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2005 10 April :: 8.49 pm
Shit. Due to the fact that the transmission (sp?) in the van is shot, I have not the slightest idea how I will:
a. return my tux
b. go to work
c. go from work
d. get my suit drycleaned before state
e. buy a new shirt or something for state so I can atleast look somewhat decent
f. get my hair fixed for the previous reason
Fuckhead won't let us use his truck because...he's a total imbecile. Actually, he will, but we have to have him go with us. Christ. There are sirens going off..... hm. Anyway. I'm off to bed so I can rise bright and early and deal with more shit school.
how time passes... |
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2005 10 April :: 4.35 pm
Jesus God I am so tired. Prom was really fun. I will most likely post more about it later... Ellen, I want to read your journal. If you can read this?
behhhhh
~goes to make starbucks~
how time passes... |
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2005 6 April :: 5.07 pm
I hate Mrs. Lightle and her bright ideas. We're going head first into a research paper and she claims she tells us certain things when nearly the whole class doesnt know what the hell she's going on about so then she becomes all irritated. I swear she hallucinates. I hate her. I probably have a C in that class. She never picks up hw til random days after she assigns it. I never know when to get it done or when to have it. Sometimes I've already thrown it away. I'm glad you're leaving this year...you bitch
how time passes... |
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2005 5 April :: 11.53 pm
Just when I zero in... you make me cry again.
God...
1 We pass the time of day to forget |
how time passes... |
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2005 4 April :: 9.04 pm
I found an old note I wrote ...and you replied on. It was sad.
Mum and Bobby are at it again.
Kelly's dad is dying.... probably only will last 48 hours at most.
This is sad.
how time passes... |
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2005 4 April :: 8.12 pm
Omg... so I am sitting in art today and I'm just looking around while I'm working on my project. I was just looking at random people and I happened to notice that Gus had his leg sort of crossed and rather propped on the table...kind of an odd position. Well, we all know he's a denying queer and though he should come out...well I never expected this sort of coming out....
He was wearing this odd outfit today, sweatshirt and adidas shorts...really odd...he has really long legs..
but anywho,..I was looking...and his shorts had flopped back..as had his blue boxers... and it took a minute to register that i was looking at his penis!
Oh my...gosh
2 We pass the time of day to forget |
how time passes... |
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2005 31 March :: 12.18 am
I'm talking to someone from your past. They make me remember how much you lie. Why do you throw everything and everyone away that is all for you? I'm pissed. Dammit. Is it some sort of psychological thing maybe? If so, I recommend you seek a medication.
God dammit.
To my Abners:
I wish you would just stay here or something. We need to get out this weekend. I am very sorry to hear about your grandfather by the way,...I wish there was something I could do for you, ever, anything. I wish also that I was somehow a better friend. ~shrug~ I hope it will be warmer tomorrow to walk
I love you.
And I am pissed at YOU.
how time passes... |
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2005 29 March :: 11.25 pm
ok im going to try to be as vague as possible....
I wonder if he even knows how I feel...
I wonder what his are. What is the real meaning behind the thing you tell me? Is it just friendly? Commonplace? Just something to say? I'm crazy. I wonder all of this and wonder about you.
....then I remind myself that it's not even possible
1 We pass the time of day to forget |
how time passes... |
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2005 29 March :: 11.08 pm
I'm such a selfish person.
I feel so badly inside anymore.
I feel like I've changed a lot.
Not for the better either.
I feel stagnant.
Cold, though I don't really show it.
I'm standing in a room full of people.
I'm screaming.
Do you hear me?
I don't have the profound thoughts.
I don't philosophy anymore.
I don't ponder.
I don't have faith.
I feel far from (some of) my friends.
My inner monolouge is so monotonous.
I'm sliding away academically.
I don't try.
I don't read.
The desire to know and learn is ever present.
Something's missing.
I don't know what it is.
I am so selfish.
I have a house.
A wonderful mother.
Wonderful friends.
Awards, medals, a name.
I feel like I'm being held away from all of this.
I look out on it through the glass casing I belive I've sealed myself
I don't have anyone to hold.
I don't understand.
how time passes... |
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2005 28 March :: 10.34 pm
~yawn~ Oh it's 10:34 and I've no hw done. Got a test on WWI tomorrah... that should be lovely. Abners and I walked the whole town practically (though it's not hard to do) and then I brought her here and bored her with chess. I wish I could be a fun-coordinating person. I'm tired. Nothing was great at school today. We devoured some of my candies. Eric drove me home and I realized today how ugly Gus is becoming...yet faggier. Abners said he's letting himself go. What can I say... I have that effect. hehehehe.
how time passes... |
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2005 27 March :: 10.06 pm
Ah what a vaginal day this has been Happy Easter! I worked today from 8-4. Talk aboot long. Beckey, Yvonne, Colleen, Judy and I have so much fun together. Oh lord, we mess around so much. For instance, Yvonne stuck the ladle down Colleen's crack because it was hanging out of her pants (nasty) and we said she was taking a "soil sample." heh. ohhh letsee... I helped Judy in the freezer and thought I was going to die from the lack of cover. Faced aisle 3.... Gilbert made me feel like about THIS big like usual...without even interacting with me. I found this box of Krakel bars or whatever whose wrappers were yellowing and dusty.
Evan: "God, these are so old and dirty; they look like they're from the 60s!"
Yvonne: "So what are you saying about stuff from the 60s?"
Evan: "That you're old and dirty, Yvonne..."
Yvonne: "I get that a lot."
Ah I love Yvonne. Her oldest son, Shane, god he is cute. well...her younger one isnt so bad... but Shane..I dunno he's nothing wonderful to look at, but there's something about him that is adorable. Yes, even though he has a goatee.
hm...
After work, I went to my Aunt Kaylene's where everyone had already eaten dinner. I had some stuff and got even more candy from my grandmother and my aunt. I had some wicked cherry pie. We had our annual easter egg hunt outside and it was McKennzee's first time to partake. She was adorable, going around in her little jean jacket and hat calling "Eggies!!!" "are you?" hehehe. Most of us saved our eggs/candy for her and just watched her. She IS the princess afterall. After she collected eggs, and was so proud of herself, she decided to hide them again and then go pick them up.... over and over. I had to help every step of the way too. " u'mon Evie, more again!" she would say to me. Such a love.
I was reminded today of:
How simple things can be the most beautiful
4 We pass the time of day to forget |
how time passes... |
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2005 22 March :: 9.16 pm
My rendition of Alanis Morisette's "Thank You"
How bout getting out of these delusions
How bout stopping eating when I'm full up (thatd be nice)
How bout them transparent dangling carrots penises
How bout that ever elusive Marlon Brando
Fuck you India
Fuck you girl next door
Fuck you romance
Fuck you family
Fuck you masochisticness
Fuck you Fuck you George Bush!
How bout me not blaming you for everything
How bout me enjoying the moment for once
yaaaaahhh
tyyeaaahhhhhhh
~puke~
2 We pass the time of day to forget |
how time passes... |
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2005 19 March :: 10.13 pm
Well, snagging season has begun, therefore Joe's is BUSY as hell. I worked six hours today (0800-1400) It really wasn't all that bad I suppose, other than the fact that we had nearly every fisherman EVER in our store... including a bus of kids from Warrensburg on their way to Nixa and our regular Greyhound from KC. Peachy. So many of our customers are such hicks... smelly ones at that. Cindy wants me to come in at 6:00a.m. tomorrow. Jesus God that is just... a fateful sin. So I will work 8 hours. (0600-1400) Not fun. I came home to an empty house; mum had gone to Springfield with Chels and Bobby was at work. I nuzzled down on the coutch and glanced vaguely at the TV. I finally found something called "Soul Survivor" with Billy Zane. It was actually really good. Really touching. I got teary at a few parts.
I was just sitting there in the dark on the coutch...buried under my huge quilt with the buzz of some underbudgeted commercial in the background and I began to cry a little. I've not done that in a long while really. Of course I was thinking about him. I thought of my mum too.
Of my family, faith, my life, whatever.
Mostly of him.
It was good to cry
...it was like I wanted more of it really.
how time passes... |
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2005 15 March :: 4.38 pm
Dad suggested maybe I look into some student exchange programs for next year... A great idea methinks. I printed off 18 pages of application at school which have to be in by 1 April.
And
I would like to thank my mother for her years of endless encouragement...
~yeah right~
how time passes... |
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2005 13 March :: 10.23 pm
Three more days have passed on. They might as well have been three years. I wonder why I have to be stuck on you. Why you can show me atleast no decency and why I cannot move on to other things which could be more productive. Dammit.
how time passes... |
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