:: 2005 20 September :: 10.25 pm
:: Music: Don't Panic - Coldplay

how time passes...

:: 2005 18 May :: 11.01 am

Okay.. I can officially go to hell now...

I've commited two more sins (of the flesh...heh) to add to the list

Happy Virginity Everyone!

1 We pass the time of day to forget | how time passes...

:: 2005 17 May :: 11.05 pm

I have such highs and lows. One day I'll look around and the world is so beautiful to me, even simple things. The green grass and swaying trees, the diversely complex people and their unity... Then I look at myself and I think...what have I really even got to live for? Granted I have family and friends.. but they all pass away. Education and jobs pass away... money passes away. I don't feel any spirituality whatsoever anymore. I feel like I'll never establish anything. It's not like I can get married..being an effin faggot anyway...so take watching my children grow up off the list or even loving my grandchildren...pleasing my family and mother for that matter too...those can go. I realize I'm not fit to have some sort of significant other... if I can't have love..what do I have? nothing.

god..
dammit

~shakes head~

This is pointless..all of it.

how time passes...

:: 2005 11 May :: 11.41 pm

Good Evening. And a good evening it was. It began when Cortni, Erin, Andrew and Tara picked me up in Cortni's Mercury convertable..which fits four legally... so i was like in the floor the whole way to Bolivar. Christ is it a small car! We met with Liz at Taco bell and had a nosh before going to Buffalo for church, which was ok. I met some really nice guys and a gay one that Jason said wanted to meet me. I really have to talk to Jason aboot that. We then went back to Bolivar and went into McDonald's so Cortni could fill out an application. We were sitting in a side room when Liz looks through the door and says..oh crap..is that Bryce? Not believing her, I shrug and go look.. my heart sank. there he was...with two girls..in a white shirt.... I still feel torn open. I went directly for the door and he did a ..triple take basically. Andrew said he turned to the girls after looking and began talking to them. Liz kept saying OH EVAN COYYYYNE as i came near the room so he would hear. Completely embarassed!!!!!!! Just this morning, Catalina told me that he told her to tell me "hello..." very odd for what he described to Ellen on the phone a few months ago. I had just seen him on the weekend too. God things happen in threes!

We played wal mart tag afterward and then took andrew home...we drove by these people on the Humansville square like...6 times and yelled about hot pussies and how much they wanted for a go. lol it was hilarious. Then oh, we passed this huge carcass on the highway... i got stuff out for our skip day tomorrow to Caplinger Mills annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd yeah. two days of school left. I feel like I'm dying again. I hate this
I hate how you can push my buttons without even trying!!!!

how time passes...

:: 2005 10 May :: 10.17 pm

cute
: How could you Piggy? I loveded you!.. I loveded you! says:
*Yawn.*
And I'm just dreaming, counting the ways to where you are says:
Oh yeah
And I'm just dreaming, counting the ways to where you are says:
"I'll have Austin come strip with you"
And I'm just dreaming, counting the ways to where you are says:
"but...then you wouldn't have any money"
~Evan~ Leider says:
hhehehe
Gir: How could you Piggy? I loveded you!.. I loveded you! says:
Lol!
Gir: How could you Piggy? I loveded you!.. I loveded you! says:
Well.. it's true.
Gir: How could you Piggy? I loveded you!.. I loveded you! says:
You'd spend it all.. and you know it.
~Evan~ Leider says:
Austin....god
~Evan~ Leider says:
how bout both of them
~Evan~ Leider says:
lol
Gir: How could you Piggy? I loveded you!.. I loveded you! says:
Austin.. and God?
And I'm just dreaming, counting the ways to where you are says:
I would spend it
~Evan~ Leider says:
lol...oh yeah
~Evan~ Leider says:
god
~Evan~ Leider says:
i'd love to see him naked


Will says:
I found the BIGGEST frosted flake ever!
Will says:
It was like.. 3 inchs by 3 inchs..

how time passes...

:: 2005 10 May :: 9.07 pm

To Abner and Ingrid
Welp, today was the last day that Ellen and Amber will be attending school. The rule of the Iron Fist has gone out of its golden age and has been passed to Michelle and I ~sob~ I won't have anyone to say what da heww with...
no one to PUNCH me in the stomach or drag around and "fall ovah" with after lunch. No one to "open mouth kiss" or scream CARLEY across the lunch room. No one to talk about boys with and realize how shitty they are but how wonderful they can be... no one to sit around and drink from a gallon of chocolate milk and have honking peice of mousse cake...or to impersonate roza. No one to tell me when I'm being an ass... and then still love me later on or to walk around town with...or play wonderfully with my hair... go on rides to no particular destination and talk conceitedly and about the weird things of the world.. no one to have huge limades with. i cant cough into your sweatshirt now after smoking my first joint and kiss you goodnight at the lamp post. I cant go for a ride in the boat or go round and sing the beatles in german, crack jokes about progeriatic children without people looking at me and not know what im talking about... i cant admire your art, your writings, talk, laugh or have fun in the same places. Some of these things will still happen, and many things will pass forever. I love both of you and I wish you all the best. I hope our paths will be crossing repeatedly for a very long time. If we ever fall out, just know that I always loved the both of you, I've appreciated all of the experiences and all the laughs, the tears, the time you called me on the phone with your heart on your sleeve and i didnt know what to say... the time you finally opened up to me about a lot of things...I can't replace these awesome times we've had. How we've laughed! I'll miss you both so much... I hate that I'll only see you next year in your pictures on the wall. I'll always remember. I love you

Go get 'em

2 We pass the time of day to forget | how time passes...

:: 2005 9 May :: 4.43 pm

Wow, it's already the last week of school. I cannot believe it. In a matter of days I'll already be a junior. It seems like I just got into high school. I can't imagine what will change in the next two years; so much has changed in the past two. I'll be sixteen in eleven days and I don't even have my permit. That angers me; I'm going to be a year late! ugh. It's not like I have a car though or will get one...except maybe that beast of a grandma mobile that my mother drives now. Jesus. I hope this summer will be alright. I won't be able to go to Ellen's cookout or probably the party later that evening this Saturday. Effing work.















oh, I saw him drive by in his car the other day.

I'm sick of being in disrepair

how time passes...

:: 2005 5 May :: 11.02 pm

Abner and I had lots of fun with my sound recorder on the computer today.

My list of things to do:

1. Get drunk after graduation
2. Open a bank account...finally..
3. Have fun with my friends..especially the ones that are LEAVING ME TO ROT ~loves~
4. Make peace with Terri
5. Rejuvinate
6. Mayyyyyyybe call my grandmother (not spoken since xmas)
7. Get drunk with Rachael
8. Get drunk with Amber
9. Shop
10. Marry Meet Lee



oh yeah... and get my gahd damn permit! I'm going to be over a year late for that!!

1 We pass the time of day to forget | how time passes...

:: 2005 3 May :: 3.36 pm

ekh nothing's new. I'm cold... I've not heard from Justen b/c our phone was down yesterday. I hate Mrs. Lightle... Apparently I went from a B+ to a D in Mrs. Neal's class... how the hell that happened we probably shall never know... the freaking moron!!!!!!!!

1 We pass the time of day to forget | how time passes...

:: 2005 26 April :: 10.15 pm

I
loathe
note cards!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BEHHHHHHHHHH

1 We pass the time of day to forget | how time passes...

:: 2005 25 April :: 8.47 pm

~Evan~ says:
not lots
gus says:
where were you today?
~Evan~ says:
oh i had to go for a blood test
gus says:
ah
~Evan~ says:
i wont be coming back to school...
gus says:
huh
~Evan~ says:

gus says:
why
~Evan~ says:
because i have HIV
gus says:
what
~Evan~ says:
yeah...
gus says:
oh my god
~Evan~ says:
DONT DIE
~Evan~ says:
IM KIDDING!!!!!!!!!!!!!
~Evan~ says:
I feel...baddish
gus says:
you asshole i cant believe you did that
gus says:
lol
~Evan~ says:
aw gussie
~Evan~ says:
im not dying..not yet..
gus says:
dont you ever do that again
gus says:
ever
~Evan~ says:
aw you would miss me if i died?!?!?!?!
~Evan~ says:

~Evan~ says:
im sorry..im hyper
gus says:
fuck, i guess so
~Evan~ says:
aw
gus says:
ill be back in a second
~Evan~ says:
hey
gus says:
hey
~Evan~ says:
so whatre you doing
gus says:
nothing
~Evan~ says:
aw
~Evan~ says:
so have you ever been sitting at your computer and had a blow job?
gus says:
no i cant say i have
~Evan~ says:
well damn you're missing oot



ohhhhhh classique. I finally got my paper done. Talked to Justen on the tele quite a bit. He is simply wonderful.

~FIN~

I promise I'll make a more worthy update sometime...

2 We pass the time of day to forget | how time passes...

:: 2005 24 April :: 6.24 pm

~moannnnnnnnnnn~ well I have like four hundred words to write for my effin english paper. everyone is trying to convince me to stay at work. i dont want to. im tired. i took a three hour nap and i feeel now like an effin crab cake. I think Carmelito died. I wouldn't even know since we dont TALK anymore. ~sigh~ it's back to school tomorrah for what? oh thats right...nothing. NHS induction was today...our principal beloved....principal just couldnt manage to show up. not that i wanted him to...but it just shows how much he cares eh? eh, maybe he died.

how time passes...

:: 2005 19 April :: 9.00 pm

Well, another FBLA state here and gone eh? I had an alright time though I think last year was better. Thea and I worked/sat our asses of as delegates. Lots of long and boring things to listen to. I saw Jackson a bunch of times, but apparently he didn't see me. I've been living off of mountain dew and chips for the past few days and I feel really unhealthy... I popped a vitamin when i got home because god knows I've only been eating protein and transfats. I realised that I left with a boyfriend and an awesome experience last year....all of which was basically unfound during the recent stay. ~sniff~ I was having a wonderful conversation with Justen tonight on the tele which was cut WAY too short by my mother. I think I sort of made him angry when I told him not to call back... it really wasn't for the fact that he's gay...he told me he'd do his straight voice which surprisingly sounds like Kaleb; but she was just pissy and is making me go to bed early because of MAP tests and because I'm apparently tired.

I would also like to comment in general...when did everyone take what I say so seriously? What ever happened to all of the fun and joking that used to occur? Am I that much of a stoneface now or am I simply annoying? I'm not sure, but it seems to me that when I act figurative or make sort of dramatic comparasons that it's the end of the world and that I'm so horrendously incorrect.

~sigh~

I need this... please be sincere with me.
I need your approval
Your thoughts
Your caringness
I love to hear your sweet voice
I love how you make me laugh
You're so creative with your words
You cease not to hold my interest...
Enfatuation's not ever felt this emotional.
You're simply lovely.

1 We pass the time of day to forget | how time passes...

:: 2005 17 April :: 1.46 am

What da heww cowboy Bill
omg. Justen. is. awesome. (new guy) Bah. State tomorra. cant sleep. wants flan. i feel flabby. i am flabby because i dont work out. i sent in my two weeks notice today. am i stupid?

weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

how time passes...

:: 2005 14 April :: 10.13 pm

Ah, I rode my bike today and nearly had a heart attack I think... I was chasing after my brother and riding away from a dog. We watched a video on cnideria which was quite interesting and I think I actually did well on my geometry! I did better than the entire class on our practice test the other day which was VERY surprising. State is on Sunday, and I canīt wait. I hope itīs fun.... I know we'll have fun. hm. I have 300 more words that I should be writing for English for tomorrow...that's nearly double of what I have. Wahnsinn. I talked with a new guy tonight named Justen. He seems really nice and really interesting. Outgoing as well... not to mention cute! ayy I seem so eccentric and I hate it.

I found this a little while ago... interesting to me what is even true of it anymore:

"... and that’s what keeps me warm/moist on cold nights away from the two of you.
I just want all of you to know that I love you all so much, and no matter what I do I can never forget you all... because I am no longer in control of my own mind... and yes i was in control of it before....it was just a very long time ago before i want hunting in siam with pinochio...so thank you very much.. And I look forward to talking to you all soon again... I LOVE YOU...DONT FORGET ME!!

Your one and only Terri Sue Ann"





Puh-leez

how time passes...