be honest.

Okay so i have been keeping it in for the sake of, oh i dont know, saving a friendship... but no more.

God you annoy me. Wasn't this a huge reason we got in a fight in the first place? Because you like... are never honest? I think so. and then we "resolved everything"

well guess what. Either be my friend or don't. I'm not gonna fucking call you up and beg for your friendship and attention and frankley I'm getting really sick of calling you at all since you NEVER FUCKING CALL ME BACK.

God you are being a bitch. Remember how you COMPLETELY DITCHED ME that one day. and I flat out confronted you at school because I wasn't going to deal with your bullshit and then you just fed me more bullshit about how you felt bad and didn't want to call me back becaus it had been so long and BLAH BLAH BLAH well I let that one go finally. but then things never really got fixed di they?

Well I have been going out of my way trying really hard to fix everything with us. To get us back to being the friends we once were when we would joke about everything and have fun together but I guess you just dont want that.

You tell me you're so buys and blah blah. I drive to your fucking work and yeah you had plans and tha'ts totally fine , but CALL me sometime.

I can't come to your open house, i call you to tell you and no one picks up, so I make sure to call jenna just to ask her to please tell you that i'm sorry i coudln't come.

aparently jenna didnt tell you. fine, that's fine. but I told you soon after that I had called her and asked her to. so you knew my intentions and how i was sorry. In fact, I told you the SAME DAY of your open hosue becuase I , do you remember? , called you up and asked if you and becky and I could do something. Rmember? Remember how you were gonna talk to becky and call me back. REmebmer? Remember how you just NEVER called me back.

yeah i was so embarassed about how I kept calling you and you never called me back. I couldn't even tell ROMAN that you blew me off. that's how embarrased I was. I couldn't even tell anyone. that you just never called me back.

I kept calling your house and your mom would pick up and I'd just say the same thing over and over. Tell you to call me please. and she would say she didn't know how long you would be gone. She said that night of your open house that you were at michelle's. Yeah okay. Maybe your plans changed. Michelle invited you over or someting. Have the decency to call me. But no, I called your house again and your mom tells me you're still not home. I felt like such an idiot.

so i protested it for like a week or two.

i wouldn't call you even though I really wanted to go out and do something. I wanted to go shopping or to a movie or something . Iwanted to call you just to TALK . you know, like we used to when we were like best friends. but no. I didn't. I wouldn 't let myself because you made me feel s o bad about how you told me you'd call me like in the next hour when you andbecky figured out what you guys were gonna do. You never even called me. and not even the next day. next week. nothing.

Shit, you made me feel bad. Well I really wanted to salvage our friendship so I said to myself. oh let it go, call her up. it was like the day before my open house right. So I call you and ask if you want to do something. you cousins are in town? or some shit... you couldn't do anything. even though you were leaving in the morning for wicked. your cousins aare at your house? or some shit. even though I didn't even believe you because your sister was on the other line. why would your sister be on the phone if you had company over.

you are a bithc jess. you told me you'd call me after you figured out when you were eating dinner and all that bull shit. you got my CELL number. rmemebmer how you asked for it specifically so you could CALL ME BACK and we could plan something?

remember that jess.

whatever. i'm so fucking done with friends. all they do is lie and blow you the fuck off.

even dani blew me off. wow. yeah shes someone i never thought would. but no, i left my open house shit up for you dan. the table and everything. the tri fold with all the pictures and my computer..

but whatever.

I'm done.

I drove into Cedar today for the first time in like a week or more and I realized how finished I am with this town. muhahaha. Woohu is like my only connection to it. That and I owe a movie back to Movie Gallery by Saturday.


and then I'm done with you Cedar Springs.

God those feelings have been boiling inside me . and I just dont know how I'm supposed to forgive someone when they've blown me off like a thousand times. You made me feel like shit and i've been just letting it sit inside me for a week. but you know what, when I went to the store for my mom to get some fucking italian dressing for the pasta salad for my open house, i got into the car and fucking bawled my eyes out Jess becuase I honestly cannot figure out if you really want to be my friend or if you are just FULL OF SHIT. do you just really FORGET to call me or get to busy or are you really just full of shit. whatever. my point is, you really fucking hurt my feelings. and I hope maybe you care. but you probably dont.

so at least with this my feelings are out and i feel oh... a tad bit better.

Ta.


Wait, to Jess, If there was one thing I really wish I could undo and take back, it would be that night that I left you and went with Roman. I would take it back. My feelings and emotions were going crazy. we had just broken up and i just wanted him and only him. and left you and it was a a horrible and selfish thing for me to do. when i think about it, it honestly makes me feel horrible and sick and guilty. I'm truly sorry for that. But you know, no. I dont know where I"m going with that. I'm not going anywhere. All I'm saying is sorry. I'm apologizing for that and I hope you accept that. Because it was just really mean of me. and I'm sorry.

8 screamed | i am afraid