cherrytwiggy's Journal

:: 2008 21 April :: 9.19pm

Does anyone eat oatmeal and toast?
Now if you do, do you put your oatmeal ON your toast?
Like, do you dip your sliced toast into your oatmeal and eat it?

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:: 2008 19 April :: 11.32am

You'd think I'd be used to this bullshit.
The feeling like shit because my mom puts rolling cigarettes and shuffle board before me.
Especially when its for something I NEED.
I need her to find her 2006 Tax info.
There isnt a want for it, it is an important need.
I need it for Financial Aid.
I need it to get money for college.
I need it so that i dont have to ask for money elsewhere, and take out loans.

But whatever.

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:: 2008 18 April :: 6.04pm
:: Music: Bleeding Love - Leona Lewis

I didn't go to Ohio.
I stayed home to relax, and do some more self-cleansing.
I visited Katelyn today.
I haven't seen her in a very long time, and I feel as though I have abandoned our friendship.

Financial Aid stuff is cluster-fucked.

I just watched the movie Juno.
I liked it.

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:: 2008 15 April :: 9.35pm

Spending the weekend in Ohio.
I hope it brings some sort of solution to my madness lately.
Doubt it though.

For the moment, the tears have stopped.
The uncomfortable feeling is still there.
Still burdening me.

I feel.. blah.

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:: 2008 12 April :: 3.13am
:: Mood: still drunk...

My new picture says it all...
Fuck all this bad shit happening to me, i got big titties!
Only way that can bring me down is if they get too big and they just weigh me down or I fall over or something. I dont know.
This shit isn't making sense again.
I think I should call it a night...?

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:: 2008 11 April :: 4.24pm

I sit. I weap. I wipe away tears. It's how I start my day, and how I end it.
I cry at the drop of a hat.
I know I'm an emotional wreck and that I have some emotional issues I keep throwing in the back of my closet. Hoping that someday they will escape through a crack somewhere.
Sadly, I never know what starts these fits of tears and uncertainty.
Especially when everything in my relationship with Mike is great.
I have a job, and I am enrolled in college.
My bills are paid, and I'm slowly getting caught up.
I really have nothing missing.
However, there is a huge hole.
And that hole that keeps attacking me at moments like these, is hurting me.
This uncomfortable feeling it gives me, is hurting me physically.
I am always tired. My body aches. And I can't find a cure..

I've spent the last few weeks doing a spring cleaning of my thoughts.
So far, I feel as though I worn myself weak, and accomplished nothing.
It's like running on a treadmill.

Right now, I would love to burst into tears, and curl up in bed.
But there are too many things I need to get done.

Anyway..
My dad talked to his girly-friend last night on the phone for 2 hours last night, even though she broke their date for last night.
He is so happy, and giddy. And I love seeing him smile.
I have been waiting for this for years.

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:: 2008 10 April :: 8.51pm
:: Mood: disappointed

So, the worst of the worst happened from this shit. I lost my job today...grrreat...

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:: 2008 10 April :: 2.54am
:: Mood: guilty

#1 Reason why I say that I will not serve any of my friends that are underage!
So I went to serve this table and I saw a girl that I went to school with there. Said Hi to her and junk. Her mom ordered her a drink, I asked her for her ID. She says that she doesn't have it with her and that she recently turned 21. She was in the grade a head of me so I was like her birthday could have fallen around the right time and her mom was there with her so I figured okay, I'll get you a drink. She has 2 drinks her mom has like 4 and then they leave. I get told a while later by the rest of the table that the mom and the daughter got pulled over, the daughter was only 20, and a cop might be coming into the tavern. FUCK! I got questioned by a cop and I could have gotten a fine but the cop said that he wasn't going to press charges against me, BUT he was going to let the liquor commission know what happened and my boss could get fined up to $1000. I'm lucky that this is the first time this has happened to me because I could have gotten in a whole lot of trouble and fired. So I guess the mother is going to jail and the daughter might be too I'm not sure but fuck em, I think they deserve it. They know me, and my parents, and her boyfriend's parents are really good friends with my parents and she fucking looked me in the eye and lied to me. She put my job and my work place at risk because her and her mom wanted to have a good time. Why the hell wouldn't they just buy some booze and drink it at home where they are safe? Why would her mom be so irresponsible to let her do that? Why did I serve her? I dont know...I'm so dissapointed in myself. I might have to testify in court depending on what happens. I am so scared. I'm pissed more than anything. I would understand if I got fined. I honestly think that I deserve because that is a big deal, but for this to happen because of someone who has known me for years! That really hurts. I just cant believe this actually happened. I feel so dumb and ignorant I just dont even know. I really am ashamed and embarrissed.

This is why I will not serve any of you that are underage. Alot of people ask if I can get them drinks if they come in and I wont even do it for my boyfriend. I cant believe I believed this girl. I seriously am carding everyone for now on unless they look like 40 I am carding people. And if someone doesn't have a card, I am not serving them. I fucking learned my lesson.

No drink is worth my job no matter who it is going to.

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:: 2008 9 April :: 2.25pm
:: Mood: sleepy

We finally got internet.
School is almost over. I am so glad for that. I think I'm doing really good in my classes besides math though. But she drops the lowest test and 2 of the lowest 10 pointers so that's awesome.
I decided I am not taking classes this summer. I was going to atleast take a yoga class but I really dont have the money right now. I figure I will just work almost all summer and save my money. My parents are getting taxes figured out so I should have financial aid by the fall and then I will go to school full time and only work when I can. That's the plan for now anyways.
I have to work tonight and I am not looking forward to it. I am so tired. I probably will have to buy a monster without a doubt. I am so sick of work. I feel like I dont go anywhere but school and work all week and it sucks because I barely have anytime with AJ. That's one of the main reasons why I cannot wait for classes to be over with this semester. I feel soo worn out. I just need a good night of sleep. And a night away from school or work.
My neices and my nephew are all coming over to spend the night on Saturday. I am excited. AJ's dealing with it. lol
I need to clean.
I need to shower.
And I'm kind of hungry.
I'm done. bye.

:: 2008 8 April :: 4.29pm

So I am still waiting for that student id number.
I called and left a message with the admissions lady..
Being that it is spring break this week, I highly doubt i will get a response this week.

Anyway to go more indepth about the things my last entry contained..
My dad had a date-ish type evening saturday. I am happy for him, and he's happy, and he smiles a lot too.

I spent time with my mom on saturday. We played cards. It was entertaining.

And lastly, Mike's fish.. We had a power surge, and his fish was fried. He swam all weird and retarded like for a couple moments, and then nothing. It was sad.

But now I must shower. Sandpaper dust does not leave a very attractive odor behind. And let me tell you, I would be so very happy if i never had to see sandpaper again.

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:: 2008 6 April :: 10.02pm

A big weekend has just ended..
My dad had a date.
I willingly went to see my mom.
And Mike's fish died..

:: 2008 2 April :: 6.38pm

So finally we have 2 running vehicles again.
I am waiting for my student id number so I can register for summer classes.
I just finished cleaning, but I still have some more to do..
But I am running out of ambition.

Tara is moving to Texas.

:: 2008 26 March :: 4.46pm

Now I just wait for an answer and the days to pass..
As well as my student ID for MCC so I can register for classes.
Not to mention take the placement test.
They set me up with a time, but I can't do it at that time because I have this thing called work that I must attend so I can bring home a small paycheck at the end of the week! Yippy.

I dread most of it.