havent written in a while! heh..
jeez.. i havent updated in a while! i just looked at my journal and all the font is bigger.. whats that all about..? uhh yeahh uhh.. i have been with miles for like.. a long ass time! haha and im going over to his house tomorrow! damn.. ive actually been doing stuff this summer.. thats a total turn-around from last summer!

let's see.. today i was with the eblens and we went to toy's r us and went bowling for jacks 8TH BIRTHDAY! kickass. and then we're going to his real party tmrw at like 6..

i think i have an ear infection.. damnit. its been hurting a lot. it doesnt really hurt now but i cant hear out of it that well.. mom should take me to the doctor tmrw but i doubt she will cause shes on crack

on friday i went to pville and shit with jess and no one was fucking there.. it was boring as shit for most of the time! i actually talked to kayla.. shes pretty cool. lmfao i spilled moutain dew all over the floor and the people started coming to yell at us to clean it up so we ran into the bathroom haha and all the guys outside told him that it was jess not me sooo jess didnt want to go outside so we said shes taking a shit and jess started like moaning and shit in the bathroom and we kept like yelling shit like 'DAMN JESS! THAT WAS A STINKY ONE" lmfao and then i just told her that i would go out and clean it up with her so we went out and he told us to get a mop so we got it and i was like doing kung-fu with it.. it was awesome. in the end josh just cleaned it up for us..? hahaha. then i spent the night at jess's. it was fun. the eblen's picked me up the next morning and i spent the next two days with them.

when i was out.. spencer showed up and john was supposed to meet up with us with spencer and we were like "wth?" and that ugly bastard spencer started talking all this shit about me and john.. deformed little cunt. i'll kill him. he's just that gay.

later stoner.

july 4th assholeee
today was pretty fun. dad was being a jackass but whatever. i ended up not going to purcellville but i doubt i missed anything.. we all swam in the pool and ate and shit

i just finished lighting fireworks and my thumb is all fucked and burnt haha oh well! it was worth it damnit!

can i please kill john? what could keep him so busy that he isnt able to pick up a fucking phone? ugh.. i need to talk to him damnit

well im gonna go upstairs and crash or something.. later

fuck friends
jesus christ once again, i find myself in a fucking mess with my so called "friends". omfg could they get anymore fucking CONFUSING? read about my, once again, JOYFUL night.

jess, sarah, and i are allll fine and happy and whatever and so "UNUSUALLY" jess has a fucking tree up her ass and shit. i mean sarah even noticed it and shit. omfg i was having such a boring time and then i saw samm and shit so i hung out with her and the people she was with like sarah s, sarah b, tori, codie and that sort of thing and since they're actually FUN i hang out with them and samm and i fuck around and whatever. and so i god damn turn around and no one is fucking there - thanks for telling me you were leaving FUCK FACES. and so i god damn run around looking for them, looking like a total ass, and i find jess and her house and shes in her little mood and im like "whats wrong?" for like 10 years and she wont tell me but i know something is going on.. god damnit cant people just SAY WHAT THE FUCKT THEIR THINKING IN THEIR FUCKING TWISTED MINDS!? and so i find sarah and sage and im like "do you want to go up to the fields with me?" and sarahs all like yeah ill go with you and that kinda bullshit and then shes sees jess and im like OK lets go and she just sits down and im like uhh okk.. and so i ask them both if they want to go and their like "nope" im like wtf? so i just sit down and w/e and then they get up and leave and im like THIS IS FUCKING BULLSHIT and so i go to find them after like 10 minutes of endless rage in my head and then i see them sitting in some random ass driveway with andrew and justin and im over there trying to be all cool and talk to them and shit and they blow me off so im like "im not going to deal with this shit" and so i walk back over to sage and ben and then like one second later THEY'RE WALKING UP TO THE FUCKING FIELD! and im like fucking punching their faces off in my head and shit and then i just walk up there to find samm or something and as im walking up, they're walking back and shit and i try to wave and say something to them and they fucking KEEP ON WALKING.. jesus fucking christ can someone TELL ME WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?! jesus christ so i just do whatever the fuck i want and fuck them over and then i just hung out with samm and walked to 7-11 and went home. i dont give a fuck WHAT they're doing even though i'll prolly end up going to purcellville tomorrow with them.. ugh im soo frustrated! i love them to death but sometimes i just want to push them off a clif and watch them fall! jesus christ if i could have one wish it would be to BE IN SAMM'S GRADE! i like everyone there sooo much more than anyone i know in my grade... ugh i dont want to even be on this topic anymore

what the fuck - i saw spencer today and he said that him and john got back THURSDAY.. uhh wtf? i have called him and shit and he hasnt called me in forever.. ugh, ass.

im talking to thomas about just depression and shit and for once i really do feel like i understand him.. i never really thought about thomas having deeper feelings about like insecurity and shit but we have so much in common about soo many things.. i think i really misjudged him. he thinks so many bad things about himself just because people have said shit to him about things before.. ugh i feel awful that he believes all this bullshit! i reallllyyy wish they're was something i could do to make him feel better..

e v e r y t h i n g
you would think that i would be able to have one day where it wasnt drama and i wasnt the bastard that started it all!.. let me tell you about my DAY..

john wasnt even here today.. i think hes at the beach with spencer because he was talking about how he was going to the beach and im pretty sure thats where he is.. jesus christ i miss him so much - he was the reason i was so excited about going to jess's tomorrow and hanging around lovettsville.. god damnit. i freaking what him here. oh well.. another god damn fun day..

sarah, jess, and i basically ditched the SR and watched the baseball game going on right next door and we were having a good time and declan and i finally started talking again.. jeez, i cant even explain how good it feels to finally talk to him again, i miss him a lot as a friend. we actually were talking about good, random stuff and we were mentioning stuff about the long silence between us and that sorta thing.. then jess brings up old stuff and i could tell she wanted me to back her up but i didnt want to overloard him and scream at him when we JUST started talking again, you know? well i could tell that jess was pissed and i basically just mentioned a word or 2 while jess was talking with him and so now she's all pissed off at me and shit.. great. i mean i had talked to her earlier about me staying with her for a bit because mom was going down to have oma committed and shit and she was like "oh, thats fine, sure you can stay." and then she leaves with sarah and then like 2 seconds after she leaves shes like "my dads being an ass, and i dont think its going to work out but we can talk about it later" and god damnit i KNOW that shes only saying that cause shes mad and i keep textmessaging her and shit and she wont write me back and i hate it when we fight and shit and its driving me insane and now.. ugh, i dont know what im going to do, i mean im going to go to her house at 3 like i planned and im basically just going to talk to her and im sure it will all work out but i just dont even know anymore.. ugh, i just wish this wasnt going on right now..

i FINALLY got up the courage to ask mom about the therapist thing and i didnt want to say anything to samm cause i KNOW she would be all "omg jay you're such a fagass, you dont need that. you're only doing it for attention!" blah blah blah. and i dont think really anyone in this family understands my moods or even me at times and i just REALLY need someone to talk too.. im always carrying around so much shit and i just want someone to talk too who will listen and doesnt judge me and shit.. ugh.. i freaking wish i had a BFFAE who i never fought with and just UNDERSTOOD ME.. ive had enough drama for one night.. later

meh
mm.. nothing really's going on.. i woke up at 9:30 and went to get my nails done and then i got a curling iron at food lion (which i can't use for shit cause im stupid!) and i burnt myself on that p.o.s.! bastardd! lmao samm and i bought VIRTUAL SCRABBLE lmao cause we're cool as shit? haha its FUN OKIE?! so now im hanging out and shit..

yesterday night we hung out with the neighbors for the first time in a while.. it was pretty fun! jeremy and i made john come out and PLAYYY! haha he was like wtf? we basically just lied in the street and thomas smelled like dead fucking fish! haha it was HOTT. i can carry thomas and jeremy! haha i was PROUD! haha i was taking like baby-steps with thomas but i could walk with jeremy! haha it was HOTT. apparently derek still likes me.. meh.. he's getting kinda annoying about that but atleast he hasnt said anything about it to me. haha i told him i had an interesting conversation with matt reagan! haha it was horny! he denied it.. i cant really tell whos telling the truth haha.

on friday im prolly gonna end up going to the SR.. meh.. i hate that place. i like the people there but the fact that, THAT is the place that we all meet up is just sad.. oh well. i get to see john so you know! haha this whole summer dating thing is gay as shit.. i dont even see him.. but ill prolly end up making him come party in lovettsville with jess and all of us on saturday - he better come! ughh i feel like cause of sarah, im NEVER going to get to hang out with jess.. they mine as well be fucking CONNECTED to eachother! im kinda glad jess didnt go to the party b/c i think it wouldve kinda fucked things up.. im just glad no one was gay and made stupid cliques. but yeah - got kinda off topic there! haha well yeahh thats my exciting week! i still dont know what im going to do for the 4th. i'll prolly end up stalking jess and sarah! haha cause im a fucking loser and im going to stalk whatever plans they've already made cause thats the only way i SEE THEM! haha well yeahh.. i'll write back when i have more to talk about.. later gator

)(*#@)(%*)9
jeezie peezie~! i havent written in a while. i woke up at 3:30 today! haha whoops! sooo lets start with the past couple of days

i went to lisa and mark's house after lisa, brooke, and grampy came over to swim so i went to ft meade with them. their house is the ghettoest thing ever. lmao its like a little shack. its not bad on the inside though, its pretty nice for military living. brooke is the cutest thing ever! i want to marry her! haha i basically took care of her the whole time. we ordered pizza for dinner and leigh and i went to go pick it up and we got in a car accident! it wasnt our fault though, some car ran a redlight and crashed into some other car and then that car hit us. leigh and i were laughing about it the whole way home though, it was actually pretty funny. lisa wants to hire me to be brooke's nanny and babysitter! ah, that would be awesome. brooke is so cute! she's actually pretty easy to take care of, i was suprised. lisa invited me to go out to seattle with her JUST to take care of brooke! she is on freaking crazy pills! haha it sounds like fun but i dont know what im going to do yet

on friday i went to the SR for sarah's bday partyyy! yay i saw jess there and she has her doctors appointment on monday! im so excited for her! shes really tan too! i hate her! haha she wasnt able to spend the night though cause she was going to the beach! sluuuutt! haley was REALLY pissing me off at the SR but she let up when we got back to sarah's house. john was really flirtacious that night, i was suprised. it seemed like he only was interested in me at tess's party. we just kinda hung out and stuff like that. he's REALLY touchy-feely! suprisingly, he wasnt after me the whole night - he just wanted to hold hands and stuff. he had is arm around me the whole night.. hes really sweet and stuff, he said the nicest things, it was weird! im not used to that sort of thing. but yeah it was kinda random cause i was sitting on him and i leaned over to talk to chris and [ ew ] spencer [ ew ] and i leaned back and he randomly asked me out.. lmao i was like "id really love to go out with you but.. i have a boyfriend" lmao his eyes got HUGE it was hilarious. but i said yeah in the end.

at sarahs house we all hung out and talked and stuff.. tess was pissing me off. shes a stupid loser. we all talked and ate pizza. haley and i had a cake eating contest with no hands, just face. it was the freaking funniest thing. haley and i put whipped cream in hannah's hair while she was sleeping. lmao hannah woke up and she was all delerious! she just said it smells good and we said we'd wash her hair so she got up and threw herself in the tub and we washed her hair. and then we styled it like she was 5 years old in this weird pigtail thing haha it was hilarious. and then haley and sarah and i went and jumped on the trampoline at 5 am haha it was awesome. we were up and downstairs in the kitchen and sarah's dad came down to go to work haha it was hott. then we went to the waterpark and haley and i were all freaked out about being in our bathing suits in public cause we HATE it! cause we're the only 2 flat girls and we were like freaking out. lmao me, hannah, and haley rode in the car with charlie and shannoh [sp?] and we were making up random names and having a fake conversation about sarah's boyfriends and stuff like that loudly enough for charlie to hear cause he is sooooo overprotective it was hilarious. we got there and i was fun and i got really tan and really burnt haha but i had a good time. hannah, haley, and i met this black 16 guys from marshall that were REALLY hott and so haley gave daniel her number and we kinda ignored jerome but it was still fun! haha i had a good time.

samm comes home tonight! woooohoooo! im so excited. ive been the only child and its CREEPING me out!

i have stuff to say about opa but its too much to type so ill write later.

later kids

assholes
fuck friends. i hate them all. bastards. jess and sarah are so fucking queer it makes me BLEED. tj says they're going to "3 way make-out" what a fucking queerass loser asshole fag. fuck everyone. thats cool for tj to say considering when we were going out he was too fucking shy to even look at me.. i mean hes going to have SEX CAUSE HES A FUCKING SLUT! omggg.. hes cool! fuckface. jesus fucking christ everyone is so fucking GAY! ughhhhh i want to shoot everyone. everyones like planning who they're going to "hook up" with.. its pretty fucking retarded. stupid shits. think they're like grown and shit. assholes. fuckers. asshole fuckers. holy shit i hate everyone! jesus christ i can't even explain my unusual hatrid for people these days!

well ill write back in a minute.. later for now.

everything
soo we just picked up my dad from the hospital. he seemed like he was fine despite being slightly out of it. haha they shaved like half of his stomach for the surgery and now hes like smooth on one side and like WHABAM! on the other lmao. so yeah thats what happened.

the first thing sarah and jess say to me when i sign on is like "you missed out on such a great time! wish you were there!" blah blah blah ohh thats great! assholes. eww casey and haley made out? never thought that prude ass whore would get her mouth around anything but then again, what do i know? whores. i hate my friends. they dont even give a shit that my dad was in the hospital? ohh and jess and declan made out. dont even ask me what was going on there but w/e. soo yeah. i feel like i know what samm was going through in 7th grade more than ever now cause it seems like were just going through the same thing. i mean her samm and cassandra and then sarah me and jess. it just seems like theyre like "OMG TRIO!" and then.. but that asshole jay isnt included in this package. bastards. i want to kill them. im sure that if i went haley and casey would have never hooked up. sluts. i hate eveyone.
whores. everyones a whore. whore bastards.

my boring ass night.
yeah.. im bored as fuck. i came home and samm was like "dude, dads in the emergency room!" and i was like WTF?! so apparantly now, he has been having bad stomach pains and he came home early from work and mom took him to the emergency room and the did a scan and his apendix was inflamed and stuff so they did surgery to take it out and it like could've blown up in his stomach but they go it out before it came to that point, which is good. i feel like a brat but im still frustrated that i stayed home tonight when i couldve been at tay's party.. i wanted to go really bad but lifes unfair. haha get used to it damnit! haha i guess ill just hear about it tomorrow.

so thomas IMed me and was like telling me how him and derek felt really bad about fucking me over and stuff and how derek knew that he fucked up and he was really sorry and stuff. im not mad i just wish it was avoided. im not mad anymore.. its all blown over thank god. ugh i dont even want to get into it. so yeah and then thomas came out and said that derek likes me and stuff and i admit that i used to like derek but now i realize the kinda horny bastard kid that he is. im really not interested right now but maybe in the future? i dunno. so i heard nick asked out danielle and i asked casey about it and casey said that it was just a joke and all. i wish nick would look in front of him and realize that we would be awesome together! ugh god damn!

jess and tj were sitting together in the gym when i came in the other day and i just pretended like i didnt see them and sat down. it was the weirdest fucking thing to see them together i was like jealous and emotional and in a bad mood and just.. ugh i just realized how badly im not ok with this situation but oh well!

i went to the football games the other day and declan was there and all and i actually had a small conversation with him. ugh i didnt realize it but i miss him soooo much! i wish we could be tight like we used to be! i wish we could just be friends again! there are so many things i wish i could change.. im torn. i dont know what to do anymore. john was there and we were talking. hes a cool kid man, i like him a lot. hes pretty sweet. and he thinks im hott so its all under control haha. jess is all into hooking me up with him.. i think its her way of trying to be nice about the whole tj thing.

so many inside jokes evolved from that game between jess sarah and i! holy shit that was like the funniest night ever. im so glad we got to hang out. haley and tess showed up at the game but w/e.

well im ready for the last week of school. ugh its so emotional! it hit me today in history and i was like "OMG! THIS IS THE LAST TIME WE'RE GOING TO BE IN HISTORY TOGETHER!" omg i wanted to cry! i love all my friends and my classes! but ill get over it haha

well that was a long entry. later kids.

poo
well.. nothing really happened today. haley got her crimson wave in gym today! haha great! i just got back from going to a baseball game with jess and sarah. great.. it was tj's game. i really didnt want to be there. i talked to jess and we talked it out in like a laughing matter [ i was so glad it wasnt a big deal to either of us! ] and stuff but im still really upset about the whole idea. im not going to say it though because i want them to be happy but i dunno.. its complicated. ok well tj was being weird and telling everyone that i liked casey [ which i do but i dont want it going around ] and he asked me about it and i was like "no..?" but i really just wanted to blurt out [ WHY THE FUCK DO YOU CARE YOU SON OF A BITCH?! ] ugh im still so bitter about it. i do NOT understand whats going on in TJ's head cause he like flirts me with me and talks to me but hes just gay when hes not around me. i dont know what im going to do.

jeez, i cant even keep up with myself. lets make a list of who i can RECALL liking, currently:
1.) Nick
2.) Casey
3.) Derrek.. [ shut up.. i have to come clean! ]
4.) Tj.. kinda..
well.. that was interesting! haha

i talked to sarah and jess and they're going to come over after school on the bus and come home with me on friday and then we're going to go to the rink and then they're going to spend the night! fun! i cant wait. im excited.

well thats my day.. later.

casey

Suicide! (and you know it, so... dont u have
something to do?)


Choose your Dramatic Death (Now w/pics!!)
brought to you by Quizilla


haha i finally admitted to casey that i told paige about how he liked her and i told him that she said he was hott and that she would prolly say yes if he asked her out and i told casey and hes all grateful. lmfao its so funny. he said he would hook me up with nick in return. haha hes kick ass man.

about my day!
mm.. lets see! yesterday i had a big, rich time with tori! lmfao we bought chocolate exlax at target! lmfao it was so fucking funny! we ate some! it was hott! lmfao i havent had the shits yet but whatever! lmfao i cant even think about it without cracking up! lmfao omg im never going to forget that! haha and then we prank called the question hotline! holy fucking shit it was so god damn funny! i called and was like "how long does it take to work?" and the lady was like, "how long does it take what to work?" i was like "EXLAX?!" she was like "uhh.. what kind do you have?" me, "chocolate stimulant..?" and she was like "6-12 hours.. are you taking it?" and i was like "yes!" and she was like "you didnt take an excessive amount, did you?" i was like.. "no.." and then i hung up!
lmfao that was so god damn funny! and then tori called and the people ask you for your zip code and tori was like "20180" and the lady was like 'didnt you just call?' and tori started cracking up and then we hung up! lmfao and then i called on tori's phone and i gave her a fake zip code and she was like "uhh.. where is that?" and i like panicked and was like.. "uh, chesterville" and she was like "wheres that?" i was like "illinois?" and she was like "you do know we have your phone number if you're calling as a prank?" and i was starting cracking up and hung up! lmfao what are they going to do? arrest me cause i prank called ex-lax? lmfao. holy shit that was the fucking funniest thing!

and i got my nirvana and aerosmith cd! yay!

umm yeah.. thats about it! hope you enjoyed that horniness!

ChaNeL L a D i i: so tj's asking out jess?
CMacbball18: i think maybe
ChaNeL L a D i i: hott stuff
CMacbball18: not really
ChaNeL L a D i i: haha, why do you say that?
CMacbball18: b/c jess insnt hott dont tell her i said that tho pleaz
ChaNeL L a D i i: lmao!

^^ lmfao i fucking love casey!

jess is an asshole
ok! more great news! i sign on this morning and the first IM i get is from.. JESS! yay! ok and the first thing she says to me is "TJ'S GOING TO ASK ME OUT!".... WTF?! she is such a fuckig asshole bitch. where the fuck does she get off liking the guy that i STILL LIKE and is my ex? is she on fucking crazy pills? she has liked EVERYONE i like! she liked declan after i started liking him, austin, and now TJ?! wtf?! isnt she supposed to be my best friend? uh, jess. i believe this knife is yours? i mean its not enough that she has to steal my ex but it wouldve softened the blow if she wasnt such an asshole to me the night before! i mean her, sarah, and hannah were being gay as shit. im seriously still steamed about that. ugh god damnit. i told haley and she was totally on my side. i mean, if i did that to her she would be super pissed! jesus fucking christ. im not going to rest until i get her back. maybe ill just like grab tj and fucking like GIVE IT TO HIM just out of god damn spite. ugh. im seriously not going to stop until she fucking CRIES. i have so much rage. well.. im going to go kill someone. ugh jesus christ fuck my friends.