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It's All Coming Back to Me. . .the True.

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xsilentxsuicidex

:: 2004 17 August :: 6.25pm
:: Mood: #%%&$#@
:: Music: Hatebreed- Bloodsoaked Memories.

When I wake up, the real nightmare begins...
This is for the kids that have nowhere to turn- Who have nothing to live for... You think you haven't the will to persist? You have to search within yourself. All the work that you've done in vein has been overlooked and taken for granted. Only you can end your suffering- You must be honest with yourself. You have nothing else to lose, you feel that everyone's out to get you- Been beaten down, but the hate still breathes... Confined by consequence- it's your soul you must release... It's our struggles that define us, and the harships we endure. Your spirit can't be broken now- You've come too far. All your life you told yourself you were never alone, all your time spent on the problems that have no solution, in your mind giving up was never an option, out of spite hold onto the hate that has helped you stay focused... You are one, but you're never alone. You can't atone for every promise you've broken. In this moment there's no way you can fail... Use your pain to acheive your goals, make amends while you can, and try to stay focused. You can't be burdened by your lack of self control... Never stray from the path you have chosen.


Forever, forever convicted.

1 Heart | Broken Hearts


xsilentxsuicidex

:: 2004 17 August :: 5.18pm

First day of school...
Need I say more? -_-

Broken Hearts


xsilentxsuicidex

:: 2004 16 August :: 10.01pm
:: Mood: Bleh.
:: Music: CKY- 96 quite bitter beings

Sometimes when you're holding on, you never see the light.
In this perfection, I lament his beauty, his voice a sour note in this bitter serenade.. and all those things I could have... would have... should have said ring out like gunshots across long lost days.. If that wasn't love, then what the fuck was I thinking? I would bear my soul just to bask in your grace and your beauty. Your strength inspires all of my days. Your love fills me up when the blood in my body is drained.. and your strength is my backbone when I feel every bone break... It takes my breath away how you took my breath away... How could I know you would take my breath away? Hopw could I know that one kiss would change everything...?



Your Lord and Master,

The Almighty Dana

Broken Hearts


xsilentxsuicidex

:: 2004 13 August :: 5.43pm
:: Mood: Broken.
:: Music: None.

Me.
What is your name?:Dana Wells McIntosh
Are you named after anyone?:Some old dude...
What's your screename?:xCrims0nShad0wx
Would you name a child of yours after you?:Hell naw.
If you were born a member of the opposite sex what would your name be?:I donno.
If you could switch names with a friend who would it be?:Keely.
Are there any mispronounciations/typos that ppl do w/ your name constantly?:Danna, or Dan.
Would you drop your last name if you became famous?:*shrugs*
Basics
Your gender::Female. (Except for on Tuesdays...)
Straight/Gay/Bi::Bi curious...
Single?:Yep.
If not, do you want to be?:*shrugs*
Birthdate::March 25.
Your age::13.
Age you act::I've been told 3 and 16.
Age you wish you were::I don't know. I guess 16?
Your height::Ehm, not really sure. I think 5'7".
Eye color::It varies from a greyish blue to hazel.
Happy with it?:Guess so.
Hair color::Dark brown.
Happy with it?:Sure. *shrugs*
Lefty/righty/ambidextrous::Righty.
Your living arrangement::What the fuck...?
Your family::Mum, Dad, Carly, Eli, Kiwi, Aisha and Michael.
Have any pets?:2 dogs and a pet ant named Elroy.
Whats your job?:I guess fucking things up. =/
Piercings?:None.
Tattoos?:Nope.
Obsessions?:Not gonna talk about it...
Addictions?:Er... None. Yeah..
Do you speak another language?:Ebonics, nikka!
Have a favorite quote?:"Hope for the best and expect the worst" (Thanks Aisha)
Do you have a webpage?:Mehbey...
Deep Thoughts About Life and You in it
Do you live in the moment?:Wish I could.
Do you consider yourself tolerant of others?:Eh... somewhat.
Do you have any secrets?:I've got plenty of those...
Do you hate yourself?:Yep.
Do you like your handwriting?:Nope.
Do you have any bad habits?:Sure do.
What is the compliment you get from most people?:Don't get much compliments.. But I guess on my eyes?
If a movie was made about your life, what would it be called?:My life isn't meaningful enough to be made into a movie.
What's your biggest fear?:Being alone.
Can you sing?:Pretty decently if I want to...
Do you ever pretend to be someone else just to look cool?:No...
Are you a loner?:At times.
What are your #1 priorities in life?:I don't know...
If you were another person, would you be friends with you?:Heh. Yeah right.
Are you a daredevil?:No, not really.
Is there anything you fear or hate about yourself?:Yeah... Lots.
Are you passive or agressive?:Depends.
Do you have a journal?:Well, I'm posting in it.
What is your greatest strength and weakness?:Answer to both- Thinking about things too much.
If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?:I don't know.. I guess I'd make myself pretty.. either that or make myself a happier person.
Do you think you are emotionally strong?:No... I'm so fucking weak...
Is there anything you regret doing/not doing in life?:Yeah, but moreso not doing things... =/
Do you think life has been good so far?:Heh. At times.
What is the most important lesson you've learned from life?:Don't attatch yourself to people...
What do you like the most about your body?:I hate my body... =/ it's icky.
And least?:All of it.
Do you think you are good looking?:No. =/
Are you confident?:Heh. Wish I was.
What is the fictional character you are most like?:I don't know..
Are you perceived wrongly?:At times...
Do You...
Smoke?:Nope.
Do drugs?:Nope.
Read the newspaper?:Heh, Hell no.
Pray?:Sometimes.
Go to church?:No.
Talk to strangers who IM you?:Yeah, unless they piss me off.
Sleep with stuffed animals?:My wittle panda b-- I mean... er... Nope.
Take walks in the rain?:All the time...I love the rain.
Talk to people even though you hate them?:*shrugs* Sometimes. I don't think I truley HATE anyone...
Drive?:The golfkart... ^_^
Like to drive fast?:Oh yeah. Pedal to the plastic 35mph, bitches. 2 Fast 2 Furious!
Would or Have You Ever?
Liked your voice?:I guess.. I've been told I have a beautiful singing voice..
Hurt yourself?:Heh, I hate to admit it, but yeah. =/
Been out of the country?:Nope.
Eaten something that made other people sick?:Cheesetoast? That makes Michael sick... But is that what you're asking...?
Been in love?:Heh... I don't think so.
Done drugs?:No.
Gone skinny dipping?:=X
Had a medical emergency?:Not really.
Had surgery?:No... They're real. I swear. =P
Ran away from home?:Heh, not long enough for anyone to notice..
Played strip poker?:Of course not!
Gotten beaten up?:Well...
Beaten someone up?:No.
Been picked on?:Heh... All the time. =/
Been on stage?:Yeah. For stage crew. XD
Slept outdoors?:Yeah. I love it.
Thought about suicide?:Hah, who hasn't?
Pulled an all nighter?:Yep.
If yes, what is your record?:3 days.
Gone one day without food?:Yep.
Talked on the phone all night?:All the time. Andrew's the coolest ^_^
Slept together with the opposite sex w/o actually having sex?:Yeah.
Slept all day?:Yeah.
Killed someone?:...XD
Made out with a stranger?:Nah.
Had sex with a stranger?:Nah.
Thought you're going crazy?:KNEW I was going crazy. Heh.
Kissed the same sex?:Keely. ^_~
Done anything sexual with the same sex?:Nope.
Been betrayed?:Yeah. But who hasn't?
Had a dream that came true?:Eh, not really.
Broken the law?:Mehbey...
Met a famous person?:Yup. I'm good friends with John Travolta.
Have you ever killed an animal by accident?:..Who said it was an accident?
On purpose?:=X IT WAS AN ACCIDENT!
Told a secret you swore you wouldn't tell?:Nope.
Stolen anything?:Mehbeyyyy.... O=)
Been on radio/tv?:I was on TV once... Tee hee.
Been in a mosh-pit?:Yup.
Had a nervous breakdown?:Eh heh... Yeah.
Bungee jumped?:Nope.
Had a dream that kept coming back?:Yeah.
Beliefs
Belive in life on other planets?:I don't know.
Miracles?:Yeah.
Astrology?:Some of it.
Magic?:Yeah.
God?:Yeah.
Satan?:He's my father. =P
Santa?:Tee hee... no.
Ghosts?:Yeah.
Luck?:Well, yeah.
Love at first sight?:Sure...
Yin and yang (that good cant exist w/o bad)?:Yep.
Witches?:Yeah.
Easter bunny?:...No.
Believe its possible to remain faithful forever?:Faithful to what...
Believe theres a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow?:Heh. No.
Do you wish on stars?:Yeah..
Deep Theological Questions
Do you believe in the traditional view of Heaven and Hell?:No.
Do you think God has a gender?:Uhm. He's a hermaphrodite.
Do you believe in organized religion?:Sure.
Where do you think we go when we die?:Hell. The closest thing to where we are when we're living.
Friends
Do you have any gay/lesbian friends?:Yep.
Who is your best friend?:Keely.
Who's the one person that knows most about you?:Well, I don't know.
What's the best advice that anyone has ever given to you?:Hope for the best and expect the worst.
Your favourite inside joke?:Senior Scooter the swell whore. =D
Thing you're picked on most about?:My looks. =/
Who's your longest known friend?:Alec Romulus.
Newest?:Eh, I don't know..
Shyest?:Rhianna.
Funniest?:I'd say Andrew...
Sweetest?:Michael.
Closest?:Keely and Aisha.
Weirdest?:..Michael.
Smartest?:Keely.
Ditziest?:Carly. =D
Friends you miss being close to the most?:Michael.
Last person you talked to online?:Dave, Keely and Michael in a chat.
Who do you talk to most online?:Eh, Michael.
Who are you on the phone with most?:Keely.
Who do you trust most?:Keely.
Who listens to your problems?:Aisha. But she rubs them in my face, and says "I told you so!"
Who do you fight most with?:Don't really fight with my friends ever.
Who's the nicest?:I don't know. All of them.
Who's the most outgoing?:Michael.
Who's the best singer?:MEH! Hah, I don't know... Not Dustin, though XD
Who's on your shit-list?:I am not at liberty to say XD
Have you ever thought of having sex with a friend?:Michael ^_~... HAHA
Who's your second family?:Keely, Aisha, and Michael...
Do you always feel understood?:Heh, fuck no.
Who's the loudest friend?:Well.. I don't know.
Do you trust others easily?:Definately not.
Who's house were you last at?:Er, Keely's.
Name one person who's arms you feel safe in::Michael's.
Do your friends know you?:A select few have seen the real me..
Friend that lives farthest away::Sammeh. ='(
Love and All That
Do you consider love a mistake?:Yeah. Never attatch yourself.
What do you find romantic?:*shrugs*
Turn-on?:Pretty eyes...
Turn-off?:Smokers or icky teeth.
First kiss?:Same person as Keely's was.
If someone u had no interest in had interest in dating u how would u feel?:*shrugs*
Do you prefer knowing someone before dating them or going:Yeah.
Have u ever wished it was more socially acceptable 4 a girl 2 ask a guy out:I don't see anything wrong with it.
Have you ever been romantically attracted to someone physically unattractiv:Eh, yeah.
Do you think the opposite sex finds you good looking?:*shrugs* I know I don't.
What is best about the opposite sex?:They don't get PMS.
What is the worst thing about the opposite sex?:They're horny all the time ^_^
What's the last present someone gave you?:Eh, I don't remember...
Are you in love?:No.
Do you consider your significant other hot?:What significant other?
Who Was the Last Person...
That haunted you?:Martin Luther King Jr. tried to kill me once...
You wanted to kill?:Myself.
That you laughed at?:I think either Keely or John.
That laughed at you?:I don't know.
That turned you on?:Ehm, Michael.
You went shopping with?:Keely and Michael.
That broke your heart?:...
To disappoint you?:Myself.
To ask you out?:..Dustin.
To make you cry?:Michael.
To brighten up your day?:Keely.
That you thought about?:Andrew.
You saw a movie with?:Andrew, Keely, Doug, Aisha, Patrick and Rhianna.
You talked to on the phone?:Michael or Keely. Don't remember.
You talked to through IM/ICQ?:Andrew.
You saw?:My brother..
You lost?:Uh, myself.
Right This Moment...
Are you going out?:No.
Will it be with your significant other?:No.
Or some random person?:No.
What are you wearing right now?:PJs.
Body part you're touching right now::I was wiping my eyes before I typed this.
What are you worried about right now?:I'm worried I'll always just be a fuck up... A stupid fuck up.
What book are you reading?:I don't really read books..
What's on your mousepad?:Some picture my little brother drew.
Use 5 words to describe how you're feeling::Words can't describe this pain.
Are you bored?:Yeah.
Are you tired?:Incredibly.
Are you talking to anyone online?:Yep.
Are you talking to anyone on the phone?:No.
Are you lonely or content?:Lonely.
Are you listening to music?:No.

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Broken Hearts


xsilentxsuicidex

:: 2004 13 August :: 2.52pm
:: Mood: All of them at once... it hurts. ;_;
:: Music: HIM- The Funeral of Hearts

Just live and breathe and try not to die again.
Yes, in my last entry, you caught the more bitter side of it. And this is because Dana was not in a good mood. But right now Dana is not in any certain mood, but moreso all of them at once..

It hurts so bad mentally and physically to feel Love and hate at the same time... Happiness and sad... Anger and mellowness... I don't really know how to deal with it.

Last night I got like no sleep... Not like that's out of the ordinary or anything, but last night it was worse... After climbing into bed at 5:00 AM, I started at the ceiling until around 7... And finally fell asleep... Then my dogs started barking at 9 and I couldn't get back to sleep until 10... Then Aisha and Keely called at either 10:30 or 11... I donno. School starts Monday... I'm gonna die. ;_;

Anyways, that's all for now... Things have become somewhat uneventful since Michael left...

Forever great,

The Almighty Dana

1 Heart | Broken Hearts

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