xsilentxsuicidex
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2005 15 March :: 7.55pm
:: Mood: Crushed.
:: Music: Killswitch Engage- End of Heartache
*sigh*
So nothing can just go fucking accordingly...
I feel like complete shit.
First off, apparently John's not coming. I was really looking forward to seeing him, too.
Secondly, my paranoia just keeps getting worse. I keep seeing signs. I keep learning more that I'm not sure if I want to know. I hate people I've never even met... I've just been having violent thoughts. *sigh* ...Bad thoughts, too... It's really hard, him being so far away and all... My mind just tends to make up little scenarios that might happen. It hurts a lot. I hate it.
And third on the list, some girl wants to fight me. She is really obsessed with Jesse. She writes him notes all the time, and takes pictures of him and stuff... And it bothers him. So, people went around telling her that Jesse was my boyfriend and that I wanted her to lay off... So yeah... That got me in a bunch of shit. I'm somewhat scared. I've never really fought anyone before. So yeah. A few lies, and here I am getting threatened.
Mr. Riel just gets worse and worse as the performance becomes closer... He's having after school rehersals until 5. -.-;; He keeps yelling at us. I swear, if he singles me out one more time, I'll probably end up just walking out. *sigh* I'm just having to deal with a lot of stress right now.
It hurts to find myself becoming less and less important in people's lives. It really, really hurts... *sigh* I can feel it all start slipping, I think I'm breaking down...
Seek me, call me... I'll be waiting for the end of my broken heart.
I love you, John... And you have no earthly idea as to how much I miss you.
Broken Hearts
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xsilentxsuicidex
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2005 14 March :: 7.43pm
...Two months.
Broken Hearts
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xsilentxsuicidex
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2005 12 March :: 8.16pm
:: Mood: :)
:: Music: Trapt- Echo
*sigh*
Well, I was on the phone with John for a while... And I was getting ready to go to Tommy's to hear his one-man-band play... So I had to get off the phone, because my dad was yelling at me. We're not even going anymore because our ride got fucked, and no one else showed, so he cancelled it. -_-; So yeah, it sucks...
But, regardless, I was really glad I got to talk to John. ^_^
He can always make me laugh... =)
Now that I don't get to talk to him on the phone nearly as much, everytime I get done talking to him, I get this happy, floaty feeling. It's weird, but I like it. :D
I love you, John. ^^;
Broken Hearts
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xsilentxsuicidex
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2005 11 March :: 8.43am
PS- I love you, John.
3 Hearts |
Broken Hearts
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xsilentxsuicidex
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2005 10 March :: 1.23pm
Well I just woke up a little while ago, I'm about to go to my grandma's house... =/
I had an awful dream last night... And I guess I can get into it with no one's feelings getting hurt, because I doubt anyone will read it... (But yeah now since I've said that, I'm sure someone'll read it... -_-)
But, it started off as a pretty good dream... John was coming down for Spring Break... But then it turned out to where I would only get to see him one time. Regardless, I was still happy that I'd get to see him. Over the course of a few days, I was so excited that I was finally going to get to see him... And when it came to the day when I was supposed to see him, he didn't show. I waited and waited, and he just didn't show up... I found out later that he was out somewhere getting high. That dream... Wow, it hurt really, really bad for a dream.
I'm just tired of losing people to drugs and alcohol...
I did a dumb thing today. I went back and looked over past journal entries. I can see the change. I can see that I'm becoming less and less important, and it hurts... It hurts really bad... But maybe I'm overexaggerating... Maybe I'm just blowing it all out of proportion.
I'm so selfish.
Gomen nasai.
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Well it's love, make it hurt.
The end.
Broken Hearts
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