la la al al la la al al la la
BLAH BLAH BLAH i am so bored. seriously. my hands are dry. not anymore i put lotion on them. seriously, if the phone rings up here from the back OF COURSE NO ONE IS BACK THERE!!! gahh...sorry its sorta annoying. so i woke up early this morning to write my paper that was due in class today and OF course the computer's at school can't read my disk. i think that i might have to just buckle down and fucking pay the $30 for a new cartridge cus i can't stand this fucking shit anymore. what's the point in having a printer if you don't use it? seriously. its annoying. so i really really need to read for class, but i'm afraid if i do i will fall asleep. i am so tired. saturday night is catching up with me i think. the whole 2 hours of sleep and then going ALL day. i got about 7 last night and that isn't enough to make up for the 6 or 7 i MISSED the night before. if you think about it sometimes, sleeping is such a waste of time. you are missing 8 hours of the day that you could either be studying or doing something fun. but lord knows when you don't get it your body just sorta makes you take some when your sitting in class or at work or reading. its getting hard to keep my eyes open, which definatly is not a good thing. i'm watching american dreams tonight at like 8 i hope, if not it won't be tonight because i have a social at 9 and then i need to get more than 4 hours of sleep before my 8:30 class. maybe i'll take a little nap. but no i have like 100 pages to read and the phone keeps ringing. fucking phones. why in the fuck would you not have the phone number of the place where you rented equipment? especially when you are taking it BACK TO THE SAME FUCKING PLACE???????? i swear people are stupid sometimes. they just don't think logically. ok so i'm going to lay my head down for 20min and then i'm going to read my book for the remainder of work. i hate work. i hate school. grr...

sigh
so another year has ended...well at least sorta. i still have finals but this was our last buisness meeting and we had grad ceremony. i'm the alumnae laison so it was my responsablity to make this presentation thing for them with pictures and stuff. it turned out nice. they liked it. which makes me feel so much better about my abilities with my position. i guess cus i never really saw feedback until now how i was doing and stuff. i'm sorta sad to see this semester end. but then again not really. it has been an interesting year to say the least. who knows maybe next year will be even more interesting. i hope this summer is good. there is a lot of stuff going on, people turning 21, FINALLY!!! sure to be good times working at hell and coming back to F5 to hang out and chill. i'm looking foward to the sun. i'm looking foward to no homework (which i should be doing right now and i will very shortly). other than that everything looks good. (knock on wood) knowing my luck i'll get kicked out of campus west like 5 weeks before i can move in to the house. great. that would SUCK!! i know there will be some time where i'm without a place to live, so i'll probably have to head back to the homestead for a week or so. or just camp at random people's houses while my shit is somewhere....probably outhousing it. so yeah. i'm dead tired so i need to read about birth or something and then have scary dreams about it. have a good night everyone!!

holy fuck
oh god...so don't feel well. i still 3 hours left till i'm OUT of this place! i am cold and hungry and hung over..i got about 2 hours and 45min of sleep last night. damn time change and working at 8 in the morning. seriously!!! fucking hell. i work a whole lot next week. monday, wed, frie, saturday, and sunday. son of a bitch!! i wonder when the concert is...hopefully after 7 eh? haha haha i got the little programs done for grad ceremony. sorta forgot about them until now...opps...but they just happened to have green and gold paper back there that i used! tee hee fun eh? i am super tired. brrr....it is fucking FREEZING in here. really really cold....i'm shivering...i have to shower but i'm not real sure on if i'll have time. that sucks. i am so nervous...i hope everything works and is ok. mark is super nice for burning me a cd and for burning my powerpoint presentation. i hope to leave pretty much as soon as dona gets here so i could i don't know...shower...i have to be in whites tonight. meeting will be long i think. i have about 900 things due next week (not really but literally about 5 or 6 papers). i also have relay for life as well. i'll just have to spend ALL my time at the library. yay. but the good news is after tuesday pretty much i have nothing left to do for ast. so i can spend all my time in the library cus i don't have to do anything else. yay..not really...i'll just have to deactivate my aim so i can get shit done. cold cold cold cold....ok so i'm going to go now and sit here with my head on my desk trying not to throw up. fucking time change...

hum
ho hum...i've officially stopped trying. why bother, i mean seriously, there is no point. most if not all have NO clue what i'm talking about and that is fine. no one really needs to. this week has been weird so far, nothing like has happened really. that's not the weird part, the weird part is i don't care. i'm apathetic like whoa.

i showed my mom my toe and she said its probably just infected or like i dropped something on it and i don't remember...actually she said i was probably drunk. haha haha nice one mom. someone is going to close for me on friday so i can go to relay for life and all of initiation. i have to work early sunday morning, but i have saturday off, which will be nice. i might come in for like 30min though to see the babies before running errands for alumnae ceremony. i need black ink. i should pick some up tomorrow or something. i don't have class until 4 after my 8:30 one. but damnit i have to go to my 8:30 one because i have to turn in discussion question answers. after that maybe a nap and then shopping until 4. i have to go to my 4 o'clock this week. i miss too much of that class. so yeah that's my tomorrow. fun. if anyone wants to come with me it would be fun! i'm thinking target or something. that way what i need to buy won't cost like $500...although the mall would have the flip flops that i want...and maybe a (and notice that's singular) pair of pants. i need a pair of jeans. i also need to get some gifts for some people before grad ceremony. i've been slacking on those...whoops!! tee hee.....damn it.....i have an hour left so i should study some. read my book. i've got about 100pgs to go. that's cool though, i've been getting through it fast. i just have to sit down and do it. that's what i'm doing after work today and after the snappy cup dinner thing....fuck that reminds me i have to go to family fair or something and get something to pass....hmm...chips or cookies sound good. i'm not a good cook so those kids are just going to have to deal with whatever they get cus i'm not getting fancy for their asses (sorry AST i heart you but no). bye bitches!! (yeah sorry, that doesn't sound right coming from me)

AHHHHHHH
i knew that wouldn't go well. great. fucking BEAUTIFUL!!!!!!!!!!!!

on another note, this is #3 for the posting for today, that must be a record or something. something weird is up with my toe. i think there is something not so good about it. the nail kinda sorta half fell off. yeah. fell off. gross. yeah...my mom is going to look at it on wed when i work next. i am still going to take the long way home...i need to think. and calm down. see ya

stupid fucking phones, can't you see i'm trying to read!!!!!
Post a comment, anything that you want, and post it anonymously. A story, a secret, a confession, a fear, a love... anything. Make sure to post anonymously and honestly. Post as many times as you'd like. Then, put this in your journal to see what others have to say.

oh holy hell
oh i'm pissed. pissed like whoa. like WOW. its about work and the schedual. seriously. i just want to SCREAM! probably over-reacting again. i just don't need the stress. maybe insted of thursday i'll just take a REALLY long way home today before the meeting. i just need to calm down. i just want this semester to end. then i can work and come home and sleep and not have to worry about anything. i'll just hole myself up in my room this week and only come out for class, work, sorority stuff, and to shower and use the pisser. other than that i'm not fit to have social interaction. it just doesn't work. so sorry if you don't see me this week...not like anyone really cares....but still, i thought i'd say it in case someone did. have a good week kids!

eh
so..i've come to the conclusion that i have to change my ways. i know i've probably already said this in the past but this time its true. no offense to anyone i hang out with but i need to get out and meet more people. like i would love to get to know the other organizations on campus. like the alphsigs or the sigpi's. that would be fun, they seem like good kids and would be fun to hang out with. i don't know very many people from other frats or even sororities. there are other reasons too.

on a brighter note, we WON GREEK WEEK!!!!! YAY!!!!!! WE ROCK!!!! GO AST!!!! tee hee, its our 5TH TIME!!! so i'm very proud of our girls and whatnot. we went to friday's and had dinner to celebrate. not a whole lot has happened. just me being stupid and stubborn. i am going to take mark's advice and just drive somewhere. probably thursday. that's my only day off. or saturday after work. that would work too. i guess i just need to think about stuff and about how maybe i'm dealing with it and maybe break myself of my stubborness and learn to let go and move on. so yeah. i'm going to bed. if the drunk people don't keep me up maybe i'll get some sleep. nighty night kids. hopefully i'll wake up tomorrow and everything will be different....fat chance on that one.

nothing
why do i bother? great. wonderful. i'm a fucking retard for getting my hopes up just to have them smashed again. fucking idiot.

eh
- Panic001) What time are you starting this? 55:14pm
002) Name? Kathryn Renee Meredith
003) Date of birth? November 5th, 1982
004) Sex?: woman
005) Height? haha short...no it is like 4'10" with shoes...damn
006) Eye color? gray normally, really blue when i'm giddy or happy! ;)
007) Hair color? eh brownish/redish/blondish...
008) Location? Allendale, MI
009) Where were you born? Crown Point, IN
010) Have you ever failed a grade? no
011) If you have, what grade did you fail?
012) Do you have a crush on someone? Yes
013) Do you have a bf/gf? nope, still very single..not by choice but what can you do eh?
014) If so, what is their name?
015) How long have you been together?
016) What are you wearing right now? White Winter Rush shirt, jeans, white knee socks, and black shoes
017) Would you have sex before marriage? yeah but it has to be with the right person
018) Have you ever had a crush on any of your teachers? No
019) Are you a virgin? yup, still got the V-card
020) Do you smoke? every once in a great while, when i'm either WHOA upset or WHOA drunk.
021) Do you drink? hell yeah
022) Are you ghetto? no i'm white
023) Are you a player? haha no...
024) What are your favorite colors? BLUE! or green and gold.
025) What is your favorite animal? duckie
026) Do you have any birthmarks? a tiny one on my calf
027) Have you ever gotten your ass kicked? nope
028) Who is your best friend? jennie b. knows EVERYTHING there is to know about me!
029) Have you ever beat someone up? no, i have gotten into a couple of chick fights though.
030) Who do you talk to most on the phone? eh my sorority sisters. i'm not a phone person
031) Have you ever been slapped? probably, but not that i can remember
032) Do you get online a lot? haha yeah. stops me from writing papers.
033) Are you shy or outgoing? depends on who i'm with and where i am. usually its shy around people i don't know or when i'm nervous.
034) Do you shower? yes of course
035) Do you hate school? eh its ok sometimes, when your learning something interesting.
036) Do you have a social life? I think so. I hope so.
037) How easily do you trust people? probably too easily and then not at all at the same time. i tend to pick people to trust that are not the ones to trust and overlook the really special people.
038) Have you ever lied to your bestfriends? yeah but only little ones
039) Do you have a secret people would be surprised knowing? no. not really. pretty much my life is an open book. the whole julian dirty secret is out there and that was about it.
040) Would you ever sky dive? if i could be assured that i would not die, yes
041) Do you like to dance? tee hee yes!!! especially when there is booze involved
068) Have you ever been out of state? yupper
069) Do you like to travel? LOVE it! even if its just to a different part of michigan
070) Have been expelled from school? no, would i be in college?
071) Have you ever been suspended from school? no, i was a good girl
071) Do you want to get out of your hometown? i don't really consider cedar springs my hometown.
072) Are you spoiled? Sometimes. but then again sometimes not.
073) Are you a brat? hopefully not
074) Have you ever been dumped? yes, but usually i don't put myself out there enough to really have the opprotunity to get dumped
075) Have you ever gotten high? no, but i'm sure i've gotten a contact buzz once or twice
076) What's your favorite drink? alcoholic: strawberry margarita's or long island ice tea's; non-alcoholic: raspberry lemonaid
077) Do you like Snapple? yup, raspberry lemonaid
078) Do you drink a lot of water? not when your water looks like it has sorisis (where your skin flakes off).
079) What toothpaste do you use? Crest Multi-Care Whitening
080) Do you have a cell phone or pager? celly
081) Do you have a curfew? hell no
082) Who do you look up to? my mom and dad, hicks, stacy, pretty much all my friends
083) Are you a role model? probably not, i wouldn't be a good one. i fuck up too much sometimes
084) Have you ever been to Six Flags? nope
085) What name brand do you wear the most? no fricken idea.
086) What kind of jewelry do you wear? my necklace, bracelet, diamond studs, and two rings.
087) What do you have pierced? ears
088) What do you want pierced? mabye my nose or like somthing fun like a tongue (but mostly likely not)
089) Do you like taking pictures? yes, but when i have a camera i forget that i have it and i miss the good shots, so i give it to other people to take that are better at it than me.
090) Do you like getting your picture taken? its ok. i'm not photogenic
091) Do you have a tan? fuck no, i'm a white pasty beast!
092) Do you get annoyed easily? depends on mood and the person
093) Have you ever started a rumor? not intentially
094) Do you have your own phone/phone line? my cell phone
095) Do you have your own pool? at my parents house.
096) Do you have any siblings? a brother, sister, and sister-in-law
097) Do you prefer boxers or briefs? on boys, boxers
098) Have you ever been played? Probably.
099) Have you ever played anyone? no
100) Do you get along with your parents? yup, especially now that i'm older
102) How do you vent your anger? i tend to get really quiet or i blow up at my close friends that arn't involved. i tend to overreact A LOT and blow things out of preportion
103) Have you ever run away? wanted to but no
104) Have you ever been fired from a job? no
105) Do you even have a job? yes...uhell
106) Do you daydream a lot? yes damnit, especially when i'm supposed to be studying
107) Do you have a lot of exes? no
108) Do you run your mouth? yes, especially when i'm drunk...
109) What do you want a tattoo of? a yellow rose on my lower back
110) What do you have a tattoo of? nothing, yet
111) What are your favorite flowers? lilac's and roses.
113) What does your most recent crush look like? hell he knows who he is and he reads this so there's no point in describing
114) Have you ever been bitched out? yes
115) When was the last time you bitched someone out? hmm...its been a while, i've got the urge many a times, but thank god i didn't.
116) Are you rude? sometimes, not meaning to. i try and be nice.
117) What was the last compliment you received? oh "i like your hair cut" from one of my sorority sisters last night.
118) Do you like getting dirty? sometimes
119) Is your bellybutton an innie or outie? innie
120) Are you flexible? used to be, probably still could be if i stretched
121) What is your heritage? Beligin, Irish, Dutch, English, Scottish...pretty much an European Mutt
122) What is your lucky number? 7 or i guess 13, which is the number of times i moved before cedar
123) What does your hair look like right now? back in a ponytail like usual
124) Could you ever be a vegetarian? haha haha i pretty much am i'm that poor, meat is expensive!!
125) When was your last real heartbreak? hmm...i've never been in love so never. i've been in like but i don't think that counts. and sure i've been shot down, a lot, but i wasn't committed so that doesn't count either
126) Describe your looks? short. brownish hair. blue eyes. bout it. if you wanna know come and look at me
127) If you had to completely dye your hair it'd be what color? the color that i did the last time.
128) Would you ever date someone younger than you? yup
129) Would you ever date someone older than you? yup
130) When was the last time you were drunk? uhh...saturday...
132) Would you rather give or receive oral sex? depends...i'd probably give and of course receive
133) Have you ever given? nope
134) Have you ever received? no
135) Have you ever had an eating disorder? hell no, i love food even though i don't have it
136) Do you have one now? No see above.
137) How many rings until you answer the phone? when i anwer
138) Have you ever been skinny-dipping? no
139) If yes, when was the last time?
140) Do you look more like your mother or father? mom
141) Do you cry a lot? certain times of the month yes.
142) Do you ever cry to get your way? no, i can't cry on demand
143) If you had to amputate one limb, what would it be? none
144) What phrase do you use most when on the phone? i don't talk on the phone much, but probably "ok" or something
145) Are you the romantic type? of course! i would love to have someone be utterly in love with me and me with them!
146) Have you ever been chased by cops? nope
147) What do you like most about your body? eyes
148) What do you like least about your body? where do i begin?
150) When was the last time you threw up? umm...that one night with the bottle of arbor mist, where i was drinking out of the nipple cup (not last saturday)
151) In the opposite sex, do you prefer blondes or brunettes? usually its brunettes, but there happens to be some very good looking blondes that i know.
152) What do the shoes you last wore look like? plain black
153) Do you ever wear slutty clothes? haha boob shirt...that's all that is needed
156) Have you ever fucked someone up? no
157) Have you ever been fucked up? from booze, all the time
158) What color are your underwear right now? blue and white
159) What theme does your room have? haha hell-hole with curtains that belong in a nursing home living room
160) What size shoe do you wear? 7-7.5
161) What jewelry are you wearing now? necklace, bracelet, two rings, this bracelet lynn made me, and diamond studs, the usual
162) What is your screen name on AIM? centralgirl05
163) Would you pick a wedgie in public? not in public, i meeting or around my sisters, sure
164) How are you feeling right now? ok, cold, tired, nervous
165) When was the last time you were at a party? saturday
166) Have you ever given a lap dance? haha no
167) What do you sleep in? pj bottoms or i'm too drunk to care just underwear
168) Has there ever been a rumor spread about you? yup, one that said that julian and i had sex in the cubby, it was a joke but it was a rumor nonetheless
169) What is one of your bad qualities? overreaction, too self-concious and too low self-worth
170) What is one of your good qualities? i try to be a good friend and sometimes i can make people laugh
171) Would you marry for money? how much and could i have a lover on the side? (JUST KIDDING!!! NEVER!!!)
172) What do you drive? 2000 Red Cavalier named Roxy
173) Have you ever given or received roadhead? No
174) Are you more of a mama or daddy's child? mama's girl
175) What's does your journal username mean? my aim screenname...pretty obvious
176) What's your favorite journal to read? anyone's, weaver's is pretty cool
177) When was the last time you cried in school? does college count? if so in november
178) Do you wear Chucks? what the hell is that?
179) For two million dollars, would you pose for Playboy? hmm...probably, but no one would want to see it i'm sure
180) What time are you finishing this? 6:06pm

wow that took a long time. sure i answered phone calls at the time. but hey. oh yeah AST ROCKS!!!!! FIRE UP FOR GREEK WEEK!!!!

1hr 20min left
an hour and 20min left. so for the next 20min i'll update or something then actually do some work.
so last night. i mentioned it in the previous entry but didn't go into detail (well i sorta did but did a little editing about an hour later). so i worked until 7 at uhell and i went home to an empty apartment. lo and i were going to marco's to play a little beer pong but she didn't get out of work until 11 and i wanted a sober way home so i was just going to wait (see if i drove there would be TWO cars there...and that would mean i would have had to drive home). i got pretty bored there so i decided to start a little early on the whole boozing thing. i didn't drink much, just a little bit of the apple pucker that was in the little bottles i got the girls for christmas and a beer. i hadn't eaten since like noon so as you can guess i was buzzing and bored. i started listening to those music channels on the digital cable thing (the greatest thing in the world). that was fun for a bit. well after catching mark online he came and picked me up on his way to marco's. thank god cus i probably would have gotten TANKED before i had even gotten there!!! well so we get there and there's this chick there who is stalking marco (i actually talked to her for a bit and she's pretty nice, she is just a little creepy sometimes). so since there wasn't anything else to do (the beer pong table was occupied) i started to drink a bit faster. i played a game with the stalker and lo came over!! yaya it was fun, i was drunk. i played a game with loie and just hung out generally. travis and his roommate dan and some other people i didn't know came over and they played some beer pong as well. a couple of games of flippy cup later we headed upstairs (like usual) to sit in marco's room before everyone leaves (it is like the landing at our apartment only with a bed, a lazyboy, and a computer). they started to draw on dan, with my objections. but after a bit of feeling like a babysitter i joined in the fun. eventually mark took me and dan home. i walked dan home like 5 townhouses down (i'm such a nice girl) and went back to my place. this is when i found that i should just not tell anyone anything anymore. seriously. so yeah we'll leave that at that, it doesn't need to be discussed in this journal thing cus i'm PISSED! now i'm here at work with an hour and 5 min left. still fucking freezing. oh i had one phone call in the roughly 15min it took me to type this out. sad huh? yeah that's what i think. the 5-6 is worse. there is only two phone calls the WHOLE hour!! stupid uhell. i leave directly from work to go to meeting...:( i won't be back until late depending how meeting goes, i might just go for a drive or something after, depending on how i feel. so yup bye!

fuck
its cold in here. REALLY cold!! interesting night. apparently i can't tell ANYONE anything anymore. great.
anywho onto another topic, i woke up this morning with a raging headache and fucking FREEZING!!! it was really cold in my room and i haven't warmed up since. the heat doesn't work in uhaul right now for some reason. i'm not looking foward to meeting tonight. i hope i don't come out of there crying. that would not be fun. ok well i'm going to go and huddle in my coat and take a nap. i have 5 hours and 24min left. come visit!!! no one ever does. i write that in there and yet no one ever does it!! oh well. bye!

oh i'm full
i love how when one person goes out to smoke, even though no one else in this office smokes, they find the need to join them outside therefore leaving me in here ALONE with the phones!!! its not bad today, but they did it yesterday when it was bad. pisses me off. i had applebee's for lunch today. the whole curbside thing. yummy. i want to watch the rock and roll hall of fame thing tomorrow because they are inducting bob seger and he's the SHIT! but i have meeting. oh well. see when i first started to write in this thing i didn't really guard what i was saying. i didn't think anyone read this thing, but now that i know that people read this sometimes i guard what i say in order not to offend certain people. i shouldn't have to because it is my own personal thing where i express what is going on in my life and what i am thinking. but due to certain events i can't. which i really do not think is fair. you don't HAVE to read this thing. you do it on your own time. and don't worry odd's are i'm not talking about you. its just generally i think.

on a different note. formal last week was fun. really fun. marco was a good formal date, good dancer. i actually danced A LOT! fun!!! good times good times. good times. after the formal itself we went back to the hotel for the afterparty. more good times. mark showed up. we drank some and wandered the halls. there was porn on the tv in the hallway. they made me go and get the camera so they could take pictures, which reminds me that i should probably go and get them developed. anyway. we pretty much crashed in our room after everyone had left. it was pretty fun. i got to sleep between two HOT boys!! not just looks but those damn boys were heaters. i couldn't get over the covers because lord knows they couldn't sleep next to each other without a "buffer" so i was burning up the whole night. i was also not about to take clothes off either. so yeah. did not sleep well. i can't sleep in close proximity to a guy (and there were three of us in a double bed) without cuddleing. and there was no cuddleing going on so it was hard to sleep. we went to bennigans for lunch and then i went home and took a nap. i thought i had eboard that night but apparently it was canceled. opps. so i met mark for dinner and then went to meeting. meeting was short.
the rest of this week has been uneventful. went to meijers like twice for shits and giggles and of course i didn't get what i needed so i have to go back, only this time with a list. had a pretty rough wed and thursday. i started taking something new so i think that it is messing with my hormones until i get used to it. so i would like to apologize to anyone i either snapped at or decided to bother with my problems. i feel a bit better now. so that is good. been hanging out a lot with mark. that's nice. he makes me laugh. i was in possibly the shittiest mood of the week and i went to watch chappell show and i was in a better mood after. i think i need people like that in my life. people who can bring me up when i may be a bit down. hopefully i do that to someone in my life. i think that is something to aspire to. to make someone else happy.
kristen is going to develop some film for me. the one from formal and then the one from the wedding. yay for the one from formal. i am excited. although i am pretty sure me and marco didn't get any pictures of just us in it. oh well. tonight i think is beer pong. at least i think so. i can bring the pictures. that would be fun. yeah i have uhaul stories to tell when i get back. some pretty funny ones too. haha haha...thank you for calling uhell....tee hee....teehee....ok so yeah i am going to go and read for the 4 hours and 14min that i have left!!! come visit me after 5 cus that's when i'm alone and i don't want to be, but call first so i don't think that your a robber or sometihng!!! bye!!!

klksad;ajf;alsj a;lskdjf;alksdjf
i'm tired. i have 20min left. bored. tired. but i'm still doing something tonight damnit!! no idea what it is. i have some steak and shake thing at 9:15. so yeah. that's it. i'm going to take a nap. bye!!