ahhh
AHHH...finals are ALMOST done. i just have one tomorrow at 4. i'm going out tonight, but i am so not drinking so i can come back and wake up early to study. i need to do that. i have to work tonight. 4-7. then there's the bar. la la al al....ok so yeah so yeah...going to meijer's to grab some stuff. i also have to turn in my paper. yeah that whole final thing...due by 2...hehe...well i'm going to go. this was short and sweet. i would write more but i can't, so i won't. bye!

la al la al
As a widow without sons she had to do her shopping herself, but how much shopping does one woman need?
- Women of Deh Koh: Lives in an Iranian Village by Erika Friedl

1. Grab the nearest book.
2. Open the book to page 36.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the text of the sentence in your journal along with these instructions

why does my watermelon taste like basil?
well. haha that's all i can really say. i didn't do anything last night, me and lo just sat here at home and drank some wine. we were talking. and i've come to a conclusion. i wrote in here sometime earlier that i was going to change my ways, do things different. and well guess what kids, i'm a creature of habit i guess because i definatly have not. i guess that is my fault. but whatever, i really need to concentrate on finals so i probably won't be around at all online really. away messages mostly. do you ever feel like your the one giving in the friendship? like always the one calling or making plans and such? yeah. me too. i don't want to do that anymore. i don't really know what to write, there is so much that i could say but i won't. i think i'm going to make a new journal and write in there. i have to anyway cus i'm not paying to keep this one. so all my old entries will be lost...oh well...maybe i'll pay the money and just keep this here for public entries and not give anyone the new address. i have to go. i need to start writing my history paper and then go to my parents house.

lalala
Read this. Its good.

What she doesn't know will kill you


by Matt Brochu
November 21, 2003



You met her a few months ago, and somehow she managed to seep into your subconscious like that "Suga how you get so fly" song. Just like you have no clue who the hell sings it, you don't know why she's there. But she is, whether you like it or not. You know her cell phone, her room phone. You can dial her Aunt Doreen's house in West Springfield (where she goes to do her laundry every two weeks) faster than you can peck-out 911. But she doesn't know.

Her screenname, that generic one with her first name followed by three to five random numbers or UMass, has its own category at the top of your buddy list. Not only do you know what a "Buddy Alert" is, you've rigged your computer to play "Fat Guy in a Little Coat" from "Tommy Boy" every time her screen name changes from gray to black. Then her away message comes down, and you have a decision to make. To IM or not to IM? These are the ridiculous games that you play on a daily basis. But she doesn't know.

She's it. All right, so maybe not "it" it. Not necessarily Ms. Right, but closer to Ms. Right-up-there-with-Anna-Kournikova-and-Lizzie-McGuire-on-your-list-of-people-you'd-give-anything-to-be-stranded-with-on-a-broken-down-elevator. But it's about more than that. When is it ever about more than that? Never. Not like frilly white dress, overpriced catering, embarrassing drunk in-laws more, but closer to UMass sweatpants, two D.P. Dough Roni Zonies, a futon and a movie you have no interest in seeing more. But she doesn't know.

She's gorgeous, but gorgeous is an understatement. More like you're startled every time you see her because you notice something new in a "Where's Waldo" sort of way. More like you can't stop writing third grade run-on sentences because you can't remotely begin to describe something ... someone ... so inherently amazing. But you're a writer. You can describe anything. That's what you do: pictures to words, events to words, words to even better words. But nothing seems right. More like you're afraid that if you stare at her for too long, you'll prove your parents right: that yes, your face will stick that way. But you wouldn't mind.

You wouldn't mind that the questioning, "Hello?" on the other end makes you want to smile and throw up at the same time. You wouldn't mind worrying about what to get her for her birthday and spending $300 when you only have $17.50 and a Triple-A card to your name. You wouldn't mind that she left your TV on and the blaring infomercials wake you up at 4 a.m. ... because it gives you a chance to watch her sleep. You don't mind that you've slipped up twice when you were hammered and hinted at how you feel, but she was too drunk to remember. So she doesn't know.

Sure, she's pretty, but it's about more than that. You two connect. Anything you throw at her, she can throw right back. You figured out what's going on in that predictable head of hers in under five minutes, but something tells you her heart would take about five years.

You remember everything she's ever said to you, and when that freaks her out you blame it on your photographic memory (which is a lie, you have a 2.7 GPA). You can't remember your teaching assistant's name, and you can't remember that your Puffton rent check was due four days ago, yet you remember the middle name of the kid who tripped her in fifth grade and gave her that cute little scar on her shoulder. Maybe it's because you actually listen when she talks. When do you actually listen? Never. But she doesn't know.

But she has a boyfriend. The kid is a tool, and you are not. He has no redeeming qualities, and you have about 38, even when you're hung over. You could kick his butt, and you've never been in a fight in your life. He treats her like crap, and you would treat her like the princess she believed herself to be on Halloween in 1988.

But she loves him. He wouldn't know what he had even if she slapped him across the face and dumped him, but somehow she still loves him. And somehow she still doesn't know.

Then, out of nowhere, she slaps him across the face and dumps him. She comes to you. You've been there before, so you seem like the smartest guy on earth. She cries, but your corny half-joke, half-compliment somehow gets a smile out of her that almost makes you feel ashamed that you're the only one around who gets to witness it. It looks like you might make her realize that all guys don't deserve to have rocks thrown at them.

But nothing changes. She doesn't know. You get that library elevator feeling in your stomach that she'll never know. You get that feeling that you'll be forced to write a cheesy Collegian column about her that makes "Sleepless in Seattle" look like "Girls Gone Wild."

You go to sleep. You wake up. She doesn't know. You're not in love. You're not obsessed. You blame it on the fact that you just need to get some, but still, it's about more than that. It would just be nice if once in your life, things worked out the way you wanted them to.

So ___________, it's about time you know*.

Now cut this out, fill in her name, and give it to her, coward. Just let me know how it works out.

Matt Brochu is a Collegian columnist.

holy fuck man
so i'm pissed. whoa pissed. but that's another story for another time. fucking kids outside are screaming! god damn not tonight. i'm way to pissed off. i'm pissed off at like 100 things. i might actually list them...or at least part of them. me, the way i'm acting the way i'm feeling and stuff. i mean hell, did i do something wrong? apparently i did. but there is nothing i can do and you know what i don't care (that's a lie). maybe i'll go for a drive or something. something to cool my temper. BUT i have no gas and gas is ass expensive right now.

huh
i feel funny. like nervous. uh oh, i've had this feeling before and its not good. it usually means that something bad is going to happen. that is not good. can i just hide in a hole until whatever happens happens and i won't be there for it? please? i think we have birds upstairs at work. like stuck. oh white snake. that was the song lynn. with the twister. that i liked around my birthday. something like here i go again. so yeah. i have to go. 4min left. i definatly only worked for an hour today. holy shit. i spent more in gas to get here. fuck. oh well. ok call me i have something at 9 but i want to hang out. so do it. :)

nothing
i have to go to class soon. leave a comment, i'm feeling rather sad for some reason.

eh
so i guess elizabeth thinks i need to cheer up. she says she gets depressed reading my journal. i just don't think i record the good things that happen. there is some i swear. but sometimes the bad seems to outweight the good in my mind sometimes. i forget what great friends i have, and that it shouldn't matter that i'm single, i've got them. i possibly have the greatest friends someone could ask for. they will take care of your drunken ass when you throw up all over the landing. they will be there for your when you experience a loss. i think sometimes i get so damn unhappy about certain things that i fail to see them and what they really mean to me. you all are special. of course there are ones that are dearer to my heart and hopefully you know who you are. i'm kinda taking this from katie w's journal, but its a good idea. like her i would do anything for you all, even skip class to go to muskegon ;). all you would have to do is ask and i'll be there if i possibly can. and i guess i'm just trying to say that i'm not as sad as it seems in here most of the time. i just don't write the happy stuff. i guess i'm just confused about a lot of things. oh well. time works out everything eh? yeah.

so to add to the sad note, a friend of mine's grandmother died this weekend. i feel really bad, cus i know how he is feeling exactly. i was in the same boat in november. although its different, it always is, i think that it may be worse for him because i think he was closer to her than i was to my grandfather, although that also could be bad on my part. i still have guilt, even though i know i shouldn't. i don't want to get sappy or whatever, but i hope that he knows i know what its like and i'm here to just sit and not talk about it if he wants. or to talk about it. whatever floats his boat. i guess i'm just trying to say that i heart you and i'm here for anything that you may need. i won't pretend to know exactly what your going through, because like i said before its different for everyone. i just can relate.

schedual for the week:
Mon:
oh wait that's done, so there's no point in writing for today! although i have to write a couple of papers and study.
Tue:
class where paper's due
muskegon for a bit
maybe my 1 o'clock, maybe not. depends on whether or not i can email my paper, which i think i just will. fuck it.
class at 4 for my test. hopefully i don't fail, so i have to study hardcore tonight (monday)
paper writing
Wed:
class to turn in a paper, i HATE that class...
break with possibly more sleeping
class again to take notes for the final
work 4-7
@9 we have some recruitment thing
write another paper
Thurs:
class
most likely writing the paper that i won't do wed night.
class to turn that bitch in
break again maybe i'll get some sleep or something
class to take notes for final
actually nothing after that. SWEET! but no. i have to study for finals. damnit.
Fri:
NO CLASS!!!!!!!!!
work 4-8
olive garden 8-?
out with amanda (my real sister) for her birthday ?-?
Sat:
no work. just hardcore studying
Sun:
no work. just hardcore studying
dinner with the folks for amanda's b-day.

k so not like anyone REALLY cared about that i just thought i'd share it with you all. most likely it will not be that way and i'll study a whole lot less and go to class a whole lot less. haha haha so i have to go. phones and actual work to do before i go home. bye friends! I HEART YOU!

home
i'm home. i love home. it smells of eggs though....for the coloring tomorrow. its going to be nice to sleep in my big bed tonight. i miss that thing. i don't have to work tomorrow, but i forgot the cookie dough so i'm going to drive in and grab it. whenever i'm home and i update, i always start with something to say then i forget it and never finish. so i'll just leave you with SWITCHFOOT ROCKS!!!! AWESOME!!!

holy fuck
oh god. oh god. oh god. i got kinda...ok REALLY drunk last night. i smoked. not good. i was kinda upset and feeling like shit and that was the worst possible thing i could have done. i'm retarded. i'm sorry for all of you who i was with. i will not be drinking for a bit. i know i wasn't THAT bad but still. i feel like an idiot. i don't think, even though it wasn't that bad, that i will be drinking that much for a very long time. i still feel like shit and i have a concert to go to. i have 5 hours of work left then its off to the concert and then home to sleep. i'm going to sleep A LOT! oh god you know you are bored when you arrange your change on your desk from biggest to smallest and then from date.....oldest to youngest. wow. if you think about it money is cool. other than the obvious reasons, you are connected to so many people through something as simple as a quarter. i have a quarter that was made in 1965. its amazing to think of what that quarter could have been used for, what cities its been in, what stuff it saw. i just find it SO cool to think that maybe this quarter was used in the lunchen sitdowns or other protests. or maybe it was used to by a coke in texas or something. heather was looking at porn at work!!!!!!! she was on ratemyboner.com. that is HORRIBLE!!! there was a poo one too. gross!! eww eww eww...i'm going to go and surf the net. maybe i'll read a little history.

drunk as a skunk
fucking hell. if this is another valentines day where EVERYONE and their grandmother is hooking up but me, i swear to fucking god that i will just fucking go crazy. FUCK. i hate my life right now. i need to meet new boys. boys who don't want my friends. boys who would rather have me than anyone of my friends. fuck. i'm going to smoke cus i know tonight will SUCK!!!

me

whoa tired lady here
so i'm tired. like whoa. sorta took a nap... :) for at least like 30min. sorta feel bad for sara, but its not like the phones were ringing at all. so YJ tonight. YAY! super excited!!! i like the pink drinks. a lot. i don't know who exactly is coming. all i know is its me, lynn, mark, marco, and probably weaver. oh and julian maybe. he's broke but he can come and hang out. only like 30min left. i'm SOOOOOOO excited to see the babies on sunday!!! i miss jacob. he's almost all the way potty trained so he's going to be starting school in the fall. oh god i'm old. he's talking a lot i guess. something with the power rangers, sara demonstrated. how cute. so so so cute. and lindsay has a shoe fettish. tee hee...i wonder where she got that from....hmmm....so like 20min left. i guess i could write a super super long post OR do my job and call scripts....hmm...i'll choose the job part. maybe i'll update drunk. i havn't done that in a while. and i'll try and make it a long one. those are fun. cus odd's are i'll be trashed by like 10:30. sweet! I LOVE PINK DRINKS!!!!!

gah

Your True Nature by llScorpiusll
Username
The quality that most appeals to you:	Intelligence
In a survival situation, you:	Freak out
Your hidden talent is:	Endurance
Your gift is:	A loving heart
In groups, you:	Work for a common goal
Your best quality is:	Your sensuality
Your weakness is:	Your coldness
Created with quill18's MemeGen 3.0!

sigh
well sigh. i wish things were different sometimes. there isn't a whole lot else i can really say on the subject. so yeah. that's all i'm going to. night friends.

uh
eh. GAHHH!!!! too much stuff to do. too much stuff on my mind. i have a couple of papers to write tonight. one for history class and one for soc. the soc is actually my final. oh plus the 200+ pages STILL to be read for witches class. that will just get bs'd. at least the questions. the ones that are due. i can pick those out randomly i think. pretty uneventful couple of days. went to class. took a trip to meijer's and sat in fazolie's for like an hour talking with mark. it was nice. we're going to plan a vacation to europe so he can take pictures and i can see the history stuff. italy, spain, greece, ireland, all the old old old places. that would be SO much fun! oh god it would be SO beautiful i wouldn't know what to do with myself!!! today i went to student scholarship day and handed out gifts for about an hour and then hung in the cubby getting NOTHING accomplished. i then went to class (i'm so good like that) and hung in the cubby some more. i had to move to a table though or i swear this kid would have gotten my foot so far up his ass!!!!!! he PISSED me off like no other. i was mean in the cubby and i'm NEVER mean in the cubby. at least not directed at one specific person. stupid fucker. i saw mark, kevin, and marco while i was trying to read. they were getting tickets to the comedian that i can't see cus i have to write those papers i mentioned earlier. i hear he's supposed to be good. i skipped class with mark and went to muskegon so he could get his TT back. it's been there for like a week! he had this cute fast little jetta as a loaner one, but i like the TT. there were some cute little cars there. i want a TT convertable. that would be WONDERFUL! actually anything fast would be nice. i swear customers just need to SHUT THE FUCK UP! I DO NOT CARE!!!!!!! anywho, that was fun. we were going lik 120mph and it really didn't feel that fast. it was really really smooth. i love that car. its the TITS!!! :) SON OF A FUCKING BITCH!!!! I HATE FUCKING CUSTOMERS!!!! i have to go. call me. i hate life.