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2008 13 January :: 5.56pm
:: Mood: ditzy
:: Music: Don't Tread On Me - 311
Mom made a cheeseball, which she's like famous for because it's delicious and I'm eating it right now, while singing Spice Girls to Kelly and talking to pJ. Life is good and pJ is a squirrel.
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2008 11 January :: 4.40pm
:: Mood: dorky
:: Music: Ashley Screaming. hah
I am in like a really good mood for whatever reason. Maybe because I've slept a lot these past few days and I'm all caught up and ungrumpy now. It's nice.
I start school Monday! I'm nervous. I haven't had any of the teacher's that I have this semester, and Ash said I had a lot of tough ones. Joy.
I'm excited though too. For once I feel like I'm doing the right thing, like I've got my head on straight and everything's going to work out.
I do wish that Kelly and I were together like every second of the day, but we're okay I think. At least I'm okay, sad and missing him, but okay. He seems okay.... I think he's okay. Ha.... freaked myself out.
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2008 9 January :: 6.14pm
The storm a couple days ago really really fucked up our road. We have two bridges out, like completely gone, and then a huge ass tree hit the edge of the asphalt and caused it to buckle, which allowed water from the creeks to go under it and so we have a huge section of road that has to be torn up because there's just huge pits in it.
It was totally the most awesome storm I've ever watched though. I sat outside for a couple hours watching the lightning, but then it started raining so I went in.
That's really the only thing that's happened.
Kelly's birthday is Monday, which is the same day that I start school so... yeah.
Also, I'm officially broke. I have like $30. It's totally lame.
I applied at Lowe's and Wal-Mart, and a couple places, so that should be getting fixed though. Not that I'll be making amazing money, that's impossible atm, but it'll be cash. Plus I'm expecting quite a bit of money back from school so... yeah. That's that.
Jacob goes back next Wednesday on the 16th, so that's going to be a little depressing. I won't see him again until possibly March, but that's all depending on what happens with Kelly and Ashley and the road trip. Really don't know.
I think I like broke my fucking hand in my sleep. Not really, obviously, but the fingers on my right hand are really sore, almost like I pulled every fucking muscle in them. idk what's up with that, but it makes typing a little painful.
Anyway, that's my life.
Oh, and Taylor ruins almost all of my nights. She's a constant noise maker and I hate it. I imagine bad things happening to her though, and that helps a bit.
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2008 3 January :: 10.40pm
:: Mood: content
:: Music: Born For This - Paramore
OMFG
....
and that's all. I'm really hyper atm and it's fun and Kelly loves me and all is good for awhile.
I'm super happy. I love him!!
/end girly moment
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2008 2 January :: 6.50pm
So I went and signed up for classes today. I ended up with 14 hours, which is two more than I wanted. I needed at least 12 hours to get my full financial aide, because I have to remain a full time student. Anyway:
- Monday -
Intro To Business - 3:30-6:15
- Tuesday -
(a) English 102 - 5:00-6:15
(b) Biology - 6:30-9:15
- Wednesday -
Intro To Literature - 6:30-9:15
- Thursday -
Biology - 6:30-9:15
So.... yeah
Other than that, dad's trying to get this car we have up and running again. After working for awhile I'll be able to trade it in and get something better hopefully. It gets like 40 miles to the gallon though, so ... fuck. But it makes me cry because it's like OLD and ... yeah.
Anyway, that's my life atm.
Kelly's still gorgeous and far away.
We're talking about Spring Break possibilities though. Fun fun.
<3
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2007 31 December :: 3.35pm
The only thing that excites me about the new year is that it will finally be an even number.
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2007 29 December :: 2.26pm
:: Mood: depressed
Re-Run
I don't really know how to put all of what's just happened and is currently happening in words, so I'll stick with Kelly is the most amazing man in the entire world, too understanding for his own good, and I love him more than anything.
I'm sticking around here until I finish school, I don't want to, but I'm aware that I need to. As ready as I am to be with Kelly, I simply cannot bring myself to leave my family yet. My grandparents are old and sick, my parents and I are getting along better than we have in my entire life, Ashley's ... Ashley. Taylor's scary, but I love her anyway, and if I moved away she would be full of resentment towards me, which I don't want because she is my sister, and Trevor's just the most amazing brother in the entire damn world and I don't want to miss getting to know who he is and having the ability to change it if I don't like it.
Hopefully everything will be better when I'm done with school, which I have a year and a half left of, then another 2 years. If I'm good by that time I'll take the next two years in Michigan, if we make it through this.
I guess it's like a little break from the seriousness. Breaks aren't so bad ... right?
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2007 25 December :: 8.59pm
:: Mood: cold
:: Music: Shadow Of The Day - Linkin Park
We had a little family thing last night, we didn't open anything, which we got a PS2 and Guitar Hero 3 and we were supposed to have opened that but whatever, and once that was over Jacob called and asked if I wanted to go hang out with him, so I did and we went to Monett to Richard and Ben's again. On the way home I stole a road cone. It's amazing and I love it. It smells like dirt though.
I got home a little after 3:00 am, took a shower, set out cookies and milk because everyone fell asleep without doing so, and then everyone woke up for some reason and it was just crazy for a little bit, until like 5:30. I finally get to sleep, only to be awakened by Trevor jumping on my stomach screaming that Santa came at 7:00.
Then it was up and unwrapping presents -I got 2 movies, a 2gb flash drive from Taylor, which she had to have had help on because wtf on that one, a Very nice straightner, and 100 cash.
I then went back to sleep at like 8 until 11:30, got a shower and went to my grandparents (I got $50) and then back home to sleep some more until 5 then to my other grandparents. I got the Paramore cd, a shit load of earings that are gold so those go to mom and Taylor, my perfume, and some lotion.
At Grandma Prewitt's I was allergic to someone's perfume and my throat started to close up and my eyes were just like pouring water so I went home early. It was fucking crazy.
Other than that it was an uneventful day. I was very blah during it due to lack of sleep. It was nice though, I hadn't seen a lot of people in awhile and it was good to see them. I got hounded about going to Michigan though, which I could have done without.
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2007 25 December :: 8.02pm
:: Music: avenged sevenfold-afterlife
merry christmas! :]
merry christmas to everyone! :]
wow. it's been such a long time since i've posted here. i really do want to start keeping a journal again even IF nobody ever reads it. i bleed emo all over aim conversations with friends of friends and think that maybe i should just write it all down in a journal. that way, i don't feel like i'm forcing it on anyone to read...because...you can leave the page if you want. ;]
so, anyways...christmas was nice, i was dreading going back to my dad's at first but it wound up being amazing. he actually seemed grateful to see me back at his house instead of with my mom for the week. i think that when i go away for a few days, he actually might miss me. wishful thinking?
anyways...when i woke up for christmas here with my mom and john, i opened my presents here...<3 i got some clothes from american eagle, an ae gift card, a purse, a pac sun gift card, harry potter and the order of the phoenix, a few little giraffe things, a candle, an air freshner for my car (lol), little miss sunshine, choke and invisible monsters by chuck palahniuk, a7x's new cd (i held out - something i'll never do again no matter HOW close to the holidays it is!!), hurt's old cd, personalized earphones for my ipod (they're amazingly cute, with a heart engraved with my name and swarovski crystals), a swarovski bracelet, and a few other things here and there that i'm really, really, REALLY thankful for. i loved it all!!
THEN, i went to my dad's and grabbed my stocking, completely unexpecting what was in there - my dad is paying a new membership for me to the ymca (tiff - my stepmom - too, so i have added motivation), tiff bought me a gift certificate for the most effective car wash/detail/body shop in town (god knows i need them to detail my car), i had $100 in gas cards, an itunes card, another air freshener for my car (maybe they're trying to tell me something), a lip gloss, some cards, but the thing that made me bawl my eyes out - literally, tears of joy - i opened up a letter and there was a gift certificate paid in full via credit card from my dad to get my windows re-tinted. <3
there were also some cute little things to take along in my purse in my stocking (like a nail kit - i'm ALWAYS asking if someone has a nail clipper) and a set of toe rings (which i loveeee). but then we went upstairs and i saw a freaking hoarde of presents under the tree, which as any kid would make you happy, but i was definately convinced that my dad and tiff could've just gave me my stocking this year and i'd have been the happiest soul alive...well, i unwrapped some fuzzy boots (with pom poms!), some clothes, some typical girl stuff (lotions, etc. - which i also got at my mom's), a kickass weather book (<3 nerd lol), a really neat looking lamp (with feet as the base), a $200 alpaca sweater which is probably the most amazing and expensive garment of clothing i've ever had and will ever have, a vera bradley checkbook cover, and of course, the other thing that made me cry - a year long subscription to xm radio. i had a receiver and gift card ready for activating my xm <333 all wrapped together, and my dad and i are supposed to go out thursday before i have to go to work so that they can install it.
this truthfully WAS the BEST christmas EVER. for once, my dad didn't make my cry by saying something horrible to me - maybe now that i typically live with him every day of the month really IS helping our relationship more than i know. i still miss living with my mommy, though. :] she's my hero and means the world to me. i hate being away from her and missing every beat.
guess i better get used to it though - it just dawned on me today that i leave for college in 8 months.
well, merry christmas everyone!! hope everyone has a great one :]
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2007 21 December :: 6.40pm
:: Mood: drained
:: Music: Linger - The Cranberries
I've been running around a lot lately, all my friends are home for Christmas break and it's just like one get-together after another. It's been fun but I'm thoroughly exhasted. Fun's not over yet though, there's a party at Kandace's tonight, and tomorrow night Jacob, Tylor, and I are all going to Jacob's cousin Richard's house again.
Sometime's I want to just not show up to things, but I tend to do what's expected of me so that's how that works.
Mom and I got into it tonight. I was downstairs doing laundry and she was upstairs in the bathroom working on it (we're remodeling it) and she just started yelling at me over random things, and then we would quit talking, and then she would start it back up. It was like she was upset that we hadn't fought for awhile, because we haven't, so she just had to make it last forever. It was so aggravating.
How insane is it that Christmas is 4 days away? December went by so quickly and I feel like I've gotten nothing acomplished which is depressing.
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2007 18 December :: 1.17pm
:: Mood: indifferent
:: Music: Apologize - Timbaland/Onerepublic
Finals went alright, I ended up with an A in every class, though I don't know how I did in Computer Applications. It was removed from my list of courses on the school website for some reason, so I haven't a clue on that one.
It actually seemed like Winter around here for a couple of weeks, we got snow and everything, but now it's like 65 out and all the snow has melted. It's kind of depressing; we rarely get a white Christmas and they're my favorite. I had my hopes set on one this year but it doesn't appear I'll be getting my wish.
Today is Taylor's birthday, she's finally 13. It doesn't seem possible for her to be that old. I know that I'm NOT old, but it makes me feel like it. Like Trevor's almost fucking 9. That's ridiculous. It just really depresses me for whatever reason. Probably because I'm over emotional.
It's cool though, she's really excited and it's fairly amusing to see her so happy. Ashley and I are taking her shopping, plus I bought her a CD she's been wanting so... eh. It'll suffice.
I'm usually pretty hard on her, but I've been trying to let up. I'm easily annoyed and she annoys easily, so we butt heads all the time because she's an ass like that and I'm a bitch like that.
Whatever. It's a work in progress.
As per usual, I have to have an emo section about Kelly and how much I miss him so insert that -here-
He got me a gorgeous necklace for Christmas, so *feels special*
I do believe that is all.
Oh, I lied. I cut my hair. It's short, and if I knew how to bold things, I would do so to "short" but I fail at having that knowledge. It's like a little bob like thing, longer in the front than in the back, and cut at an angle. It's how I always wore my hair when I was in high school, but then I let it grow out. It's a little too short atm, but it grows quickly so I'm not too worried about it.
Kelly, I believe, has it in his head that I look butch.... Not the case. Granted, I look like a possible bisexual atm, but give it a month and it'll be longer and we'll be beyond that issue. Everyone seems to like it, I get complimented a lot on it, anyway. I just think I look better with short hair because my hair's freaking weird.
Ugh, okay, enough hair talk. That's lame.
BAI.
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2007 12 December :: 11.05pm
zomg Kelly totally fixed the msn/wmp issue.
<3 him
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2007 12 December :: 1.50am
:: Mood: drained
:: Music: Hungry Like The Wolf - Duran Duran
My hair's frizzy from all the rain and it makes me sad so I've been living with ponytails for the past week. I'm scared I'll have a permanent ponytail crease.
Two finals down, two more to go.
-I got 300/300 on my research paper that I waited until the day it was due to write... that was fucking awesomesause to the max.
Then I got the highest score on the final with a 168/200 which is SAD.
-I don't know what I got on my Political Science final. I feel like I did alright, though surely not good enough to maintain my A. I might be okay with that, depending on what I made.
-My final for speech tomorrow... fucking easy. Whatever, no worries about this one.
-Computer Applications... this one got split into 2 seperate tests. The first part we had from last Thursday to this Thursday to do it, and it was ... actually hard. We had to open a Word document and do all this shit to it, and the same with an Excel document. We had instructions that the teacher had typed up, but it was worded awkwardly, and she forgot words... it was just fucked up. I had to skip some stuff because it simply didn't make sense.
The second part is a written test over Word and Excel.
I feel like I got jipped in this class. I was taught everything that I already knew. It was supposed to be a more advanced class for people who were already fairly familiar with Microsoft Office, but there were these old hags in there who hadn't even opened Word. Whoever put them in the class was a fucking dipshit.
Plus, if you'll notice, I only ever said "Word" and "Excel"... that's only half of Office. There's still PowerPoint and Access. We briefly went over those, but... fucking whatever. The class was a huge waste of money, but I had to have it.
It makes me mad though, obviously.
Another thing that irks me is that my personal message on MSN refuses say what song I'm listening too. Soooo not a big deal, but it annoys me that I can't figure out why, and that it bugs me enough to even attempt and figure it out.
-end rant-
<3 you Kelly.
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2007 7 December :: 5.28pm
:: Mood: drained
:: Music: Here In My Room - Incubus
Life as is
I've had a lot of weird shit happen lately that involves my family and people whom I consider family and it's all just kind of freaked me out.
Finals start Monday. I want to say that I'm ready for them 100% but... well I'm not. I have put sleep on hold a lot this week, and Kelly said that he was going to laugh when I fell asleep during the actual final and I'm beginning to wonder if that's actually going to happen. I'm completely aware that I need sleep, that I have to have it in order to function like something other than a zombie, but every time I lay down I'm like 'omg I can't possibly be thinking about sleeping, can I? I have to study for English and Political Science and Computer Applications. How on earth do you start a query on Access again? Oh hell, I better go look that up.'
It is madness. It is taking over my life. I cannot control it.
The only good thing going for me, as far as school goes, is that my teacher loved my final speech. We always say it the week before for practice and then give each other help and say what sucks and all that shit, and I was told to slow down (as always) but no one had anything for me, and my teacher pretty much promised me a perfect score on it if only I could slow down a bit.
As far as Kelly and I go... we're doing great. We always are. I miss him... a lot and I get bummed out a lot. I enjoyed my time up there so much and it's just hell being here without him and ... yeah I just miss him a lot.
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2007 29 November :: 6.21pm
Fantastically enough my computer is temporarily out of service. I need a new one soo effing bad, but I don't have the money to get one atm and my parents refuse to think that we need a new one because, "solitaire still works fine" and I'll be damned if you need a computer for anything other than fucking solitaire, right?
Dumbasses.
-Edit-
Yeah... so that took my computer guy all of 3 hours to fix and I've got my computer back. I had the Trojan virus and ... just fucking whatever. I'm so sick of this. Second time I've had to take it in, and it cost me $40. Last time I had to pay like $120 for all the shit John (comp guy obv) did, which included installing all this new junk on here and deleting shit.
I love my computer, I do, but I hate it more I think.
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2007 26 November :: 10.01pm
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: All The Same - Sick Puppies
I want to be back there so badly. I don't see how I'm going to be able to wait until around January to be with him permanently. It seems things will suck around here for awhile.
It was a great trip though, minus the flight screw-ups/delays. Shadow even let me pet him this time around which made me happy.
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2007 17 November :: 12.48am
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: Beyond The Sun - Shinedown
3 days. Holy smokes.
There was a party tonight and Tessi and I got into this huge fight with this guy, Jeremy. It was AMAZING. She freaking punched him in the face. Greatest thing ever.
I have massive amounts of homework, still. We're having a "girls night" tomorrow and it's been planned forever so I can't get out of it but dear lord. Homework gallore.
I did find a coat today. Everyone was like "omg it's so cute" but ... I don't know if I like it all that well, but seriously, it was the only coat I found that I didn't hate. Hopefully it'll grow on me a little more.
Didn't get to talk to Kelly all that much today and I miss him :(
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2007 16 November :: 3.03am
:: Mood: content
:: Music: Cancer - My Chemical Romance
!!!
So Jacob told me he was still in Columbia at Mizzou and then I get home tonight and a few minutes later he come's strolling into my room. It was amazing. He just left because his dad had to have the truck tomorrow to go to work. If that hadn't been the case he probably would have just crashed here.
Anyway, tomorrow Ashley and I are having lunch together and then getting our nails done, and then attempting for the second time to find a coat.... and now Jacob's coming with us. I'm super excited. Ashley doesn't know yet, but she should be fine with it... I hope.
Seriously though, this is cracking up to be like the best month of the year. I get to see my boyfriend in a couple days, I just saw my best friend, I'm going to get pumpkin pie --totally my favorite thing EVER-- and just ... yeah. Fantastic.
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2007 14 November :: 4.45pm
:: Mood: stressed
:: Music: Livin' Our Love Song - Jason Michael Carroll
School is teh suckzorz
I've got so much damn homework. Kelly's probably going to kill me while I'm up there because my nose will be buried in books.
HOPEFULLY I can get it done this weekend, but Jacob, Tylor, and Jessica are coming in and I haven't seen them in forever and Saturday night we're supposed to have a little "girl's night" over at Tessi's and just UGH.
Seriously though, I'll probably have to skip church Sunday just to get some of this shit done. It's fucking crazy.
-8 page research paper with bibliography, notecards, and works cited page for English
-6-8 minute speech to write and memorize for Speech
-a bagillion work sheets and a one page essay over Madison's Model and how we use it today for Political Science
BLAH is what I say to that. Asshat professors.
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2007 12 November :: 9.16pm
:: Mood: excited
7 days!
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2007 9 November :: 10.37pm
:: Mood: cold
:: Music: Invincible - Crossfade
-Tuesday- I got an 85% on my test
-Wednesday- My speech went wonderfully
-Thursday- My teacher loved my powerpoint and is going to make me show the people who weren't there next week. She also said I was pretty.... which made me feel kind of awkward.
-Today- Shopping went wonderfully. Like everything in every store was on sale. I got two pair of jeans and a pair of khakies, three pair of sleep pants, two sweaters and a long sleeved shirt, five pair of underwear and two bras at Victoria's Secret, which I had to get resized and that's always just awkward imo.
"Hey... you see that tape measure around your neck? Yeah.... I'm going to raise my arms up and let you wrap it around my boobies k? Awesomesauce. Oh I'm a ___? Sweet thx. Bai2u."
Ugh.
Anway, everything that I stressed about all week went perfectly fine. Blah.
I haven't talked to Kell in like 1 1/2 days and now apparently I have to go all weekend without talking to him and who knows how much longer.
i r sad.
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2007 8 November :: 6.04pm
Fuck.
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2007 6 November :: 11.19pm
:: Music: Hilikus - Incubus
Alright, so, this week has been kind of awful.
My class was canceled Monday, but we weren't told so until we actually got to school, so waste of gas there.
Tonight I had a test in Political Science; I think I did alright, but I don't know for sure, and it was a very large stress enducer for me, and even though it's over with, I'm still stressed about it. Then, once the test was over, we started going over our new stuff, and I told him that I wasn't going to be there on the 20th and he was like "... yeah, ok" and then this guy Jake told him he wasn't going to be there on the 13th and he just like snapped and started bitching and being really rude. So, that was awesome.
Tomorrow I have a speech to give, and I only just got done writing it, but it only has to be like 2-4 minutes and I can bs my way through it if I forget anything.
Thursday I have a powerpoint presentation to give which is worth 200 points. I hate powerpoints. They're effing retarded and just annoy me. On this one I have to insert a sound clip and it's not freaking working so I don't even know what to do. Once I get out of class tomorrow I guess I'll just work on it for a million hours until dumbass Erma (the bitch-face I hate that works at the school) kicks me out. Oh how I loath her.
Anyway, on top of all the stress I have from school, I'm REALLY sick and have these gigantic pills to take, and though I'm not sure what ass tastes like, I'm sure they're fairly close.
The only good thing about this week is that I should be going shopping with Ashley on Friday. She called and asked if I wanted to, and it actually works out because I need to go. I don't have a winter coat yet because... well I live in Missouri and quite frankly it doesn't get all that cold until later into winter, but since I'm goin to Michigan and I'm a huge baby, I need one now. I also need some more jeans and tops. And bras.
I'm thinking I'll ask my parents to just give me money for clothes now instead of waiting for Christmas. Dad'll be cool with it, Mom... I'm not so sure about. Fingers crossed though.
Despite my ranting, I'm actually in a good mood. I get to see Kelly, so I can't even stay in a bad mood if I wanted too, I'm too excited.
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2007 5 November :: 12.00am
:: Mood: anxious
:: Music: Ordinary - Train
In short:
Rachel - Happy until further notice.
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2007 2 November :: 1.15am
:: Music: Cumbersome - Seven Mary Three
Dear lord I wish sleep would come to me now.
I'm tired but no matter how much I will myself to go to sleep, I lay there staring up at my ceiling. Can we say torture?
Yes, indeed we can.
I laid in bed for over an hour just thinking of things and then I had a huge list of questions I wanted answered, so I was like, "eff this, I'll go google everything," so now here I am, googling shit at 1:20 in the morning, when I would actually like nothing more than to sleep.
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