humans are the true balance between "Light" and "Dark" Not evil or in actuality good. We all cause pain and happiness in these lives we live, hanging on to the lies of the world****

Whether God or Satan actually exist, I despise the terms of "Good or Evil" We in ourselves are these two things. We all, in the drop of a dime, can switch to any mood, thought, or action. If two sides are fighting, who's to say one or the other is "evil and "good"? They both maybe fighting for loved ones, and b/c they believe in what they are doing. It all depends, again, on how you perceive the world and the people that live here. When it comes right down to it, there is only you and me. Both light AND dark...

****This paper is something that will be forgotten as the ever-turning waves of time crash around me. For I am only a girl, not melancholy or sad, but reflecting on the inner feelings of my soul. I might smile if you see me, hiding my face behind a mask so well practiced, but as it rains I am truly crying. For myself, for you, and for everyone. Crying for the times long elapsed, and for the people****

Maybe...long ago...people believed more in themselves than Gods or Goddesses, and maybe they all CARED for the futures that will never be...or maybe they were exactly like know, or even the most worst part, vainer. The earth that we now live on, I believe, reflects ourselves, in the utmost way. When it rains, shines, or snows...

****As I conclude this I hope that people will understand what this is about. Hopefully, there are people out there that feel the same way. Of course this is only an opinion of a girl, who has yet to live out her life...and when we all do, I hope the answers we have sought will not be rejoined yet...for the sake of all life, for life is the purest journey through questions and answers that we will ever know.****

The final conclusion of this paper...I'm truly sorry for the people that have read this and understand so very little of it...and for those that DO understand, well, there might be hope for this world yet.

~~~Callisto


There ya go . .My views have changed slightly . . . but, whatever. Ciao.


In this infinite darkness . .the only light I see . .begins to fade away . . .with my memories . . .

~Tais

I wuv my Matty :)
Well . .new semester . .hard shit . .Alg 2 . .I'm gonna die >.< Earth env . . is . .easy I guess. . .None of my good friends are in my classes, and the ones thast are sit nowhere near me. . . .bleh . .I love matt :) He's awesome . .but he doesnt read my journal anymore so . .whatever. Hm . .stressing weeks ahead . . .much love needed.


Haha . . .tommorrows not gonna be any better :)



~T3h H34rtl3ss On3

I am sleep deprived o.O
Well . .its 3:36 in the morning . .and I'm bored . .no ones talking to me . .except Michael . . .so I decided to list my favorite songs because I'm THAT bored.



Jimmy Eat World ~ Pain ~ Bleed American

Sugarcult ~ Pretty Girl

Taproot ~ Poem

TRUST Company ~ Downfall

No Motiv ~ Into the Darkness

Utada Hikaru ~ Simple and Clean

Earshot ~ Wait ~ Again

Sum41 ~ Pieces

Linkin Park ~ Forgotten ~ the rest of them :-D


Hm . . .thats all I can think of now . . . .well . . ciao.


~The Heartless One

;_; I hate life.
Hm . . . .life is one screwed up mother fucker. Spending the night with my dearest Olivia . . .probably going to take a midnight walk . . .drink something unhealthy. . .you know, the happy stuff.

I'm currently upset and anoyed at how life works . . .hm . .yeah. Gonna go play KH: COM . . . . .and try to beat Riku for the TENTH FUCKING TIME. MOTHER FUCKERS THAT MADE THIS VIDEO GAME, DIE. Ahem . .ok, ciao.


Fine, I love Spencer AND Michael.


~Tais

Mwuahahahahahahahaha
Well . . went to the mall with John R., Stephanie, Devon, and Dana. Hung around, bought crap, then Steph and Devon left. Dana left then came back and we met Bryan and Randy. Love those guys.

I played DDR! Lmao. I hate the fact everyone is obsessed with it . .but it is pretty fun. I got staright Ds on Beginners . . haha. Laugh it up.

Then everyone went home, and Devon didnt spend the night bc shes sick. So basically . .I'm waitng for tommorrow when I get KH: COM!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So basically, you wont see me or hear from me until Monday . .unless you're hot, like Spencer ;)

So yeah . .I'm gonna go talk to Spencer for a long time (until he signs off) then I'm gonna go to bed. Ciao.



I'd so do Spencer ;) I probbaly will. Hahahahaha. ;)




~Tais