xsilentxsuicidex
|
::
2004 13 September :: 3.16pm
:: Mood: Depressed.
:: Music: Jack Off Jill- Strawberry Gashes
You end up dead in the end.
Lately I've been so fucking depressed... And I'm not even sure as to why.
I think I'm dropping out of this election bullshit. I forgot why I even got into it in the first place. I guess Cope really does deserve to be President. She actually wants it, and would actually get something done...
I guess none of this will really matter in the end, seeing as I'll eventually die.
All day something's been dragging me down. I feel like I can't do anything right. I think I'm failing, again. This year I wanted to start over, and focus on my grades. Try to be a good kid... And once again, I've become a dissappointment. I'm not getting things turned in, not keeping organized...
To make things even better, all my new teachers already hated me. Aside from Mr. Riel and Mr. Moore, none of my teachers like me in the slightest bit.
I feel like I'm losing friends. Andrew keeps falling farther and farther away from me, and it seems like forever since Keely and I have had an actual conversation. Everyone just seems so distant lately. But maybe it's just me.
I came home early from school today, because I felt like I was going to cry. I've done that before. I think the nurse is starting to catch on that I'm not actually sick anymore...
Nothing seems to be gettign better. I wish we had a break coming up soon... So I could take some time off to clear my mind. Maybe next nine weeks, I'll just start over new. Get a clean slate... I know that's not going to happen, though.
There are so many things I don't like about me... So many flaws... And I wish I could just be perfect. That person who's always smiling, who never has anything wrong. Who has lots of friends who love her, and a close family. The person that all the teacher's love, and who gets good grades... The one people look up to...
But that will never happen. I'm no where even close to that...
I'm such a fucking pessimist. I can never see past the imperfections.
But why try to see what's not there?
You end up dead in the end, you end up right here my friend.
1 Heart |
Broken Hearts
|
|
xsilentxsuicidex
|
::
2004 12 September :: 12.57pm
:: Mood: Alone.
:: Music: Phantom of the Opera- Music of the Night.
The power of the music of the night.
I hate good dreams...
They make you feel happy, then you wake up, and have this empty feeling... It's like your mind is taunting you. Showing you happiness, then taking it away. Leaving you with only the memory...
My weekend has sucked. And I feel like shit.
Ha, it's funny how life works...
Broken Hearts
|
|
xsilentxsuicidex
|
::
2004 11 September :: 6.45pm
Probably none of you will do this.
Erm, please fill this out and comment?
WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF:
» I died from suicide:
» I said I liked you:
» I kissed you:
» I lived next door to you:
» I started smoking:
» I stole something:
» I was hospitalized:
» I ran away from home:
» I got into a fight and you weren't there:
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT MY:
» Personality:
» Eyes:
» Face:
» Hair:
» Clothes:
» Mannerisms:
» Family:
WOULD YOU:
» Be my friend?:
» Lie to make me feel better?:
» Spread rumors about me?:
» Keep a secret if I told you one?:
» Loan me some cash?:
» Hold my hand?:
» Take a bullet for me?:
» Keep in touch?:
» Try and solve my problems?:
» Love me?:
» Date me?:
2 Hearts |
Broken Hearts
|
|
xsilentxsuicidex
|
::
2004 11 September :: 11.34am
:: Music: Evanescence- You
Lately, I've just had this weird feeling...
At times, it makes me feel so happy...
But at others, it makes me feel like... nothing is alright. Like nothing will ever be okay...
That night, when you were holding me in your arms, our hands intertwined... I felt like everything was alright... I forgot about all of the tension and stress that had built up...
And yesterday, I just wanted to kiss you so bad.
But is that what you wanted?
____________________________________
Universal Truths
1) Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.
2) At the end of every party there is always a girl crying.
3) One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronised with a complete stranger.
4) You've never quite sure whether it's ok to eat green crisps.
5) Everyone who grew up in the 80's has entered the digits 55378008 into a calculator.
6) Reading when you're drunk is horrible.
7) Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly.
8) You're never quite sure whether it's against the law or not to have a fire in your back garden.
10) Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl.
11) You never know where to look when eating a banana.
12) Its impossible to describe the smell of a wet cat.
13) Prodding a fire with a stick makes you feel manly.
14) Rummaging in an overgrown garden will always turn up a bouncy ball.
15) You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses.
16) Everyone always remembers the day a dog ran into your school.
17) The most embarrassing thing you can do as schoolchild is to call your teacher mum or dad.
18) The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at the first given opportunity.
19) Some days you see lots of people on crutches.
20) Every bloke has at some stage while taking a pee flushed half way through and then raced against the flush.
21) Old women with mobile phones look wrong!
22) Its impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee.
23) Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited.
24) You never ever run out of salt.
25) Old ladies can eat more than you think.
26) You can't respect a man who carries a dog.
27) There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you've got your hand or head stuck in something.
28) No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers.
29) Despite constant warning, you have never met anybody who has had their arm broken by a swan.
30) The most painful household incident is wearing socks and stepping on an upturned plug.
31) People who don't drive slam car doors too hard
32) You've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of wood specifically to stir paint with.
33) Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose.
34) Bricks are horrible to carry.
35) In every plate of chips there is a bad chip.
Broken Hearts
|
|
xsilentxsuicidex
|
::
2004 8 September :: 10.21pm
:: Music: Atreyu- A Vampire's Lament
It's just an urge you can't resist
When you put the knife against your wrist,
The release it brings is just sweet bliss
But the scars you see, they cannot miss.
Closing your eyes to dissapear
Your thoughts are filled with hate and fear,
You softly scream, though no one can hear.
You can only hope that death is near.
This pain is just so difficult to fight
It's getting hard to sleep at night
You feel like nothing you do is right
So just close your eyes, close them tight...
You're safe from all of that here,
Here in my arms, my dear.
1 Heart |
Broken Hearts
|
|