spud
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2008 29 October :: 1.26am
:: Mood: contemplative
recollections
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i feel like i've lost a lot of my pizzazz. (or maybe you spell it pissass. depending on how many laxatives i took that day.) you know? i feel like i used to have more vitality, more everything. not that i was a driven, self-motivated type of person. not that i was spastic or rambunctious. i just feel like i had an undercurrent of motion that just isn't there anymore.
nowadays i let the simplest things prevent me from getting anything done, and i really don't feel the need to try and innovate, or make new things happen. i'm content to attempt, and fail, to merely recreate those which have come before. nothing outstanding. nothing superb. i just settle for okay.
but that really doesn't seem right. i don't want just an okay life. i don't want just okay friends. okay coworkers. okay family. that's not how it works for me. i feel like everything about my life up to this point has been outrageous. and now it's just mellowing out. i guess it's my job to keep it outrageous. but i have a lot of fucking jobs right now, which i guess is what's bogging me down. so, adding the job of unbogging myself to the pile doesn't really work. it'll just exacerbate the problem.
so, i just need to get a few things out of the way, one at a time, so that i have a bit more freedom to have some of that guilt-free, sporadic, funtime. where my energy is put to its most effectively pragmatic use. because clearly i don't get shit done when it comes to actual work. but give me something fun to do, and i'll forget to eat, sleep, and go to the bathroom, i'm so diligent.
and faking myself out to think that the "work" stuff is actually "fun" stuff doesn't cut it. believe me, i've tried. although, i have discovered that some of the "fun" stuff is actually "work". but since it falls under "fun" in my classifications, i can still do that, at least.
i guess we'll make it happen eventually. and until then, i'll just have to tough it out. but i want to be fun and exciting again. none of this boring, grumpy, old man nonsense. that suits me at times. but i don't think this should be one of those times.
i'll get there, and i'll enjoy it. but i'm not there yet. and there's no sense in rushing it.
1 screamed |
i am afraid
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skippi16
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2008 26 October :: 11.12pm
so i still have that kitten, but i have a home for, she is coming to get it this week... and this cat i think is part fish!! the last few days i have been taking baths to relax, well anyway when i get out and start to drain the tub she just jumps right in and plays with all the bubbles its cute... then i have to dry her off.
Ponderosa Corp. just filed Bankruptcy and i dunno what that means for me but i am looking for a new job. posted my app online and browsing things here in town.
i am afraid
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skippi16
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2008 24 October :: 1.01am
:: Mood: contemplative
IM SO SICK OF THIS ELECTION AND IT HASNT EVEN HAPPENED YET
there are just so many things in my head. I have decided to be rational about this election, and just vote for nadar. Cause either way its not good and no matter who i vote for someone will disagree.... no one hates nadar right?
I look at it this way...If John gets elected, Good bye ecconomy hello rich getting richer and me gettin poorer and my healthcare can just lfy right out of the window and lets not forget that the man is like 70 and is soon to die so we get what Sara Palin. i dont think so. ... if Barack gets elected hello no more guns and tons of illegals still living off of my money. And lets be honest with ourselves, if he does get elected this country will slowly and SURELY become divided. ( and yes its sad). You all know it because there are still all those bigots out there who because he's black will think on way or another about him and i understand its wrong but i also understand that thinking of that nature still exists and we have to step up to reality and see that its not the time for it. as a country we are not ready for it, we're not mature enough. and thats horribly sad to say and i am some what embarassed that it still goes on but there is only so much i can do about it.
like i said we are F*ed either way and i dont see much improvment in out future....Canada Anyone??? lol
asside from all of that i have an eval coming up and i am not looking forward to it at all. i know i am going to get an ass chewing and i am almost to that point where i dont care...tsh can we just go back to like 7th grade it was all much simpler then
6 screamed |
i am afraid
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skippi16
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2008 15 October :: 11.16pm
AMAZING, WE CAN ONLY TALK WHEN ITS CONVENIENT FOR YOU
i am afraid
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skippi16
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2008 15 October :: 5.18pm
life is so confusing, one minute your happy and the next ur pissed and u dont now why
the truck tj wanted to buy got sold so now i have to find him a different one. its sad cause it was perfect.
i am trying to type but the cat keeps biting my fingers so i must stop it frickin hurts
2 screamed |
i am afraid
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spud
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2008 15 October :: 3.46am
Bzoink Friend Tests I got 1000000%on jessa's Test!
5 screamed |
i am afraid
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spud
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2008 15 October :: 3.32am
:: Mood: sleepy
I mean, crap, man.
... that's, like, his stomach plug on the ground, there. That's not even physically possible, if you think about it....
::
so yeah. i really need to clean out my email inbox. it's seriously bad.
i also need to stop failing at doing my homework. i turned in a paper today that was almost a week late, and when i was called on for discussion in another class, i just told her that i couldn't answer the question, because i didn't do the reading. not that half the class did. but the fact that i had to put it out there in words was awkward.
and it's not going to let up. theoretically i'll be starting work soon, which will only cause things to get worse. then again, maybe it will keep me busy to where i'm more productive and more motivated. hopefully that's the case.
either way, something has to change, because i can't keep going on like i am. i have serious issues with getting to bed, getting up, getting my work done, and getting places on time. especially lately. and it's very uncool.
that aside, the front moved through. that's nice. much cooler tonight. makes me happy. i'm excited for fall.
i am afraid
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skippi16
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2008 14 October :: 11.30pm
i hate it,,, i just hate it soo much that right now im being burnt from the inside out.
i am afraid
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skippi16
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2008 12 October :: 10.14pm
i have decided i hate pondo. i just dunno anymore.
i feel so sick right now i just want to throw up and go to be but i cant
i am afraid
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skippi16
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2008 10 October :: 4.50pm
today sucked at work but i am home now so its ok. it just sucks that its all alone and i have really nothing to do but laundry
i am afraid
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skippi16
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2008 8 October :: 6.51pm
so i got my wedding photos today. and they are great.
i totally cleaned the apartment today and i am sooooo happy i got it done. yayayayay. we have had a few people call about the truck so i am hoping we sell it soon so i can get him his truck
1 screamed |
i am afraid
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skippi16
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2008 8 October :: 11.34am
blah thats what today is. i get to stay home and clean to get ready for our inspection
i am afraid
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skippi16
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2008 6 October :: 9.54pm
red flannel was fun, got to see some friends i havent i a long time... god i makes me realize how much i miss it but i woudnt change moving down here for the world.
3 screamed |
i am afraid
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skippi16
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2008 3 October :: 12.40am
i hate that he is working 3rd shift. i hate having to fall asleep with out him there beside me. it so lonely here without him that im going nuts.
cant wait until this weekend and see all my friends and what not. and yeah i want to see the band kids most of all. its amazing that you spend a good seven years with these people and you dont realize how much you love them until they are not there every day...lol
i dunno maybe i just miss Cedar. everything there was familiar and easy. its nice to come back and experience it all again.
being an adult is absolutly no fun
i am afraid
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skippi16
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2008 2 October :: 4.58pm
so i had noting to do for the evening yesturday so i decided to look back on my woohu, you know like when i first started it and wow i was shocked. Man was i a total BITCH how did any of you put up with me? well all i have to say is i had some real good friends back then and i am glad they are all a part of my life.
but i do have to say i have changed. im still bitchy but not as bad and i have Tj to help right.
in other news there is still baby on the brain and it cant go away, we will just have to to wait and see what happens....huh why does it have to take this long
1 screamed |
i am afraid
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