Shoe23
|
::
2005 18 June :: 5.00pm
Some people have wicked mood changes. I happen to be one of those people... I've practically come to the conclusion it came from my father. He goes from decent to bastard in about two seconds. It's so hard to read too.
It's funny when my father is trying to convince my mother that they should buy this expensive ass grill to replace their nearly-new one. He's going on and on "it withstands temperatures from below 0 to 1800 degrees!".. who cares?
Now the conversation has turned to me.. "Amber, I think I owe you some money..." "don't worry about it.." *my mother talking to my father* "she wont take ones.." *dad yelling* "what in the hell is wrong with a one?"
...ugh, what in the hell is wrong with YOU? From nothing to something to bitch about in 5 seconds.
Maybe I'm just to observant of people and their actions. I notice everything. Maybe I pick out too many flaws in people. I love a lot of you for who you are though, why cant I find something like that in my parents? It's not that I want to find that it's just that there should automatically be a respect and love for them.
I don't know.. I'm just wasting time because there isn't a thing to do.
how time passes...
|
Jaganshi
|
::
2005 18 June :: 3.52pm
I ordered a tent a few weeks ago and I just found it. It must have been here for days, but instead of leaving it at the front door, they left it in the garden by the back door. Read: in the garden.
3 We pass the time of day to forget |
how time passes...
|
|
Shoe23
|
::
2005 17 June :: 6.00pm
I'm at home. I didn't come sober for fear of not being able to handle any sort of situation that may happen. I'm completely on edge... I'm just freaking out. I'm becoming me again, the old me. I can feel how deep and secretive I'm trying to make myself and everything about me seem. It's pointless to know things like all of the activity in my life it only adds crap to other lives and that's just not needed. I may just be feeling like this because I've hardly spoken to the people I actually talk to in forever, or so it seems.
Things have just changed. Everything has changed. I guess I'm having a hard time dealing with that. Once I get a source of stable ground everything changes and I lose it again. I just hope I will someday have something stable to help me stand strong. Some say God is the best source for that.. others seem to think differently. Personally, I plan on going where I lead myself with what feels right.. hopefully that is in the right direction.
I don't even know why I just said all of that.. it means nothing.
how time passes...
|
|
Jaganshi
|
::
2005 17 June :: 5.22pm
I'm Lithaladhwen
Lithaladhwen: My mother said she just ate at a restaurant called "Massa's."
Lithaladhwen: She said the service was fantastic.
Lithaladhwen: When I asked, she said, "No. They did not call me Massa at Massa's."
CGNakibe: Heh.
CGNakibe: You had to ask, eh?
Lithaladhwen: Come on. Of course I did.
3 We pass the time of day to forget |
how time passes...
|
|
Shoe23
|
::
2005 17 June :: 6.15am
My father is being nice again.
I'm sitting here thinking of all of these things that have happened. I could update with that but.. none of it really matters. Nothing of substance has happened lately.
I guess I'm just letting you guys know I'm still alive.. though sometimes even that is deemed questionable.
how time passes...
|
|
Shoe23
|
::
2005 13 June :: 5.25pm
"It takes two people to have an argument" ...? That's bullshit.
Oprah kinda got to me today. Quite sad, eh?
Someone is already driving my car around in Bolivar. Don't be like one of my other friends and flip the guy off thinking it is me. I doubt it's appreciated.
I went to lunch with Scott today only to find out he does still have a girlfriend. So much for trying again. Damn my luck.
Anyway.. no good news. Just news with a mild disappointment issue.
-and- I also forgot to tell you guys that one of my jaw bones is fractured along with my broken rib. It's a nice combination.
5 We pass the time of day to forget |
how time passes...
|
|
Shoe23
|
::
2005 11 June :: 12.10am
Why didn't you guys warn me how much broken ribs hurt? Not that knowing would've helped the situation. Hoo-ray for my first broken bone... ever. You can feel the love I get in my right side.
Ahh... the advantages of self-destruction.
I guess negative attention is better than none.
I also don't need another person to tell me I'm a bad person... so, If you're lining up for that -I don't want to know- hold your tounge. Please.
While I'm saying some valuable things.. I broke two of my promises to you tonight. I'm sorry... I told you it would happen. Those peachy occurances of boxing with my father have made it a little rough on me this evening.
how time passes...
|
|
Shoe23
|
::
2005 7 June :: 9.15pm
Nothing too good to believe can last forever.
That's the only conclusion I've really ended at in a week. What brought it on? The rain.. that's all it took.
3 We pass the time of day to forget |
how time passes...
|
|
Jaganshi
|
::
2005 5 June :: 12.31pm
Sometimes I wish I had something to talk to people about besides RP... but I guess I should be grateful that nothing is going on. What's that old Chinese curse? "May you live in interesting times."
So, while I may be very boring to the rest of you for a while, I'm content with the lack of excitement for the moment. Nothing much will happen up here this summer... nothing good. So, if I ever throw down a really long entry you'll know that something bad has happened and I've decided to be interesting again.
So. Voila. Another post.
how time passes...
|
|
Shoe23
|
::
2005 3 June :: 3.50pm
I believe doing something we shouldn't be doing makes us think. Right now it's making me think of making something of my life. I don't think I can. I wish someone could take my life and make something of it. I mean, I'd like to think I've learned something from the life I've led, I'm afraid I really haven't.
I still think it would be so much easier to not be here. Not just "home" here.. alive here.
I hate those moments where you're getting along perfectly fine and all of a sudden when you've actually forgotten everything is really wrong... then something goes wrong and everything falls right back apart.. time after time. It's hard to gain anything when one little thing, pointless thing, ruins everything. I suppose all of that is only considering the fact that we could get along without the little things messing everything up anyway.
For example:
Conversations about how the day has been turns into a complete contraversy. Hostility plays I part too I suppose. It's just such a change after you don't get along with someone any day of one week and all of a sudden that same person asks you how your day went.. of course it's going to be an issue. How can the situation be taken seriously? Conversations that start like that at my house end up like this...
"At least you could be civil."
"Okay."
"Can't you just let it go and get on with your life?"
What are you supposed to say to that remark, those of you who know my situation?
Of course, who couldn't let go of everything in their damn life and move on? What kind of a damn question is that anyway? What the hell ever. I've just never learned how to stay away from things going back to how they started.
How do conversations get turned around so easily you ask? Well.. watch the movie The War at Home and you should understand. Mainly that is how my mother is... atleast during the breakfast scene and shortly after in the movie. It is so identical to how my mother acts. Actually, the entire thing is exactly like my family when we set down and attempt to be a family. Effort never counts. It nearly sickens me.
Speaking of little things, it's strange those little things that certain people bring to your mind.
On a whole other side of life, It bothers me to know someone is upset but they wont talk about their problems. I hate to see disappointment. Then again, I hate interrogation. I hate several things. Like stories, I hate stories... where do they come from? They seem so random most of the time, the smallest thing triggers a reflex to tell a story, to share your life. Stories are okay until statistics come into them.
..
. if I had it to give .
. I would give it to you .
..
Sit back and watch.. I could do this for years...
how time passes...
|
|
Jaganshi
|
::
2005 3 June :: 4.26pm
The Slippery-Slope of Same-Sex 'Marriage'
And to balance us out...
Logical Fallacy: Slippery Slope
I'm not trying to start a debate here though one would be fun, I'll not deny. I'm simply passing on an interesting connection. I can't believe the article proclaims its own key flaw so proudly, like a neon sign that says, "LOOK! We don't fully understand logical argument!"
At some point when I'm really really bored I'll go through and find as many of the formalized fallacies as I can in this article. Right now I'm just content to read it and laugh. I feel if even one person is offended by this journal post (either by the article posted or my scornful attitude), I've done my good deed for the day.
2 We pass the time of day to forget |
how time passes...
|
|
Jaganshi
|
::
2005 3 June :: 12.28pm
Cut tag to preserve you from angsty introspection
Read more..
The Angel
I dreamt a dream! What can it mean?
And that I was a maiden Queen
Guarded by an Angel mild:
Witless woe was ne'er beguiled!
And I wept both night and day,
And he wiped my tears away;
And I wept both day and night,
And hid from him my heart's delight.
So he took his wings, and fled;
Then the morn blushed rosy red.
I dried my tears, and armed my fears
With ten-thousand shields and spears.
Soon my Angel came again;
I was armed, he came in vain;
For the time of youth was fled,
And grey hairs were on my head. ~William Blake
8 We pass the time of day to forget |
how time passes...
|
|
Shoe23
|
::
2005 2 June :: 6.30pm
. it's a crime you let it happen to me .
. -nevermind- I'll let it happen to you .
. out of mind, .forget it. there's nothing to lose .
. but my mind and all the things I wanted .
..
. -everytime- I get it I throw it away .
. it's a sign - I get it - I wanna stay .
. by the time I lose it I'm not afraid .
. I'm alive but I can surely fake it .
..
. how can I believe when this cloud hangs over me .
. you're the -part- of me that I don't wanna see .
..
.. forget it ..
So.. just a song as my update. If I had the mental strength left to say what I'm thinking I would say it.. everything.
If any of you want to know anything personal... I'm open to your questions if you really want the answers.
. you want a simpler life .
. you can erase what was mine .
..
. you know my name .
. you know my face .
. you'd know my heart .
. if you knew my place .
how time passes...
|
|
jaganshi
|
::
2005 2 June :: 12.49pm
you are a..MODERN vampire. you are pretty much in
the middle of good and evil. you dont mind
humans, but you like going along with your
insticts as well. you show your opposite sides
at very different times. you can be kind and
merciful, but suddenly harsh and cold. you
sometimes make a game of it. are you kidding?
are you serious? one wrong step and who knows!
you love tranquill water, going with the flow.
you are pretty nutral
what kind of vampire are you?(hellsing pics)
brought to you by Quizilla
how time passes...
|
|