Shoe23
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2005 3 March :: 9.55pm
Conversations that consist of nothing but end up as mood changers are awesome. Few people can have an impression on my mood.. actually mainly just one person and it's wierd because it's always a positive change. It's nice.
I was just thinking about the wierdest thing earlier.. why is it that there are certain things everyone dislikes but typically there is something made with the disliked ingredient that they love? I'm like that just as much as anyone else but, it's wierd.
It's seems as if there will only be slight controversy tonight, my father just said goodnight. Hopefully that's a good sign anyway. Things are known to make complete turns when they involve my parents and I. It's really a hard thing to follow.. one minute I'm acceptable [or as close as I can be in their eyes] the next I'm the worst thing that has ever happened to the world. It's a tricky thing. Really.
...and that's all. No more updatage.
how time passes...
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Shoe23
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2005 3 March :: 4.30pm
...as the introduction to hell continues.
How is everyone else getting along?
I'm drinking milk, skim of course. I've decided to just drink milk instead of eating. Think that'll last long? We'll see.
I believe my mother and I will be going to the game tonight, I'm not sure but that was the original plan.
If I don't stop coughing I don't want to go anywhere.
Well, I'm about to scratch those plans, my father just informed me that he would be going. *curses*
So.. I guess I'll go find something to allow me to say I tried to take my mind off of everything so I don't lie when I say that I did try.
5 We pass the time of day to forget |
how time passes...
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Shoe23
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2005 28 February :: 8.15pm
That's it.. it's over.
Everyone has a time to lose, our time just never ended.
My senior year is failing fast.. there's nothing left to do.
..and No, I'm not depressed about the fact that we lost.. I'm depressed about the fact that there are no more times to lose, and on a lighter note.. no more times to win. The fun times are over, there's nothing left to keep me on the move, on my toes... away from my house.
I don't mean to bore you with my crap but alot of you would never understand how much this year has truly changed my life. Starting with Mrs. Heggemann and the softball team.. I'd never felt more alive. The friendships, the confidence, and the experience I gained could never be replaced by anything that would stand a chance at equaling in value. I'd never really picked up friendships so fast.. the bond was just different.. the cause from us all having a common light inside caused by softball and every single thing that came with it. The love and respect for the players and of course Mrs. H never left.. everyone of them have caused a positive change in my life this year.. especially Mrs. H.. without her I'd never have even thought about softball.. or a future for that matter. After the softball season ended I basically thought my adventure for my senior year was over.. then, basketball came into mind. What did I have to lose? I'd already thrown myself into the center circle of athletes. Basketball went just about like softball.. all of us quickly gained the respect for each other on and off the quart. None of us were measured by the amount of talent we had to give but more by everyone bringing what they had to offer to the team. Honestly, I couldn't have spent any day of practice better.. not a single one. I now have an immense amount of respect for Coach D and all of the girls.. every-last-one. I wish I could thank them all and let them know how much it meant to me for them to allow my presence on their court and on their field.
Play Hard. Play Smart. Play Together.
4 We pass the time of day to forget |
how time passes...
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Shoe23
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2005 26 February :: 5.45pm
If I could EVER do anything right... it'd be a miracle.
Whatever I did say or didn't say or didn't... do... I'm sorry.
There are a few things that seem to just be a part of me...
-difficulty
-deception
-a lack of feelings
-broken promises
-useless arguments
..and..
-avoidance
[just to name a few]
I never said I was perfect. I'm not like that.
What if people can't change?
I know I'm a little "rough around the edges" but I'm trying -so hard- to make you notice that's not all I'm about... if it bothers you that I'm not perfect then I've no reason to stick around... no reason at all. I wont change who I am for anyone.
I know I can't expect the whole world to stop and listen but it'd be nice if someone would.
If this is just the way things were meant to be I'm sorry I ever even tried.
No, I'm not turning this around... I'm not confused... I'm tired...
I'm done.
how time passes...
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Shoe23
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2005 24 February :: 10.15pm
What a day..
It's been a challenge. I'm sick as hell too. I forgot my password to my FAFSA. I can't believe I forgot it.. it was 3/4th's of the way finished. Damn It! *sigh*
Hoo-ray for life.. and planning, I guess.
My last home game was Tuesday.. I started, it scared me. I did well though. Thank goodness.. I had to guard the fastest player on the opposing team. It was also "Senior Night" also known as "Family Night" which means I had to actually accept I had parental figures in my life and had to pretend I cared about them coming to my games.
Anyway..
Mrs. H is due in 32 days!!!
1 We pass the time of day to forget |
how time passes...
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Shoe23
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2005 21 February :: 7.50pm
What a long as hell weekend..
I visited SBU this weekend and stayed the night last night, it was.. interesting I guess you could say. I got a t-shirt! I stayed with two roomates one was a Sophomore the other a Senior.. both pretty bearable to be around. The classes I attended today were boring as hell, 50 minutes, not too bad. I just about fell asleep in chapel but there was an older man setting by me and he kept elbowing me and talking about god. But over-all, I hope college isn't really that boring.
I've somehow contracted a mild virus. I doubt the mild will stay for long it'll be getting worse the more I try to ignore the fact that it is there.
My cell phone died.. I've the worst of luck with cell phones. So, right now I have an old, totally outdated, dirty looking loner phone that women with abusive husbands carry just in case they need to dial 911.
Speaking of 911.. Ellen, I saw a car exactly like yours wreck this weekend. It was absolutely crazy. I'm pretty sure it was fairly demolished, I'm glad it wasn't you. I doubt the person driving/riding doesn't feel to pleasant at the moment.
Well, that's really about all I know..
-Mrs. Heggemann is due in 44 35 days!! [how exciting is that?]
-I have my last two games out side of disticts this week. [Tues. & Fri.]
-I'm tired and want to go to bed demand sleep.. now.
how time passes...
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Jaganshi
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2005 20 February :: 9.43pm
Random memegens
Read more..
Here's to everyone. I'm going to post it too. WHOO!
I'm so tired. Aren't you?
how time passes...
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Jaganshi
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2005 20 February :: 9.23pm
This was linked from the RPGWW forum.....
The "New" Loony Tunes.
And if you still want to see a preview to experience the horror.....
Here it is.
I'm sorry the world had to turn out this way. And you're all so young, too......
how time passes...
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Jaganshi
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2005 17 February :: 4.09pm
I got an email from my brother. He says that "This summer I am going to London for 3 months to study abroad and
intern with a design studio."
Yay for Mike!
I have to go over to Purdue and say hi sometime. I haven't seen him in two years.
1 We pass the time of day to forget |
how time passes...
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Jaganshi
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2005 16 February :: 9.51pm
I was online searching for shoes. Do you want to know what I found instead?
Do you?
3 We pass the time of day to forget |
how time passes...
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Shoe23
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2005 16 February :: 6.30pm
Well..
The days are going slow this week. I always hate long weeks. Never-freaking-ending. I suppose the events which I take up during the week influence the length in which they seem to be.
Our game tonight went well.. we won. I played.. woo-hoo. Tomorrow night we play Wheatland.. hope that goes well.
I don't really have anything to say.. so, im out.
2 We pass the time of day to forget |
how time passes...
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Shoe23
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2005 14 February :: 8.30pm
Today was rather short..
..after school anyway.
I got a massive amount of flowers today.. from people.
Hopefully, you all had a decent Valentine's Day. If not, next year I'll send you flowers.. if you write me a note everyday.
-Random Things-
spots of carpet without color, people's signatures, the texture of World Globe's, the way people hold scissors, the recycle symbol, sizes and shapes of power supply cords, tabs, the school system, pomegranate, pagoda's, the size of windows on a plane, the sence of appeal, submodel names, the word 'mason'..
Evan, ich liebe Sie! Ich genieße alle Zeit wir ausgeben zusammen. Wir werden alot von Spaß regarless von meinem Leben ändernd so drastisch vor zu lang haben. Ich werde hoffen, dass Sie einen guten Valentinstag gehabt haben. Ich werde Sie sehen! -Bernstein
(just a little pathetic German for Evan)
2 We pass the time of day to forget |
how time passes...
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Jaganshi
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2005 14 February :: 7.25pm
Anyway, I took the night off from work because it's Valentine's Day. I wanted to have a chance to spend some time NOT WORKING. This is a good thing, no?
I meet Brian for dinner and Magnus, Greg and Jason are all up there as well. This is okay, because I do like these people and they keep me entertained.
When we finish eating, we go back to the co-ed hall where the guys live for the most part on the principle that we can go downstairs and play pool. Just hang out, you know? Well, there's a billiards tournament going on so there can be no unscheduled pool. The solution is to go to Brian's room. The guys want to play video games. There is a maximum number of two controllers if we borrow one.
Now, I'm tired of sitting and watching boys play video games. I guess a couple of months watching Caleb and Link and whoever else was at the apartment play vice city did that.
So, I tell them that I'm going to go back to my room to find something to do. I said that I would be back, but that I needed to get something to do that was more to my liking. Magnus and Brian said that I could play, that of course I'm invited.
I don't generally like playing video games. I like the fighters because they're mindless violence. This is good. If I wanted plot I'd read a damn book. But I digress.
I go back to my room and play Killer Instinct for half an hour.
Brian calls me and wants to know where I am. I told him I'm playing Killer Instinct. He was amused and confused at the same time. He did not know what to do.
He said that he felt kind of like an ass, like he'd run out on me to play video games.
Not true, I said I'd be back and I will, but right now I'm playing Killer Instinct.
Okay, but.... I don't know what I should do here. I mean, I guess I can do nothing but leave you to that.
It's my night off, I can do whatever I want.
Well yes, but this is a deviation from the norm. Well, I guess you not working is a deviation from the norm, but... I don't know. I guess I'll see you later.
Yup. I'll be over at some point. *promptly hang up*
I feel like I'm being a childish bitch, so I had to get some kind of public record of it. On the one hand, if I take time off on Valentine's Day, maybe that means I want to do something with my boyfriend. On the other hand, I'm not communicating that I want to spend time with him, and it's not my intent to keep him from having fun with our friends. I know he'll worry about it (because he really does worry too damn much. He'll become a very old man very young) if I make an issue of it.
Sometimes I just don't know how to talk about things so that he'll receive them at the correct level of importance. I don't know why he worries so much about the various miscellaneous shit orbiting me and my life, but he does. As a result, I don't know how to formulate discussions so that he won't get overly distrought, but at the same time understand that I have a problem.
It's not that I have trouble talking to him. Not at all. I barely notice things like emotions without him involved, let alone actively hold them back where he's concerned. He knows that I love him, and I know he loves me. I just wish sometimes that I wouldn't have to feel like I'm shielding him in some small way from my emotions.
how time passes...
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